Gideon Gleeful is totally not 9, and is actually a vampire
Let’s have a look at the evidence
When Dipper and Mabel went back in time in the episode Blendin’s Game, they landed in Gravity Falls ten years ago.If Lil’ Gideon was 9, he wouldn’t have been born yet, but here we see him in his stroller with Bud and Mrs. Gleeful
So definitely existing at a time when he should not technically exist, if he was 9 as he is generally accepted to be. It should also be noted that here he’s sporting his present-day hair, and not the tiny baby hair that’s depicted in the “just had a baby demon” sign above. What else are the Gleefuls lying to us about? And why lie about his hair? Maybe he isn’t really a baby at all?
The sign itself is pretty suspicious. We’re meant to take it as a joke, but Gravity Falls has used jokes to mask clues in the past and I wouldn’t put it past them to do it again.
Stan says specifically, “Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.”
I mean there’s an obvious connection there with “monster” but ALSO CONSIDER: Why would Grunkle Stan say that Gideon “rolled into” town if Gideon had been born there, as we’ve been lead to believe? Why wouldn’t he just say ever since he was born? Conclusion: he wasn’t born there. He “rolled in” from somewhere else.
Gideon parallels the vampire from the “Widdlest Wampire” advertisement from the end screen of Into the Bunker really really well. The “widdlest wampire” is pulling a really similar face and pose to the one Gideon uses to get his audience to go “aw”, the ad is the the ONLY non-Gideon use of the word “widdle” in all of Gravity Falls, and the first time we see Gideon he’s also wearing a cape.
Throughout all of the episodes in which Gideon appears, no one ever once refers to him as a kid. BudGleeful and Lil Gideon himself both refer to him as a “boy”, but even they havenever referred to him as a child. Dipper refers to him as a kid, but Dipper hasn’tbeen in Gravity Falls long enough to know otherwise. He also thought Gideon
didn’t have any powers and like two scenes later was proven wrong about that.
Gideon has five fingers on each hand just as the adults in Gravity Falls
do. When asked at 2013 SDCC why Gideon has five fingers while the rest of the
children have only four, Alex Hirsch refused to respond on the grounds that the
answer was too spoilery.
In the episode Dreamscaperers, the movie everyone’s watching right after Lil Gideon tries to steal the deed to the Mystery Shack called Grandpa the Kid. Y’know, like an old person posing as a kid.
Gideon talks like an
old man. In Hand the Rocks the Mabel he refers to Dipper as “boy” and uses big words that even Grunkle Stan has to
comment on. Also in the same episodehe gets winded after a very short dance. You know who else gets winded after light
physical activity? Old people. Also his hair is white like an old man’s and he
also dresses like an old man, as well.
Bud Gleeful defers to
him as if he was actually Gideon’s son and not the other way around, and Mrs.
Gleeful is downright terrified of
This tiny representation of Gideon has pitch-black demon eyes.
Gideon being a vampire makes the entire “Mabel wishing for a vampire
boyfriend” plot in Tourist Trapped
thousands of times more ironic and more mind-blowing on the rewatch and let’s
be real here that’s totally something Alex Hirsch would do on purpose.
Furthermore if Lil
Gideon is actually a REALLY OLD VAMPIRE, then the episode title Hand that Rocks the Mabel is a reference to a really creepy movie about someone trying to steal a baby, called “hand
that rocks the cradle”. Stealing a baby sounds a lot like “cradle robbing”
which urban dictionary defines as dating someone who is MUCH MUCH younger than
you. Which actually makes sense to the plot of the episode, when you factor in
that GIDEON IS REALLY REALLY OLD.
TL;DR:The only conclusion I
can come to here is that Gideon is a really old vampire who wants to make Mabel
his vampire queen for some reason.
what each Gravity Falls episode is basically about (spoilers duh)
1.Tourist Trapped - gnomes stacked on top of one another try to get some with mabel
2.The Legend of the Gobblewonker - kids ditch uncle to find nessie
3.Headhunters - murder mystery but no one actually died
4.The Hand That Rocks the Mabel - plump southern kid tries to get some with mabel
5.The Inconveniencing - dipper thinks acting literally 2 months older will help him get in wendy’s pants and mabel gets possessed by old people
6.Dipper vs. Manliness - unnecessary gender stereotypes
7.Double Dipper - dipper tries to get in wendy’s pants by making clones
8.Irrational Treasure - mabel solves a mystery by acting her age
9.The Time Traveler’s Pig - dipper goes back in time to get in wendy’s pants
10.Fight Fighters - more unnecessary gender stereotypes
11.Little Dipper - mabel is taller than dipper in canada
12.Summerween - everything would have been fine if dipper was the fucking peanut butter
13.Boss Mabel - mabel learns to grow a pair
14.Bottomless Pit - episodes too short to be real so everyone just falls down a hole
15. The Deep End - mabel tries to get in mermando’s pants but he doesn’t wear any
16.Carpet Diem - mabel gets a dick and “the talk” while dipper reads erotica
17.Boyz Crazy - mabel tries to get into 5 boys’ pants but they are all stupid
18.Land Before Swine - stan is a dick to pigs
19.Dreamscapers - inception with a demon dorito
20.Gideon Rises - children literally almost die because the plump southern kid is extra as fuck
1.Scary-oke - the pines family sings so bad that zombies literally explode
2.Into the Bunker - a shape shifter gets dipper to tell wendy that he wants to get in her pants
3.The Golf War - two 12 year olds are suspiciously good at mini golf
4.Sock Opera - dipper freakiNG GETS POSSESSED BY A FUCKING DEMON AND MABEL DOESNT NOTICE BECAUSE SHE HAS A HARD ON FOR A GUY WHO MAKES OUT WITH HIS HANDS
5.Soos and the Real Girl - soos wants to fuck a dating sim
6.Little Gift Shop of Horrors - more short not real episodes and stan be creepin
7.Society of the Blind Eye - shit is so fucked that people are ERASING THEIR OWN MINDS
8.Blendin’s Game - mabel and dipper time travel some more because they are nosey as fuck
9.The Love God - mabel causes two angsty teens to fuck
10.Northwest Mansion Mystery - an episode of supernatural with a ghost that turns people into wood
11.Not What He Seams - stan becomes a real person, shit gets real, and mabel single handedly furthers the plot
12.A Tale of Two Stans - forget stan’s old backstory. here’s a new one
13.Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons - dipper and ford play d&d
14.The Stanchurian Candidate - stan runs for mayor because mabel and dipper have discovered mind control
15.The Last Mabelcorn - a unicorn tells mabel she isn’t pure so mabel PUNCHES IT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FACE
16.Roadside Attraction - dipper still wants to get in wendy’s pants so stan teaches him how to be a douche
17.Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future - mabel has a mid-life crisis while dipper and ford escape death in the vacuum of space
18.Weirdmageddon Part 1 - A DEMON TAKES OVER THE TOWN. post-apocalyptic wendy is hot
19.Weirdmageddon Part 2 - bill traps mabel in HER OWN MIND???
20.Weirdmageddon Part 3 - OK SERIOUSLY A DEMON TRIES TO KILL TWO CHILDREN AND THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT HIM IS BY TRAPPING HIM IN STANS MIND AND THEN ERASING STANS MEMORIES HOLY FUCK. then they have a birthday party
I just watched the new Samurai Jack trailer, and when I saw blood, ACTUAL BLOOD, I realized there was something… kinda low-key surreal about it. On one hand, due to modern cartoons that push the edge and the fandoms of such that push the edge over the cliff, I’m kinda unfazed. On the other hand, watching the original Samurai Jack, it’s like they go out of their way to censor the bloodshed, by using robots and oil instead. Seeing Jack get stabbed is something to be expected in angsty fanart, but for it to be actually canon??? Holy frick.