oh okay one last thing before I get off the internet–
I’ve been thinking lately about tumblr, and how its mostly-female users appeal to over-the-top emotional language (e.g., my feels, i can’t, cries, ARGH, and variants thereof.)
And it’s interesting, because most of us exist in societies that see excessive emotion as worthy of ridicule, an indication of irrationality, and “hysteric.” Feelings have become feminized, and what is feminine is deviant, Other, lesser. Pathos used to be a valid argumentative strategy–now, an argument rooted in emotion isn’t just bad, it’s invalid. And what is invalid can be dismissed without thought. (It’s unworthy of thought.)
But on tumblr, emotion is linked to power. Explicitly so. Feels can kill, feels can hurt, feels drive the creation of graphics/meta/fic and fierce battles over canonicity or interpretations. Feels are the currency with which you buy your right to fannishness.
Our reaction to a society that dismisses emotion as baseless is to crank that shit up to eleven and make it the gate through which you must pass to enter the community.
So if I were to offer you a bowl of metaphorical skittles with the chance of some being poisoned, you would eat them? If so, you put the safety of yourself, your fellow countrymen, the culture and the country itself at risk. That's with ignoring the overwhelming evidence that the so called "refugees" are not refugees but economic migrants, rapists and terrorists. Or all 3. So unless you want a repeat of Cologne, Paris or Nice, don't be such a retard.
The fucking bullshit skittles nonsense? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?
Has there been any terrorist attacks committed by actual refugees on their host countries? Not in Cologne, not in Paris, and not in Nice, motherfucker. None of those assholes were refugees. Get your facts straight.
Oh, you’re worried about how refugees will affect your precious country’s culture? Like we said not two weeks ago, prioritizing your country’s “culture” (which we guess is like a precious museum piece that must be kept in a magic cultural vacuum lest it be HORRIBLY CORRUPTED SHOULD ANY INFLUENCE OUTSIDE OF ITS PRECIOUS BORDERS LEAKED IN! BETTER GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE & YOU RUIN YOUR COUNTRY’S CULTURE FOREVER!!!) over the lives of other human beings is the most fucking cowardly, shitty thing we can imagine. What kind of monster would say “sorry refugees, you’ll have to continue to risk your lives because I don’t want you introducing different food or folk dances or whatever to my magical fairy-country that has no cultural influences from outside of its borders?”
Sitting behind your keyboard, fabricating lies & pathetic excuses about why you shouldn’t literally save people’s lives by helping them find a safe place for them and their families to live after fleeing horrors that you’ll be lucky to never experience in your life - you are a cowardly, disgusting, sorry excuse for a human being.
Women, I’ve had a billion gins, so I’m going to give you all the advice you need for 2014:
1) Only hang out with people who make you feel comfortable and happy.
2) Get a bra you can dance in. I highly recommend the Marie-jo from Rigby & Peller. Spendy, but a life-time sex-dance investment.
3) Find what you would do for free, and try and find a way to get paid for it as your job. Everything good in the world comes from love.
4) Drink shit-tons of gin and listen to Daft Punk, Lorde, MIA, Kanye West and prime Bowie. All your revolutionary needs will be met.
5) Read as many books as you can - every book you read means you absorb another life. It’s the most pleasurable power-up ever.
6) You don’t need mascara if you’re wearing eye-liner. Spend your spare fiver on tights.
7) Never complain, never explain. No-one is paying you for either. Shine on you crazy diamond. Carry on your mission.
8) Ghostbusters is the greatest film ever because the main protagonists never fall out with each other. There is a lesson here.
9) Hair looks its best two days after washing, pumped with dry shampoo, and back-combed. YOU DON’T NEED A HAIRDRESSER.
10) A wobbly belly is the sexy birthright of all women.
12) (is it 12? I’m pissed) Always presume everyone you are dealing with has recently received bad news. Be gentle & forgiving.
13) There has never been a party better than eating a baked potato on the sofa watching “Cheers.”
14) The best eye-liner is Rimmel.
15) The best deodorant is 24-Hour Sure. Spray-ons don’t work. If you’re very sweaty, buy under-arm pads.
19) (literally lost count) full a pot with sunflower oil, salt & essential oil for the world’s cheapest shower exfoliant/moisturiser.
20) Become sweatily exhilarant at least three times a week - dancing, swimming, listening to music, walking. Exercise your body like a dog.
21) Feel fat? a) FUCK THE PATRIARCHY b) princess-line. This is the dress-shape that makes everything better.
53) When in doubt, listen to “Heroes” by David Bowie. You will always know what to do afterwards.
23) All concepts of Hell are simply the idea of you suffering for being unkind.
24) Sailors fighting in the dance-hall. Oh man, look at those cave-men go.
473) “And in the end, the love you make, is equal to the love you take.”
1974) If you don’t feel “normal”, your mission is to make your abnormal “normal”. I refer you, again, to David Bowie.
183636) Similarly, freaks, when people say, “That is not what we do,” you reply, “That is not what we do - YET.”
And then you smoke a cigarette whilst “Let’s Dance” plays.
bong) give me your hands, because you’re wonderful
48373) tights, boots, shorts, t-shirt, revolution.
HOT TRAMP I LOVE YOU SO. Mum says I have to get off the internet now.
*expansive arm gesture* PEOPLE ON STREETS *is put into bed*
“I want to do great things, as men do.”
In this list, we will pretend that the world of the living has learned that certain Bleach characters - namely the shinigami and the Karakura Town gang - keep saving the universe. Now those heroes are major world of the living celebrities! How will the Bleach characters react to this new found fame in the human world?
1. Chad: Leverages his fame to star on Carnivore Kingdom
It’s Chad’s favorite show (Kon is a cheap knockoff of the main character).
Chad: Look, Kon. Now there is a plushie of me as well.
Chad: This one is for you.
Kon: T-this is a little weird, man!
2. Yamamoto: Refuses to have anything to do with human world media
After all, Yamamoto believes so strongly in not getting humans involved that he didn’t even let Orihime heal his arm.
Sasakibe: Uh, sir? The paparazzi have lots of pictures of you.
Sasakibe: You’re shirtless in every one. They call you Mr. God-Abs.
Yamamoto: I-I will not let my principles slip!
3. Sasakibe: Leverages his fame to get a bit part on Doctor Who
He’s one of the guys who dies.
Yamamoto: Uh, Chojiro?
Sasakibe: SORRY I’M WEAK
4. Hinamori: Uses her fame to be a good role model
She especially wants to bring more attention to depression and PTSD and to women who are the victims of violence.
Hinamori: Oh look! The hashtag #evilglasses is trending!
Shinji: Still a weird name, though.
5. Hitsugaya: Does not appreciate his nickname
Hitsugaya: WHY DOES EVERY NEWS MEDIA INSIST ON REFERRING TO ME AS “CAPTAIN KID”?!
Matsumoto: I think it’s the alliteration.
6. Matsumoto: Stars in commercials
Mostly for clothing and sweets.
Hitsugaya: …you have time to star in commercials but not to do your paperwork?
Matsumoto: The commercials are WHY I don’t have time for paperwork, silly!
7. Isane: Is very embarrassed by all the attention
Kiyone: Sis, look! You made the list of “Tall Women Who Are Also Big At Heart”!
8. Orihime: Is very embarrassed by all the adoration
Orihime: T-they’re calling me a goddess!
Ishida: You do bring people back from the dead.
Orihime: But still!
9. Soi Fon: Orders her ninjas to avoid paparazzi cameras
She calls a squad meeting and everything.
Soi Fon: We are ninjas who operate in secrecy. Our faces must not be known.
Ninja: Okay but hypothetically what if we already got super drunk at a human world movie premier and accidentally posed for a camera in our ninja uniform and then later without our ninja uniform or any clothes at all?
Soi Fon: THIS HAD BETTER BE VERY HYPOTHETICAL
10. Renji: Loves the cameras
He doesn’t so much avoid the paparazzi as pose for them.
Byakuya: Renji, what are you wearing? I thought you only had the one human world outfit.
Renji: Turns out if you wear the same thing, the humans won’t publish any more photos of you!
Byakuya: And you want them to take pictures of you?
Renji: It seems wrong to deprive them of all this.
11. Rose: Quickly develops a fanbase
It’s his youtube music videos that do it.
Kira: Here is more fan mail from humans saying they would literally die to come to Soul Society for a live concert.
Rose: I-I’m going to the human world next week!!
12. Ichigo: Finds that the fame makes it hard to do his job
The crowds following him around are inconvenient when he’s fighting hollows.
Ichigo: MOVE OUT OF THE WAY
Ichigo: AND STOP FILMING ME OH MY GOD
13. Ukitake: Is the darling of the internet
He pretends that he doesn’t like it, but secretly he does.
Ukitake: Kiyone and Sentaro never get off the internet now.
14. Rukia: Gets way too many creepy letters
Mostly from guys who want her to stab them.
Rukia: T-that isn’t how you become a hero!
Rukia: And you people really shouldn’t be ASKING me to stab you right now!!
Rukia: And if I get ONE MORE letter with a picture of their “super big” closet, I swear to god…
15. Aizen: Gets way WAY too many creepy letters
Aizen: Are they aware that I am in prison and that I was the one trying to destroy the universe?