The bus to town that I’m on just pulled up to let someone get on, just as an old man was walking by with his little doggy on one of those extendable leads, and as the man walked past, the bus doors opened and the dog tried to get on the bus and waited on the little bus steps until the previous person had paid for their ticket, and his owner had to pull him off

and like

that dog could have had important business in town?? Let him live??

The idea of balance is the most recurring thought of my day. Whenever I find myself on the bus, walking, getting from one place to another. Any sort of transitionary instance where my mind can float and I’m free of engagement. Where do you find balance? 

And it’s a thought I’m grateful to have. But the idea of wasting time, though being engaged, it scares me. The idea of slipping, or forgetting, or just being separate from or losing purpose. 

Scary is an understatement. 

It’s horrifying. To have worked or to have dedicated yourself to something, only to find that your intentions weren’t pure. Contrast that to working tirelessly for something for the sake of the only One who will ever appreciate or amount your efforts into anything. You either attain it all, or you lose everything.

You need balance. I used to think quite quantitatively. But the more I grow, I feel it’s not so much about the numerical aspect of the amount you’ve done in this life, but the quality of it. Which is why no faculty in our lives should be separate from one another. 

Everything you do, including your sleep, can be done for Him. 

There’s no “deen over dunya”. There’s just dunya, and that’s all you know. And your deen is your engine and what gives passion to your soul. You can’t prioritize one over the other without feeling overwhelmed or guilty. The two need to be fused. They need to compliment and communicate with one another.

Why do you work? Why do you learn? It’s about your reasons. There are beautiful souls in this world who aren’t even given the liberty of a full night’s rest at the expense of their responsibilities. Will they be questioned for how long they prayed in the night? That’s what I mean about being too quantitative. Struggles differ. 

We need balance in our day to day, reasons, intentions, passions, drive. It has to be for Him. We want to return to Him with sound hearts. And He knows best.

18:104 - why am I awake

yaki-chizu  asked:

One time I was crying and panicking thinking I lost my glasses on the bus and I was like trying to figure out how I was going to get the money to cover them and I got back on the bus and went all over looking for them at school and they wrre on head

I thought I lost my old glasses on the plane when I visited Orlando in 2011 but really they were on my head

i feel your pain

Plz help

Hey hey, I need a new bus pass and they’re pretty expensive. My soul is burning. I have to go to uni 4 days a week and I’m always there longer than a transfer would last so I absolutely need to shell out for this thing (just this once and then I graduate). The pass is $125 for a replacement which stretches me into danger territory financially. If u can help literally anything would be appreciated <3 If you can’t use gofundme, my paypal is

Daily Routine

*wakes up- thinks about Berena*

*brushes teeth- thinks about Bernie and Serena brushing their teeth*

*gets dressed- thinks about Bernie and Serena getting dressed*

*eats food- wonders what Bernie and Serena like to eat*

*catches bus to town- wonders if Bernie or Serena use public transport*

*looks around clothing shops- decides what is very ‘bernie’ and what is very 'serena’*

*goes home- thinks about what Bernie and Serena’s homes are like*

*orders takeaway- tries to guess Bernie and Serena’s favourite takeaway*

*watches TV- wonders what genre of tv Bernie and Serena are into*

*gets ready first bed- thinks about Berena getting ready for bed*

*watches Berena scenes on repeat*

*dreams about Berena*

Had an hour’s session in a sensory deprivation pod this morning and, though I didn’t quite get in the zone, it was definitely very relaxing. Paid for three sessions, so will be booking another session next week. 

Followed that up with a trip to the bookshop, seeing as I was in town, and bought a couple of books; my pile of books-to-read will soon be taller than me, and I can’t read them quickly enough. Not that I’ll stop buying them.. that would just be crazy. Today’s books: Marcus Aurelius, Meditations & George Orwell, 1984.

On my way to get the bus home I spotted a homeless man sat outside Subway with a sign asking for food or shelter; offered to get him a meal but someone had already bought him a foot-long sub, so he just asked for a coffee - I paid with a ten and gave him the change, along with the coffee. There were so many other homeless people around, but I couldn’t help all of them, at least not yet.. 

Kundalini yoga tonight to look forward to as well, so it’ll have been a busy day by the time I get back home tonight.


content warnings: casual ableism, food, threats of murder, implied kidnap.

  • Can I use the bathroom here?
  • There’s the last bus into town tonight. You better get on it.
  • Why don’t you watch your mouth, smart-ass?
  • Don’t you scream, or I’ll take a bite out of your face.
  • I can’t drive these kinds of cars.
  • Not one twitch, or I’ll come back and choke you to death.
  • You’re making me nervous.
  • I swear to God, I didn’t mean to scare you.
  • You adore me, you love me, you cherish me. Jesus Christ, you can’t live without me.
  • If you make a fool out of me, I swear to God, I’ll kill you right there.
  • If you make me look bad, I will never ever talk to you again. Ever.
  • If you do a good job, well, then you can be my best friend.
  • Let’s keep driving.
  • I got those chocolate doughnuts you like.
  • As soon as we eat, I’ll play you a tape.
  • I’m sorry, honey. Jesus Christ.
  • Why are you pointing that knife at me?
  • Shut up, I’m talking on the phone.
  • Very evil and very bad things are going to happen.
  • Yeah, I think you’re a little dumb sometimes.
  • I wonder how much that motherfuck got paid to ruin my fucking life.
  • Don’t do bad things.
  • Come on, superstar.
  • Wait, I gotta fix my hair first.
  • This is not glamour. No glamour. You look fine.
  • Just look like you like me.
  • Why don’t we just go someplace, the two of us?
  • Do you think we can stop and get a hot chocolate on the way?
  • I don’t care about you or your fucking hot chocolate.
  • I don’t want to be alone out here. I’m cold.
  • You can come in, but don’t look at me.
  • I’m freezing. Can I get in the tub with you?
  • I just have this feeling you’re not going to come back.
  • I’m gonna be really sad if you don’t come back unless you tell me. If you’re not gonna come back, just tell me. Don’t lie to me.
  • Can I get a kiss goodbye?
  • I’m really sorry that I always yell at you and stuff.
  • Let me have a heart cookie, too.

anonymous asked:

Can we all go to Amsterdam? I feel like we deserve it. Free us and send us to Amsterdam.

I hear it’s absolutely beautiful. I would love to go! Someone go get the tour bus ready. We’re going to Amsterdam!

Wait for someone who bumps mouths clumsily with yours cos they’re too busy smiling to kiss you properly. Yeah. Wait for that.
—  Azra Tabassum (aka 5000letters)

Garnet and Steven’s relationship is a metaphor for coming out of the closet.

In the first season, Garnet is doing her best to take the place of leader among the Crystal Gems, and, like Rose before her, has begun to live a life of secrets. She keeps up a constant facade of composure and wisdom, and refuses to let herself appear anything less than capable. Pearl and Amethyst needed someone to steady them in their grief, and when Garnet became that person, by shoving her own emotions and needs to the side, they began to see her as flawless. True, they were letting their pain rule their common sense – G can’t be perfect, she’s got her own problems, and of course they know that, deep down – but at least, having fought through the war and grown up with her, Pearl and Amethyst know Garnet’s history.

Though we aren’t yet clear on the whole story, we have to assume Rose was Garnet’s ticket to free expression on Earth. Garnet could be who and what she was without fear because Rose – and the other gems – would protect her. Earth is not Homeworld; Rose is not like the other Diamonds. But Rose dies, Pearl and Amethyst are overwhelmed, and suddenly Garnet is very exposed. She dons both a mask of leadership and of fearlessness, because she cannot rely on the other Gems to cater to her when they are so obviously hurting.

Enter Steven, and a new stressor sits atop Garnet’s pile of concerns. Not only does she have to help the newest Crystal Gem discover his abilites and guard his life, but also teach him about their culture. Steven has never reacted with anything but enthusiasm, but there is always the chance that he’ll hear a snippet of their lore and react badly. What if the concept of fusion disgusts him? What if he agrees with Homeworld, and thinks it should be avoided? What if he simply doesn’t understand the want for fusion outside of battle? The concept is awfully intimate for humans, after all.

He adores Opal, and fuses with Connie. He reacts (mostly) well to both. But anxiety still nags at Garnet about explaining herself – what if she reveals Ruby and Sapphire, and Steven sees her differently? What if he feels like she’s been lying to him his whole life? What if he no longer views her as a person, but as an action? What if he no longer trusts her, or demands she unfuse?

Garnet tightens her mask, and hesitantly plans to show him. When he’s older, she thinks. On his birthday. Later, later. Then we’ll show him who we are. Who I am. A little longer, and he might understand.

The invasion by the Homeworld gems blatently exposes Ruby and Sapphire, and when Garnet becomes herself once again, her first words are, “I’m sorry.” Her visor is gone, and her eyes wide. She stutters. I’m sorry that I am what I am, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry if you can’t trust me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was afraid you wouldn’t love me.

But from that moment on, Steven is starry-eyed and enamoured. Not only does he accept that Garnet is a fusion, but he’s absolutely thrilled about the idea. He asks her about it at every opportunity. What is it like? What are they like? Can I meet them? Do they each rule over different parts of you? He asks, and he digs for answers – even when she says, “You’ve fused, you know what it’s like,” he insists that no, he doesn’t, because Garnet is different, Garnet is unique, and he wants to know every detail of what it’s like for her. When Connie asks how Garnet is already in a relationship, Steven proudly tells her that Garnet is a fusion, and she’s perfect as she is. He validates her.

Pearl and Amethyst are used to the idea of Garnet being a fusion, and they never bother to bring it up. It’s old news, to them. But Garnet has been, since the moment Steven came into her life, worrying. What if he doesn’t trust me? What if he doesn’t understand me? What if he hates me? She took every anxiety about her identity and hid it under the same mask that she was using to lead. Garnet is fearless. Garnet has no flaws. Garnet is strong and has future vision to tell her that everything’s going to be okay. She comes off as immensely stoic in the first season, because she’s trying so desperately to keep up that image, for the sake of the Gems and Steven. But during Jailbreak, Steven gains insight to Garnet – she has fears; she was scared when Ruby and Sapphire were apart. She has flaws; fusion is seen as dirty. She has moments of weakness and future vision isn’t reliable. Steven understands that Garnet isn’t infallable, something Pearl and Amethyst haven’t been able to do.

In season two, Garnet is quite obviously a very different gem. She’s so, so smiley, and confesses when she’s worried, and offers Steven information she would have hesitated about before. She trusts him to watch her back and absolutely gushes when he asks about Ruby and Sapphire. She’s happy. Not perfect, not healed, not flawless. But her secret is out, and she feels safe. Steven, like Rose before him, is willing to learn about and support her.

All this draws a striking parallel to the lives of many people in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Whether for lesbians, asexuals, trans folk, aromantics, or whatever else, it’s easy to see Garnet’s life as a representation of the experience and fear of coming out. For the majority of her life, Garnet has pretended to be something she’s not. She doesn’t willingly introduce herself as a fusion. Steven didn’t know what Garnet was before he met, and created his own opinions of her as he grew up – Garnet was terrified that if she revealed her true self, he wouldn’t be able to let go of those opinions, and would use them against her.

(“I just never pictured you marrying a woman.”; “You’re just confused.”; “Society says it’s wrong, and I agree.”; “Wouldn’t you rather be normal?”; “You’re going through a phase, and you’ll look back on this and be so ashamed.”; “What if you change your mind?”; “It’s not right.”)

Instead, when Steven get excited and quizzes Garnet on her life, he identifies himself as someone who isn’t going to judge or try to change her. Not only does he acknowledge her decision, as Pearl and Amethyst have, but asks her to detail it to him. She has an outlet, finally, for expressing herself. When in the presence of others, Garnet - and we who are not cis/het - keeps up a persona: I am the leader, I am what you think I am, I have no fears and no flaws. You can trust me, I am not different. But how often, on this website, and in queer-safe spaces offline, have folks laughed, “I’m so gay,” or “Yes, look at me, blending with the heterosexuals.”? When LGBTQ+ people feel like they’re around others who understand, they can go on about their differences endlessly, with vigor and humor. No one wants to hear transphobic or gay-bashing jokes, but when you’re queer and you’re with people that are also queer or at least accepting of it, you tease. You gush. You get excited, because I am, and you are, and there is nothing wrong with us. 

Steven is Garnet’s safe space.