giant springs

When I was little, my whole fam lived in Venezuela, which was hard because we didn’t speak Spanish very well yet. I was four years old at the time. Anyways, we had this very straight faced, emotionless maid named Carla working for us. She always did a splendid job cleaning for us without speaking much because of the language barrier between us. So one day she comes up to my mom and says “cuaima… baño”, completely without emotion, and my mom doesn’t understand so she just laughs and goes “ok, sí, gracias” and continues on with her day. Well Carla comes up and says “cuaima” again to my mom the next day, and the next, and continues once a day for a week and a half. My mom is finally like, this must be pretty important if she keeps bringing it up, and grabs a dictionary and looks up the word ‘cuaima’. Well cuaima is defined as a very poisonous snake in Venezuela, so my mom freaks out and runs up to Carla like “DONDE ESTÁ LA CUAIMA”. Carla calmly walks over to the toilet and just points, and sure enough, a big black snake pops it’s head out of our toilet every couple minutes. So my mom and dad are like “what the heck do we do”, and devise a plan that they’re just going to pour some Drain-o down the toilet, and wait with an axe until something happens. This is really exciting stuff so of course me and my sisters gathered around to watch. So my dad pours the Drain-o, and about ten seconds later, this giant snake springs out the toilet and is furiously writhing all over our bathroom floor. So creepy. My dad swings the axe and chops the snakes head clean off and leaves a giant dent in our bathroom floor. Then Carla snatched the axe from him and chops the snake into, I’m not exaggerating, fifty different pieces. Our bathroom is covered in snake guts and blood. But, anyways, the point of this story is, after this happened I couldn’t use the bathroom alone until I was ten, and I didn’t conquer my fear of actually sitting on a toilet seat until I was thirteen.

In Control - Stiles Stilinski

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Stiles Stilinski/Reader

Word Count: 6,977

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Oral (Both Receiving), Public Sex, Unprotected Sex, Protected Sex, Jeep Sex

Notes: Guess what guys! This was a request! I absolutely loved this idea. This was so fun to write. And I couldn’t wait to get it out. So I will probably be regretting life at work seeing as it is 3:30 in the morning right now. BUT THIS WAS SO WORTH THE 13 HOURS OF WRITING. I hope my lil nonnie (though I DO know who requested this, I will not divulge) loves this ❤️

Request: can you do a stiles smut where the reader is possessed by a powerful goddess or the reader is a demigod and she can regain her powers/stay in control by having sex with someone? and that stiles is her anchor? TYSM ❤️

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it’s funny, so i just saw logan last night (which is both Very Funny and Very Not, but that’s a different story)

so you meet dear little laura, and you’re hanging out with her on this father-daughter bonding transamerican roadtrip, right? and she’s making shrieking noises and beheading people and stealing shit from convenience stores, and you’re like okay– secret weapons project, bioengineering, brainwashing, this makes sense. i see how you got here, you precious and wonderful child of death who i wish such good things for. it all makes sense.

but then you meet her cohort of other secret weapons children– and wait. these children are not like laura. these kids got some trauma and some superpowers, but are otherwise a lot more like “hi i’m johnny.” laura is a special murder snowflake.

in the ~final confrontation~ all laura’s buddies are, when cornered, taking down individual soldiers with faces that say “i am a scared but competent preteen and/or teen.” all of them team up to slowly and almost meditatively kill That One Douchebag, and it’s all very Big Deal, this is a Moment

and then you have laura, backflipping off her dad’s back while issuing an enraged nonverbal shriek of full-bodied fury and sticking her landing with her claws knuckle-deep in a baddie’s chest

what was she like in the lab? i mean, this kid clearly has a Protective Streak and also, you may have noticed, giant claws that spring from her tiny clenched fists, like, i bet this was a thing

i can just imagine the kids being like “laura’s late to the rendezvous, should we be worried?”

“she probably just got distracted by MURDER again, you know how it is, remember easter 2023?”

“oh damn it i miss that girl.”

“my favorite sister.”

“i thought i was your favorite sister.”

“only when i need my drink iced– ow– hey!– i’ll tell laura!”

“go ahead! she’ll side with me!”

tl;dr all tiny bilingual mutant found-families need a shrieking murder child

New they might be giants song leaked!

*boing!* *spring sound*
*deep voice* I love pussy
*boing*
♪I was in a car but I’m dead and I’m not and my name is Kent why did my cat kinkshame me♪
*deep voice again* I love firewood

ambedo

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

(n) a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: tons of fluff, some angst

length: 12k

summary: a new kid on the bus catches your interest, especially when he’s listening to your favourite song

a/n: i wrote this before jimin said he loves the song ‘lost’ by frank ocean. we have some sort of telepathy

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Giant Panda, Edinburgh Zoo, March 1st 2016 by Matt Taylor