writing is weird

So I was just jumping on my bed after having a breakthrough with coursework (a novel btw oooooo!). Not relevant to the assignment this week, but I realised that in time, a somewhat endearing but ultimately unsavoury character had to die and I was starting to figure out how. So happy was I about this realisation that I was singing “The nigga gone die, the nigga gone die!” And then I suddenly stopped as I remembered:

The walls in my bedroom are thin, and so my next-door neighbours and housemates can probably hear me.


He is my great reward.

Guys, do not exalt your devotion to God over his devotion to you. And by his devotion to you, I’m not just talking about Him creating or dying for you. I’m talking about the little things he does for you now through His Spirit, without even you knowing or acknowledging or thanking Him. You honestly have no idea: and you can’t think, imagine, ask for or even dream. You can only believe, trust and experience it. And if you do, how will you not consequently love Him? I’m finding that He’s beyond words, honestly, and yet these are the very things he’ll accept from me. Words: inadequate as they are: because it is not them that are my righteousness to Him. I do Him no favours that way: He is my righteousness. He is my great reward.

attention vulture (sketch)


attention vulture speaking here:

i’ve noticed that carrion bit of flesh you present before me -

i mean,

you ARE presenting it, aren’t you?

i mean,

how can you NOT be?

i mean,

you’re RIGHT in FRONT of me.

how can i NOT ask you:


Cos if you’re not,

I mean,

I could HAPPILY do it FOR you.

that’s my thing, you see:

i do things FOR people.

i hide from my own flesh

with the flesh of other people’s.

i think i have a choice,

but nah I can’t help but eat you.

i need you I NEED you


and if I hold my flesh up in this way

for once I see I’m see through.


attention vulture speaking here:


unadulterated, unconcentrated joy

Jesus I love you and you make me so happy and you don’t even have to and I love you I’m grateful for you making me and transforming me and breaking me down and building me up and I’m just so grateful and happy to be live and oh my goodness look at all this unadulterated, unconcentrated joy pouring out of me just oh my goodness guys I just love this Saviour and Lord so so so so much

When I say ‘I will be true to you’ I am drawing a quiet space beyond the reach of other desires. No-one can legislate love; it cannot be given orders or cajoled into service. Love belongs to itself, deaf to pleading and unmoved by violence. Love is not something you can negotiate. Love is the one thing stronger than desire and the only proper reason to resist temptation.
—  Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body