When magic works
I’ve spent much of my life wondering about whether magic is “real”, whether it “works”, whether it’s silly for me to invest my time and emotional energy into witchy stuff (even though at this point, I can’t not invest emotional energy into it; it makes me happy). I’ve spent the past eighteen years of my life trying to live magically and every few years I boxed up my witchy stuff in shame and told myself not to be so stupid. Because I was scared. Because trusting in that which I cannot see makes me feel vulnerable. But I could never bring myself to get rid of anything; particularly my crystals.
This week I’ve done two specific witchy things which made me think. I stuck a pin in the arm of my sofa after I lost my watch (thanks to @loveofakind who posted about this!), and I reblogged a money spell. Neither of which are things which take a lot of time and effort, but both of them made me think “eh, I really don’t think this’ll work but what’s the harm in trying”.
Straight after I put the pin in the sofa, I found my watch. The morning after I reblogged the money spell, I had a meeting with my new employer and they told me they’re giving me a relocation allowance for my move across country. I wasn’t expecting to get that because I asked weeks ago and they hadn’t responded so I thought it was a “we’re not gonna give you the money but we don’t want to have to tell you that” kind of situation.
Part of me is thinking, “Well, was it the witchy stuff? Would I have found the watch/got the money without it? I mean, the watch was literally right in front of me, and the money from my employer was already a possible option. Where’s the PROOF that there is a direct causal link between my witchy stuff and the money/finding my watch?”. I’m a researcher. I work in analysing evidence to form conclusions based on that evidence, and most of my job is about disentangling coincidence from causality. But just because I apply those rules to my job doesn’t mean I have to apply them to my life.
Witchcraft is a total mindshift for me (and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that). I’m finally learning to reconceptualise what I mean by evidence and when my actions, my body and my experiences are that evidence. Because ultimately, I don’t know that my actions led to those particular conclusions. What I do know is that I achieved what I wanted to achieve. I found my watch, and I can afford to move across country. And I don’t know whether my actions played a part in that, but I also don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t reblogged that post or put a pin in my sofa.
And the biggest part in me learning to feel comfortable as a witch is realising that I’m not trusting something “out there” to achieve the goals I’m aiming for. I’m learning to trust myself.