getting the sack

anonymous asked:

Dude the mom blackhat hc's are freaking awesome especially the PTA one, so I'm wondering what he would do if he was chaperoning a school field trip, like taking the kids to a zoo or a museum 😊

((So just for the record, I’m gonna try to go through my entire askbox now that finals are over, answering the pre-hiatus ones first. (Thank you for your patience.) on the other hand I’m gonna be stuck on mobile for about a week so please bear with me on any weird formatting or typos. It’s good to be back.))

  • “What do you mean you need another chaperone?!?” “Boss please Joey’s mom got sick at the last moment and there aren’t any other volunteers!” “FUCK that, I’m not spending my one chance to have the house to myself on a bus with disgusting children.”
  • “………Boss did I mention that we’re going to a museum
  • “FLUG GET MY RANSACKING-SACK, WE’RE GOING LOOTING.”
  • congrats flug. on one hand, now the entire class gets to go to the museum. on the other hand, BH is going to pull a heist
  • BH shows up in his civilian dad disguise and forces himself through gross pleasantries with the other parents
  • “Why yes, Karen, this is a new hat. Thank you for noticing. No Louise, I’ll be happy to take your shift during lunch. It’s not a problem.” (really, it isnt. he has clones ready for this shit)
  • “…..helen.” “Mr. Trueba. How, lovely, to see you.” “Really, the honor is mine. It must have taken quite the necromancer to get you out of the crypt this morning.”
  • It’s honestly impressive how BH manages to not kill anyone on the bus ride there. especially when Dementia started singing “The Wheels On the Bus”
  • They get to the museum in one piece somehow and BH promptly tries to fuck off to do reconnaissance but. Nope. Apparently he has a group of children to lead. Fuck.
  • “Alright kids on your left you can see whatever the fuck this piece of shit is supposed to be. And on your left there’s a statue; that’s pretty cool I guess.”
  • “People actually PAY for this shit?? –Flug I have an idea holy fuck” “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna say ev–” “EVIL PAINTINGS!!” “…”
  • Dementia is literally wearing a child leash so that she doesn’t go run around breaking the expensive things in this museum. 5.0.5 is the one holding the leash. He’s a registered “therapy dog.” Dementia is holding 5.0.5’s leash. Symbiosis at its finest.
  • BH sneaks away during lunch, when he promptly makes use of all the intel he’s gained on the museum’s security systems, and casually steals half the art gallery.
  • He stores all the stolen art in his pocket’s pocket dimension. Gotta love using the void as a purse.
  • so the museum trip goes pretty well, all things considered. It’s the Zoo Incident that’s a disaster.
  • It starts off fine enough; 5.0.5 has a lovely time at the butterfly garden and Demencia has looted the gift shop.
  • BH spends a very long time staring at the squid and octopus exhibits with an odd expression on his face
  • But everything goes to shit once they get to the tiger exhibit. BH has been so well-behaved, he can’t just leave without having caused some mayhem. He has a reputation to uphold.
  • The victim he chooses is some student who has been tapping on the glass of the various enclosures since the start of the trip. BH can appreciate a good rule-breaker, but not a fucking annoying one. And little Sammy or whoever the fuck is taking the cake.
  • So, he does what any respectable person would do. One minute the kid’s yelling for the tiger to “stop being boring and come out of it’s den already”, the next moment he realizes he’s in the exhibit
  • BH (and the other students) laugh and watch him run around in circles from an excited-looking tiger. The security team get there before anything can happen, unfortunately. BH and the children collectively groan.
  • He gets yelled at later by Helen for “letting a kid get stuck in the tiger cage” but counters that with his own yell about how “a piece of shit brat like that deserved a smaller cage with more tigers.”
  • Needless to say, he’s banned from chaperoning. That’s fine. (It was his plan all along). Still, might as well pull one final trick for his last hurrah.
  • As the students make their way back to the busses, BH casually snaps his fingers. On cue, every single lock on the animal enclosures open at once.
  • “What was that?” “Oh, nothing. Probably. Let’s just get onto the bus. Now.”
Thief // Park Jimin

- Part One: Doubt

summary: in which prince jimin doesn’t know that his future wife is not only trying to steal from him, but is also trying to kill him.

words: 3,284

category: prince!jimin au, fantasy au

author note: (this is long bc i added the first and second chapters together) I’ll try to update weekly if you guys want more. Tell me how you like it, theories about the characters, constructive criticism: anything! i really like this story but i’m nervous about posting it. I hope you guys like it!

- destinee

Originally posted by kookielife

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2

support your locally grown, ethically sourced villains – always check for the arkham seal of approval before opening any tragic backstory. 

CONFESSION:  

You know what I want to see? Templars actually being Templars. I want to see their allegedly amazing abilities because, frankly, I haven’t been impressed by the past three games. They get thrown around like a sack of dirt by mages over here and mages over there from Origins to Inquisition. I understand that magic is powerful and the game tries as hard as possible to show that, but for Templars being one of the most powerful organizations in Thedas, they don’t seem that powerful.

8

Behind the Scenes of The Poison Sky / The Sontaran Stratagem (Part Five)

Excerpts from the DVD Commentary with David Tennant, Russell T. Davies, and producer Susie Liggat:

RTD: Do you know, I’ve always wanted to ask you, David.  When you get a script what do you do?  From scratch
DT: I read it.
RTD: Yeah, but…
DT: I just read it to read it the first time.  And then I’ll read it and I’ll usually mark it up, which is literally just underlining my bits
RTD: Yep yep yep
DT: Which is the first stage of learning it, I suppose, and then you just read it again and you go over certain scenes.  Depending upon how much time you’ve got, whether it’s a script that you’ve had a few weeks in advance or whether it’s one of the ones that creep in at the last minute
RTD:  [laughs] Like they do
DT: …for whatever reason.  Sometimes you have to sort of just buckle down and start learning specific scenes if a schedule is in front of you…
RTD: Do you have to learn it according to the schedule
DT: Yeah, you do.
RTD: Sort of going, “Right, all of the UNIT scenes are first so I’ll learn those first”
DT: Yeah, yeah
RTD: That’s hard, isn’t it?
DT: Well, it’s easier than just learning it chronologically, because you’re just kind of keeping up with the schedule as it comes
RTD: Because it always strikes me, and actually everyone always says this, that you come to read-throughs incredibly prepared.  Do you, or are you winging it?
DT: Weeellll, it’s somewhere between the two, I think.  I think probably as the years have gone on, I enjoy winging it a bit more
RTD: Right
DT: Because I think it can be a bit more… sometimes you can over-prepare things, I think.
RTD: Yep
DT: and I think when we started I think I probably, sort of, would come to the read-through having practiced
[ RTD & SL laugh ]
DT: having made some decisions.  As time goes on it’s better sometimes to… especially when you’re meeting actors for the first time and responding to what they do for the first time, if you’re less… Because the first read-through, you’re sitting there thinking… and everyone… all the BBC bods come up from London… and we did three scripts!  We did The Christmas Invasion, New Earth, and School Reunion in one day and I’d never read The Doctor out loud before
SL: [ gasps ] How frightening!
DT: …and there’s all these people, all these bods coming up from London to kind of… and you’re just sitting there thinking, “I’m going to get sacked!”
RTD: [ big laugh ]
DT: That’s all you’re thinking.  So you’re very precious about it, and I think as time goes on you begin to feel slightly more confident of your position, and you think, well, it’s more interesting, actually, to maybe be a bit looser with it.  A bit freer with it.
RTD: And when do you learn the lines?  Is it late at night?  Is it first thing?  
DT: Just as you go.  Weekends a lot… you know.
SL: Because you are extraordinary.  I can say, I’ve worked with you now virtually solidly for four years - on Casanova and then on to this…
DT: Yeah, yeah. That’s true, that’s true
SL: …so I have seen HOURS of television with you
[ DT & RTD laugh at how she dragged out the word “hours” ]
DT: Hours of it!  
RTD: Sound a bit happier about that!
SL: Hours of Russell’s great writing!
[ waiting for the laughing to die down ]
SL: No! What I’m going to say is, I think in all that time, in all those days and all those lines, I think you’ve probably fluffed twice. You know, it’s extraordinary, you are extraordinary.  
RTD: That’s cursed it!
DT: Yeah!
SL:  No! You really are - at learning your lines
RTD: You are, that’s true
DT: It’s the homework, isn’t it?  You’ve got to do the homework.
SL: Well, you say that but you know some people don’t.  It’s brilliant - you are a great leader by example.
DT: I think you’ve got to. I think we’re in such a privileged position, and I don’t want cameramen standing around waiting for me to remember my lines, you know?
RTD: But also it is a skill of yours, actually.  Actors who have learned their lines, who’ve done all the work, can fluff on the spot
DT: Sure, and sometimes we all do, yeah
RTD: Yeah, but you do it less than most.  Now we’ve cursed it - it will all just go to pot!
DT: Yeah!  Tomorrow’s going to be a really long day!
RTD: Never speak about it out loud. 

A big “thank you!!” to everyone who shares set photos

Additional parts of this photoset: [ one ] [ two ] [ three ] [ four ]
The rest of the behind-the-scenes photosets are available [ here ]

Jaime Lannister Is Not About Redemption

Probably ever since ASOS came out, fans have been discussing Jaime Lannister and his “redemption arc.” Arguments have been made over whether he deserves to be redeemed or whether he can be redeemed at all. Other smarter people then me have made the compelling argument that Jaime’s arc is about the limits of redemption, and I think there’s a lot of merit to that.

 I would argue, however, that Jaime’s character arc isn’t really about redemption at all. It’s about Self Actualization and the power of the individual choice. 

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Definitely

Summary: The Company thinks you’re a man so when they find out that you’re not, one dwarf isn’t too pleased.

Warnings: Swearing. Multiple short time skips so it might be a jumbled mess, there is a part where some might get offended: please don’t. I didn’t mean it like that.

Pairing: Dwalin x Reader

Word Count: 2,844

A/N: Holy shit this was longer than I expected. I didn’t expect it to be this long, but as I kept writing, I had a hard time finding a way to end it so this happened. This is probably the longest one shot I’ve ever written. @fandomnationwhore I do hope that this is what you wanted. IF it’s not, let me know and I’ll write another one. Its so bad lmfao

Also, I don’t know if you guys realize this but my requests are always open lmfao

MASTER LIST

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9

SamCait | Humor

“Sam and I have a very similar sense of  h u m o r  which is probably akin to five year old’s.”

“We laugh at nothing. Nothing amuses us. We’re like the Seinfeld episode. We don’t need anything actual to happen; we just  a m u s e  ourselves anyway.”

“Caitriona just every time was just corpsing and  l a u g h i n g  the whole time… And she doesn’t help me at all. She just stands there openly laughing in my face and it’s difficult to work with her, so I’m gonna get her sacked.”

“I think everyone knows she’s got a terrific sense of humor. She’s a terrible giggler, she corpses all the time and it’s got to the point now that if I want to get out of a scene or just, you know, make it stop I can just give her a little look and she’s gone. She’s  g r e a  t   f u n  to work with. I’m so lucky.”

our last goodbye

yeah i am Very emotional about the thought of robert thinking this is his last night with aaron, join me (if you dare and ooo bring tissues!)




It’s late, there’s boxes everywhere and Robert watches Aaron as he brushes his teeth in the bathroom, toothbrushes are basically the only thing they haven’t boxed away yet. It’s nothing really, in the grand schemes of Amazing Things Aaron Has Done but just the way he delicately strokes his hands across this stupid cape Robert used to parade around in is just … enough. Robert’s heart practically leaps out of his chest and won’t stop aching as he feels the foam of toothpaste become too acidic for his mouth to bare. So he spits out, takes his eyes off away from Aaron just for a second and he chastises himself for doing so. 


Not long now you idiot, don’t turn away from him.


He knows he can’t, he knows he has to hold onto every second of this, every single second because, it’s not like he’s getting to have another with Aaron is it? 


Aaron finally looks up and Robert feels something settle in his chest, it’s maddening, how dizzy just one look from Aaron makes him. 


“Ya want to go bed now?” Aaron says, itches the side of his face and then looks at Robert standing awkwardly in the doorway. “Ya alright, ya seem a bit … off.” He can’t place it, hasn’t been able to since Robert suggested they sacked getting hammered in their new home for a chat


Robert knew he wasn’t good at feelings and talking, didn’t understand the urgency, didn’t want to more importantly.


Robert nods his head, pulls a face which is meant to tell Aaron he’s tired and just that. Aaron stands, pats at his jeans and then rubs a hand down his thigh, flickers of dust circle the air and then he smiles. “Well good looking at all that of yours.” He says, head towards the boxes Diane showed him. “Didn’t realise you had always been a geek.“ 


Robert tries to laugh, so desperately but he just can’t do it right. It comes out forced, like the laugh he gives to the snobby client who he just wants a deal from. It’s hollow, filled with nothing and he hates how Aaron seems to notice just a little, the flicker in his eyes gives the game away. Why is it so easy for Aaron to buckle, to let his feeling show? Sometimes Robert wants to hate him for it, wants to really hate him but of course he fails at that too. He can’t blame Aaron for his own ability to lie and lie and lie and become numb to his own actions, and their consequences. 


"Right well uh, mind the boxes yeah?” Aaron says as he passes, hands firmly gripping Robert’s upper arms and squeezing as if he’s trying to find balance in Robert as he goes by him. How ironic, Robert thinks, considering he’s about to throw everything Aaron knows completely off balance, he’s going to ruin it all.


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