gfav

Okay I’ve been wanting to post this a few times over the past few weeks, but stopped myself. But here goes:

My Christian Tumblr fam:

YOU DO NOT OWE ANONS A THING.

One more time in case you didn’t get me:

YOU DO NOT OWE ANONS A THING.

Not a kind response, not a harsh response, not an explanation, nothing.

YOUR BLOG IS YOUR BLOG. What you post on it is your prerogative.

Anons do not get to call you out, give you unsolicited spiritual advice, say you’re complaining too much about your problems, tear you down under the guise of “uplifting” you, etc.

The people who get to convict you in that way are IN YOUR REAL LIFE, and/or the fellow online brothers sisters in Christ who, you know, TALK TO YOU, CARE ABOUT YOU, WON’T HIDE FROM YOU.

I’m sick of seeing this. If they can’t come out from behind those glasses and talk to you off anon, AND if they are not your friends, they DO NOT have the privilege of speaking into your life. Case closed.

I am a very sympathetic, warm, open, compassion person, but don’t you think for one second I’m gonna put any stock into what a cowardly stranger on THE INTERNET is gonna think or say. I mean it. You look far enough back in my blog you may see a negative anon or two, but even then I’ve just posted it with no response. Either that or I’ve deleted it. You know why?

Because no constructive criticism about who I am as a person is going to come from someone who will not make themselves known to you, who sees what I post on a WEBSITE about my thoughts, feelings and emotions as opposed to, you know, the REST of my personhood.

They KNOW they are on anon because they either DON’T know you well enough to criticise you as they are in an OPEN manner, or they do NOT want their words traced back to them. Don’t fall for it, there is no love of Jesus involved there, or at the very best it is a gross expression of it. And I’ll say it again: COWARDLY, and how dare they act like the wonderful name of our Lord is behind them.

I’m sick of seeing my online brothers and sisters stress themselves out over dignifying cowardly strangers’s opinions and analyses of what they post on THE INTERNET (which we all know is such a wooooooonderrrrrrful barometer for one’s relationship with the Lord. ughhhhhhh)

Repeat:

ANONYMOUS STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET ARE NOT SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE

THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING CALLED OUT ON THE INTERNET LIES WITH THOSE THAT HAVE SHOWN THAT THEY CARE ABOUT YOU

YOUR BLOG IS YOUR BLOG

And if we talk and such an anon is really bothering you, HIT ME UP cos I WILL GET BEHIND YOU.

Enough of this BS Internet pandering to you strangers who don’t care. We’re each Jesus’s and you don’t get to talk to us like any part of us of our content is yours to tailor. Keep it coming to my friends, if you will, anons. They gonna catch that “support” from me and hopefully you gonna catch that “delete”!

To they who say “I don’t feel like living anymore...”

I don’t blame you. Living feels like pushing a boulder up a hill, huh? Feels like if you stop pushing it, the boulder will just go on, and it’s like, so what’s the point in pushing it any longer?

I can’t answer that, but I can tell you this: there’s a difference in whether the boulder moves or goes on without you.

The difference is when you’re the one moving the boulder and not nature or someone else, your movements are weathering the boulder in a way that nothing or no one else can do.

And the crazy part is, the boulder may or may not be worth its own weight, but you are.

You’re not the one worthy of the weight of the boulder: life isn’t some test for you.

You’re the test for the boulder, for life, and it’s only worth it because you are.

Your life is more than food, and your body is more than clothes.

It’s not that you have to matter or last: it’s that you do.

I’m not gonna tell you to keep withstanding the boulder: I just pray that the boulder keeps withstanding you.

Amen.

The more I just sit here and marinate in the Love that has been afforded me, the more I want to cry and follow, out of gratitude. I am loved, and my love is not dead in a grave, but alive and present, here with me, in spirit and in truth, there where spirit and truth are one and the same.

I’m sick of trying to pull Jesus down from the sky to help me, as if he’s some distant deity, when he has left me his Spirit right here on earth to guide me into all goodness. Enough.

I don’t know how to let things end, and because don’t let things end, I will not let them become new. Enough.

He is alive. Enough.

Me: “Lord, here are two swords: my prayers and my insecurities.”
Him: “Friend, you don’t need to fight anymore:

enough.”

note to self: say it.

If you’re afraid about something, say it. To God, to yourself, to someone who’ll listen, to the person you want/need to tell but are afraid they’ll hate you. At the very least you always have the first two, and at rock bottom / the earth’s core / the pit of hell, the first has already been there and back.

Say it. You don’t even have to be brave. Say it say it say it say it say it.

Conviction (Me and My Big Fat Ego Kingdom)

My ego is a big source I pull from to love people. I pull from my own need for love and share it with other people.

Doing this in the presence of the Spirit reminds me that at its core, my ego desires me to be better than everyone else. So by me pulling from it and sharing it with others, I am proactively turning my self-destruction on itself. 

Jesus is the one who makes new life for me. I can’t do that. Even if I could, it’s a counterfeit to the love of He who, you know, IS love, in spirit and in truth.

I choose to destroy my destruction. Any kingdom divided against itself will fall.

God is good. God is Love. So I do not fear dividing my kingdom against itself, so that his kingdom, the kingdom of heaven, can reign in me.

If I see Jesus, I see the Father. Jesus gives me His Spirit. His spirit guides me into all goodness.

He also takes me where I don’t want to go, into this world, where even some of those who claim to love him do not care about it, except to satisfy their ego’s need to be the best, better than everyone else around them and most people distant from them, in order to earn love.

I’m talking about myself here. So I guess if I don’t love this world the way my Father does, then truthfully I am fearfully of the crumbling of my kingdom.

Me and my big fat ego kingdom, that cannot take a love it has not perfectly earned, let alone an overwhelming unconditional love, full of mercy and grace.

Conviction, yo.