Gideon Gleeful is totally not 9, and is actually a vampire
Let’s have a look at the evidence
When Dipper and Mabel went back in time in the episode Blendin’s Game, they landed in Gravity Falls ten years ago.If Lil’ Gideon was 9, he wouldn’t have been born yet, but here we see him in his stroller with Bud and Mrs. Gleeful
So definitely existing at a time when he should not technically exist, if he was 9 as he is generally accepted to be. It should also be noted that here he’s sporting his present-day hair, and not the tiny baby hair that’s depicted in the “just had a baby demon” sign above. What else are the Gleefuls lying to us about? And why lie about his hair? Maybe he isn’t really a baby at all?
The sign itself is pretty suspicious. We’re meant to take it as a joke, but Gravity Falls has used jokes to mask clues in the past and I wouldn’t put it past them to do it again.
Stan says specifically, “Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.”
I mean there’s an obvious connection there with “monster” but ALSO CONSIDER: Why would Grunkle Stan say that Gideon “rolled into” town if Gideon had been born there, as we’ve been lead to believe? Why wouldn’t he just say ever since he was born? Conclusion: he wasn’t born there. He “rolled in” from somewhere else.
Gideon parallels the vampire from the “Widdlest Wampire” advertisement from the end screen of Into the Bunker really really well. The “widdlest wampire” is pulling a really similar face and pose to the one Gideon uses to get his audience to go “aw”, the ad is the the ONLY non-Gideon use of the word “widdle” in all of Gravity Falls, and the first time we see Gideon he’s also wearing a cape.
Throughout all of the episodes in which Gideon appears, no one ever once refers to him as a kid. BudGleeful and Lil Gideon himself both refer to him as a “boy”, but even they havenever referred to him as a child. Dipper refers to him as a kid, but Dipper hasn’tbeen in Gravity Falls long enough to know otherwise. He also thought Gideon
didn’t have any powers and like two scenes later was proven wrong about that.
Gideon has five fingers on each hand just as the adults in Gravity Falls
do. When asked at 2013 SDCC why Gideon has five fingers while the rest of the
children have only four, Alex Hirsch refused to respond on the grounds that the
answer was too spoilery.
In the episode Dreamscaperers, the movie everyone’s watching right after Lil Gideon tries to steal the deed to the Mystery Shack called Grandpa the Kid. Y’know, like an old person posing as a kid.
Gideon talks like an
old man. In Hand the Rocks the Mabel he refers to Dipper as “boy” and uses big words that even Grunkle Stan has to
comment on. Also in the same episodehe gets winded after a very short dance. You know who else gets winded after light
physical activity? Old people. Also his hair is white like an old man’s and he
also dresses like an old man, as well.
Bud Gleeful defers to
him as if he was actually Gideon’s son and not the other way around, and Mrs.
Gleeful is downright terrified of
This tiny representation of Gideon has pitch-black demon eyes.
Gideon being a vampire makes the entire “Mabel wishing for a vampire
boyfriend” plot in Tourist Trapped
thousands of times more ironic and more mind-blowing on the rewatch and let’s
be real here that’s totally something Alex Hirsch would do on purpose.
Furthermore if Lil
Gideon is actually a REALLY OLD VAMPIRE, then the episode title Hand that Rocks the Mabel is a reference to a really creepy movie about someone trying to steal a baby, called “hand
that rocks the cradle”. Stealing a baby sounds a lot like “cradle robbing”
which urban dictionary defines as dating someone who is MUCH MUCH younger than
you. Which actually makes sense to the plot of the episode, when you factor in
that GIDEON IS REALLY REALLY OLD.
TL;DR:The only conclusion I
can come to here is that Gideon is a really old vampire who wants to make Mabel
his vampire queen for some reason.
Watching Stan’s expressions during Gideon rises is just so painful. You can see that he’s just frantically trying to think of a way to get the Shack back because he can’t let the portal fall into the wrong hands. When he gives up and sends the twins home, he’s not just giving up on having Dipper and Mabel stay with him, but he’s giving up all hope of getting his brother back.
I really don’t know how I’m going to get through the next episode because the series just gets sadder the more we find out about Stan.
The music in the last (pre-credits) scene of the Gideon Rises was so great that I just had to try to isolate it.
I didn’t have the best source so it’s stuck in mono and some sound effects are still there, but the voices are all gone, so I’m still pretty happy with it. Hopefully someone can do better in the future. Or better yet, they release an official soundtrack, but I dunno the likelihood of that one.