get on the god damn chair lift

The Call of the Wild Burrito

So I got a request from @sassyspn67 that says:

“Reader in spn gag reel pls!!!!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘 funny things”

Here’s my best attempt at this; I hope it’s funny enough, and thanks for the request!

Word count: 1329

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“God damn it, Jared! Get it together!” you crow, hitting his shoulder with the back of your hand. “We’ve done this like thirteen times!”

“You’re still new here, [Y/N], but Jared is always gassy,” Jensen tells you, grinning slightly. As if on cue, Jared releases another blood curdling fart that nearly makes you gag.

“All right, that’s a cut!” the director calls as Jared bursts into laughter. “Take five to settle and we’ll get back to this.”

“We’re so close to being done!” you groan, falling back into the chair you were supposed to have just been freed from.

You hear the snap just too late to get up, and you tumble backwards onto the set floor into the fake puddle of blood.

“God damn it!” you screech, lifting yourself from the red goo.

“What was that?” Jensen asks, holding his gun up and aiming down the hallway behind you.

“I thought we killed them all!” Jared says, his eyes widening as he looked over Jensen’s–sorry, Dean’s–shoulder.

They really chose right now of all times to get into character?

After the past ten minutes of trying to film this scene with zero successes because of Jared’s butt cheek screeching, now they decide to get into this?

Of fucking course they do, because they’re Jared and Jensen. Sam and Dean. Whoever the fuck they are right now.

“You okay?” Dean asks, and you roll your eyes.

“I’m fine, and you two are stupid,” you snap, wiping your hands off on your pants, since you’d have to get a wardrobe change anyways.

“One of them obviously broke the chair!” Sam says, sending you a subtle wink as his back turned to the camera. He mouths, “Go with it.”

“Did you hear that?” Dean asks, looking back at you. “Down the hall. Sounded like Sasquatch.”

“That was Sam’s ass,” you return, shooting him a look. Dean snickers but holds his composure for the most part.

Why couldn’t they do this while filming?

God, you hoped someone was getting this for the gag reel though. Their ideas were always wild, and who knew? This could be the next “Eye of the Tiger.”

“I had a burrito for lunch!” Sam cries as Dean starts down the prop hallway. You roll your eyes but go along with it, following the taller male as he followed his brother.

“Look!” Sam says, gesturing to the red paint on the wall that was supposed to look like blood later on in the scene.

You know, the part that you couldn’t film because Sam’s butt trumpet was acting up? Yeah, that one.

Dean presses his fingertips to the red liquid and then touches it to his tongue.

“Cherry pie filling,” he whispers, and Sam snorts. “Wait…”

He sniffs his fingertips twice, looking back to the two of you.

“Smells like sulfur to me,” he says with a wicked grin. “Looks like we got a demon on our hands!”

“Or it’s still Sam’s ass,” you state, wondering how long they were going to play this off.

It was kind of funny, to he honest, how witty they were. How they just seemed to know what train of thought each other were on, and how to improvise so well.

“Wait, so…” Sam swallows and looks around the set, pointedly avoiding the camera. “We have smell, taste, sound… It had to have touched the chair, so we have touch… We just need sight.”

“What if it’s invisible?” you ask, and they both look at you with wide eyes.

“Damn these demons are getting craftier and craftier,” Dean says, cocking his gun. “Come out, come out, you invisible son of a bitch.”

“Damn it, Dean! Don’t call it to us!” you cry, smacking his arm. Okay, this was a little bit of fun. “It might not even be a demon!”

“She’s right,” Sam says, and you struggle to keep a straight face as Sam’s stomach rumbles loudly. “What was that?”

He turns so quick you think he might get whiplash, and you rush into action since neither of them seem to know where to go with the improvised scene.

You pretend to aim a kick beside Sam, punching at nothing as though fighting an invisible foe.

Pressing your hands to your neck as though trying to pull off invisible hands, you drag yourself through the doorway and then scream.

“Where did she go?” Dean runs into the open doorway, but you don’t see the camera following him. He holds his finger up to his lips, signaling for you to remain quiet. “She’s gone, Sam! She disappeared!”

He rushes away, and you have to stifle your laughter as you hear them run down the hallway.

You bury your face into your hands and laugh quietly as your shoulders shake.

God, those two were a hoot.

“Sam, help me!” you cry through the doorway. “Dean!”

“She’s back there! Go, go, go!” Dean yells, and you hear the thundering footsteps coming toward you.

“Where is she? I don’t see her!” Sam yells as he leans through the doorway. He looks right at you, and you crack up slightly as Dean pokes his head in beside Sam.

“Maybe she’s invisible too!” Dean says, looking to Sam. “Check the room! Maybe you’ll bump into her!”

They both stumble in, hands outstretched while roaming around. You see the cameraman come in and focus on Dean, since filming Sam would put you in the shot, too.

Finally, Sam’s big hand lands on your arm, and he yells loudly. The camera switches over to you, and you make it look as if you were just turned visible once again.

With a loud scream.

Dean sees the two of you and starts to yell loudly, jumping up and down while waving his hands.

As though one being, you and Sam both start yelling and mimicking Dean until the crew filming the three of you are laughing loudly.

Finally, Jensen can’t hold it in any more and starts laughing his ass off, and Jared follows suit.

You even manage to crack a smile for a few moments before the Sam’s ass lets loose another yodel, and then you absolutely fucking lose it.

Sam shoots upright, trying to get into character while simultaneously stopping his laughter.

“Wait,” he laughs a few times and lets out a breath. “Wait, I think…” He laughs again, and by this point Jensen is nearly in tears. “I think I heard it again.”

“Sam, the only monster here is your ass trying to exhume the dinner corpse,” you say, and he doesn’t even try to hold character any longer.

“Shit, this is definitely going in the movie,” Jensen exhales after a few moments.

“You three done?” the director calls, and you stifle a giggle. “All right, let’s get [Y/N] a wardrobe change and start this over. Let’s run it from the top and get it done so we can go home.”

You sigh and make your way to get a change of jeans and a new jacket from wardrobe, and by the time you make it back to the set, Jensen and Jared are back in place where the scene had been before all of your shenanigans.

“We good?” Jared asks you as you take your place in the new chair they’ve placed, since you managed to break the other one.

“As long as your rectal turbulence is,” you return, and a fresh round of laughter erupts.

“Focus,” the director calls, and the three of you manage to get into place. “And…”

In the span of the two and a half seconds of silence before the director calls “Action,” Jared releases the loudest ass acoustics of the night.

You let out a weak whine as you try to keep a straight face.

“Did you hear that?” Jensen asks, his eyes wide. “I think it’s back.”

You burst into laughter and Jared does, too.

God, this was going to be a long scene to film if they kept this up.

Life lessons, chapter 4

Life Lessons masterlist

There’s more Sebastian and fewer children in this one. The teensiest bit of smut that’s barely worth mentioning.

Here’s Mr Stan in the leather jacket he lends you <3


Being a single parent, you didn’t get out much. So when you DID get a babysitter, you tended to compress months of nights out into one. Which often meant months of alcohol all at once. Which often led to bad decisions.  Isabel had gone to stay with your Mum for two nights over New Year – neither of them would cope with any longer, but they’d have a great time, and it gave you a little breather.  You’d arranged with a group of friends to go out on New Year’s Eve, and by 8pm you were all already well down a range of brightly coloured overly sweet drinks and getting louder. They knew ALL about your crush on Sebastian and all the thoughts you’d had about him (and you knew about their crushes too), and things were definitely getting debauched.

So when you saw Sebastian with a group of friends in the same bar, sensible decisions went out of the window. A clue to this was when you stood up at your table, screeched at your friends, and pointed in a not-very-subtle way across the bar, shouting ‘OH MY GOD IT’S HIM HE’S SO SEXY’.  There was no way he hadn’t heard, or indeed anyone in the bar. Or the street. He looked over and waved and you collapsed back into your chair shrieking and giggling.

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