getting-hit-on-the-head

stranger things as some of my favorite vines

hopper: no off topic questions. because i don’t want to. no-ther-no. permission denied. that’s an off topic question. next. you have been stopped.

mike to eleven: i love you bitch. i ain’t never gonna stop lovin you bitch.

steve: *gets hit in the head* oh try me bitch

will: they’re following me mom! they’re following me! joyce: *freaking out and dropping the keys* who??!! WHOS FOLLOWING YOU??!!?!1?1?!

dustin: *going through multiple places and events during the day* shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.

eleven: *watching a fight* can i get a waffle? can i please get a waffle?

karen wheeler: now we add two shots of vodka *proceeds to add almost the entire bottle*

HOW MUCH (PHYSICAL) PAIN THE SIGNS CAN TOLERATE
  • Aries: On a regular basis, not a lot. But when they're really pissed off, it's like they're on PCP. A grenade could blow off their leg and they'd think it was a mosquito bite or something.
  • Taurus: A ridiculous amount, and you'd never even know they're in pain. They still look like they're chilling.
  • Gemini: They have an abnormally small pain capacity. Cries at the doctor's office, cries while getting tattoos, and probably cried while getting their ears pierced.
  • Cancer: They're too upset thinking about what happened to them at 11:52 a.m. on October 3rd, 2011 to feel any physical pain.
  • Leo: They can withstand a normal amount of pain, but not without an obnoxious amount of whining, yelling, complaining, and tears.
  • Virgo: Pretends to have a high pain tolerance, really doesn't. Thinks that a small pinch on the bottom of their foot was actually a deadly spider bite.
  • Libra: Normal pain tolerance, but deathly afraid of needles. Would rather get hit by a bus than donate blood.
  • Scorpio: Really low pain tolerance but would never ever show it. Yeah I just got punched in the face but I barely felt it hahaha
  • Sagittarius: High pain tolerance. The type of person that hits themselves when they stub their toe to distract themselves.
  • Capricorn: Ranges from low to really high...a papercut will have them bawling but getting hit on the head with a hammer wasn't that bad, tbh
  • Aquarius: Low key enjoys pain??? #KinkShamingAquarius
  • Pisces: The highest pain tolerance of the zodiac signs, surprisingly. They're too busy living in their head and being totally out of it that they didn't notice that they just got stabbed.
Riordanverse Characters As Things I’ve Seen/Heard/Said at Work

Grover: That guy who opened his wallet and a bunch of sticks came out

Percy: “If I get hit by a car in the parking lot, will I still get paid?”

Annabeth: “Get back here you Danny Devito looking motherfucker”

Frank: “Have a good boy”

Hazel: That lady who had two alpacas in her pickup truck

Leo: “If you use too much cleaner in the oven it can blow up.” ‘Ok, but how much is that…hypothetically speaking”

Jason: “How many times do I have to get hit in the head before I don’t have to come to work anymore?”

Piper: That delivery person who always asks if they are looking sexy

Nico: *buys his boyfriend a coffee* “wow, cheap first date”

Reyna: “Are you bleeding?” “Yes, but I’m wearing two pairs of gloves so it’s okay.”

Will:”Do you want your receipt?” “No thanks, I can’t read.”

Magnus: That guy who came in at 10:30 at night completely sober without a shirt and only wearing 1 shoe

Samirah:  “If I take a dime out of the leave-a-penny-take-a-penny, does that make me an asshole?” “Yes”

Alex: “Your total is $4.20.” “420?” *whispers* “the weed number”

Hearthstone: I need to wear this jacket at all times…for the aesthetic, Gary.

Blitzen: Those group of guys dressed in neon and drove a group of bright, rainbow jeeps. Referred to as the Brigayde. 

Carter: “Maybe you should do your job better.” “Maybe you should mind your business.”

Sadie:  That person who always wears a unicorn onesie and only comes in after 10 pm. 

Zia: “I am not a white girl. I don’t drink. I have standards”

Walt: “Shrek is my spirit animal”

Apollo: That person who threatened to call the news on us because we wouldn’t give them a discount on gas

Meg: “Please don’t kill moths. Their lives mean more to me than yours”

Calypso: *chugs an entire 16 oz Red Bull in one sitting* “God is dead”

spaceless-sea  asked:

How are you? I hope well! Can you do a rfa+v and Saeran having to do seven minutes in heaven? Like honestly not even as drunk just sober. (Requests aren't open;-; but maybe later? Also I rlly love your blog like I'm most done with the masterlist^°^)

Author’s note: I hope you guys like this!!!! i’m still rusty ok it’s been awhile edit: I FORGOT V AGAIN someone please send in a request that says “add v” so I remember to edit him in here

Yoosung

  • “You wanna play cards? I brought them with me so we wouldn’t be bored!!”
  • Does he… Does he really not know what we’re supposed to be doing?
  • You looked down at Yoosung, who was already on sitting on the floor shuffling the deck
  • “Lemme guess… you’ve never played Seven minutes in Heaven.”
  • Yoosung paused for a second before shaking his head
  • You sat down next to him and smiled
  • He’s so cute…
  • “So what game do you wanna play, MC?”
  • But then again, this IS Seven minutes in heaven
  • “Strip Poker.”
  • Yoosung’s face turned bright red
  • “H-Huh? Strip?”
  • You smirked
  • “I’ll start.”
  • In one quick moment, your shirt was thrown across the room
  • “Okay, now you’re turn.”
  • Yoosung who had now achieved a new shade of red blatantly stared at your chest
  • “I-I… uhh, w-well-“
  • “SAY SOMETHING, YOU IDIOT!!!”
  • What the hell?
  • Yoosung looked behind you
  • “I think it came from the other side of the door.”
  • You stood up and opened the closet door, and in tumbled Zen and Jumin.
  • “So,” you crossed your arm and looked down at the two very guilty looking boys, “You wanna explain yourselves?”
  • The two of them began stuttering out excuses
  • “W-Well Yoosung’s never played before-“
  • “-I heard you were taking off your shirt-“
  • “-And I thought he might need guidance-“
  • “-So I wanted to hear the rest.”
  • You glared at them
  • “First, Jumin don’t be a perv, and second-“
  • “We were in the middle of something.”
  • You looked back at Yoosung, who had taken off his shirt
  • “And now that MC and I are even, I’d like to get back to the game.”
  • Despite the confidence behind Yoosung’s words, his face was as red as ever
  • You turned back around and smirked
  • “You heard the man!”
  • Jumin and Zen slowly got up, both mumbling curses under their breath.
  • You closed the door behind them
  • “Now, where were we?”
  • In the end the two of you ended up stripping to your underwear and then just playing go fish for the rest of the time

Zen

  • “W-What? I can’t be in a closet alone with MC!! How will I control myself?”
  • You walked over to the closet and gave Zen a smirk
  • “Who says you need to?”
  • 0.1 seconds later Zen was standing in the closet how the hell did he even get there so fast???
  • You closed the door and turned around
  • “So,” you clapped your hands together, “Show me what you got.”
  • Zen smirked
  • “You sure you can handle it?”
  • You raised an eyebrow, “I think you already know the answer to that.”
  • Zen smiled
  • “This is gonna be-“
  • Was all Zen could get out before hitting his head on the light
  • “Ohhh s-shittt…”
  • You rushed over to Zen, who was now bent over in pain
  • “Are you okay? Do you need ice? How bad does it hurt?”
  • Zen looked up at you with hazy eyes
  • “Slooowww down, youuu’reee talking wayyyy toooo fast!!!”
  • I’m not sure what’s more concerning… Zen’s slurred speech or the giant lump forming on his forehead.
  • “We need to get you out of here right-“
  • “NO! I want to give you… seven minutes…in…….”
  • THUD
  • “UHHHHHHH, GUYSOPENTHEDOORZENJUSTPASSEDOUT.”
  • “He did WHAT?”
  • Jaehee swung to door open, her eyes immediately traveling down to unconscious Zen
  • “What happened to his face? And why is the closet light busted??”
  • The rest of the RFA stood behind her, patiently awaiting your answer
  • “Well,” you looked down at Zen and smirked, “I guess he unleashed the beast a little too early.”

Jaehee

  • As soon as Jaehee closed the door she sunk down to the floor and sighed
  • “Finally… peace and quiet.”
  • You nodded, sitting down next to her
  • “Who the hell let Seven DJ anyways?”
  • Jaehee laughed, “I don’t know, but it was a horrible decision.”
  • It would’ve been fine if he just turned the damn the volume down…
  • You looked over at Jaehee, who was responding to an email on her phone
  • “Work’s got you pretty busy, huh?”
  • She gave you a sarcastic glare
  • “Doesn’t it always?”
  • The two of you began ranting about Jumin and the rest of the RFA
  • “I mean, does he think I’m just made out of cat toys? He can’t keep-“
  • “Wait… Jaehee?”
  • “Yeah?”
  • “I think our seven minutes are up… Did they forget about us?”
  • Jaehee checked her phone
  • “It’s been 12 minutes,” she looked back over at you and smiled, “so I think it’s safe to say they have.”
  • The two of you exchanged glances
  • It’s so nice in here…
  • “You wanna stay?”
  • Jaehee’s eyes lit up
  • “I thought you’d never ask!”
  • She set her phone down and yawned
  • “I think… I’ll take a nap.”
  • You reached up and turned the lights off
  • “Sounds good to me.”
  • You stared at the ceiling, waiting for the drowsiness to hit you
  • That was when you felt something warm slump on your shoulder
  • You looked over at Jaehee and she gave you a sleepy smile
  • “Do you mind if I use you as a pillow?”
  • Be still my heart.
  • “Y-Yeah!”
  • Jaehee closed her eyes, and within the next five minutes, she was asleep
  • The next morning Seven found both of you sleeping in his closet
  • And yes he was naked 
  • And yes he screamed
  • And yes you and Jaehee both screamed back
  • But it was still the best seven minutes in heaven you’ve ever played even if it wasn’t just seven minutes

Jumin

  • As SOON as the door closed he had you pinned up against the wall
  • “W-Woah, slow down there bud.”
  • Jumin closed his eyes and sighed, letting go of the grip he had on your hips
  • “Sorry,” he backed up and ran his hands through his hair
  • You practically feel him holding himself back
  • “Why are you so worked up??”
  • Jumin leaned back on the wall opposite of you
  • “It’s just, while we were out there, Zen kept… flirting with you.”
  • His nose crinkled when he said the word flirting, as if it were a disgusting word
  • “I know secretly dating is hard, but I really think its best.”
  • You looked up at him, “Especially with everything happening with your company…”
  • Jumin nodded, taking a step toward you
  • “I suppose I can’t blame Zen. You do look ravishing tonight,” Jumin smirked
  • You smiled back at him, giving him a small twirl
  • “Thank you, my boyfriend helped me pick this out.”
  • “I must say, your boyfriend has great taste. I bet he’s handsome, too.”
  • “Oh yes, extremely.”
  • “FIVE MINUTES LEFT YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS!!”
  • Seven’s yelling interrupted your conversation
  • “Hmm,” Jumin looked at you, “Do you think five minutes in enough?”
  • You pushed yourself off of the wall and grabbed Jumin by the tie
  • “Won’t know unless we try.”
  • And as it turns out, five minutes was more than enough time to… scroll through Jumin’s pictures of Elly

Saeran

  • “So.”
  • “Yup.”
  • “This is fun.”
  • “Really fun.”
  • For the first two minutes, those were the only words exchanged between you and Saeran
  • I have to do something to break this silence.
  • You cleared your throat
  • “Uhh… so how are you?”
  • SERIOUSLY??? Is that the best I could come up with?
  • “I’m fine.”
  • “…Cool.”
  • You looked down at your feet
  • I’m good too, thanks for asking.
  • this poor child doesn’t know how to socialize have mercy on him
  • When you looked back up at him, his eyes quickly darted away
  • Was he staring at me?
  • A light blush crossed his face
  • That’s… kinda cute.
  • You bit your lip
  • Well, this is seven minutes in heaven
  • Before your brain could tell you otherwise, you leaned forward and lightly pressed your lips against his
  • After getting over the initial shock that someone was actually kissing him Saeran grabbed your chin and deepened the kiss
  • When you pulled away, both of you were out of breath
  • You leaned back against the wall
  • “…So.”
  • “Yup.”
  • “That was fun.”
  • Really fun.”
  • Seven swung the door open
  • “TIME’S UP!!!”
  • You looked at Saeran and smirked
  • “Let’s do this again sometime.”
  • Saeran followed you out the door and grabbed your wrist
  • He pulled you back and lowered his voice so the other’s couldn’t here
  • “Name the place and I’ll be there.”
  • Oh, this was going to be f u n.

Seven

  • “♪♫YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, MC AND SEVEN IN HEAVEN FOR SEVEN♪♫”
  • You looked back the rest of the group
  • “Please help me.”
  • Jaehee gave you a pitying look and Zen saluted you “in honor of his fallen comrade”
  • Before you could anyone else’s reaction, Seven grabbed your hand and pulled you into the closet
  • “Your closet is a lot smaller than I thought it would be.”
  • Seven let go of your hand and laughed
  • “You do know I wear almost the same thing every day, right?”
  • You reached out to feel one of his shirts
  • “This one is my favorite.”
  • You pointed to the shirt Yoosung had gotten Seven for his birthday
  • It had a picture of the RFA on the front and the word “family” in Arabic on the back
  • “Mine too.”
  • Seven stepped closer to you
  • “You wanna see why I was so excited to get you in here?”
  • You felt your face heat up
  • “W-Well, I mean-“
  • “SAERAN TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!”
  • “What?”
  • As soon as the lights went off, Seven turned you around so you were facing the door
  • He wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight hug from behind
  • “Look up.”
  • You tilted your head to look up at the ceiling
  • “Oh my…”
  • Glow-in-the-dark stars were scattered all over the top of the closest, turning the dull ceiling into a tiny galaxy
  • “It’s beautiful.”
  • Seven buried his face in the crook of your neck
  • “So are you.”
  • And that’s when it hit you
  • You were literally in heaven in with Seven
  • “Thank you.”

Lotor: Paladins Paladins Paladins

Lotor: I drew a picture of you. You see what’s happening to you in it. It’s you getting hit in the head with a space rock. 

Lotor: Look, that’s me, that one, that’s me. And I’m in the background laughing and pointing at you. We’re having a right good time, aren’t we?

Hunk, Pidge and Lance can’t believe this guy is for real, but Keith is the only one truly offended by that drawing. He’s ready to fight. 

Inspired by: - A very Potter Musical. 

The Average Intergalactic Cadet’s Field Guide to Understanding Their Human Classmates and Crewmates.

Written in Earth English
Current as of Earth Date 05-09-17

Understanding Their Competitive Nature and Occasional Aversion to Physical Activity or Friendly Sports

The Barbaric Practices of Young Human Physical Education.


Physical Education in many Human Schools

In the required Physical Education class, the students play all sorts of physically demanding games such as: Kickball/Matball, Dodgeball, Prisonball, or Linetag. These names may sound alarming and rightfully so. In our observations, the “games” they play are often humiliating for some and potentially injury inducing for others. Pardon our generalizations, but if your human is academically inclined, it is likely they do not have fond memories of their Physical Education classes and you will understand why after reading this breakdown of a typical class period (45 minutes to an hour long)

Kickball/Matball:
In Kickball and Matball, the small humans are divided into two “teams”. This may be done by the “coach” or by an outdated and socially cruel process of assigning “team captains” among the students who then alternate picking their fellow students to be on their teams. From this, the students who are either athletic or popular or both are easily determined from the shy, clumsy, or awkward students.

Once the teams are decided, the team that will be attempting to score points will line up; they are called the “visiting” team. The team trying to keep the opposing team from scoring points fan out across the gym; they are called the “home” team. The defending team will roll a spherical object called a “ball” at the line of students visiting team. One of the offensive students will then kick the ball as hard as they can and then run for a mat/base like a Idjwluge is chasing them.

Now this is the part where things get interesting. The home team students will attempt to catch the ball. If they catch the ball in the air before it hits the ground, the kicker is “out”. Three “outs” will cause the teams to switch roles. The kicking team doesn’t want out; the defending team wants to cause outs. If they don’t catch the ball, they can still grab the ball and throw it. We do not joke: the only way to get the kicker out after a non-catch is to THROW THE BALL AT THEIR BODY SO THAT IT HITS THEM. There is another option where the defensive team holds the ball and taps the running player with the ball, BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENS; THEY ALWAYS RESORT TO THROWING THE BALL AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. BECAUSE HUMANS LOVE TO MAKE THEIR LIVES AS DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE WITH THE MOAT POTENTIAL FOR PAIN. However, if the runner gets to the base/mat before the ball hits them, they are “safe” and cannot get out as long as they are on the base.

This is one way where kickball and matball differ. In kickball, the runner on base is required to keep moving to allow room for the next kicker in line to get on base. In matball, there can be as many people on base as can fit on the mat. This routine will continue: kick, run, kick, run until you can run “home”. “Home” is the place where you kicked from. The bases form a diamond and there are four of them that form a circular running pattern. You kick from “home” base, and run towards “first” base. You then head for “second” base. Then “third” base and then back to where you started. If you safely make it home, you score your team a point. In kickball, you run the bases once. In matball you run them twice: first, second, third, back to first, second, third, then finally home. This probably to makeup for the advantage of choosing when you run to the next base rather than being obligated to.

The goal is to score as many points as possible before the other team gets any person on your team out three times.


Dodgeball:
If you thought that game was horrid prepare yourself again. After this description, the word “dodgeball” will strike fear in your heart. The entire goal of dodgeball is TO THROW A BALL AT THE OPPOSING TEAM WITH THE EXPLICIT INTENTION OF HITTING THEM WITH IT.

THAT’S IT.
THAT’S THE GAME.

The humans are split into two teams similar to the kickball teams. They line up on opposite walls. Precisely in the middle of the “gymnasium” (which as near as we can tell is the official name of the torture chamber of public schooling) are a row of spherical balls lined up parallel to the lines of students on each side. When the “coach” blows a whistle the students sprint for the balls, grab them and retreat. What follows is a chaotic battleground the likes of which we haven’t seen since the Battle of Wakowwnoif. The “game” is simple. Throw the ball at a member of the opposing team. They avoid the ball. If they are unsuccessful at dodging the impact, they are “out” and move to the wall. If they do dodge, they are fine and nothing happens. If they catch the ball thrown at them, they can bring one of their teammates back into the game and the person who threw the ball is out. If the person gets hit in the head, the person who threw the ball is out (this is the closest we could find to any sort of safety precautions laid out in this game). The game continues until one team systematically hits every member of the other team out.

Humans.

Prisonball:
Prison ball is exactly the same as dodgeball, it just has a few more enhancements and opportunities for social humiliation. Teams are still split in two. However, each team has three figurines called “bowling pins”. They are placed on the gymnasium floor. The goal of prisonball is to knock down the other team’s figurines and get the other team out. So each team is guarding their figurines while still playing dodgeball. Another twist comes when you are hit with a ball. Instead of simply being out, you are in Prison. Prison is an area in enemy territory separate from your team.

There are two ways out of prison. One is statistically unlikely. On each side of the gymnasium, located high up on the wall is a hoop with a net hanging from it. If the opposing team manages to to throw a ball through that hoop from their side of the gymnasium, everyone on their team in prison gets to rejoin the game.

The other way out is if a teammate throws a ball from their side of the gym, over the enemy territory and the enemies heads and the comrade in prison catches the ball, then the prisoner is set free.
This method requires a few things. First it requires the prisoner to have a friend on their team willing to throw them a ball. Second, it requires the non-prisoner teammate to be able to throw a ball that great distance accurately. Third, it requires the prisoner to be able to catch the ball. Fourth, it also requires the non-prisoner to also get hit in the process of doing all this, and if the prisoner and would-be rescuer don’t have any other friends-they are simply out of luck. In other words: the human must be popular and athletically inclined or just very very lucky. This is where the social humiliation comes in. However, many of our reports have shown that this game is prefered to dodgeball because once the human is “in prison” they simply have to pretend that they are trying to get people to get them out but then can just fritter away the rest of the game not participating. These are the humans we want to recruit for strategic planning.

The game ends when all the figurines are knocked down-either by the opposing team throwing balls at them or by the guarding team’s clumsiness.

Linetag:
Linetag is the least strenuous “game” the humans play in Physical Education. In all honesty, it looks rather fun. The human game of “Tag” is usually characterized by chaotic running around and avoidance of the human that is “it”. If “it” touches another human, that human is now “it” and must “tag” another human. There are many variations of this game that we will detail below since they are the least barbaric of the human “games” and might be useful in certain training exercises.

Linetag is one of those variations. Linetag requires a floor with different sets of intersecting lines. For some reason, humans decorate their gymnasium floors with a design of lines. Further research is required to discover if these are sacred markings, if they have special meanings, or if they are just for aesthetics. Two to four humans are chosen to be “it”. They remain “it” for the remainder of the game. Their goal is to tag every one of the non “it” students. When the student is tagged, they must sit down right where they are-no matter what.

The trick to the this game, however, is that the humans are only allowed to walk on the lines. They cannot deviate from a set of prescribed routes. They cannot hop lines. They must find intersections to avoid “it”. When a player is tagged and they sit down, they become a “roadblock”. The fleeing humans cannot pass them-but the “it” humans can. The game continues until all students are sitting.

Other Tag Variations:
Freeze tag: chaotic running pattern, but when “tagged” the player freezes though touched by a Nxiebxwoie. Game continues until every player is frozen. Players can unfreeze friends by crawling through their legs. (We do not understand why this would work to unfreeze someone but we have discovered that humans have very vivid imaginations when it comes to recreational activities)

Amoeba tag: also known as “sticky tag” or “worm tag” one player is “it” until they tag another player and then they are “stuck” together and must hold hands while chasing the other humans. With each tag, the “it” group gets larger and larger continuing to hold hands, link elbows, etc. Great fun to watch.

Circle tag: humans pair up and link elbows in a circle. “It” and a “runner” will begin a pursuit. The “runner” can link elbows (the bendy bits of their upper limbs) with anyone of the pairs and the partner that didn’t get linked must then run away. If they are tagged they are now “it” and the former “it” is now the “runner” and must find a pair to break up.


For the athletically disinclined human, you could understand why these activities would be traumatizing. Oftentimes these games were treated as though they were the equivalent to our Yeqipguited Games by the more athletically inclined. The less talented humans may have been mocked. If the human you are working with seems less inclined to participate in a game of Bejbpoi, you now understand why.

Damian Wayne and his Soulmate AU

•In this world you could feel your soulmate’s pain.

•On the outside this seemed like a very cute and romantic thing, wondering if your soulmate is ok.

•But your soulmate must’ve been some kind of punk or something because it seemed like EVERY NIGHT you felt multiple jabs of pain on your body.

•At first it was a horrible experience, you would start the day with fresh bruises, but as you lived on you got accustomed and slightly annoyed to the pain.

•Did your soulmate not care about you???

•It wasn’t until you accidentally slammed your head against a cupboard that you realized that very night there was no bruises on you.

•It was a weird occurrence, I guess got Soulmate took the day off.

•But here’s what really happened.

•Damian felt a agonizing throb on his forehead and with further inspection he saw a purple bruise there.

•He stared at the mirror for a bit, pondering where he got it from.

•He doesn’t remember getting hit in the head?

•Dick approached Damian who was focused on the mirror.

•"What’s so interesting Damian?“ Dick questioned.

•Damian turned around, “I have this bruise on my forehead, but I didn’t go on patrol last night.”

•Dick gasped as he ran up to examine Damian’s forehead.

•"You mean you didn’t fight at all!?“

•"No.”

•"Not even train?“

•"No?”

•Dick’s face erupted into a grin, but then a worried expression.

•"What Grayson? This is clearly just a bruise, I don’t know where I got it.“

•"Your Soulmate.” Dick said.

•"What?“ Damian asked bewildered.

•"Your Soulmate gave you that and your soulmate has been receiving all of your pains too.”

•This worried Damian a lot.

•All those fights can really hurt someone and you’ve been feeling it the whole time???

•"How can I find them!?“ Damian asked panically.

•Dick only shrugged,"Sorry Damian, this kind of thing only happens naturally.”

•This annoyed Damian a lot.

•He needed to find you and it seemed impossible.

•But for now he needed to keep his pain little to none for you.

•A week later you were walking back to your house in a daze.

•You’ve been getting less bruises lately and it’s honestly a bit creepy.

•Did your soulmate stop his daily fights and only fought once a week?

•Not that you were complaining.

•Walking down an alley way you failed to realize the figure looming in the shadows.

•It grabbed your bag back and tried to pull you into the shadows.

•You let out a yelp of surprise, but with quick think let go of your bag and distanced yourself from the criminal.

•"STAY BACK!“ You yelled picking up an old metal bar.

•Gotham didn’t teach you to run away from a fight.

•The criminal lunged himself towards you and you swung the bar as hard as you can.

•With a swift blow to the shoulder he criminal fell to the ground.

•You triumph-fully stood over the guy with a grin.

•Before you grabbed your back you felt a pair of boots knock you to the floor.

•Your back stung and you swung the bar to the perpetrator hitting him in the gut.

•The person doubled over in pain.

•And oddly so did you.

•It was like you hit yourself with the bar.

•The old alley light lamp light up to reveal Robin clutching his stomach in pain.

•"Why did you kick me?” You grumbled out.

•"I though you were the criminal…“ Damian wheezed.

•"Did I hit you?” You asked, suddenly curious of his pain.

•"Yes, in the stomach and back.“

•"I didn’t hit you on the back.”

•"… but I kicked you on the back, didn’t I?“

•You two looked at each other amazed.

•"Your my soulmate.” You said breathlessly.

•Damian stared at your with a face full of curiosity and joy.

•The pain you both had seemed to disappear.

•"It appears I am.“

•Damian held out a hand for you and you took it, standing up.

•"uhm… sorry for all the bruises.” He said sheepishly.

•"Aha, it’s fine I guess? I mean you are saving Gotham so it’s worth it.“

•Damian was going to say something but a buzz in his pocket only made him sigh.

•"I must take my leave, but I’ll make sure to find you tomorrow morning.”

•"With or without your Robin uniform?“ You teased.

•Damian grinned, "Guess you’ll have to wait on that.”

•He gently touched your cheek and pulled you in for a soft kiss before taking his leave.

victorian-enjolras  asked:

yo please teach me about oscar wilde i really wanna get into him but i dont know where to start

oh boy have you come to the right place!!!! let me tell you about this man!!! 

this is probably my favourite picture of him because of his expression… i mean how is that not universally relatable…

Crash Course Biography:

  • Oscar marries his wife Constance in 1884, had 2 kids & decided he didn’t actually like her all that much & i’m like 70% sure they never had sex after kid #2
  • 1886 Robbie Ross (light of my life) turns up & is unabashedly homosexual - most people attribute Robbie as the one to bring Oscar to the Side of Gay.
  • Oscar struts about town, living a life that Henry Wotton would wholeheartedly advocate. He assumes the role of a ‘dandy’ - think flamboyance from every angle & add some frills. This was cool for him as it wasn’t seen as synonymous with being gay, just being a dramatist. 
  • 1891 is when Lord “Bosie” Douglas turns up & introduces Oscar to more gay stuff & more illegal stuff like weed & brothels & prostitution 
  • 1894 is when Bosie’s dad finds out about their relationship, flips out & takes Oscar to court for being illegally gay in 1895 :(
  • 1895 Oscar counters the charge by saying the case was unfounded (it totally wasn’t, he really did have a lot of sex) & whilst his epigrams / wit won him initial support, it all went downhill quite quickly. there’s another 2 trials for Oscar whilst all his friends pack up & get out of England (Robbie breaks into Oscar’s house upon request & packs up some of Oscar’s stuff, then legs it out to Paris) 
  • I think that the judge doesn’t even let Oscar have any last words in court i mean is that not the most heartbreaking, soul crushing thing you can do to this man 
  • Oscar does his sentence of 2 years hard labor in prison & gets hit in the head / ear - this injury & botched treatment is to be the cause of his death
  • He goes to Paris under exile & as far as I can gather lives with Robbie’s help but spent a lot of the time rejecting his help too. Also Oscar tries to live with Bosie again but both of their families are having exactly none of that behavior.
  • Oscar dies in Paris at the age of 46

Works:
Importance of Being Ernest is the 1st work of Oscar’s I read & I have never looked back. it’s short & sweet & hysterically funny, the humour is in no way dated & I love it
Picture of Dorian Gray please read this book as I have read it more than 7 times now & I need someone to rhapsodise about this with. It’s honestly a brilliant book with a totally cool plot & 3 fascinating characters (3 guesses who my fave is…it’s basil… it’s always basil)
The Ballad of Reading Gaol is the last work Oscar created before his death, & it’s about the harsh reality of prison & honestly I cry just because of the context
The Happy Prince & Other Tales so, my parents used to read these to me as a kid & like…is it really any wonder i love Oscar Wilde so much…I really honestly adore these stories!! 

Films:
Wilde (1997) Stephen Fry has been my standard image for Henry Wotton but he does make a damn good Oscar & also Michael Sheen as Robbie Ross is everything
Dorian Gray (2009) now…i have to admit i haven’t watched this but with all things considered i think i’m slightly justified in that due to the blatant disregard of Dorian’s descriptions in the book

Articles / other things to check out!!
queerhistoryproject has 2 great articles on Oscar here & here!! 
An article on Dorian Gray which is great 
This article explains a bit about where Oscar was coming from in the whole ‘aestheticism’ movement!!
And if you’re really keen (like me) there’s this one on Ernest 

I’ll cut my info dump off here - it seems like an ok place to stop! I’ll probably make more posts about Oscar-related things & any lit revision that I think might be useful to put up on this blog? I hope you enjoy the crash-course in Oscar Wilde & that this is all somewhat useful!! :]

unrivalled-in-sarcasm  asked:

Is there any relatively safe way to knock someone out with no resources but your hands? My character needs to knock this person out so they don't run off, but he has nothing on him to do so. It's necessary to the story that he be knocked out. Thank you!

No.

We’ve gone over this, many times, before. There is no safe way to knock someone unconscious. By definition, you’re specifically attempting to damage their brain, with the goal of getting it to take a little vacation.

More than that, there aren’t even many reliable means to knock someone out. Blows to the head can, theoretically, work, but they can also, just as easily, piss off the person you’re attacking, without much ill effect.

Tranquilizers take ages to kick in, and are very difficult to dose. Too much, and you’ve got a corpse. Not enough, and you’ve got someone who’s groggy, but still ambulatory.

Choking is, in theory, the safest, but the fine line between unconscious and dead is still something you can’t spot intentionally. Choking is something that can be practiced in a safe environment, but using it in the field is incredibly finicky.

And, it gets better.

Strip away all the terminology and a concussion is just bruising on the brain itself. You get hit, your head gets jostled around, and your brain bounces off the inside of your skull. You may have been using that organ for something, and might understand why you don’t particularly want it getting directly injured. Either way, this will, absolutely, interfere with your ability to think, remember unimportant information like your name, or count the number of fingers some well meaning smartass is holding up. Still, probably won’t knock you out, though.

When you’re talking about knocking someone out, you’re really asking, “how can I directly assault their brain, without having to develop psychic powers?” Yeah, that’s never going to be safe. It turns out, getting the human brain to stop working, temporarily, is a lot like trying to get it to just flat out stop working in general, and it’s a crap shoot, which you’ll get.

Concussions are cumulative. This should be fairly obvious, when you actually think about it. If your brain has been pre-tenderized, it’s going to be more susceptible to future concussions, and the ones you receive will be more severe. This means someone who’s had a few before will be knocked unconscious or killed far more easily than someone with a relatively healthy brain. Even then, it’s not like there’s a stable baseline of, “you can hit your head this hard before it kills you.”

Knocking someone unconscious for more than a few seconds is very bad news. If you’re knocking someone out for more than a minute, there’s going to be irreparable brain damage. (The specific threshold is usually around 30 seconds, but for each unique brain, there’s equally unique catastrophic brain damage.) So, you’ve, “safely,” reduced someone to a vegetable. More than a few minutes and you’ve (probably), “safely,” killed them.

So, what do you actually do when you need to be somewhere else and someone is intent on getting you to stick around? Knock them off balance and run. Sucker punches to the stomach are a good option. If unexpected, they’ll usually wind the victim, and give you a good head start. Knees to the gut are another classic. One common variation is to knee the gut, and when they double over, knee them again in the face. Slamming a door in the face, or knocking them to the ground are also excellent options. Really, there are a lot of options. The goal is to simply create an opening and escape. You don’t need to knock someone unconscious to do that. You really don’t want to knock someone unconscious to do that.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. If you enjoy our content, please consider becoming a Patron. Every contribution helps keep us online, and writing. If you already are a Patron, thank you.

The Ultra-Scientific Study of Winchester Wall Slams (& More) – Seasons 1 – 12

aka - A Comparison of (Randomly Chosen) Violence Against Dean and Sam

aka THE MOST IMPORTANT BAR CHARTS I HAVE EVER CREATED

Once upon a time, I just wanted to get a firm count of how many times Dean got slammed into a wall (or  the ground, or other things). @obsessionisaperfume suggested I also track Sam getting choked or getting hit on the head – which was a good suggestion, since those are things that Sam is known for. I eventually decided to track everything for both brothers, and that’s when things got… interesting.

The charts below are the culmination of months of work (which was me watching the show and making ticky marks in a notebook, which I then entered into a spreadsheet). I am attempting to keep my commentary to a minimum, instead allowing all of you draw your own conclusions from the results. (However, there are a few places where I can’t help making a comment because I’m chatty.)

There are several different ways I can present this data, so there is a slight chance that this may be part 1 of 2. 

I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy Dean getting slammed into walls.


We begin with the Wall Slam, which, as many of you know, is my favorite of all types of randomly chosen violence. 

Wall Slam Criteria: A brother must be thrown or pushed into a wall by an outside force (such as a physical shove, telekinesis, etc). For this purpose, a ‘wall’ is defined as a wall or something relatively flat that is resting directly against a wall (such as a mirror or a bookshelf). A bookshelf that is in the middle of the room is not considered a wall, though - those are classified separately, as ‘other.’ Closed doors also count as walls, regardless of whether or not a brother is thrown through the door. (Glass is certainly a popular material for doors. Rich people, man.)

For most of the series, Dean was the reigning Wall Slam champion, clocking 11 straight seasons of winning the non-existent Wall Slam competition. In season 12, however, Dark Horse Dabb certainly made a statement in his first season as show runner: Sam, for the first time in series history, was thrown into more walls than Dean. 

* The reason for the 0.5 slam for Dean is due to a half-wall/half-ground slam that occurred in episode 12x10.


When a wall is not available, the ground will suffice.

Ground Slam Criteria: A brother must be thrown or pushed into the ground by an outside force (such as a physical shove, telekinesis, etc). ‘Ground’ is defined as the ground or a floor.

Despite Sam taking the Wall Slam crown from Dean in season 12, Dean continued his winning record when it comes to the ground. Dean has been slammed into the ground more than Sam, winning 9 seasons to Sam’s 3. 


Other Slam Criteria: A brother must be thrown or pushed into anything other than a wall or the ground by an outside force (such as a physical shove, telekinesis, etc). This is including (but not limited to) fences, people, tables, and piles of trash.

Season 1 is the outlier, being the only season where Sam was thrown into things other than the wall or the ground more times than Dean; Dean has an 11-season streak going since season 2. If there’s a thing, Dean will likely be thrown into it. 


Choked Criteria - A brother must have something (usually hands, but may also be rope or cord) wrapped around their neck or they must have otherwise lost the ability to breathe. This includes when dick angels take away a brother’s lungs, or when a demon pretends they’re Darth Vader and force chokes a brother. 

I am now convinced that the reason Sam has such a reputation for being choked is largely due to the 1st season, where he was choked several times and Dean wasn’t choked at all. Dean has actually been choked more times than Sam throughout the series, winning 7 seasons to Sam’s 5. 


Hit on Head Criteria: A brother must have been hit on the head by an object other than a fist (because if I had tried to keep track of them getting punched in the head I would have run out of paper).

Hit on Head Criteria Exception: I counted a hit to the head by a fist when the fist hit resulted in unconsciousness.

This was especially interesting because there is an apparent pattern with the changes in show runners. Kripke was showrunner from seasons 1-5, where Sam was reigning champion of the head hit until they finally tied in season 5. Seasons 6-7 were run by Gamble, and Sam still reigned supreme. When Carver took over for seasons 8-11, and then Dabb in season 12, Dean was then consistently smacked on the head more than Sam. 


Now let’s add all Wall Slams, Ground Slams, (Other) Slams, Chokings, and Head Hits together. 

There is one firm conclusion I can draw from this: Sam was beaten up more in season 1, and then Dean became the favored punching bag for all show runners. 

I’d like to also present the exact same data with a different visualization:

What are your predictions for season 13?

Anvils, Nat 1's, and Existential Crises, Oh My!

Backstory: This exchange happened during our homebrew pathfinder campaign during which we had to defeat Baal and his mysterious henchman, who we later determined was my Elf Rogue from our previous campaign. Our party contained 6 characters in total: a Demon Fighter (played by the DM), an Earthbender (also the DM), a Catfolk Rogue (me), a Human Sorceress (me), a Beast Tamer (my friend) and a Gnome Shapeshifter with teleportation powers (same player as the beast tamer).

Shapeshifter (OOC): Can I turn into inanimate objects?
DM: Like what?
Shapeshifter (OOC): I wanna turn into an anvil and teleport over Edward’s (the Elf Rogue’s) head.
DM: Okayyy? Roll damage.
*Shapeshifter rolls damage*
DM: Anything else?
Shapeshifter (OOC): I wanna turn into a bush after I hit him.
DM: A bush?
Shapeshifter (OOC): Yeah.

DM: Well Edward’s not too pleased about getting hit in the head, so hes gonna swing his dual sabers at you. Since you’re a bush, you’ll probably die unless I roll a 1.
*Proceeds to roll a nat 1*
DM: Okay then
*Rolls to confirm, rolls a nat 1 again*
DM: Let’s consult the crit fail chart
(He made two charts where after a critical fail or a critical hit is confirmed, we roll percent dice to see exactly how badly we failed/ how precisely we hit)
*Rolls percent dice, gets in the low 90’s*

At this point we’re all dying laughing waiting for the DM to calculate damage.

DM, through his laughter: Ok, so Edward winds up his swing, swings both sabers at you, and hits a rock with both, deflecting the sabers and hitting himself in the neck for over 100 damage.

*Its now the Demon Warrior’s turn*

Demon Warrior (OOC): Ok so Edward’s probably still dazed right now, I’m just gonna stare deeply into his soul and try to break the spell.
(By then we had guessed that Baal put a spell on Edward so Edward would help him.)
*Succeeds*

Me (OOC): Wait so what happens now?

DM: Edward looks into Brimstone’s (the Demon Warrior’s) piercing red eyes and just falls to his knees and has an existential crisis in the middle of the battlefield, with both of his swords still stuck in his neck.

*We all just collectively die laughing*

YOI Characters as Things People at my Sleepaway Camp have Said
  • <p> <b>Yuuri:</b> You know, I was worried that you'd tell a counselor I smuggled pretzels from the other cabin and I'm eating them in a bathroom stall, but your kind eyes and can of Mtn. Dew give me a sense of security<p/><b>Viktor:</b> (whispers in my ear) You're my husband now<p/><b>Yuri:</b> I've learned a lot of Russian from CS:GO servers<p/><b>Otabek:</b> Can I trust you with a secret? [Me: yeah] I thought the moon was a planet until you told me it wasn't a few minutes ago<p/><b>Phichit:</b> I have three years of camp experience, two chinchillas, an eight-pack, and zero direction in life<p/><b>Chris:</b> So if you're new to making out, the trick is just to recite the alphabet and don't stop until you're done.<p/><b>JJ:</b> I'm everyone's favorite! *Gets hit in the head with an empty jug* [thrower: THAT WAS INTENTIONAL]<p/><b>Georgi:</b> WE ARE ALL HERE! HOO HA HOO HA HOO!<p/><b>Michele:</b> YOU ARE A FALSE PROPHET OF ITALY! BEGONE, THOTTICUS!<p/><b>Sara:</b> (trying to comfort a screaming child) Can you maybe chill for like three minutes like holy shit<p/><b>Emil:</b> Look, when you hugged her and said she's the best, I immediately thought you two were meant to be! How the hell was I supposed to know that you two were siblings?<p/><b>Mila:</b> (set up dinner, which was supposed to be potato salad, without any utensils) BOOM, PRANKED!<p/><b>Kenjirou:</b> I propose we blow up the sun, sir!<p/><b>Seung-Gil:</b> I love dogs and men. That's it if you're not a dog or a man please get out of my sight<p/><b>Guang-Hong:</b> Just because I'm only eleven doesn't mean I won't pay a counselor to murder you on your hiking trip<p/><b>Leo:</b> Can we sing something other than All-Star for the love of God? [Literally everyone on the bus: NO]<p/><b>Minako:</b> If you want to tell me something, make sure you can say it in front of a grandma*looks directly at their co-counselor*<p/><b>Takeshi:</b> My name is [redacted], I went on the hiking trip, and I'd like to thank [redacted] for making me gay<p/><b>Yakov:</b> Please refrain from screaming "THE BULGE" when the parents arrive, okay<p/><b>Lilia:</b> (when asked if a camper was sick) Shut up and keep hiking<p/><b>Isabella:</b> You never know how good you are at blindfolded waltzing until you try it!<p/></p>