gettingitoutofmysystem

I miss having a best friend or anybody close for that matter. I miss having that one person who I could feel totally comfortable around and actually be myself and not somebody I want people to see me as. So many times before, too many to count actually, I’ve gotten close to people only to in the end be pushed away for one reason or another. I wish I knew why I kept trying after that. I wish I knew what to tell myself so I wouldn’t get into doing the things that I got into to try to make myself forget how fucking lonely I actually was, and still am. It sounds selfish, and stupid, and that’s only because it is. Sure I go out a lot with different people, but that doesn’t mean I’d die for any of them. It’s true what people say, you can be in a room filled with so many people, but still feel like you’re the only one there. That’s how it feels to me all the time. People get tired of hearing others talk about how alone they feel and how they feel nobody cares, but if they knew how shitty it is to fucking feel that way, maybe they would start to listen a little more. At certain points feeling that way does get to me and I don’t always handle it in the best ways. But I hope that someday I’ll feel okay. That’s all I have to hold on to.