• Gryffindor online description: brave, noble, chivalrous, a little arrogant and reckless at times, but an all around hero
  • Gryffindor actual description: "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?" *sees spider and screams*
  • Ravenclaw online description: witty, intelligent, tends to be eccentric, very smart and pretty nerdy,
  • Ravenclaw actual description: hasn't left the house in six days, is down to one square of toilet paper but doesn't notice because they're so deep into the Internet
  • Slytherin online description: cunning, clever, resourceful, can be ruthless and tends to be a villain on the worst days, but loyal to those they love
  • Slytherin actual description: gets hit in the head with a dodgeball in p.e. because they were busy thinking of ways to overthrow the government
  • Hufflepuff online description: kind, sweet, tends to be soft spoken, can be a pushover, loyal, hardworking, overly nice sometimes
  • Hufflepuff actual description: smiles a lot thinks about food 24/7 until someone disses their friend, then all hell breaks loose
Top American History Moments - I'm Not Done Yet Motherfuckers

- Thomas Jefferson having a mockingbird named Dick

- Andrew Jackson’s parrot being kicked out of his funeral because it wouldn’t stop saying ‘fuck’

- Andrew Jackson beating the shit out of his would-be assassin with a cane

- Andrew Jackson throwing a huge public party in the White House for his inauguration and having to sneak out because it got out of hand. He could only sneak back in when someone got the idea to move all the alcohol outside.

- John Laurens getting out of bed at Valley Forge and hitting his head on the ceiling

- Ben Franklin wanting the national bird to be the turkey

- Caleb Brewster’s reason for joining the continental army basically being that he just wanted to kick some ass and have some fun

- Caleb Brewster signing his name in big letters on spy reports for the Culper Ring

- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander Hamilton going on a fishing trip together, for Washington’s health

- gay brothels being called “Molly Houses”

- Benedict Arnold ploughing through 337 pages of William Blackstone’s “Commentaries” just to find the word militia for a secret code

- baby farmers (this is some crazy shit look it up)

- Thomas Jefferson having a ram that he called “An abominable animal”. It killed a young boy on the White House lawn.

- Aaron Burr having to ban snacks from the senate floor

- George Washington refusing to respond to a British letter because they didn’t address him correctly

- Aaron Burr being attacked by bedbugs and then proceeding to sleep on the floor for five hours

- Thomas Jefferson being a frat boy in college

- Alexander Hamilton being reported dead after going to burn barns and then showing up hours later soaking wet because he fell into a river

- Martha Washington outliving four children and two husbands and still saying that the worst day of her life was when Thomas Jefferson came to visit

I can’t get over the fact that after Saitama hits Genos’ head the light circuits on his body glow brighter slowly in the direction of his core as if he’s blushing in a weird cyborg way?? and just generally the overall cuteness of his dazed reaction is so fucking pure, I’ll never get over this scene smh its always been my favorite genos and saitama moment.

anonymous asked:

I can tell you've been through a bad breakup, what did your ex do for you to leave him? I've been following you for years and you're always so positive so I hate to see you down..

Our last encounter he locked me in a room for two hours and verbally abused me, damaged my shit, threw my phone and fucked it up so badly I had to get another one, at the same time he hit me and head butted me, and only left when I threatened to call my mum. I had a bruise on my head for over 10 days. He texted my mum abusive shit claiming I’m a hoe because I reblogged a guys picture on tumblr and even tried to turn my friends against me by telling them all the “bad things” about me. Which didn’t work - it just made him look foolish. I called a uber to take me to london to fix my phone and it happened to be a guy I went to school with. He stayed with me for 4hours and didn’t charge me. He brought me food, reassured my mum I was okay and even calmed down some of my male friends. An hour after my ex left, his mum then sent me abusive messages calling me “the angel of death” because I wouldn’t take her son back. The manipulative emotional shit he/ they did during the entire relationship only resonated recently. It was literally a nightmare disguised as love. If I ever see him with another woman I will warn her too and so will my friends regardless if they’re with me or not. I recently spoke to one of his old ex’s and she confirmed that that was the reason why she left too. So I’m glad I walked when I did. I felt stuck and knew shit would get worse. He apologised via email a few weeks later and then 2 weeks ago sent another email blaming me for everything lol. He’s still playing victim online too. It’s hilarious but scary at the same time. He was much older than me, so there’s really no excuse for his behaviour/ his reluctancy to change and seek help either.
I have 5 brothers and the only reason why I didn’t involve them, is because I know what they are capable of and they’re all in a good place now. Plus he really isn’t worth it. I informed the police and they have reassured me that if anything happens, they will take full force. My God brother is a police officer.

I’m good now though. Heartbreaks are hard, heartbreaks after dealing with narcissistic/ abusive people is even worse. I’m over it, and I’m in a really happy place. There are some amazing men out there 👀 and I’ll be damned if I let this fuckery prevent me from experiencing love in its truest form.

Emotional and physical abuse is very real and if you find yourself in that situation, put yourself first and run.

Lotor: Paladins Paladins Paladins

Lotor: I drew a picture of you. You see what’s happening to you in it. It’s you getting hit in the head with a space rock. 

Lotor: Look, that’s me, that one, that’s me. And I’m in the background laughing and pointing at you. We’re having a right good time, aren’t we?

Hunk, Pidge and Lance can’t believe this guy is for real, but Keith is the only one truly offended by that drawing. He’s ready to fight. 

Inspired by: - A very Potter Musical. 

On the subject of Glanni having a Youtube channel-

Imagine he kidnaps the kids and does a series of vlogs about it. It starts out as taunting Ithro, but halfway through the first one they manage to escape the cage or the ropes or whatever and start running around in the background knocking things over and yelling

It all quickly descends into chaos. Glanni chases them around the room for a while but gets tired and falls over. Halla shoots the camera with her slingshot and knocks it over and the rest of the video is blurry brightly-colored shapes harassing a pink-and-black blob on the floor.

Glanni uploads another video the next day but his hair is messy and his eyeliner is crooked. He tries again to threaten Ithro, but gets hit in the head by a spitball. He shoves them in the bathroom and barricades the door but they all start singing ‘Rikki Han ur Bestur’ really loudly and you can’t hear what he’s saying over that.

By the final video Glanni has stickers on his face, the room is a wreck and the camera lens is cracked. The first half of the video is just him sobbing with his head in his hands while the kids construct a chair fort in the background. Nenni is wearing Glanni’s hat and standing on top of the fort, Solla is sitting on his jacket and Maggi and Siggy are pulling it around like a sled, Goggi is doing something with the power outlets that is making the lights flicker on and off, and Halla pulls funny faces behind Glanni’s back.

Eventually Ithro breaks down the door and the kids cheer. Glanni immediately jumps into his arms and cries on his shoulder. Solla comandeers the camera and the rest of the video is just close-ups of peoples’ nostrils and blurry shots of Glanni clinging to Ithro and crying.

Later Glanni uploads another video from jail (nobody’s sure how) that’s called ‘So That Didn’t Go So Well’ that’s just him putting his chin in his hand and looking at the floor for five minutes. He still has a sticker in his hair. Half the comments are from the kids saying stuff like ‘thanks for the fun time glanni! hope we can play together again :)’ and the rest are from his fans and they’re all along the lines of ‘BUT DID YOU FUCK THE ELF YET’ ‘IS THE ELF GOOD IN BED’ etc. etc.

the most upvoted comment is from Ithro and it’s literally just this face: ;^{) 

Pitch handled the nude photo leak in the smartest way possible. They didn’t dwell on it. They didn’t make it something that Ginny should have been ashamed about.

Ginny wasn’t the least bit worked up about it or defeated. She wasn’t ashamed of her body, or made to feel stupid. She wasn’t afraid to face her teammates or scared to walk out on the mound.

In fact anytime someone could possibly come close to judging her for them, they were shut down. Whether it was a protective Blip, or a calculating Oscar. And none of her other teammates mentioned it or made it into a thing.

We didn’t get hit over the head with the media fallout. It resolved itself so quietly, and I rather appreciated that, because that’s how it should be.

They pointed out the double standard of it all and moved on.

It’s the way Pitch addresses all of these issues in a nuanced way that makes it a unique show that quietly breaks barriers without much fanfare.

—  TV Fanatic
The signs as things my friends as the signs have said pt. 2
  • Taurus: I have no clue who's socks these are but I'm wearing them. They were in my drawer! They have the name Michael written on them! I don't know a Michael!
  • Gemini: Apparently, they thought I was super calm... When in reality was losing it on the outside, about to go off on the customer.
  • Cancer: Sorry, I was napping.
  • Leo: I'm running off of three hours of sleep and I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours. What's new with you?
  • Virgo: *Sings off key then proceeds to laugh so hard we almost wreck*
  • Libra: I will fucking cockslap her if she tries me.
  • Scorpio: I decided to get back at her. I hit her in the head with a wiffle ball twice... and I did some other stuff...
  • Sagittarius: Why am I the goblin woman? I don't wanna be the goblin woman!
  • Capricorn: So, I saw his car was there and I shit on his windshield. So yeah, that happened...
  • Aquarius: Yes daddy I do!
  • Pisces: I ended up spending $250 on lush products... I do NOT! have an addiction!

I’ll never get over how 9-foot-tall, made-of-muscle-and-hit-points, makes-heads-explode-with-minimal-effort Grog Strongjaw looked at Pike and Scanlan, three foot tall “little bits” (in his own words) and decided they were the greatest things ever.

Like. It honestly wouldn’t be at all surprising to me if Grog had looked down on the gnomes a little (no pun intended), especially Scanlan. They’re tiny. He could have easily looked at this little punk a third his size who tries to avoid using weapons whenever possible and whose primary means of fighting is singing and just dismissed him. Or he could have looked at Pike, who he loves with all his heart as a member of his family, and nevertheless thought her mace and armor were more “cute” than “deadly”.

But he didn’t. Grog treats the gnomes like they’re every bit as awesome and badass as he himself is. He regularly invites Pike to help him out with feats of strength–even when she isn’t sure she actually could, he insists that he wants her to. He gets so excited when she gets those ogre gauntlets and is even stronger. He is thoroughly convinced Pike is the biggest badass in Vox Machina (aside from himself). Scanlan is his go-to whenever he needs someone to partner up with and Pike isn’t there. He picked him, out of all of Vox Machina, to fight Earthbreaker Gruun with (alongside Vax). Grog, who is easily wooed by shows of strength (hi, Kima), looked at the gnome bard and went “yes, i want that one”.

Grog loves the gnomes so much, you guys.

listen why are people saying the enchanted book was a plot hole and like “why didn’t belle use it to get to her father faster” since i thought the implication was that yes, the beast could use to travel anywhere he wanted to but the catch was that wherever he traveled to was devoid of life 

that’s why he offered to take belle to see the sights of paris. no one would see them because there was no one around to see them. the world the book offers is just a mere shell, superficial and still another form of isolation. that’s why the book still serves as a punishment - no matter where the beast goes, he’s still alone 

anonymous asked:

Hi, idk if you're an angst crusher or not but I AM. Saw this somewhere but the prompt was just 10 lines. Neil rotating the car so that he gets the crash side instead of Andrew's driving one to protect his home.(hint: fluffy ending please) ❤❤

Also answering: Please give me some angst of Andrew and Neil fighting and Neil saying something really cruel and feeling guilty knowing that Andrew will remember that forever

Headlights careened across Neil’s vision as the car in the opposite lane swerved to avoid a deer. In a split second Neil realized three things.
1. The truck was going to hit them head on.
2. They could not get out of their lane, because of a steep drop off on Neil’s side.
3. Andrew’s side was going to take the brunt of the hit.

Neil couldn’t let that happen. Before Andrew could stop him Neil grabbed the wheel and shoved it towards Andrew’s door. This caused the car to tilt enough that the truck hit on the front passenger side.

The airbags exploded knocking Neil back and breaking his nose. Blood ran down his face, as the car slammed against the flimsy barrier skidding towards the edge. Which is when Neil lost consciousness.

He came to awareness slowly. The edges of his vision were still blurred and the light blinking next to him was making his eyes ache. He was hooked up to a heart monitor in a hospital bed.

This was sadly not a new experience for Neil, but not knowing what had landed him in the hospital was.

“Oh good. You’re alive.” As a hand touched his arm.

Neil turned towards the voice “‘Drew?”
Coming out a little slurred. “What happened?” Before shutting his eyes against the lights.

“I thought you had that martyr complex beaten out of you. I told you no one asked for it, especially me.” Andrew’s hand was now squeezing Neil’s arm so tightly the circulation was being cut off. Neil flinched opening his eyes to look at Andrew again. Andrew immediately dropped his hand and pushed the nurse call button on the side of the bed.

While Neil was being checked out, Andrew stepped back and leaned against the wall. None of the hospital staff acknowledged him even though it was well after visiting hours, and Andrew was technically not family.

Neil was pronounced to have a concussion, a broken nose, a small fracture on his left arm, a broken collarbone, and several deep muscle bruises. The doctor parted with the sentiment that he should be thankful both cars were driving slowly on the bend of the road, or it could have been much worse.

Neil had to remain on bed rest for 4 days, for the concussion, unless symptoms worsened, and take it very easy for the rest of the week. Neil would not be cleared for practice for another ten weeks. Six weeks for the fracture and the collarbone to heal and another four to build the muscle back up slowly.

Neil knew his coach would reinforce these rules. Neil had tried to play one time before recovering properly from a sprained ankle and his coach had benched him for two weeks.

The recovery time did not bother Neil nearly as much as Andrew’s expression throughout the examination. His eyes grew darker and darker as Neil’s injuries were being listed out.

After the doctors left Andrew still had not moved from his spot on the wall. He would not make eye contact with Neil even after he called his name. Andrew seemed frozen.

Neil could not figure out why this was affecting Andrew so badly. Neil had been injured before and normally Andrew just grew more possessive. Crowding into Neil’s space more than usual. Needing physical contact not just remaining in each other’s eye line.

To be honest Neil loved it. Neil had spent all off his life trying to avoid being the center of attention, because attention had only caused him pain. His father beating him when he spoke too loudly, his mother slamming him into walls for getting awards at school, and Riko slicing into him when he ran too fast.

But with Andrew attention meant only good things. It meant blow jobs, holding hands, forehead kisses, long naps, shirtless Andrew, and days where they never left the bed. Days Neil never felt the itch to run. Andrew kept him entertained through one means or another.

It hit Neil suddenly like a racquet to the stomach. Knocking his breath out and leaving devastation. “You are mad at me for protecting you.”

Andrew’s head snapped up, his eyes burning “I never asked you to protect me.”

Neil flinched at the noise level, but pushed through the pain. This point was worth the pain. Andrew was worth the pain. “You don’t have to ask. Being this means I get to protect you. That’s part of the point.”

Andrew’s glare intensified. “Junkie I have never needed protection, and I sure as shit don’t need it from someone who can’t even protect himself.”

Neil’s head was pounding and it just made his rage push to the surface before he could stop it. “Just because you’re too fucked up to believe you are worth protecting, doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

Andrew shoved himself off the wall and closed his hand around Neil’s throat for a split second before releasing him and slamming the door open against the wall. The influx of light and sound was too much for Neil. It caused his head to feel as if it were going to explode and Neil passed out once more.

When Neil came to, Andrew was siting beside the bed staring at him. His hands were folded beside Neil’s arm with his chin resting on top of them. Neil opened his mouth to say I’m sorry, but Andrew, sensing his intentions, covered Neil’s mouth.

“If I am worth protecting it’s because of you.” With one final warning squeeze for Neil not to say anything stupid Andrew removed his hand. Neil arched his neck and raised his head. making his desires know, and Andrew sighed before leaning down and kissing Neil on the mouth. The kiss was much too short, as far as Neil was concerned, so he continued leaning towards Andrew.

Andrew scoffed quietly before gently pushing Neil’s shoulders back down. “Go to sleep junkie. I will still be here when you are coherent.” Neil’s headache decided to reassert itself at that moment, so he laid back down without a fight.

“You were always worth protecting.” Before slipping back into the darkness.

“But you know as well as I, patriotism is a word; and one that generally comes to mean either my country, right or wrong, which is infamous, or my country is always right, which is imbecile.”

- Master and Commander by Patrick O’Brian

Relevant to the current state of the world.

An episode where one of the boys keeps seeing things and forgetting things completely and they think its a demon or something but its just because they have BRAIN DAMAGE FROM GETTING HIT ON THE HEAD SO MANY FUCKING TIMES

great comet characters as shit my classmates have said
  • pierre: "do you think it's legal to smuggle seven bottles of rum into school grounds?"
  • anatole: "i want seven boyfriends. but like, not in a "im a dick who cheats" kinda way. i want seven boyfriends in a "we all happily love each other" kinda way. shit, im gay"
  • dolokhov: "you fucking frozen pomegranate, you ruined my lab"
  • marya: *in broken german* "put your fucking cellphone away"
  • andrey: *after getting hit in the head with a basketball* "i keep screaming but god won't answer"
  • natasha: "how do you spell "cunt"? im trying to roast someone via letters"
  • sonya: *after watching someone get violently pushed down an entire flight of stairs* "i wonder who invented stairs"
  • mary: "my dad knows way more about whales than your dad does, so check your privileges sweetie"
  • hélène: *after tripping over three chairs* "i'm a graceful and talented queen and all you clumsy motherfuckers can fight me"

This “it’s a man’s game” nonsense being used again the concussion protocol is ridiculous. It’s not a “man’s” game. Stop that. You would think that people would be more concerned about the possibility of someone’s brain beating against their skull than this idiotically perceived weakness. You get hit in the head in a contact sport like hockey= chance of injury. Stop this gendered bullshit and show some concern for the players you supposedly respect.