I feel like writing posts today.
I wanted to rant because I have a few issues to clear out of my system, but then I realized Michelle wasn’t there, and she’s like, the perfect bitching buddy in my opinion. Per exemple, she listens to me well when I rant and offers appropriate input when she agrees with the point I’m making, and when she doesn’t she just nods or something, and it works with me.
I really had to rant today, but I couldn’t, because the people I was ranting to were: a) uninterested b) preaching me about it c) untrustworthy, and I realized how friendless I truly am. I don’t think I’m friendless per se, but I’m just picky and I have high standards about what friends should be because I’m not a very tolerant person.
I think it could be argued that I am (history skills!), but that’s because I don’t particularly confront people about their deficiencies (?) unless it’s really hindering them from having a healthy social life or they confront me first. I generally see the good in people just as much as the bad, and when I consider you as a good friend, you can feel free to make me do
anything most things and insult me whichever way you can, because I won’t mind, and I’ll think your positive attributes outweigh your negatives.
However, I have a sincere problem with people who do tiny things that tick me off. I don’t like people who act stupidly, in my opinion, in general, but when they make retarded remarks about me, it pisses me off even more. I understand that any criticism of my behaviour and attitudes towards other people must be based on reason and evidence, and I also realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I would appreciate it if they did not find it as easy to throw around my comments and skew them so they can speak negatively about me.
To tell you the truth, I am obnoxious to many of my friends in many ways, and where credit is due it must be given, so when I am particularly extreme in my racist jokes to someone, for example, I give them all the freedom to be offended. However, when I actually try to restrict my and other people’s opinions of certain people, and they haven’t the decency not to talk about me behind my back, it angers me quite a bit. Since I am an intense person in general, this “a bit” is actually “a lot”, which is why I’m writing about this: the situation, in general, is bothering me.
I think the reason for this is because I find that their remarks are unfounded, and have no strong foundation. I also think their lack of loyalty is astounding, since I just talked about someone with them, and then not even an hour later, they’re talking about me with someone else. It also pisses me off, truly and utterly, that even though I’m trying to be nice to them, by not telling them how much some people dislike them, they still find the time to complain about me and some shit. Sure, they may not be introspective enough to see how badly they come off to other people, but I think I deserve some credit for at least trying not to hurt their feelings.
I think my anger partly comes from the fact that I can’t express these feelings to anyone for the time being, and because I’m generally so open, I don’t hold my feelings in well. I am thankful to the person who kindly informed me of the opinions of these people, however, because it has helped me to keep in touch with myself and evaluate how people might react to the things I do. I don’t think I will stop doing what I do, however, because they haven’t complained about it to my face, and so I have no knowledge of any of their problems with me.