giancarlo ditrapano

Do You Feel Bigger Than What You Are?

I found the twitter feed of a gainer a couple of months ago. 

He started at 205lbs in 2002 and is now at 560. He doubled his weight in exactly five years and hit 500 in March of 2011.

The feed led to a formspring where he has been documenting his gain more extensively. He has many fans, people who like to follow his progress. He posts headless photographs of himself standing in the same position (one foot up on a chair) and in the same pair of shorts (which he wears exclusively for the photo documentation).

It is a mistake to think that this is entirely sexual, but it is also a mistake to think it’s entirely not.

He visits the doctor regularly, and there are no signs of serious health problems. He is still young. He will reconsider when problems arise. 

Eating is done more out of the desire to gain than out of hunger. His appetite is satiated several plates before his desire to grow is. When his body tells him he has had enough food, he tells it, “Then you’ll be able to turn this right into fat, won’t you?” and continues to eat.

At his unsexiest moments he still wants more size. When he was younger he was confused, because he thought he was only attracted to bigger men. Once he found a bigger man for himself, he realized that what he wanted was to become one. He doesn’t yet feel like himself. The bigger he gets, the better, the more like himself, he feels.

He considers his weight only in sets of five pounds. He doesn’t consider three pounds to be a gain. He has to gain five, and then keep it at that number (or higher) for more than a week to consider it an achievement, to consider it as coming any closer to who he feels he is.

His fans ask him questions. He tells them, “Actually it’s the contrary, because it used to bother me. You’d be surprised how many passing cars yell, ‘Hey fat ass!’ Especially on weekend nights, which I avoided going out on. But now the bigger I get, and the closer I come to feeling myself, the less I care about how others view me, or what they say.”

He knows how insensitive the world can be. “It’s the last accepted prejudice. A lot of the time people don’t know they’ve hurt someone with what they’ve said. I feel like I’ve gotten beyond where anyone can hurt me anymore.”

Can you retract your prepuce when you urinate or is your pubic fat too large now? When are you going to have your prepuce circumcised?” As one body part grows, nearby body parts (and their functions) can also be affected. This must be dealt with. He is saving for the procedure.

He is exactly as round as he is tall, but he is indifferent to this fact. When it comes to numbers, the only ones that excite him are those of weight, not length or width.

Gainers dating civilians is not recommended. He dated one, and it was a disaster. He tried dating encouragers and feeders, seemingly perfect matches, but never found one he got along with. Now that he is alone, his life is going more smoothly. When he reaches his goal weight, dating a civilian would be more feasible. He would like to be happy with himself first.

He has a goal weight, but he doesn’t know what it is. He’ll know when he gets there. Gaining has allowed him to think less about his body as he goes about his daily life because he doesn’t ever have to worry about being wrong.

Do you feel bigger than what you are?”

Plateaus are reached and can be discouraging. Weeks will go by where he doesn’t gain. He theorizes that a plateau is an amount of time given to his body, by his body, so that it may prepare its infrastructure for the next big gain.

He doesn’t like having a body. The fact that it’s a big body is the only reason he keeps it.

He remembers his unhappiness when he was less than half his current size. 

Do you feel bigger than what you are? Do you feel what you are? What you are do you feel? Do feel are you?

He wants to one day step into his bathtub, lie down in it, and fill the tub to the rim with his flesh.
Giancarlo Ditrapano Columnist says Conan's Gay Wedding "Sets Gays Back 50 Years," Which, Ugh, Fuck That

The first Google result for Giancarlo DiTrapano is his Though Catalog biography (Ha!) in which he describes himself as “straight-acting.” I think we’ve covered how silly and offensive the term “straight-acting” is before, right?

We’ll its mostly silly when you describe yourself as such, but gets offensive when you argue that the entire gay rights movement should start presenting itself as “straight-acting,” which DiTrapano pretty much does. 

First of all, he criticizes the gay wedding featured on Conan last week for being a Jewish ceremony (yikes!), then argues Conan should have chosen, “the most conservative-looking, most middle American couple he could find. ‘OHIO’ written across their foreheads in black Sharpie would not have hurt.” Because, he theorizes, “sometimes people need to be eased into a new idea so that they are not even further, and irretrievably, repelled from it.”

First of all, show me this straight-acting, all American, Christian God-fearing Gay couple, who would even entertain the idea of being walked down the aisle by Toby Keith or Terry Bradshaw, as DiTrapano suggests. Show me where they exist! And if they do, and they seriously would get married, do you think they would actually let their wedding be broadcast on national tv in a highly publicized ceremony with out fear of having, like, their great-grandmother or former high school football teammates find out they’re gay? The thing about straight-acting bros is that they’re the least likely to, you know, act anything less than straight in public. 

But Dude thinks this is necessary, because gay marriage opponents need to see “a wedding that looks closer to home. People fear the unknown.” But I’m not so sure Gay marriage opposition is so simple. How many anti-gay politicians have we seen now caught up in gay sex scandals? Even if it was just some brief flash of desire brought on in a fit of horniness, for how many gay marriage opponents is homosexual attraction actually that unknown? Isn’t part of the problem that these people actually believe homosexuals can “recruit” and threaten to turn straighties gay? Would featuring two “straight-acting” dudes in a national televised gay wedding actually ease the problem? 

The Conan wedding actually made me do that thing that I’m capable of doing which is the closest thing I can do to actually tearing up. Did I identify with either men involved aside from our sexual orientation? No, not really. Did seeing two people finally allowed to legally commit themselves to each other emotionally affect me? Yeah. 

The joyously nervous body language before the wedding was exactly what you see before a straight wedding. The kiss afterwards was exactly like the kind you’d see at any other wedding. The happy looks on the family’s faces afterwords were exactly what we’re use to see at a wedding. Aside from the fact this took place on a show with a masturbating bear, the emotion involved shouldn’t have been that “unknown” to middle Americans. And isn’t that the whole point of the gay marriage fight? It shouldn’t matter who’s involved in the wedding, but that everyone is entitled to that level of commitment and emotions? 

Below is the second installment of Tao Lin and Giancarlo DiTrapano’s texting history that began during the summer of 2011 with the infamous, ground-breaking “Andrew,” which has been hailed as both “total shit” and “the best internet writing of 2011.” Some texts were altered to save the reputations of the peripherally involved parties.

Jun 28 2011

Giancarlo: The past 6 times I have texted ‘Andrew’ he responds with “RE:|Okay” Seems like a DealerBot

Tao: He’s evolving, seems promising

G: lol
G: Here’s to another year of invincibly polite texting. Perhaps, if we live to see it, a 2012 VICE post.

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Jun 29

G: That last text had a devilish quality to it. I only mean well.

T: Nice lighting in that pic…nice…working on our sweet ass collage tomorrow.
T: Next year’s post can just be us discussing it for a year. A year’s worth of texts like this text I’m typing now.

G: Yes. Also peppered with life and more kindness. Seems like mostly negative comments so far. I wonder if we will still be texting for drugs this time next year. Hope so.

T: Just reread most of it and felt 'engrossed,’ seems so sweet. Posting on FB now.

G: The piece is indomitable. Excited to see if our extreme politeness cues the commenters to also be extremely polite. Would be sweet if our kindness caused the commenters to be filled with love and to only post kindness-related thoughts.

T: Could be a turning point for Vice. That would be sweet.

Jul 1

G: Just thought, “this post seems like we are Andrew’s apostles, spreading his Word of kindness”

T: Or seeding the Vice demographic for him to expand his drug empire into.

G: The same job. We bring His word, and His word is drugs.

T: We should’ve included a coupon for people to print out and redeem with Andrew at the end of the piece. Or written “this post is a sponsored by Andrew.”

G: Lol. Would have been sweet. Write it in the comments. Sweet.

Jul 2

G: From comments: “I STILL can’t tell if this is real or not. Will somebody PLEASE answer me? I just want to (k)now if this is real or not! PLEASE!” lol

Jul 4

G: Oh shit, I missed your birthday! Happy Birthday, Tao! Feel like I failed on continuing to be thoughtful and kind. :( damn

T: You redeemed yourself with this kind, humble, repentant text, I feel. Hate 4th of July…so loud everywhere…

Jul 5

G: Sweet. I feel whole again, and at peace.

Jul 7

T: Would you or your friend mind calling or texting eric please? He wants confirmation from you or your friend that i’m ok. I could give you some ritalin for your troubles… - T
T: Sorry for all this trouble, will give you the Ritalin I get - me

G: Should be cool now
G: Let me know if there is still a problem.

T: Thank you

G: No sweat

Mira Gonzalez interview on Vice Magazine
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By now you’ve probably heard about the Black Flag reunion that everyone is creaming themselves over. Unfortunately, as of right now it looks like they’re only playing three shows, so you’ll probably miss it, then tell everyone how bad you wanted to go and what bullshit it is that you couldn’t get tickets, before eventually just carrying on with your life. But there’s this other Flag-related thing happening too. A truly interesting new publishing venture called Sorry House has surfaced and their first book is one of poetry (gay) from the strangely intriguing internet ghost Mira Gonzalez. I was going to make the headline for this article “Black Flag Offspring Does Poetry” because I thought she was Chuck Dukowski's actual spawn, but it turns out he’s her stepfather, which is still fun.

The title of Mira’s book is I will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together. But I’m not so sure about that. Have you ever seen yourself, Mira? I have a feeling a lot of boners with your name on them are out there. Hell, I’ve even got a small internet crush on you, and I’m a goddamn faggot who sucks fat guy dick and eats fat guy ass ON THE REG.

Maybe I’m overselling you. I should stop.

Tomorrow night Mira will be celebrating the launch of her new book with a reading at Housing Works bookstore in New York. In addition to Mira, Victor “Kool A.D.” Vazquez (the Das Racist guy), Melissa Broder (the Queen), Willis Plummer (he is too young to write as well as he does), Spencer Madsen (taking on despair toe to toe), Marshall Mallicoat (don’t know her/him, but like his/her tweets), and myself (the worst) will be reading as well. There will be drinks.

I asked Mira some questions about some things.

VICE: Who is your dad?
Mira: My daddy is a Mexican-Jewish businessman who I think is trying to kill me. My stepdad is Chuck Dukowski of Black Flag. 

Not sure about the ages of the parties involved, but I’m assuming you were born after the Black Flag years? 
I am 20; Black Flag is before my time. My mom and Chuck got married when I was a baby, and I’ve lived with both of them my whole life. I was always aware that he was in a band, but I didn’t really understand how important that band was until high school when I met people who liked Black Flag. 

Since I was young I have always heard Black Flag songs around the house, so it was difficult for me to get any distance from the music. As I grew older I understood the songs more and began to enjoy the music independently. I think Black Flag influenced my writing a lot, as well as my taste in music. 

Chuck now plays in a band called The Chuck Dukowski SEXTET. Chuck plays bass, my mom sings, my brother plays guitar, and our family friend plays drums. They play a cover of the Black Flag song “My War” at the end of their set. It’s fun to hear my mom scream “fuck you!“ at the audience. My brother is also a contortionist and bends himself in half while playing guitar during their set. 

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Way back, my non-fiction was much better because I would use all this fictional stuff in it, reinventing scenes, dialogue, whatever I needed to make a plausible narrative. But then people began getting in trouble for that and the journalism police began busting people so I had to knock it off and be much more cautious with my non-fiction. I also began working at TIME magazine and places like that where that kind of creative non-fiction just wasn’t allowed. So I had to write strictly the facts which made for less interesting non-fiction and sort of forced me to write fiction if I wanted to tell a real story.
Dazed and Digital Interview w/ Giancarlo DiTrapano

Giancarlo DiTrapano’s imprint Tyrant Books and magazine New York Tyrant have been instrumental in promoting such celebrated writers as Sheila Heti, Michael Kimball and Jonathan Ames, as well as launching the lesser-known likes of Marie Calloway and Ken Bauman. Raised in Charleston, West Virginia, DiTrapano founded Tyrant after interning at a big New York publishing house and becoming frustrated by the dinosaur-like pace. The 39-year-old has been known to hand interviewers cocaine platters on visits to his studio in Hell’s Kitchen, but our interview was carried out remotely. Still, shits and giggles were had as we discussed his imprint’s flippant knack of nailing and tearing apart selfie culture.

Dazed Digital: Why did you decide to start Tyrant? 

Giancarlo DiTrapano: I was interning and saw how long it would take me to climb the NY publishing ladder. I had a little money though, so I started the lit mag arm of Tyrant. The name came to me when I was in Italy. I was walking alone drunk in the countryside and it started hailing, so I took shelter in a barn and fell asleep. I dreamt of ‘NEW YORK TYRANT’ in exploding lights like Dirk Diggler did in Boogie Nights.


DD: Presumably some kind of mission statement came to you as well?

Giancarlo DiTrapano: That I have none. I publish writing that strikes me and then hope that it strikes others. There’s nothing I won’t publish, no restraints or anything. Well, I guess it has to be in English. That’s the one guideline.

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On Nights Spent Going Blind And Days Spent Shoplifting

I successfully shoplifted the new NY Tyrant from Barnes and Nobles.  I thought it would be a problem because I wasn’t wearing my glasses.  Whatever, I don’t even think I need them.

Cover Art’s pretty decent.  

NY Tyrant is my favorite Lit Journal.  Their last issue came out like a year ago, but it was great (the one with Cherry from the Outsiders on the cover). Strange ass interesting fiction from Luke Goebel, Bradford Tice, Sean Kilpatrick and Bjorn Verenson (that guy may or may not exist)) My favorite was a piece by Noy Holland.  Holy Shit it was good. You should track it down and get it.  Might be sold out. I found it at City Lights in San Francisco and it was worth the trip.   I hope this issue is good…I feel like Scott Mclanahan may have peaked. 

you can order it online too here, but stealing is much more exciting.  Especially if you can’t see so well, are on drugs, are over 30, are slow-moving, and/or aren’t wearing a jacket.  

I also stole this rare Tao Lin book:

Hmm, first dolphins and now giraffes.  This guy is crazy avant! hope he’s not burning the candle at both ends.  can’t wait to read it though.   Wonder why it hasn’t been reviewed yet?  Maybe it has, I don’t have Twiter.