So tomorrow is the last day to buy junior prom tickets… which means I need a date by 12:30 tomorrow. Today I did some brainstorming: a guy (socalledbeast, I think I’ve called him previously - we’ve been hanging out recently) is trying to set me up for prom with this REALLY hot guy (he’s nice too!) because neither of us has dates. But if he doesn’t ask me, I’m going to ask flirtyboy. And if he says no, I have a few other choices. But flirtyboy and I videochatted for hours after school today, and I’m starting to like him more (as a friend, mostly.. but he is really cute and REALLY talented!).
As I was settling in to watch tv, pleased with my plans for picking a date tomorrow, shyboy texted me (of course).
Him: Hey, can we talk?
Him: Lol if you don’t want to you don’t have to.
Me: No it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting this. I’ll try not to be bitchy tho!
Him: Ok. Well, I just wanted to clear things up. I admit it was a mistake what I did last week. But I really meant to give you the note so that you would read it.
Me: Read it? I wrote it…
Him: I know. You wrote it on Valentine’s Day. I just wanted to know what changed in those following two weeks that changed everything.
Me: Yeah. I think everything just kind of came apart around then, and I tend to pull away from those I care about when I feel like I need to concentrate on myself. Which isn’t ideal, but that’s how I am.
Him: Well I knew there were other reasons than the ones you gave me.
Me: How could you assume that? I’m not lying to you.
Him: I never said you were lying. I just know I could’ve done things better.
Me: Define “better.”
Him: Better meaning: Complimenting you when you change something like your hair. Giving you unexpected surprises like you did with me (in a good way). Talking more and not having awkward pauses or anything because I’m shy. There’s a lot I should’ve done better.
Me: Those things aren’t absolutely needed in a relationship. Maybe the shyness, but everything else was fine. It really wasn’t about you, and I know you don’t believe me but it doesn’t matter because I know my reasons.
Him: Alright. Well, I don’t know where to go from here then.
Me: Neither do I. Which is why I thought we ended this last time we talked. Idk.
Him: Well I think we’re done now.
Me: Fine. Can we be civil now? It wasn’t that bad on Friday.
Him: Well it’s a little easier for you than it is for me. The problem is whenever you’re not around I hang with all of your friends.
Me: I know that. But we all hung out on Friday and it wasn’t too bad.
Him: Ok. Well I just don’t think you get that I still have feelings for you, and that I’m trying to push away and hanging out with you does not help.
Me: I get it because I feel the same way, I’d just prefer if we were able to be normal. But whatever, if you want to move on it’s fine, we’ll move on.
Him: Lol I don’t want to move on. But when we hang out I remember the winter. And it’s just hard to concentrate on anything. Do you know what I’m saying?
Me: Yeah I understand. But I don’t think it would work to get back together right now. I kind of fucked that up enough and I’m sorry for that.
Him: Explain. Please.
Me: I caused enough drama/emotion/whatever and I’m done messing with your head. I’m just saying it could be good for both of us to move on instead of doing what you said you wanted and getting back together.
Him: We both made it more complicated than it ever had to be. I don’t know what happened. But I guess you’re right.
Me: Yeah. And it was because we hooked up, and clearly we both like each other, and a bunch of other things. But I think now we need to figure ourselves out and move on and figure out what we want out of a relationship instead of jumping right back into one that didn’t turn out so perfectly. Which is hard for me and I’m sure for you too, but I just can’t see us getting back together right now and pretending none of this took place. Because even though all the drama was unnecessary, it still happened.
Closure, anyone? I think this is the closest we’ve come to resolving our breakup since the actual breakup. I hope things go back to normal! (..Except I doubt they will).
Baffled and Blonde~