getting one for christmas

5

the oblivion continues

(and it starts here)

I keep seeing this cute Dad Might picture in my head – clear as a photograph, I tell you.

Just imagine: It’s winter, and cold, and for some reason, Izuku and Toshinori take the train to get home from wherever they have been. It’s already late, the train almost empty, and Izuku is freezing up. So in search for some warmth, he cuddles against Toshinori’s side. Toshinori, you have to know, is a living, walking heater. So he’s the perfect source of warmth for the freezing, tired boy.

Speaking of tired: Somehow, Izuku manages to fall asleep on Toshinori.

Toshinori startles when he realizes that Izuku is literally using him as a pillow, and spits blood in embarrassment and flustered surprise. But once he sees how content sleeping Izuku looks, he can’t bring himself to move the boy away. Instead he adjusts, making sure that the boy is comfortable leaning against his bony shoulder and not going to slip off, and proceeds to watch the lights passing by at high-speed outside.

(Or at least, he pretends to. He quickly comes to realize that watching Izuku sleeping, breathing evenly and scrunching up his nose and murmuring from time to time, is way more interesting.)

MatPat: *takes a deep breath*

MatPat: i lo-

Jason: yes, you love Stephanie, we know, you love Stephanie so much, she’s the light of your life, you love her so much, you just love Stephanie we KNOW, you love Stephanie you fucking love Stephanie okay we know, we get it, YOU LOVE STEPHANIE FUCKING PATRICK. WE GET IT.

shiv

///


November 14th.
In the coffee shop,
the man in the
Make America Great Again hat
smiles at me, so I take this
as an invitation.


“Pardon me, but I have to ask—
do you think Trump’s
ideologies keep every person
in this country safe?“


He doesn’t hesitate.


“Ma’am, I can’t get wrapped up
in identity politics, all I can
worry about is how
I’m going to feed my girls.”


///


At my 40th birthday party,
an acquaintance asks
why we have “so much
Mexican art in the house.”

“It might be because I’m Mexican,” I say.

“No,” he laughs, “you’re not Mexican.”

“Yes. I am.”

“No,” he continues, reassuringly,
“and if you are, you’re only, maybe, 17%.“

The winter air stiffens between us.
An old, familiar pain.


///


There was a time when I
would have thanked him.


The early years,
when I wanted only to pass,
to rid myself of my last name—
the dead giveaway,
its muddy lineage


crawl out from the burying shame
that held me down every time
my father picked me up
from school in our shitty car,
his bushy mustache
& brown face
magnified by the sun.


///


A local white woman
posts a photo of her new tattoo:
a Mayan god etched eternal
on her flesh. When I point out
the disrespect, she assures me
she speaks Spanish fluently,
spent three years
in South America.


For the next six hours,
I argue with her friends.
They demand I quit being so
divisive. Judgemental. Close-minded.


“We have a racist running for President,
and you’re complaining about a tattoo?”
asks the white boy, who spray paints
murals all over this city
with impunity.


O, to be permitted the luxury
of only worrying about one thing at a time.


O, to be white in America,
to wake up knowing every god is your god.


///


When you never see yourself,
you search for yourself all the time.


You know the white girl
in the sombrero isn’t you.
The bro dude in Calavera makeup
isn’t either, not the ponchos
and glued on mustaches,
not the lowrider Chevy
in the Disney movie
or the hoochie-coochie
sex pot on the Emmy
award-winning television show.


Maybe you are only this:


the scorched bird pulled
from the chimney,
covered in soot.
Not the actual bird,
its velvet sack
of jigsaw’d bones,
but the feeling
of recognition.


The ash of knowing.


///


A white comedian tells this joke:
“I used to date Hispanics,
but now I prefer consensual.”


The audience laughs.
And you do, too.
Until the punchline hardens,
translates into a stone
in your throat.


You swallow it, like you always do.


You don’t change the channel,
but you also can’t remember
a single joke she tells after that.


A few months later, the comedian’s career
blows up. She’s so real. So edgy.
Such a hardcore feminist.
When someone writes an essay on
her old stand-up routines—
noting her blindspot when it comes to race,


her response is:


“It is a joke and it is funny.
I know that because people laugh at it.”


///


If two Mexicans are in a car, who is driving?
A police officer.


How do you starve a Mexican?
Put their food stamps in their work boots.


What’s the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
One can raise a child.


What do you call a Mexican baptism?
Bean dip


How do you stop a Mexican from robbing your house?
Put a help wanted sign in the window.


What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?
Grand theft auto


What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed


What do you call a building full of Mexicans?
Jail


How do you keep Mexicans from stealing?
Put everything of value on the top shelf.


What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running downhill?
A mudslide.


Why don’t Mexicans play Hide ’n Seek?
No one will look for them.


What does a Mexican get for Christmas?
Your TV.


What do you call the Arizona man shot to death
by his white neighbor, screaming, “Go back to Mexico!”
Juan Varela


///


November 29th.
For weeks, I’ve avoided
eye contact with strangers.
My face is a closed curtain.
My mouth, the most
decorated knife.
I pay for groceries,
grab the receipt &
let my half-hearted
thank yous trail like smoke.
I no longer want to see
who refuses to see me.


Anyone is everyone.


///


December 1st.
I keep waking up.
There isn’t anyone
white enough to stop me.


Pantomime the living until
the body remembers:
wicked bitch. Bloodwhirl.
Patron Saint of the Grab Back.


Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. Still here.


///


I etch my own face upon my wicked flesh.
I am my own devastating god.

 


Rachel McKibbens, Dec. 2016

ok so i was gonna fic this but it’s been sitting in my drafts half-written for months, so take this bullet point fic instead:

  • the foxes try to have a reunion of sorts every year or so
  • they don’t always make it but everyone puts in some type of effort to come
  • they all get together for real after the US Court announcements go out bc goddamn we need to celebrate this right??
  • everyone is just catching up, sharing news
  • dan and matt are married
  • nicky and eric are married
  • aaron and katelyn are married and expecting a kid
  • dan starts joking around bc ‘looks like everyone’s married except neil and andrew’
  • except it’s not really a joke bc to be honest, no one is quite sure if they are still, in fact dating. bc no paparazzi has caught them together yet which is like. unheard of in the exy world. if two professional players are fucking everyone knows like, instantly
  • and it’s been literally years
  • so there’s no way theyre still dating right?
  • (only Renee knows the truth bc they needed a witness)
  • (she’s the only one who gets a christmas card from them
    • (it’s a phone picture of andrew holding Sir and neil holding King. the cats are trying to escape. no one is smiling. it’s the background on her phone.)
  • anyway, neil when dan says that neil gets a Look in his eye
  • “hey andrew” he says. 
  • “what”
  • “want to get married?”
  • “nah”
  • everyone else: wait, you’re actually still dating?
  • neil internally: oh now we can Really fuck with them now
  • neil externally: no we’re not dating. haven’t been for years
  • nicky freaks out bc “I KNEW IT, IT WAS HATE SEX EVERYONE HERE OWES ME $200″
  • things calm down eventually and the topic moves on
  • that’s when neil goes in for the kill
  • “andrew, sweetheart, get me a beer?”
  • andrew, who knows exactly what’s going on: “sure thing babe” and kisses him on the way out
  • it’s mass chaos
  • as the rest of the foxes are screaming, nicky manages to say “wait you said you weren’t dating!”
  • “we aren’t”
  • andrew returns, handing neil his beer and planting a kiss on his head
  • “we’re married”
  • fin
  • epilogue: rip in peace to nicky who had to give back all that money and live on forever Renee who took all that money + $700 more
8

I know it’s Christmas and I don’t want to be posting this first thing but…

I couldn’t sleep and I go on Twitter and I see this shit.

And I’m really sad now.

. @thisiseverydayracism @thisiswhiteculture @mixedgirlrants

anonymous asked:

Steve and Natasha having the best time together pranking the other Avengers over Christmas

This is NOT April Fool’s Day!” The shout echoes down the lab halls. 

Natasha smirks and high-fives Steve.  

“You were so right.”  She peers over Steve’s phone while they walk.  “The shiny snowman wrapping paper was definitely the one to use.”   

The peer at the screen of his phone in the elevator, watching Tony unwrap all of his lab supplies, (Each. And. Every. Item.)

“When do you think he finds Dum-E?”

“If I may, Captain Rogers.” came JARVIS’ voice.  The screen in the elevator above the buttons flickered to life.  Tony was trying to move the six-foot stuffed teddy bear wearing a pair of reindeer antlers without success.  

Oh my God, you guys suck.” Came the crystal-clear shout over the audio a minute and a half later when the ‘bear’ hadn’t so much as budged.  Tony went searching for an as-yet-unwrapped pair of scissors or knife to cut Dum-E out of his Reindeer Teddy hiding spot.  

“Ok, we have an hour before Bucky gets back.  We have just enough time to get the palm tree from the lobby and stick it in his bathroom.  Clint has the bags of sand for the floor and JARVIS is ready with Don’t Worry, Be Happy when Bucky turns the light on.”

Steve grinned.  “Perfect. A Caribbean vacation for Christmas he’ll get.”

exo askbox meme 💌 send an emoji!

👑 what is the reason your bias is your bias?
🐺 tag someone who reminds you of sehun.
🍌 favorite chanyeol cover?
❤ post a selfie.
😤 favorite english lyric?
🐻 tag someone who reminds you of kai.
🎉 favorite thing about exo m?
🐩 candy, jjangah, or vivi?
🐙 describe chen in three emojis.
🐼 tag someone who reminds you of tao.
👅pick a body part from each member.
🐧 tag someone who reminds you of ksoo.
🐷 post your favorite kyungsoo meme.
🐶 tag someone who reminds you of chanyeol.
🐊 tag someone who reminds you of chen.
🎬 if your bias were to be the star of a movie, what kind of movie would it be?
🐕 tag someone who reminds you of baekhyun.
👽 what’s your dream collab?
💲 post your favorite suho meme.
💖 choose your visual: luhan or sehun?
🎤 record a voice note saying chogiwa danbeone neukkyeo.
🍦call me baby or call me monster?
🐑 tag someone who reminds you of lay.
🍆fmk: hyung line.
🌈 favorite thing about exo k?
🐰 tag someone who reminds you of suho.
🐉 tag someone who reminds you of kris.
🍕 post you favorite baekhyun meme.
💙 pick one personality trait from each member.
🎅 top christmas song?
🔪 imagine ot12 in the hunger games, order them from the first one to die to the winner.
🎀 favorite solo song?
💩 tag your 3 favorite shit-posters.
🌟 tag your 3 favorite gif editors.
🐛 tag someone who reminds you of luhan.
😻 what’s your favorite thing about xiumin?
👰 who do you think your parents would like more as your boyfriend?
⚠ if you were going on a date with baekhyun, where would you take him?
🍯 post your favorite kai meme.
🙈 tag a mutual you want to talk to.
💡 if you had to tattoo one exo lyric, which would it be?
💀how many hoodies do you think chanyeol has?
👻 favorite exo-cbx member?
💁 write a poem for your bias.
🌞 describe suho in three emojis.
🍻 does your bias and your bias wrecker get along?
🐱 tag someone who reminds you of xiumin.
♉ who shares your zodiac sign? do you think you’re alike?
🎵most played exo song?
💣would you rather marry sehun or suho?
💧if you were to be on a zombie apocalypse, which member would you pick to be with you?
🐄 who do you think would be the best dad?
🔮what’s you hogwarts house? sort the members into a house.
❌ favorite dancer: kai or chanyeol?
😌 how many saved urls do you have? name some of them.
👗who has the best fashion sense?
🎄you get to give ONE christmas gift to all nine members, what do you give them?
💄 junhee or baekhee?
💢 are you taller or shorter than kyungsoo?
🙌 who’s the one follower that always likes or reblogs your posts?
💕 fmk: maknae line.
💝 describe kai in three emojis.
🔥 list ot9 from less kinky to kinkiest.
⭕ what kind of youtube channel would your bias have?
😇 if you were to die right now, what would you tell exo?
😈 what’s the thing exo has done that made you have second-hand embarassment?
🎈 who do you think smells the nicest in exo?
💭 dream fanfic au?
📛 fmk: beagle-line
💵 if you were to go on a date with sehun, where would you take him?
👿 describe sehun in three emojis
👣 is your bias an introvert or an extrovert? and your bias wrecker?
🍬 which movie would you go see with lay?
🍦who do look up to the most in exo?
🍸take a screenshot of your lockscreen and post it.
⚽ describe xiumin in three emojis.
💯 favorite cbx song?
💌 which member do you think has the same kinks as you?
🐢 who’s your dream sub-unit?

anonymous asked:

if we're talking astronomy geek neil, imagine neil getting SUPER into space stuff when he takes an astronomy class as an elective and one night andrew sets up a telescope on the roof as a surprise so he can look at the stars bc he likes making his bf happy. doesn't even say anything, they just go up there and there it is in all its magnificent glory and neil doesn't say anything but his eyes are sparkling.

DUDE DUDE DUDE THIS IS MY SHIT OKAY 

  • the obsession starts on the roof
  • neil is looking up at the stars and realises that during his life on the run, he hasn’t had time to learn any of the names of the stars, so he points to a cluster and asks andrew if he knows if it has a name
  • andrew, who read a book about it once for class and retained everything answers: “that’s cygnus”
  • “huh. and what’s that one then?”
  • “ursa minor”
  • and neil is just fascinated because he’s never really stopped to think about it and these shiny things are literally fucking huge glowing plasma-balls
  • space is badass and neil can appreciate 
  • so he reads up on constellations and when they go up to the roof, neil will just sit there and mutter under his breath all the constellations he can see
  • (andrew tells himself it’s not strangely endearing)
  • eventually neil becomes as bad as kevin is with history facts
    • “hey andrew, do you know that we’re on a collision course with andromeda? andrew, it’s travelling towards us at 250,000 miles an hour” “go the fuck to sleep, neil.”
    • “if we were astronauts we wouldn’t be so small, do you know astronauts can grow 3% taller in space?”
    • “black holes man. fuck black holes.”
  • neil has google alerts on for meteor showers bc ?? it’s literally flaming space rocks giving you a free lights show who doesn’t want to see that
    • we don’t kiss our boyfriends under the stars, we kiss them under meteor showers like men
  • neil definitely has a hard on for the aurora borealis and he definitely pesters andrew to drive them to spots where they’re most likely to see it 
  • andrew gets neil a telescope for christmas like a really fucking expensive one but ofc it means nothing 
    • “you’re straining your eyesight without it and you look stupid in glasses.”
    • “i look hot in glasses”
    • “just take the gift and shut up.”
Masterlist (avengerofyourheart)

Marvel Reader inserts listed by character, currently Bucky, Steve, Tony, Sam, Scott, and Thor. A huge thank you to @beccaanne814-blog for the gorgeous character banners! 

Accidents Happen Series (reader x Bucky):

Summary: Reader is accident prone, comes from a sheltered background, and has been with the Avengers almost a year when Steve finds Bucky and brings him to the Avengers Tower (post CATWS, pre CACW). Bucky takes an interest in the reader’s quirkiness. (mostly fluff)

Accidents Happen Series Masterlist (FINISHED)

In the Arms of Justice (Bucky Drabble Series):

Summary: Reader is a witness to a crime, tying her to the investigation as well as the police involved. She never would have guessed how that one night would continue to change her life years later. (drama, angst, fluff)

In the Arms of Justice Masterlist (FINISHED)

Leave This Town (Mechanic!Bucky AU Series):

Summary: Your dreams of kissing your small town life goodbye are about to come true when an unexpected detour leaves you stranded. Meeting the handsome local mechanic has you rethinking your plans. Perhaps happiness is less about where you’re headed and more about the people you meet along the way.

Leave This Town Series Masterlist (in progress)

The Lucky One (Movie Challenge Bucky fic):

Summary: As a single mom with a jerk of an ex-husband, you’re doing your best to run the family business all on your own when your mother hires a mysterious man with a troubled past to help out. He just might be what you need in your life, but will his secrets bring you together or tear you apart? (Events occur shortly after Captain America: The Winter Soldier)

The Lucky One Series Masterlist (in progress)

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so tonight I have discovered that blasting potty training songs on the house wifi speaker at full volume will make me laugh until I can’t breathe

god I hate being forgetful. it’s not just forgetting homework. it’s forgetting group projects. it’s forgetting birthdays. it’s getting shit last minute christmas presents. it’s planning two things at one time and cancelling on someone. it’s leaving people alone. it’s letting people down. it’s letting everyone down and I hate it.

No Christmas for me this year
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Submission

My art blog isn’t my primary so there was no way I could submit this with audidraws ;____;

Hello @alexandralumetta! I, Audi, am your Secret Santa! I hope you like this simple Klance comic! I know you asked for angst/sass with a happy ending, but I couldn’t think of anything so I give you some fluff instead!

Inspired by Zee Avi’s No Christmas For Me, she’s a singer from my country and the song was what gave me this idea. I hope like Lance and Keith, you get to spend Christmas with your loved ones! :) Have a happy Christmas and a very Happy New Year! - @audidraws

Masterlist

*Special thanks to @thing-you-do-with-that-thing for making me this beautiful header!*

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