getaway-driver

The Signs Driving

Z O D I A C G U I D E  / /  I G

Aries: actually pretty mellow but they can get feisty

Taurus: practically the greatest getaway driver you could have

Gemini: has the most bomb ass playlists going at all times

Cancer: either wayy too concentrated or wayy not

Leo: doesn’t even drive yet so is just chillin

Virgo: has major road rage issues and gets mad at everyone on the road

Libra: speedy driver but is somehow safe about it wtf

Scorpio: literally the best ever no questions asked

Sagittarius: makes everyone in the car nervous cuz is always worried

Capricorn: pretty normal driver tbh is aggressive when necessary 

Aquarius: follows the rulebook and is the best designated driver

Pisces: doesn’t look when they back up and hopes for the best

Watch on funnyordie.tumblr.com

GET-A-WAZE

Avoid your next jail sentence by trying the new 2017 App, Get-A-Waze! You can order an experienced getaway driver who picks you up from your crime scene and drops you off at a discreet location within record times. The app is better than Uber and now free for download (or go to prison – we don’t really care, but it might be a funny story). Get-A-Waze is a transportation-based parody and is 100% the Best App on the market.

Roleswap au where:

Ryan is the Fake ah crew’s hacker, an unassuming dad-looking guy who is surprisingly tech savvy and has a talent for strange malware he has dubbed “Edgar.”
Geoff is their negotiator, a very intelligent, well-read man that hides behind an alcoholic persona, something many crews have underestimated, often leading to their demise.
Gavin is their leader, a surprisingly intelligent, business savvy man that is often dismissed as a ditzy British boy, a mistake most crews will not make twice.
Michael is the getaway driver, disregarding the rules of the road to get his boys to safety. He’s run over a few rival crew members and has made an entire game out of it.
Jack is the demolitionist, is his bag full of lunches or sticky bombs? It’s probably better if you never find out.
Jeremy is their “interrogator,” though he looks like a sort, funny, fairly sane guy on the outside, as soon as you cross him all level of civility and sanity are gone. He’s unhinged in just the right way, though getting him to come back down is a challenge for anyone outside of the crew.

NCT in a Heist (As Requested)

Chenle: Sniper who is there to take out any big opponents who get in the way of the heist. 

Doyoung: Smooth operator who could talk his way out of anything or is good to use as a distraction because of his tendencies to be a drama queen. 

Haechan: Demolitions man. Important to have in sticky situations where there seems to be no escape as he can create one using his skills as an expert of explosives. Should only be used in extreme situations because of the casualties. 

Jaehyun: Getaway driver whose there for a quick escape, especially handy when things go wrong. Also helps to calm down the others by being an excitable puppy despite the situation.

Jaemin: The Cleaner who cleans up any evidence of the crimes that have taken place during the heist from removing finger prints to cleaning up blood. 

Jeno: Look out. In charge of making sure that they aren’t caught before their time is up

Jisung: The rookie or member in training for a position as a gunmen. Too young to actual to become part of the heist.

Johnny: The brute. Because Johnny is tall and has some muscle he would be in charge of brute strength and making sure people listen carefully to instructions. Would literally just intimidate people with his height despite being the softest ball of fluff.

Kun: Medic who is there in case any of the members get hurt and has to step in. Constantly in the background and people often forget he’s even there until they need help.

Mark: Hacker who is in charge of all things to do with computers, mostly used to remove evidence from security cameras. 

Renjun: Safe Cracker. He would be in charge of getting into vaults and high security places.

Taeil: The planner who comes up with everything ahead of time and explains in detail what everyone’s job is. He then replays all the plans to the mastermind who puts them into practice. 

Taeyong: Mastermind who is in charge of the plan and making sure everything runs smoothly. Makes sure they have time and skills to execute the plan and there to work out an escape if things go wrong. 

Ten: Cat Burglar who often checks out the area or location before the plan is put into action so they can map out how everything is gonna happen and if the plan will be successful.

Winwin: The inside man. He’s cute so he can charm anyone into getting what he wants, including information which he then passes onto Taeyong.

Yuta: Hitter aka a professional assassin. If someone need’s to be taken out inconspicuously before the heist then this is the guy to do it. 

Fragments - Part 2

Word Count: 6682

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence

A/N: Constructive feedback always welcome and appreciated. Unedited. All mistakes are mine. If you’d like to be tagged you can add yourself Here

Fragments Masterlist


Cas had managed to get details from the getaway driver for the people who took Sam. It wasn’t much but it was something to go on. You’d found out they were British and had just flown into the country the same night they took Sam. He also told you he drove them to a local veterinarian but didn’t know why. Dean was off checking the tail number of the plane. Cas was checking into the Vet. Mary and you were sitting at a table in a park outside of the Vet’s practice, waiting for him to show back up.

You weren’t speaking, opting to watch Mary. Everyone had been so worried about you and your memory issue then about Sam disappearing they hadn’t paid much attention to her and how she was adjusting. She was watching everyone, staring at the cell phones and the laptops. She looked just as lost as you felt. You didn’t remember your life, but you remembered what life was like. You remembered phones, computers, technology, how to use everything. All of that was still there. You couldn’t imagine how she felt, being dumped 33 years into the future with a dead husband and two grown sons.

“Are you ok? I know how I feel. It must be a lot for you to take in.” Mary turned to you, smiling sweetly and nodding her head just as Cas approached carrying coffees, passing one to each of you. “Thanks, Cas.”

“It’s how you like it.” Cas said, sitting in the chair next to yours. “Or how you used to like it.” You took a sip and hummed in satisfaction, earning a smile from Cas.

“This must be difficult for you.” Cas said, turning toward Mary, apparently picking up on the same thing you had. “I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring.”

“One word for it.” She laughed. “I grew up with hunters. I’ve heard of coming back from the dead…but to actually do it after 30 years…a lot’s changed.” She glanced around again, looking at everyone on their phones. “A lot.”

“Y/N what about you? Are you holding up ok?” Cas questioned. “I can’t really get a read on you. Then again…I guess I never really could.” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. “You were always a mystery to me.”

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Kat’s Fic Recs: Mechanic!Derek

Mechanic!Derek

*Shortest fics on top, longest on the bottom. For @thetokenhuman

Derek Needs a Creeper by fangirl42 (T 2,051)

Next installment in the Stiles Stilinski prompt week.

Derek picks Stiles up at the library after work to save him from walking home.

ADHDecaf by pleaseletmetouchyourbutt (T 2,765)

Stiles is 25 and runs his own coffee shop. Derek doesn’t know this. Derek, a mechanic, thinks that Stiles is 17 and jail-bait.

Misunderstandings ensue.

My Saving Grace by Finduilas (T 4,706)

When Stiles gets into a car accident, his jeep is brought into “Hale Mechanics”. That’s where he meets mechanic Derek, and his uncle Peter…

The Stars Between Us by charlesdk (G 5,387)

Stiles is an X-wing pilot stationed on general Argent’s base and under her command, and Derek is utterly and ridiculously in love with him. Which is never a good thing.

if you get lost you can always be found by orphan_account (T 8,956)

Stiles is delirious and dehydrated when he stumbles into Derek’s auto shop with a broken down jeep. Afterwards, for some reason, Stiles can’t seem to stay away. Even if he’s pretty sure Derek hates him. A lot.

Cars and Canines by tesha198 (E 20,387)

Stiles rolls into Beacon Hills one day and sets up shop as a Mechanic. Derek brings in his totalled car after yet another supernatural fight and is immediately taken with him. Slowly Stiles becomes part of the pack. However both sides are keeping secrets that could change everything. Stiles is on the run from his past in the Irish Mafia. Derek has been keeping Stiles in the dark about the whole werewolf thing, not to mention the fact they are actually mates. What happens when Stiles old Mafia life catches up to his new seemingly normal one and everyones secrets are revealed? Will Stiles remain in Beacon Hills with Derek? How far is the pack willing to go to save Stiles and does Stiles actually want to be saved in the first place?

BEFORE/NOW by KilledTheQueen (M 27,093)

Once Upon A Time AU ~

The one where Stiles was once a Gypsy in The Enchanted Forest but now due to “The Curse” is a Radio DJ in Storybrooke with no memory of his past.

Drive by thelogicoftaste (E 40,073)

All that Derek does is drive. That’s it.

***

Where Derek is a getaway driver/mechanic and Stiles is Scott’s dad.

Cause I Built a Home (For You, For Me) by noneedforhystereks (E 59,719)

Mechanic!Derek and Daddy!Stiles

Derek Hale is a mechanic in the sleepy town of Beacon Hills, where he has lived all of his life. He spends his day in a simple routine: wake up, fix cars, go home, sleep. It’s what he’s good at, and it keeps things simple and uncomplicated. Derek doesn’t let people in and remains emotionally distant from everyone except his sister, Laura, and her daughter. This all changes when Boyd tows in an old blue Jeep that needs a lot of work and Derek meets the owner of said Jeep.

Because once Derek meets Stiles and his kids, he can’t stop himself from caring. And he doesn’t want to stop.

Me Against You

( Request: Reader and Spiderman being on opposite sides in Civil War.

PART 2, PART 3

A/N: This is my first time writing for Peter Parker, and I hope I’ve done this request justice!!  Feel free to send in more requests about this cutie pie!!  Please don’t post this elsewhere without my permission!! 


“Keep going, (Y/N)!” Sam hollers. “Get to the jet!”

You hunker down behind a bench. From your vantage point, you can see Spiderman kicking Sam and Bucky into a pane of safety glass. You duck your head to shield your eyes, so you don’t actually see the windows explode. But you hear it. You feel it, too. Those little shards of glass hurt as they pelt onto bare arms and legs.

You wish you’d thought to wear jeans.

“Go!”

You go. You rise from behind your cover and sprint. Coach would be so proud, if he could see you now.

“Your, mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get through enemy territory, and hijack their jet.”  So Captain America hadn’t said it in those words exactly, but the point he’d been trying to get across was essentially the same. Bucky and Sam would keep you from having to engage anybody, leaving you free to slip over to the Hangar and get the jet prepped and ready to go. You would have loved to pilot a jet – say, maybe, after about ten years of lessons, not after some hastily given instructions from ex-Agent Barton – and had told Captain America as much. You only had a learner’s permit for driving a car, not some fancy, high-tech jet, but he was adamant on having you as the getaway driver.

And, if you were being honest, having Captain America relying on you for help was pretty darn awesome.

“Behind you!”

Bucky’s warning comes too late. As you run onward and duck into a hallway, spandex-covered arms embrace you from behind – one around your shoulders, one around your waist. You put on an extra spurt of speed. The hands latch on. A shrill scream splits the air. It sounds like you. But it’s a futile effort – Sam and Bucky are securely trussed up, sticky webbing keeping them pinned to the floor. Even if they wanted to help, they couldn’t.

Let me go!” You demand, twisting and kicking. “Let me go right this instant!”

Inexplicably, the arms around you slacken; drop gracelessly back to their owner’s sides. You scramble away, with wide and frightened eyes, until the small of your back hits the concrete wall.  

(Y/n)?” You stiffen. Oh, no. Please, no. The voice, though woolly and quiet, is thoroughly familiar to you, from years of studying with him, talking to him, being friends with him. “Oh, God. Oh, God, why are you here? (Y/n), you shouldn’t be here.”

“Peter?” You blurt out. “Peter, is that you?”

“I – I’m not –” He’s nervously tripping over his words, trying to come up with a suitable lie. “I’m Spiderman, not –”

Your lips twist up in a sad smile. “You’re a rotten liar, Peter.”

And this time, he doesn’t try to deny it.

The two of you had been best friends ever since the second grade, when your nanny had forgotten to pack your lunch one day, and Peter had given you half of his tuna and mayo sandwich. You’d shared every day, every moment … Every secret.

However, it would appear, not every  secret.

“So … Spiderman, huh?” You manage, letting out a watery laugh that doesn’t hold any real humor in it. Spiderman might have saved you once, but this side of Peter is new and entirely foreign, much like the new and shiny suit that he’s sporting. “You’ve – You’ve really been busy, huh?”

You wonder when Peter was going to tell you; or if he was even planning to. Ever since Uncle Ben had passed, Peter had been acting strange: Showing up to school bruised and bloodied, cancelling days out together with only the flimsiest of excuses, showing up late to the appointments he did agree to go for …

And now you finally, finally know why.

“I-I’m sorry, (Y/n),” Peter says miserably. Even under the mask, you know that his forehead is creased and puckered up, warm chocolate eyes downcast. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t – There was never a good time.”

Of course not.

“So what you’re really saying is: You don’t trust me.” It bursts out of you. You’ll admit there’s a sour surge of satisfaction when Peter recoils, even though you haven’t raised a hand to him. It comes out again, louder this time. “That’s what it all boils down to, doesn’t it? I thought we were friends. I trusted you. I told you everything – the boys I liked, the crushes I had. I thought –”

Me?” Peter’s glumness turns into irritation, and you realise your mistake. “I’m not the only one keeping secrets! You didn’t tell me that you’d be running around with Captain America and a bunch of –”

- Criminals. He doesn’t say it, but you know that’s what he means. The word hits you like a ton of bricks. You stare at Peter, not moving, not even blinking. A day ago, that wouldn’t have meant you. A day ago, you and Peter would have been in school. A day ago, the two of you would have still been friends.

When you had accepted Captain America’s request for help, you didn’t think that you’d have to face off with your best friend in the process.

(Y/n), I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –”

He’s cracked something in you wide open. You stride away from the boy you once knew, but you can’t leave yet.

“Fine,”  You say, infusing the word with venom. “Then arrest me. Take me in. I’m just a criminal, right?”

Your voice rises in octaves, building up to a high crescendo. Your anger rises up, blooming in your chest like a poisonous flower, and you focus on that, since it chases away the chill that permeates deep into your bones. Blind now with a mingled combination of hurt and anger, your hand lashes its way through the air in a flicking motion, forcing the powers sleeping deep inside you to the surface. Even though Peter’s standing motionless at least six feet away, he’s shoved up into the air by an invisible force, slamming into the window behind you hard enough to crush bones. He flies out the window with a shriek.

You turn away from the remnants of shattered glass and a broken friendship, gloom already gathering atop your shoulders to weigh you down. In another life, you might have been fighting by his side, the two of you working together as Avengers. Now you’ve become public enemy number one.

Criminal, criminal. Your mind chants it over and over again, in a sing-song, lilting voice, matching each syllable with your racing pulse. I’m a criminal.

Fuck Shoplifters

So my moron customer of the day is a real doozy. Skinny bitch with a pinched face, asshole son driving one of our electric carts around and around the front of the store while wearing one of our hats with the tag torn off. When I got there she had the electric’s basket full and was working on filling a THIRD full size cart with random crap from the 1-5 dollar area known as [redacted]. [Which is my area to zone.]
Security is watching her, the front line manager is watching her, two upper managers are watching her, I’m watching her and we’re all waiting for her to put something in her giant ass fake Gucci purse where one of us can see it.
So I suggest to security that we tell her kid to get off the cart because, you know, someone disabled might want it? We get the okay and she takes 15 minutes to slowly unload the fucking electric while security stares at her.
I see that she’s got two full carts lined up at the lanes and security says there was a guy who came in sort of checking her out. We think he’s the getaway driver. Basically push-out is a type of shoplifting. You just fill a cart and scoot outside with it. Once you’re outside you can stand there loading your car and all we can do is call for the police and hope they get there in time. So I drive a line of carts in the way to block the two full carts behind the checkout lanes. We know there’s no chance in hell she’s gonna pay for this stuff and we’re all tense watching to see what goes down.
She’s crouched down below the [redacted] display just loading shit up by the handful and finally, finally, our HR manager, goes up and says something to her. And this bitch got shrill. The guy comes sliding over and the two of them start arguing. Apparently he ‘broke down on the highway’ and she came in here with the kid for some reason. We think maybe she wanted to push out and he refused to do it?
And as they’re storming off, HR goes “so are you going to pay for the food you ate?” [Boom bitch] So I’m like “I can take you over here at the service desk”. And she had nothing. She made the guy pay for the ten dollars worth of food and stomped off back into the store for a few minutes while he flailed. And I asked if he was going to pay for the hat. He refused but I can’t do anything. [The kid had greasy hair and he’d been wearing it for at least two, maybe three hours.] She comes back with a bag and wants to do a return. [Hoo boy. Return fraud is common, steal a thing and then return it with no reciept for store credit. But guess what? I get to refuse if it’s shady.]
She’s got three things. Two of them I find on her card and do the return and she’s crying. I tell her I’m not taking back the clutch cause she has no proof of purchase. I didn’t even give a reason. She was incredulous as fuck but too damn bad. She says it’s not fair and I just shrugged. Too bad. You’re just mad cause you didn’t get to steal as much from us as you wanted too. [We think she may have gotten away with a fitbit.] But when they were done doing the recovery recipt it was over $3000 worth of random accessories and dollar item stuff. It took me FOUR hours to put it all back with a bit of help and minimal inturruption. Fuck your tears. That shit comes out of our hours for the whole store.

Feel That In The Morning

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: Cheating, Swearing, Drunken confessions

Every relationship has its struggles when you travel, especially being an Avenger. When you and your boyfriend have another argument while you’re away for a mission, you decide once you land you’re going to go to the apartment to apologize. When Buck drops you off, something seems off what you find out throws you for a loop and thank God for Bucky Barnes and Tequila. Till you start spouting off about your true feelings to the wrong or would you call it the right person?

@elizabethbiersack165  @chrisevansthedoritobastard
@irepeldirt  @imamotherfuckingstar-lord
@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked  @iwillbeinmynest
@yourtropegirl  @holahellohialoha
@bellejeunefillesansmerci  @winterboobaer
@almightyunnie  @goodnightwife
@buckyb-avengers  @mrhowardstark
@rileyloves5  @ria132love
@agentsinstorybrooke  @mystery94
@atari-writes


Originally posted by deniz-is-a-witch


You throw your head back groaning as you suit up, strapping your leg holster on.

“What now?” Buck asks smirking at you, he tosses a clip at you, you catch it one handed slipping it into your weapon, before holstering it.

“Think we can find a chapel around here?” You smirk at him tossing his jacket at him.

“In the middle of the woods? High chances doll, don’t tease me.” Buck chuckles slipping his jacket on.

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Send “Who Are You?” and my muse will reply with one of the following:

#1-50. Pronouns [we, I, she, he, ect] are free to change. Optimal for vigilantes.

  1. Concerned… Third party? 
  2. Honestly, I haven’t decided yet. 
  3. Considering [___], I’d say I’m the guy who just took your job. 
  4. I’m here to help you. 
  5. Just say we’re in the same business, fixing problems. 
  6. I’m the guy who still has time to save [name].
  7. Tell [name] I’m the guy that just put him out of business. 
  8. I’m like you, I give people second chances. 
  9. One of the only people who know you’re innocent. 
  10. Detective [name]. *NOTE: they stole a badge and are impersonating*
  11. One of these days I’ll have to come up with a good answer for that one.
  12. You can call me… [name].
  13. Who I am doesn’t matter right now. What matters is, I know who you are.  
  14. My name is [name]. Your mother sent me. 
  15. If you find out, let me know. *NOTE: Could be about someone else*
  16. My name is [name] and I help people out of tough situations. 
  17. *silently continues what they were doing*
  18. The guy who shot Detective [name] and stole his badge. 
  19. Your ride home. 
  20. *about someone else* The guy who helped me save your life tonight. 
  21. I’m the guy who stopped you two jokers from killing each other. 
  22. We help people, even when they don’t necessarily deserve it. 
  23. Just a guy who needed a ride. 
  24. I find it hard to answer that, even to myself. 
  25. I’m the partner of the man in your backseat. 
  26. As far as you’re concerned, [name], we don’t exist. 
  27. *snippily* [first name].
  28. Let’s just say that ultimately, you and I work for the same entity. 
  29. I could ask you the same thing. 
  30. That’s not important. 
  31. Right now, an easy target. 
  32. Tonight, hostage negotiator. 
  33. [A] Concerned third party. 
  34. Someone who knows what this is about. 
  35. Right now, your only option. 
  36. We’re merely a couple of concerned dog owners, [name]. 
  37. As of this moment, [name], we are your judge and jury. 
  38. Not important.
  39. The night watch. 
  40. Concerned citizen. 
  41. I’m the guy that’s gonna catch you when you fall. 
  42. Never Mind. 
  43. A concerned frequent flyer. 
  44. You can call me [name]. And this is my partner [name]. 
  45. I may be the only person here who thinks you’re innocent. 
  46. Security advisors… Of a sort. 
  47. Right now I’m the getaway driver. 
  48. Ordinarily I’d be the chick kicking your amateur hour ass. 
  49. The frigging Dalai Lama.
shit my friends and i have said starter meme. pt. i.
  • i just need to make a cake and then i’ll be back to normal. 
  • i just showed up to my final. without a pencil. like a jackass.
  • SOCRATES WAS A DRAMA QUEEN.
  • how did she lose four phones in less than a month?
  • the ghost from the ouija board told me to send it nudes.
  • listen, man, i was only the getaway driver.
  • oh, no. i’m totally better than all of you.
  • i refuse to partake in any of this, but that doesn’t mean i won’t post screenshots of this on tumblr.
  • who the fuck goes to the club on a monday?
  • i looked like a baked potato.
  • THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE IS ON NETFLIX. I REPEAT. THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE IS ON NETFLIX.
  • never be ashamed of your kinks. 
  • i realize that you’re probably working, but fuck you for not answering. i was going to ask what kind of girl scout cookies you like but since you didn’t answer i just got samoas i hope you fucking hate them.
  • one of my sims woohoo’d this old guy and as soon as they were done he fucking died and she slept with the grim reaper.
  • if you give me $300, i will totally let you beat the shit out of me. 
  • the people across from us are taking pictures and being hella loud and playing music. can i play heavy metal until they leave? 
  • i thought i was being productive by starting the history reading early, but i got halfway through chapter one and started crying over the dumbass that was christopher columbus. 
  • my eyebags are so bad that it looks like i was just punched in the face twice.
  • then we have ____, who is pure salt.
  • listen, if i’m suffering, i’m making you suffer with me.
  • i don’t even care that he called me a hater and tweeted while speaking to me, this is just artful levels of petty.
  • you know you’re depressed when you’re just eating a container of cookie dough.
  • can you believe columbus went from studying ocean currents and wind patterns to committing genocide? 
  • our evil sim officially has three girlfriends and one mortal enemy. 
  • Me: okay brain, today we need to finish the ninth chapter of the Xenomorph Fic
  • Brain: *gasp*
  • Me: uh oh. Brain? What'd you do?
  • Brain: PROHIBITION ERA AU!
  • Me: Wat.
  • Brain: Obi-wan and Vader are veterans of the Great War, and damage from mustard gas means Vader has to wear a gas mask all the time-
  • Me: Wait no, come back-
  • Brain: Palpatine is a crooked senator (of course) with connections everywhere, Bail Organa is a tired mayor doing his best and Leia wants to be a private detective, Luke is literally a farmboy -- would Kansas be too cliche?
  • Me: BRAIN! STOP!
  • Brain: and Han and Chewie are a couple charming rascals who frequent the jazz scene and are the best getaway drivers in the city if you can find them. Nobody knows where Chewbacca is from because only Han and Lando understand his accent (and Han says it's because nobody bothered to ask)
  • Me: Brain nooooo

If it was to happen it’d probably be Harley & Joker, but it’d be great to see Margot Robbie & Will Smith cameo in ‘Justice League’. Harley being the getaway driver while Floyd shoots the batmobile with Bruce & Diana in it. Ugh, a Quinnshot vs Wonderbat scene would’ve been cinema gold! Also knowing Harley went back to Belle Reeve to bust Floyd out would get me thru this life.

Apoditic Appetency (M)

» mafia!jongdae, 6.4k, he knows that she likes another man []

warning: smut (many strings attached blow job) and possible triggers with mentions of death

“I’m not your fiancée, Jongdae. I’m Chen’s made up fiancée that makes sure you don’t die. I’m making sure you don’t die right now”

Originally posted by lawlliets

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