giant beavers

Was on speaker phone with @blindpandabear while she was driving home and she just went “oh my god there’s a giant beaver at the side of the road, it’s huge!” But upon further inspection it was in fact a giant rat. Next to a sign that says Meat Farms, cause that’s not worrying at all.

Pillow Talking || Sam Drake X Reader

Summary:
Imagine being woken up in the middle of the night by Sam Drake wasted drunk. He acts flirty with you in bed and pillow talks while a bit tipsy.

———

The stars aligned in the crisp autumn air as the full moon shined bright from above. Sweet thoughts filling my numb mind as I lay in bed, sleeping hard from a rough day at work. This moment was so blissful and relaxing that nothing could ruin it. Until I heard a rather loud bang-crash sound within the darkened bedroom. “Shit…Fuck!” I heard a voice whisper to themselves.

“Aw, I’m sorry, shit…Did I wake you up?” The man laughed, speaking a bit louder.

I roll over to my side and flip the light switch on, realizing it was Samuel. “Um-yeah you did.” I say squinting my eyes.

“Agh-Fuck,” He grumbled. “ I’m sorry darling. You were fast asleep weren’t you?”

“I was sweetie. I had a long day at work.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Sam? Are you drunk?”

“I am not drunk. I’m-I’m just feeling…pretty awesome!” He spoke nearly falling over his own two feet at the end of the bed. He soon laughed. “What’s up? Sexy butt?” He then chuckled some more. I give him a long stare and roll my eyes. “I am not drunk. I don’t get drunk. I’m just-”

“M-hmm!”

“I only had like seven drinks, not even enough to get me drunk.”

“Okay, well you never tell me that I have a, and I quote ‘sexy butt’.”

“Oh I do-I so tell you that you have a sexy butt…even when I’m not drunk!”

“Humph.”

“Its true though.” Sam stretched and sighed. “I like that wagon you’re dragging,” He giggled. “Okay so I might be a little-a little bit drunk. Just a tiny bit!” The Drake brother then walked over and grabbed hold of the sheets. “Here, scoot over. Because I am going to spoon the ever loving fuck out of you…How are you?” He giggled as he joined me in the bed.

“I’m alright I suppose?”

“Yeah I wouldn’t be too great if I was woken up by a drunk asshole either.”

“So you’re implying yourself?”

“Uh, I’m not talking about me. I’m just saying in general. ‘Cause I’m not drunk. In general I’d be annoyed it someone drunk woke me up.”

Sam laughed and smiled in that cute little way that he always does. “Hi…” He said which was then followed up with several kisses on my cheek.

“Samuel Drake you should stop. Honey you are drunk!”

“Ugh-but I’m not trying anything!” He whined. “I’m just kissing you because you’re cute.”

“Sam-”

“And I like your tired voice…Its adorable, even if you’re the tinniest bit annoyed with me.” He laughed. “Hey, I am sorry I woke you up, I was trying to be quiet.” Sam sounding more serious.

“You knocked the table over that sits in the corner of the room.”

“It came out of nowhere. I don’t know where the end table came from, but it just kinda flew out at me.”

“Sam it can’t just move.”

“Tables move. I’m telling you. I think the house is haunted. Because there’s no way I bumped into a-a stationary object, tripped, and woke you up…Because I’m totally sober.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am! Look!” Sam said while climbing out of the covers and standing on top of the bed. “I can do-I can do-I can stand on one foot on the bed. Watch! Watch!” His plan was short lived as the Drake brother came tumbling down towards me. “So…maybe in the slightest way, I may be impaired.” He chuckled.

“Did you drive all the way home?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No, I got a taxi.”

“If you say you’re not that drunk, why didn’t you just drive?”

“Maybe I didn’t feel like driving. I just felt like taking a taxi. Oh and Nathan made it home safely. Haha, you think I’m drunk? You should’ve seen my little brother!”

~~~

“Oh you’re so warm.” He said while inching closer to me. How are you so fucking cute? Oh my god! I wanna like squeeze your cheeks until they fall off.“ He laughed. “You’re so cute! Come here!” He kissed me a few times on the lips.

“I swear you always get like this when you’re drunk Sam!”

“Come on.” He moaned. “Mmm…fine. I am sorry for waking you up, that was not my intention, but-ay-ay-but…No! I’m not talking about your butt, I’m saying the word ‘but’ B-U-T. But now that you’re awake, would you maybe wanna go sledding?” He laughed aloud.

“Sledding with no snow?”

“You can so go sledding when there’s no snow…it just hurts a lot more.”

“There’s no way you can go sledding sweetie.”

“Aw I want to go sledding!” Sam bickered like a little kid.

“It’s in the middle of the night.”

“So what if its night?”

“You can’t go sledding. It’s not the season yet for that.”

“I don’t care!”

“I’d rather cuddle than do that anyway.”

“Oh fine lets cuddle, cuddling sounds good…Just help me-get this off…because my shirt for some reason doesn’t-want to come off of me.” He struggled as I took hold of his brown t-shirt and yanked it off his body. “Almost got it. There we go!”

“I’m sorry I can’t get over how cute you are!” Sam spoke.

“Stop it.”

“I will not stop, you’re adorable and I like kinda wanna draw whiskers on you.”

“Really? What if I felt like doing it back to you?” I teased.

“You better no draw whiskers on my face when I pass out because then I won’t make you breakfast tomorrow.”

“Wait, breakfast?”

“Oh yeah I definitely plan on making you breakfast because I woke you up while you were sleeping and now I have to make it up to you…What do you want?”

“Um-I don’t know.”

“It could-whatever your choice. If I have to I’ll go like to Africa and kill an Ostrich or something,” He laughed. “Alright Ostriches are scary. Maybe something less scary like a Capybara.”

“What in the world is that?”

“A Capybara is like the biggest member of the rodent family. I saw one in person with Nate on our adventure to Madagascar.”

“What does it look like?”

“It is like this giant beaver looking motherfucker. They’re cute, but not as cute as you!” He hugged me tight and kissed me.

“Okay-okay I’m a little drunk…”

“Now you confess mister?”

“Okay so I’m totally drunk and like seriously you are so fucking cute right now.” He began to ramble. “How the hell did I get so lucky? You beautiful flower child you.”

“Flower child Sam?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying. I heard someone say that and I just had to throw it in there. I think it means you’re innocent or something. I don’t know. I have no fucking idea…Well you are innocent at least compared to me. My mind is in the gutter. At least right now.”

“You’re not wrong with that.”

“Alright well tomorrow I’ll show you what my gutter mind is all about,” He chuckled. “I know I’m being weird, but hey that’s what you signed up for when you met me.” Sam teased.

~~~

“Come here!” He begged me.

“Why?”

“Because I want to give you a kiss. Your lips are just so soft and I love it, and your neck, and your ear.” Sam moaned. “Tomorrow morning we’ll have some fun, but now its time for sleep. I’ll let you go back to sleep. Only under one condition.”

“What?” I question.

“You have to lay your head on my chest and let me cuddle you to pieces darling.”

“Alright. Deal.” I said as I inched closer to Sam’s body.

“You’re so warm. I love you. And I’m not just saying that because I’m drunk. I’m saying that because in all seriousness, I fucking love you so much. Its almost sad how much I love you.”

“I love you too! Even though you are tipsy at the moment.” I laugh.

“I’ll see you in the morning darling. Thanks for being you.” He whispered as he cuddled me throughout the night.

~The End~

Originally posted by jensenimpala

The Afanc and the Maiden - Chapter 2

Words: 2,318

(Eventual) Luke Evans x Reader

Y/N is studying abroad in Cardiff, Wales and is a Literature major. She wants to do her final thesis on a local folklore, but soon finds out the folklore is real and is not what people believe it to be.

Intro | Chapter 1

Notes: Here is Chapter 2! Y/n journey has begun. It’s only beginning, and there’s MUCH more to come ;)

Please like, comment, share, whatever suits your fancy!

Tags: @everyjourneylove​ ~ @little-red-83​ ~ @antlers-inallofmy-decorating​ ~ @fromthedeskoftheraven​ ~ @annajolras

She arrived at the pub at 5:00 p.m. The Cambrian Tap was on the corner of a street, the building the color of… with big, black windows and grey brick work above the windows. Thankfully, it wasn’t too crowded for a Saturday evening. When y/n entered the pub, she thought to grab herself a beer for the occasion. She walked up to the bar and took a seat on the stool.

“What can I get for you, miss?” asked the bartender.

“Uuuuhhh…. I don’t know much about ales or beers here sooo,” she said as she quickly looked at the list of drinks before her. There were so many to choose from that it seemed impossible to pick just one. “I’ll try the Dragon Dark,” y/n smiled as she looked at the bartender.

“Coming right up,” he said as he went to grab a glass, poured her drink from a stout then handed it to her. ‘Dragon’s Dark’ was a dark ale with a roasted barley flavor and creamy head. “Why not,”y/n said in her head.

Y/n thanked the bartender when he gave her the drink and before he walked off, she asked him,

“Also, I wanted to ask, do you know of a few old men who come here often, Saturday evenings. They speak of fairytales, probably get weird looks from other customers?” The bartender smirked, knowing exactly who y/n was talking about.

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ShAmy : The “Best OTP ever” Progression
— 

 Sheldon: All right, I’m ready for my next question.

Amy: In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?

Sheldon: Uganda.

Amy: Defend.

Sheldon: Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A Central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.

Amy: Correct. My turn.

Sheldon: In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play The Maple Leaf Rag?

Amy: Tuned bayonets.

Sheldon: Defend.

Amy: Isn’t it obvious?

Sheldon: You’re right. My apologies.

Leonard: What the hell are you guys playing?

Sheldon: It’s a game we invented. It’s called Counterfactuals.

Amy: We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours in one key aspect and then pose questions to each other.

Sheldon: It’s fun for ages eight to eighty. Join us.

Leonard: All right. I like a good brainteaser. Give it a whirl.

Sheldon: You’re in luck, this is an easy one. In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer consumed?

Leonard: Uh, a BLT where the B stands for beaver? I don’t know.

Sheldon: Leonard, be serious. We’re playing a game here.

Leonard: I can figure this out, let’s see. Um, well, beavers eat tree bark. The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon. So, I’ll say cinnamon.

Sheldon: Incorrect. Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.

Leonard: What?

Amy: In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord. The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded. Thousands die. Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry. How does one miss that?

Leonard: This is ridiculous. You’re just making stuff up.

Amy: Is he always like this when he loses?

Sheldon: Oh, yes. You should’ve been here for the great Jenga tantrum of 2008.

Leonard: You bumped the table and you know it.

Amy: Perhaps it would be kinder to play a game more suited to his abilities. We’ll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.

Leonard: I’m going to my room.

Amy: Very good, Leonard. But next time, don’t tell us where you’re hiding. 


4 x 03 -  The Zazzy Substitution 

Otp Canada Day AU

- Imagine your Otp going to see all the parades with the giant blow up beavers and seeing the Mountian Police on their horses

- Imagine them seeing the Canada Day fireworks at night and them watching the colourful explosions in the sky in awe

- Imagine them going camping with a bunch of their friends and them having a great time being domestic and laughing together, all while they enjoy being in each others company

- Imagine your otp taking their kid(s) to all of the kid activies such as crafts making, carnivals and parades

- Imagine your otp meeting each other while volunteering for a festival and them being bonded together ever since

thefranzisz  asked:

Hey there!🖐 😊 I got a question for the four of you: did god let you create animals on your own and when yes, which was your favorite? (And who created sloths, honestly I truly adore them) 😅 Oh and I really love this blog, your answers are hilarious! ❤

Lucifer: Sorry to disappoint… But dad didn’t really give us free reign with the creating. That was exclusively His Party Trick. But we did occasionally get to suggest things when he was out of ideas.

Gabriel: You proooobably wouldn’t recognise a lot of the things we came up with. they’ve changed and evolved a lot since we helped think them up. The things Sloths evolved from looked kinda like… giant beaver-bears. And Dad was responsible for those.

Michael: How about we each give an example of a modern-day animal we like, who we came up with the ancestor for. I very much like Honeybees. They work very well together, and I appreciate their dedication. However, I’m not sure why they evolved stingers that kill them when used.

Raphael: And I very much like Octopi. Especially the kind that can seamlessly camouflage into its surroundings. Have you seen the kinds of things Octopi can do? They’re almost frighteningly intelligent.

Lucifer: Ah, then I’m going to go with wolves. I got dad to make them as a less bloodthirsty alternative to hellhounds… though I kept Ramsey, too. She wasn’t bad… Dad just didn’t understand her.

Gabriel: And my favourite’s butterflies. I came up with a bunch of things… but butterflies are probably the best ones. They’re pretty? right? really colourful, extra harmless, right? Wrong. Butterflies are carnivorous, and they suck out the innards of their enemies. They’re pretty so that they look like flowers, so they can trap unsuspecting aphids and such, and drain them alive. Butterflies are hardcore, in the insect world, you do not wanna mess with one of those suckers.

Sensors: Strong, talented, probably epic spy people who are also probably assassins, has all the friends and good taste in music

Intuitives: Too focused on their brains to care about being epic spy people, probably accidentally drove their car through one of their mind portals and are now in Antarctica, can’t really be talented at anything since they’re frozen, has only giant bald ice beavers(??? I forgot what these are called) for friends now, and their car radio broke so they have no music whatsoever and therefore no taste in music

Stranger Things

SO THERE WAS THIS VOTE ABOUT HALF A YEAR AGO FOR A FIC ABOUT ONE OF THE CHARACTERS MEETING ARTHUR. AND ALFRED WON.

BUT I FORGOT TO POST IT SO HERE IT IS

6 MONTHS LATER

Pairing: USUK (pre-anything)
Length: 3k
Summary: Alfred meets Arthur. They don’t get along, until they kinda do. Almost.

A/N: Everything that happens in this fic is canon to the blog, but it’s not necessary to follow the blog to understand the fic. 

On AO3


Alfred stretched his arms over his head, glad that the lecture was finally over. As much as he enjoyed the lessons, he really was better suited for practical study rather than theory. He could hear the other students packing up around them, the expanding chatter after the professor had finished speaking consuming the hall. Sunlight filtered in from the skylights in the ceiling, and Alfred took a moment to drop his head back, letting his gaze drift. Flecks of dust caught the light as they drifted down, spiralling in slow patterns through the heady air. He could hear the sound of distant cars, drifting in with the nearby music the art students always struck up around this time of day, the scent of food twining somewhere inside the mix. Covering his mouth as he yawned, Alfred sat forward and fumbled his notes into his bag with his other hand, ready to head out. Slinging the backpack over his shoulder, he yanked his I-Pod from his pocket, humming tunelessly as he set it to shuffle.

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Nick Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles Starter Sentences
  • "We need to stay away from people.... and bathrooms!"
  • "It's important to be accurate"
  • "Don't touch me! I'm highly contagious! *cough cough* see?"
  • "Maybe you just think you're a monster because everyone treats you that way"
  • "It's not supposed to do that... RUN!"
  • "I got super powers from a meteor and now I'm fighting a giant beaver!"
  • "Shhhh, we have to be quiet, ninjas are quiet, quiet down"
  • "I've got to stop saying stuff like that"
  • "You're nuttier than a squirrel's lunch box"
  • "Anger is a fuel that burns quickly"
  • "Is that awesome? or... awesome bad?"
  • "Maybe I do have anger issues"
  • "Whoa! You're not thinking what I think you're thinking!?"
  • "Join us in the bliss of real meat toppings!"
  • "Can't be any worse than High school"
  • "What is wrong with you!?"
  • "In crazy backwards land, crazy backwards dude is king"
  • "The cockroach has a saw!"
  • "You can't just bring home Bigfoot!"
  • "I got them ninja vibes yo'"
  • "Human beings taste so good inside of calzones yes it's true"
  • "The first rule of being a ninja is 'do no harm.' Unless you mean to do harm, then do lots of harm!"
  • "Nice! and here I thought you were just getting beat up!"
  • "We must accept the hand the universe hath dealt us"
  • "That would make them bilingual"
  • "Balls! of... doom"
  • "That's what real friends do, they stand up for each other!"
  • "I'd eat him just to shut him up"
  • "What's the frosting made of?"
  • "She threw a knife at your head!"
  • "She threw a knife NEAR my head"
  • "Fungus!"
  • "Not a recruit, I'm the new leader"
  • "What do I care? I'm not people"
  • "Naps are nature's hugs"
  • "Your mother's a shrunken head!"
  • Episode 1: A creature mutated from barf and dirt goes around transforming characters into plant-dogs to turn them into mutagenic fertilizer
  • Episode 2: Bigfoot hides away in the farmhouse from a manchild hunter with a malformed finger named "The Finger" who talks to his Shrunken Head mother. The conflict ends by Bigfoot and The finger falling in love and escaping into the forest.
  • Episode 3: April rediscovers her mom, only to figure out shortly after that she isn't really her mom, but rather a "The Thing"-esque monster that proceeds to demonically control and absorb her friends
  • Episode 4: Mikey runs away into the forest, befriends the frog equivalent of Napoleon Dynamite, and comes across an entire civilization of frogs who have a hatred for the human race.
  • Episode 5: Four giant carebear-parody Beavers enter the turtles dreams and proceed to suck out their life force with tripy nightmares before Casey saves them by smashing a device built by a guy who hasn't slept in forty years
  • Episode 6: A demonic mutant car eats people and transforms them into adrenalin-addicted mayhem monsters, only to be defeated by Casey in a racer built out of Kraang tech copiloted by a chicken with the brain the size of a small melon.
  • .... You know, I'm beginning to get the feeling that this season is going to be WEIRD.

No! Crazy Giant Beaver, not the Canadian Parliament building eh! I am here in Ottawa Canada for #oiaf2014 , Ottawa’s international Animation Festival. My film, ‘Aug(de)mented Reality’ will be playing at the international showcase. Come say hi if you are in town too!! I will be selling some original cels and giving away some new hombre_mcsteez Stickers! Also, I will be traveling all month so I can only post 1 animation per week. Stay tuned to my vine for some new loops of my old animations on MWF. Bonjour
-Hombre