getting old

  • 10 year old son:Mom can I download this game?
  • Me:Let me check it out real quick first, sometimes games look like they are for kids when they really aren't. What ages does it say it's for?
  • 10 year old son:Oh...oh wait, it says 21+...I don't think...I don't think it is for kids.
  • Me:It says 21 and up? Like, it isn't recommended until three years after you are a legal adult? I don't get it, is it like a drinking game or something?
  • 10 year old son:Well...I guess some day when I'm a real old guy in a robe that's too short, with a pipe and a wife and a glass of wine I will finally be able to download this app.
  • Me:Well buddy, I'm just glad to hear you have life goals.

You eventually start to lose your hatred for “sell-outs” and “company men.” People who suffer in shitty, soul-draining jobs because they can’t sack up and try for something more. Don’t get me wrong. I still hate sycophantic hacks who compensate for their mediocrity with kiss-up bullshit, too scared to live and die based on their merit, but I don’t resent people for how they pay the bills. Like, sure, it might seem easy to criticize Ann Coulter for professionally spreading misinformation and hatred for a living, but perhaps she’s saving up to pay off her medical bills from the surgical removal of her heart and soul.

5 Things You Judge Less Harshly When You’re Old

Got My Haircut Yesterday

When your regular hairstylist gasps as she’s cutting your hair, you know it’s bad.   And, it was. She said, “OMG. In the six weeks since you were last in, you’ve developed a tiny patch of gray hair by your right ear.”

It’s only a patch of about 5 hairs but this is how it starts.

*Cue tears.*