getting the police and people's emotions involved

Would the signs be up for murder?

Aries: They would probably murder the whole world if given the chance, so yes
Taurus: Rough sex, yes, but not murder
Gemini: Yea, they’ll do it like how they do sex: Quick and no mention of it after it happens
Cancer: They would give you a 3 hour speech telling you why NOT to murder someone
Leo: Doesn’t want to get all bloody so no
Virgo: Only if it were for a VERY good reason
Libra: They would stay behind with Leo
Scorpio: They have a lot of pent up anger and emotions, so they would more likely than not kill a person
Sagittarius: Nah, they’ll find some other way to fuck with you that doesn’t involve cleaning blood off of everything
Capricorn: Yea, but they would only murder a few certain people
Aquarius: They wouldn’t MURDER them, they would just invent an elaborate torture device and use it on the victim(s) for 12 hours
Pisces: They would call the damn police on you because MURDERING IS ILLEGAL GUYS

Jsyk i don’t condone murder just do some voodoo shit or something

anonymous asked:

How does one become a professional shitposter Spud?! I must know!!

HELLO AND WELCOME TO MY SHITPOSTING COOKING SHOW!

Today I’m going to teach you how to shitpost! Can anyone shitpost you ask? Well golly gee gosh you are right!
Anyone can, all it needs is a bit of these ingredients:

1 Turd of an idea (organic is preferred but knock off brands work in a pinch)
A mound of crap
¼ tbs bullshit (I use kosher)
2 cups of mischief
And one special ingredient I’ll tell you at the end.

You start with a small turd of an idea, something silly that makes you smile. Then you pile on a little more crap atop of it, and sprinkle that with a little bullshit. Now you need to let it sit for a few minutes, really stew so the more pungent ideas start floating up the surface.

Now once the ideas have started bubbling, really sprung to life and started to get a mind of their own you apply the mischief.

Make sure you have a group or person in mind for this part or it won’t quite work. Sure you can try and apply a joke to everyone and everything, but then your shitpost’s chemistry will be off and it’ll just fall flat after baking. I usually direct mine towards a group I know, whether that be the retail working class, or my easy torment friend @shinyzango!

Remember to mix the mischief in slowly, too much at once and you are going to possibly piss someone off! If you add too much don’t worry, toss a potato in there to soak up that extra mischief. (That’s a old family secret shhh)

Now a really important thing about this, folks usually recommend to add this, but as a professional shit poster I assure you it’s a mistake. Do not give any fucks. For the love of god do not give any fucks to the shitposts. Once you do that things get emotional, people get upset, then someone doesn’t like it, it hurts the shitposts feelings, crap gets everywhere, the police get involved, someone gets accused of murder, and you end up with a kid that isn’t even yours and now have to raise despite having no legal stance as their guardian because they are a hulking black ink demon child that destroys everything they touch so it’s impossible to have any China in the house- it’s a mess. Don’t give. any. fucks.

Ok now moving past that the final ingredient and this one is a spicy bit, hard to come by but fantastic when you do. It’s a little jug called having NO LOW LEVEL.
Now they suggest only a drop, I say ADD THE WHOLE THING AND EMBRACE THE ANARCHY. LET YOUR SHITPOST THRIVE AS IT DOMINATES THE HUMAN RACE AND BRINGS FOLKS BOTH JOY AND DISMAY TO THEIR PITIFUL LIVES!!

And after you mix that just put it in the oven at 666 degrees for an hour, if you don’t have that setting because you have a worthless normal oven, put it to 400 and bake for 3 hours.

Hope this helped and have a great shitposting day! ✌️💩

The Signs Solving Crimes: Strengths and Weaknesses

Aries: Able to work through a case fearlessly, with just the right levels of enthusiasm / Tendency to get bored of case halfway through, becoming slack and inattentive.

Taurus: Patient, able to gather and work through evidence methodically and logically, and are incredibly reliable / Headstrong nature means they may try to make evidence suit their conclusion rather than the other way around.

Gemini: Tech-savvy nature and love of gadgets means they are good at hacking and are also able to communicate well between different police departments / They might like gathering information and hacking more than actually solving crime and bringing people to justice.

Cancer: Excellent at reminding members of the team of the emotional side of each case, and will tend well to the families of both criminals and victims / May get too emotionally and personally involved with the people they meet in the case.

Leo: Incredibly gifted in using their charms and quick-wit to get information out of people and witnesses / May let ambitions of glory or power within or above their department cloud their judgements.

Virgo: Logical and realistic, with one of the most rational minds out there. No stone will be left unturned by this sign / Tendency to get lost in statistics and data, and may be overly critical of other people’s methods.

Libra: Exceptional negotiation skills and diplomatic mind-set, good in interviews and able to bridge the distance in a healthy way between the police and either perpetrators, or victims, or both / Indecision means they may often rely on their colleagues to make tough decisions and move forward in the case.

Scorpio: Hawk-eyed body-language readers that can determine the motives, thoughts, honesty and emotions of any criminal, with a love of the psychological aspect of their work / They may internalise the misery and horror around them, eventually believing themselves to be monstrous and damaged.

Sagittarius: Loves working with people, loves justice, loves truth, and is able to see the good in all people. Generally has all the correct motives for becoming a detective / Tendency towards being flighty and constantly moving means they may miss out on a lot of details.

Capricorn: Dedicated to their profession, they are honest and resourceful. Practicality-minded they are always able to organise everything known about the case and explain things clearly / Melancholy, cynical, and jaded, they may be biased about cases, presume to be always correct, and bring the mood of the investigation down.

Aquarius: Ever the maverick, these people are always able to add new ways of thinking to investigative methodology, and are able to conceive of every possible story behind a crime that has been committed / Aloof, they may find it claustrophobic to investigate with a team, and try too often to solve crimes on their own.

Pisces: The intuitive detective who is always able to detect when something ‘isn’t right’ and will therefore not be settled that a case is solved unless their intuition tells them so. Also possessed of a level of compassion and empathy that are admirable / Pisces may be too willing to see the good in everyone they meet, and possibly duped out of valuable information by perpetrators.

anonymous asked:

i need help, i want to break up with my bf but last time i tried (i asked for my stuff back + my mom unfriended him on facebook) he almost killed himself, he messaged my mom and told her he was standing on a bridge (the same one where a girl killed herself a month ago) and i had to call the police to stop him. idk i'm asking other people for advice too but you guys are always so kind, i'd just like to hear your thoughts.

That’s suicide baiting. You might have to get the police involved from the start of it this time. But that’s a form of emotional abuse.

The Beifong Conspiracy -- Or, why Lin's backstory explains everything

There are already posts out there explaining the emotional dynamics of Lin and Suyin’s history, so I’d like to take a look at the political dynamics that are hiding under the surface and between the lines.

First, the coverup must have gone a lot farther than Toph ripping up an arrest report.

The show doesn’t make a big deal about it, but, as Lin said in the flashback, there were witnesses.  Kicking Suyin out of the city and telling Lin to keep her mouth shut wouldn’t have been enough to keep the secret from getting out.  The coverup must have involved other people within the police force, who knew their chief had gone crooked but covered for her.

And, because Toph left within a year, her replacement was likely someone who was a) not Lin and b) okay with the crooked dealings going on behind the scenes.  Considering the circumstances, it’s not strange at all that Republic City would end up with issues with corruption by the time Korra arrived – even if both Toph and Lin were dedicated to stamping it out outside of the incident with Suyin, whoever Toph passed the torch to couldn’t have been.

Second, Lin was forced to be complicit in the coverup.

The impression I get is that Lin kept quiet out of respect for Toph.  Lin disagreed with Toph’s decision to cover up the situation with Suyin, but she was still desperate for her mother’s respect and probably felt like she had no choice in the matter.  However, as an up-and-coming cop, obeying her mother put her in a terrible position – only a couple of years into her her career, she wound up with a massive skeleton in her closet that could turn into a political nightmare if it ever came out.

Lin probably felt a need to be even more by-the-book than ever afterwards in order to build a reputation for herself, especially since she’d have worked under someone who wasn’t Toph for much of her career.  She hated what happened with Suyin and wanted to make sure it never happened again.

(That, of course, is probably the real reason why she reacted so bad to Korra.  Korra’s a much different person than Suyin was, of course – a Destructive Savior rather than a petty crook – but it’s easy to see why Lin would think of her as cut from the same cloth, especially once Korra started insisting that Lin should give her preferential treatment because Toph knew Aang.  That the solution Tenzin offered was basically the same one used for Suyin – drop the charges and force the perp to leave the city – couldn’t have helped, either)

As for Toph, I bet she left as much due to stress as guilt, because I’m sure dealing with that coverup couldn’t have been easy.  From what we’ve been told, she’s visited Suyin a lot since then – probably as a way of convincing herself she’d done the right thing after all! – and then went off to “find Enlightenment."  When Toph made her decision to protect Suyin, it seems like she took a hard fall.  =(