get-on-the-bus

It took us a little longer than we intended, but we have finally chosen the members for our Team Bus Network. We couldn’t choose everyone who applied for the network, even though we would have wanted to choose everyone of you who love Team Bus. We’re sorry for everyone who didn’t get picked.

Congratulations to everyone who, however, got picked as a member of Team Bus Network. Our members are:

All of you who got accepted to the network will get a message from either Nathalie or me. In that message, you will find a link to join our chat blog and further instructions. We’re looking forward to finally getting our network started and talk loads about Team Bus with all of you!

– Michelle (wardxdaisy) & Nathalie (skeysward)

Im 18 years old but i still feel like a child.
I have 3 months left in this house and i feel trapped. Growing up Ive had the upmost respect for my parents and the only thing i have ever done wrong was smoke. Ive worked my ass off to get myself a full scholarship for college. Ive ridden the bus for an hour and a half every day to and from school everyday for four years just to do hw from when i get home to when i go to sleep. My parents don’t know that i have this crippling anxiety and that im terrified to even ask permission to go out. Everyone tells me im 18 and that im an adult but im not independent till im out of the house. I cant just leave it doesn’t feel right and ill feel awful about it. But at the same time i dont deserve to live like this. I survive and function around other people. If im stuck at home ill just become depressed and dark which is rare for me so it becomes destructive. My entire life has been hard but so has everyone elses in my family i get that. Why cant everything just go well for at least a short period of time? where i can be happy emotionally and not even have to worry about the health issues that come from all the stress. Im just physically incapable of withstanding all the shitty stuff that happens.

So, I graduated. I got there a bit late because my roommates don’t know how to get rid of their stuff before they leave and I took the wrong bus, but I was there to walk to my seat in the beginning so I guess you can say I just made it. Someone in the audience (not a student) actually passed out while the degrees were being given out so we had to stop the ceremony for a while, and my name was mispronounced, which I don’t know if it’s because the woman really couldn’t pronounce my name or if she couldn’t read my handwriting (I was late so I had to write my name and major on a blank card which I gave to the person saying the names.). There was an e-mail sent a while ago to talk to someone if your name is always mispronounced, but I haven’t had someone do that since I was about nine years old so I didn’t do it. It was still a very good ceremony though. One of the speakers was actually a Holocaust survivor (He was a recipient of an honorary doctorate.), which actually made me think that not only him receiving his honor was slapping Hitler in the face, but me graduating was also slapping Hitler in the face.

okay so just a little bit about my day so far: 

it took me a half hour to get out the door this morning after i was ready and packed bc i was so nervous about having to take the bus and then i got on the bus but i didnt have exact fare but thank god the driver noticed i was strugglin so he just let me on anyway and i had my 3 huge bags on this small, packed bus and i dropped my purse on the ground and it was embarrassing bc everyone was like looking at me and then i recovered but i realized i didnt know where i was meant to get off and thank u to the very nice bus driver again for helping me with that and he called me petal and was very kind and reassuring and then i got off the bus and i realized i didnt know where i was and there wasnt any cabs near me like there was supposed to be and i started crying and panicking and crying some more and then i figured out what road i was on and then called a cab company and then waited 20 mins for the cab to get to me and then got to my hotel in Bray and now im sat on my bed trying to relax 

It’s Friday and I’m just finishing up some work stuff. I can’t really
concentrate though. I’m just thinking about the marathon on Sunday. I had
my sister pick up the race kit for me today. I’m going to take the bus to
Ottawa tomorrow afternoon and get in in time to watch the 10k (which is an
IAAF gold label race). I thought about going up earlier, but if I did that
I would just be tempted to do too many things and tire myself out.

Tonight I’m going to get everything ready and I’ll try to get a good sleep.
That’s my main focus. Saturday night I don’t expect to get much rest
because I need to go to sleep, get up at 3 a.m. to eat breakfast, and then
go back to sleep for a couple of hours before the 7 a.m. start time.

I need to figure out live tracking for the race. If anyone’s interested in
tracking me, send me a message and I’ll give you the details when I have a
chance.

i hated going on school camps in primary school but i would honestly love to read a school camp eremin AU. like a fic where they find out theyre cabin buddies and celebrate by splitting armins crackers. and show up EXTRA EARLY on the day so they can get a good spot on the bus. they have a scissors paper rock battle to determine who gets the top bunk. everyone refuses to go to the bathrooms alone at night so eren and armin always pair up. erens marshmallow keeps falling off the stick and everyone laughs at him so armin shares his. eren staying at the back of the class during the hike so he can hang out with armin. i live for cute, happy primary school eremin

i am going to wake up at nine thirty and i am going to pack my  bags and make breakfast and take a shower and do my makeup and try to spend time outside until i have to get on the bus home

I’m crying I’m on the bus getting back from a field trip and I was joking w a friend and she was talking to my science teacher and I told her to ask what his fursona was and she ACTUally did and he was like ‘what’s a fursona’ and she was like 'it’s what furries do to make an animal version of urself’ and he was like 'oh ok! It would be a lion’
so long story short my science teachers fursona is a lion

like… being very feminine is good and it is good to have representations of that in a positive context but holy shit do gender non conforming women get thrown under the bus all the time on this site, and treated like they are held up as some kind of ‘ideal’ which… doesn’t really happen. like. anywhere. at some point you are feeding into the idea of who is properly a woman when you don’t accept gender non conforming women as being feminine enough to qualify as real representation of women. when you are saying ‘this character/person is too much like a man in personality/looks/traits’ do realize you are setting standards for how you think women should be/act/look… which isn’t very supportive in allowing diversity among women…

Understanding AvPD a Little Better

Hey! May is Mental Illness awareness month, and before that fades away, I kinda wanted to do something on Avoidant Personality Disorder, seeing as I have/had been living with it for a good 6 years of my life. It’s a pretty straightforward personality disorder to understand, but it doesn’t really seem as if it’s gets that much recognition compared to some other personality disorders on here. Not throwing the ones that are getting recognition under the bus, because that’s good! But the more education, the better, as always.

First off, what’s the definition of a Personality Disorder in general? 

Mayo Clinic defines Personality Disorders as, “…a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and to people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social encounters, work and school.”

DSM-5 says, “Personality disorders are associated with ways of thinking and feeling about oneself and others that significantly and adversely affect how an individual functions in many aspects of life.”

There are 10 types of defined Personality Disorders as we know it today, which are: paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality, narcissistic personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. These 10 disorders are divided into three clusters, which are Cluster A Disorders (The “ood, eccentric” cluster), Cluster B Disorders (The “dramatic, emotional, erratic” cluster), and Cluster C Disorders (The “anxious, fearful cluster).

Nice, okay. What about Avoidant Personality Disorder? What’s the definition here?

AvPD is a personality disorder belonging to the C cluster of disorders. Seven Counties explains AvPD as being, “…characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and a hypersensitivity to negative evaluation. People with this disorder are intensely afraid that others will ridicule them, reject them, or criticize them. This leads them to avoid social situations and to avoid interactions with others. This further limits their ability to develop social skills. People with Avoidant Personality Disorders often have a very limited social world with a small circle of confidants. Their social life is otherwise rather limited.”

So, tl;dr, AvPD is characterized by feeling inadequate, and being extremely sensitive to criticism. This often leads people with AvPD to avoid situations with other people (i.e. outings with friends, parties, meetings, etc.), and to avoid interacting with other people altogether. Typically, people with AvPD don’t have a large friend group that they feel close to. This is because people with AvPD will usually not socialize with people, unless they are certain that they will be liked.

Diagnostic Criteria in the DSM-5 for AvPD is here. (Make sure you’re looking at the column on the right. The left column is from DSM-4.)

Out of the FOG also has a great, extensive list on AvPD symptoms.

Alright. I can obviously see how this would negatively affect someone. What if I think I might have AvPD? How do I get this to stop?

Well, sadly, AvPD isn’t that well understood. This means that treatment options are limited.

People with AvPD aren’t likely to seek therapy, due to their avoidant tendencies. However, there are therapists that can help. If you have AvPD and you want to start getting better with the help of a therapist, I have two pieces of advice. The first one, is to get someone to remind you to do it, and to hound you about going to your therapist whenever it’s time. The second, is to be truthful, and to try and form some sort of positive bond with your therapist. You may want to lie to get out of therapy, but there’s a reason that you’re there. Stick it through, and I promise it’ll help.

Other than this, prescription of SSRI antidepressants are also shown to help with avoidant tendencies.

I, myself, managed to knock off a good few of those defining symptoms by challenging myself to come out of my shell a little bit more. While avoidant tendencies are still present, no doubt… If I went to get diagnosed, chances are, I wouldn’t meet the exact criteria for diagnosis anymore. Challenging yourself is a good way to start breaking avoidant habits, but it should be noted, don’t force yourself. If you’ll cause more harm to yourself by putting yourself out there, rather than staying as you are, then please stay, and find other means of help.

Well, I’m not avoidant, but my friend(s)/datefriend(s) are. How do I help?

Just give them a nice, care-free, and encouraging environment to thrive in while they’re around you. If you need to criticize them, make sure you compliment what you like plenty afterwards. You’ll notice that people with AvPD don’t open up much about their personal life. As someone who still struggles with some of these symptoms, I promise you that it’s not because they don’t trust you, per se. These immense feeling of inadequacy will keep them from sharing this information, as their mind will spark with a little, “Why does this matter? You shouldn’t tell them this, they won’t care, and they’ll make fun of you for it.” However, it’s likely that they probably want to share all they can about their personal life with you if possible. Give them time to speak their mind, and listen. 

It’s worth mentioning that you can never give too many compliments.

Also, be cautious with sending walls of text. Especially stuff that’s agressive, even if it isn’t aimed towards them. They can still project the anger you feel onto themselves, and feel guilty about it and get extremely anxious and stressed. Ask before you rant, and if they say no, go ahead and find somewhere else to rant.

If your friend with AvPD says that they’re coming to a social function you are hosting, but they end up not going, it’s okay to be dissapointed. However, remember that they probably didn’t go due to fear of ridicule, and that’s okay. Don’t hound them incessantly over it, and don’t guilt them about it. Chances are, we already feel guilty enough for not going. You don’t need to remind us. 

For the most part, keeping your relationship communicative and healthy is always the best. Make sure you ask about someone’s bounds, and respect them.

Additional Resources

The DSM-5 on Google Docs

AvPD Test (Careful, people who suffer from Gender Dysphoria)

CrisisChat

Remember, you’re not alone, and you’ll sort this out someday. Just take a deep breath, and go get em.

I really really need a car because taking a cab to work gets expensive (7-8$ each way) and the bus system here sucks like I’d be on the bus for over an hour to go two fucking miles so usually I bike but I’m breathing at 65% so it’s hard esp when it’s hot but I have so many other things to pay for so saving has been really hard lmao I love being poor :)