“Yeah but I don’t really like that.” You said to Jack as you walked around LA.
You two had gone to stay with Conor for a week and were currently out for a walk to enjoy the sun. You met Jack at Playlist Live a couple of years ago and ever since had been the best of friends and pretty soon, you started falling for him. He had always put you above anyone and treated you better than anyone else in your life. Eventually, Jack kissed you after sharing one too many moments together and your friendship grew into a relationship.
“Babe, it’s a nice place.” He said, looking over at you. You were in the middle of deciding where to move in together and it was starting to stress you out.
“I know but I don’t like the area, it’s just so…busy.” You explained, causing Jack to laugh.
“We live in London…there’s no such thing as calm.”
You decided not to say anything back and really think about your decision. You knew Jack wanted that area but you were unsure of it.
“Did we go down the wrong street?” Jack asked, stopping to look around him. “We’ve been walking for hours.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic, I’m sure we’re fine. I mean, who gets lost in LA?” You asked but soon the realization sunk in and you realized…maybe you were lost. “What do we do?”
“Google maps.” Jack said, pulling out his phone. “Shit. I don’t have anymore data…”
“And I left mine at the house.”
“How about…we just walk back the way we came?” Jack suggested and because you couldn’t think of a better idea, you agreed. An hour later and you finally recognized the street you were on.
“Oh thank God.” You said, letting out a sigh of relief.
“Where the hell have you two been?” Conor asked as you walked into the house.
“You could say I got lost in (y/n)’s eyes.” Jack replied, smirking at you.
“If we weren’t actually lost, I’d find that really sweet.” You said, laughing.
Warnings: Swearing, LOTS OF ANGST! This chapter is pretty much PURE ANGST
Trigger Warning: Self-harm. This chapter is heavily descripted
with self-harm, so please read at your own risk if that triggers you!
Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother
Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans. Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life
through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma.
Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain
broken and alone forever?
Could it be possible for someone to become more broken then
they already were? How could someone
manage to live like this? The constant
roller coaster of life; one day life is great, and then it’s terrible for a
week, then amazing for a month. It’s
just too much for someone to handle.
You were all alone, literally and figuratively. You left Charlie because he cheated on you,
you had to put your dog, who was your best friend, down because she was sick,
your brother left for a month because of work, and now it looks as if Chris
went back to his ex. His ex, the girl
who pushed you into the pool at your brothers’ party.
Maybe it was planned all along. Maybe Chris knew all about your emotional
trauma and planned this with Minka.
That’s a possibility right? But
Chris doesn’t seem the type of person to do evil like that.
“AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH” you screamed as hard as you could. You moved out to LA to get away from this
shit! To heal yourself! And now you were in an even worse
You needed the dark of your bedroom; the blackout curtains
will give you shelter. Your head was
pounding from all the tension of emotions filtering in and out. You tried to breathe through it as much as
you could. Sweat was starting to bead on
your neck from your life crashing down around you.
You shuffle into your bedroom with what little energy you
had left and collapse on the bed. All
you wanted to do was take that razor blade and dig deep somewhere on your
skin. But it had been a week since you
had done it, and you didn’t want to resort to that anymore. You wanted to pull up your big girl panties
and handle this like a normal person; cry for days.
You were jolted awake a few hours later from your dream,
well, more of a nightmare. A nightmare
of memories you would have rather never had to think of again. Trying to regain your breathing, you look at
the clock to see it was almost 6pm.
Fuck, you slept the whole day away; but as your mind becomes less foggy,
you realize why that happened.
Chris. Chris and Minka. Pictures of them sitting in his car, smiling
at each other. Charlie. Charlie texting you to come home because he
Whimpering at the throbbing pain inside your head, you grab
a cup of water. All that crying and
screaming in frustration really dried out your throat; it felt really hoarse.
After quenching your thirst, you start searching for your
phone, afraid to see if anyone had texted you.
Of course they had.
Chris: I’m so
sick of interviews!! What are you up to beautiful?
Chris: You still sleeping? It’s after 1pm silly
Chris: I have so
much gel in my hair I’m going to have to take a three hour shower to get it all
Chris: Ems it’s
after 3pm now, I’m starting to get nervous.
Did you get lost driving around LA?
Are you stranded somewhere?
Chris: I really
don’t want to pull this card but if I don’t hear from you soon I’m gonna give
Eric a call. I’m really worried Ems
Eric: I’ve called
you a few times but you’re not picking up.
Chris called me. Emilia why won’t
you answer him
damnit answer your phone. You’re making
me nervous now
Knowing you didn’t want Eric to call the cops to the house
to check on you, you called him immediately to calm him down.
“What the fuck Emilia! Don’t pull that shit with me, why are
you ignoring everyone?” he says anger and concern lacing his voice.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling good so I have been sleeping
all day” you lied through your teeth.
“I call bullshit Em.
Chris called me. He’s stuck at
his photoshoot and interview and is a nervous wreck. What’s really going on?”
You blow out a sigh, knowing there’s no point in lying to
Eric because he’ll get it out of you sooner or later.
“Ugh, fine! There is
an article I happened to see on Twitter this morning saying that Minka and
Chris might be back together. There was
also a fucking picture of them together in his car, and I know for a goddamn
fact that it was from this morning, and not the past” you huff out in
“Emilia, you listen to me.
I can promise you they aren’t back together. Chris wouldn’t get back together with her
even if she was the last woman on Earth.
It’s the tabloids Em, this is what they do.”
“I don’t care Eric.
I’ve realized I’m no good for him anyways. I’ll just drag him down in life, and I don’t
want that for him. Look, I gotta
go. Love you bro.” You quickly hang up the phone, not wanting
him to hear the heartbreak in your voice.
The second you hang up with Eric, you get an incoming call
from Chris. Not wanting to deal with
that open wound, you ignore the call, letting it go to voicemail.
“God fucking damnit.
LEAVE ME ALONE!” you scream to nobody but yourself as you unlock your
phone and dial your voicemail.
“Hey Ems it’s Chris.
I just got done with my photoshoot and interview and I’m heading
home. But if I don’t hear from you by
then I’m coming over. Emilia I’m really
fuckin worried about you. I don’t know
if you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere or at home injured. Please call me back ok. Bye beautiful.
The tears are like waterfalls on your face. Never ending.
How do you even have tears left to give?
You heard it all in his voice. The concern, worry, and fear was all
there. He was worried about you. Why would he be worried about you if he was
back with Minka?
“PLEASE STOP!! PPLEEEAASEEE!!!!” you wail as you slide down
against the wall.
Eric: I pulled
the big brother card and told Chris why you weren’t answering. He’s on his way to talk to you now. Give him a chance to explain Em. It’s not what you think. I love you.
I’m only a call away if you need me.
That’s it! Fuck your
big girl panties, your taking matters into your own hands now.
Heading into your bathroom you turn to lock the door. You turn your blue tooth on, put your
playlist on shuffle, and turn the music all the way up. You needed to drown out as much noise as you
Stripping your robe off, you’re immediately met with
goosebumps all over your body. Luckily
because of your late night shower, all your bracelets were off. That was something you didn’t think you had
time to do; taking each one off your wrist.
You start digging around your cabinet for the only thing
that can hopefully give your mind a break from everything. Once you finally reached what you were
looking for, you sit on the cold tile floor, back leaning against the
Avril Lavigne’s “Nobody’s Home” starts over the speaker, and
you can’t help but roll your eyes at the irony.
The song is everything you’re going through right now, everything you’re
As the song starts, everything but the lyrics fades away as
your left there with a razor blade clutched in your hands.
I couldn’t tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn’t help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again
The razor blade slices into your wrist. The blood barely trickling up to the top of
the open cut.
What’s wrong ,what’s wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs
Where she belongs
You still felt everything.
Every single emotion and feeling swirling through your head, your
body. It needed to stop.
She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
That’s where she lies
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
You drag the blade against your wrist again, putting more
pressure down this time. You welcome the
pain that you receive from the cut. The
burning and stinging sensation pulling you from all your thoughts.
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You’ve been rejected
And now you can’t find
What you’ve left behind
There is more blood than the first cut as it pools to the
surface. The feelings and emotions
fading from your head. You start feeling
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don’t know where she belongs
Where she belongs
More and more fresh cuts start to litter your wrist. The blood and pain freeing you from your
thoughts; you even felt a bit euphoric at this point.
You sit there and think and feel nothing, nothing but the
burning from the fresh cuts. This was
your happy place. Void of feelings. This is why you used this distraction over
You sit there for a while, savoring the pain. You start to feel a bit light headed and look
down and realize why. You couldn’t even
see your wrists, they were covered in blood.
Slowly getting up, you turn the water to warm and rinse your
wrist, bringing on even more pain. It
seemed sadistic you realize, but you were afraid something worse would happen
if you weren’t able to contain it.
The doorbell rang and you froze.
“Shit fuck damnit!!” you curse to yourself, trying to clean
up everything as fast as you can. You
knew it was Chris; it slipped your mind earlier that your brother told you he
was coming over here. Pausing, you also
remember Chris mentioning he still had keys to the guest house from when he
“Emilia?” Chris questions as you hear him walking around
your house, your music long ago turned off.
You become stiff, holding your wrist in your towel and looking at your
“Ems, you in there?
Listen, Eric told me what happened.
Just open the door, let me explain myself.”
You were frozen. You
could not move. Your feet were stuck to
the floor, and you were utterly terrified of seeing Chris. Talking to Chris. You couldn’t do it.
His knocking continued becoming rather persistent. “Damnit Ems don’t make me break down this
“I’m naked” you blurt out, not even thinking about it, “I
mean I’m taking a bath”, you say putting your right hand up to smack your
Damn it! You had
planned on completely ignoring Chris in the hopes he would just give up and go
home. But no, you crack under pressure,
like you always do.
“I guess I will just wait right outside the door then until
you come out.”
“That could take all night Chris. Just go home, please”, you say, a hint of
anger in your voice.
You look around your bathroom. You’ve got the toilet, and water from the
sink, you could very well spend the night in here. You were stubborn when you got things set in
your head, and you weren’t going to budge on this, at least not for a few
“I’m not going anywhere Ems.
You need to hear what I have to say.”
“Then just say it, so you can be on your merry little way
That’s right, take that.
You said his full name hoping he would get the hint that you were pissed
off. Hell, it was more like
enraged. At least the two of you didn’t
start an actual relationship before this crap with Minka and him happened.
“I’m not having this conversation with you through the door
beautiful”, you could hear the playfulness in his voice.
“Well get comfy Evans, you’ll be out there all night.”
You started to get a little chilly, seeing as you were
actually naked in the bathroom. You had
fallen asleep in just your robe last night, and hadn’t bothered to change since
then. You put your robe back on, being
extra careful of your wrists. You were
able to stop the bleeding for the most part.
There was still a little bit coming through your wounds, but it would be
fine; it wasn’t enough to run down into your palm.
You grabbed a bunch of towels from the cupboard and made
your own makeshift bed. You laid down on
them, trying to get comfy.
As you closed your eyes, your heart broke even more when you
heard Chris sigh heavily from the other side of the door.
This is my submission for @casbabydontgoineedyou‘s 1K challenge. Congrats on the accomplishment Katie, and I hope you enjoy :)
Prompt: #16 - “If cops show up, I don’t know you.”
Warnings: language(like, 3 words), adorable kittens and angels… thievery? weird condoms and mentions of sex, but very brief
A/N: Look, this was supposed to be a cute, funny little fic involving shenanigans at the store, but at some point i got really mushy, and at another point my jedi-cat compelled me to include him in the fic. It’s kind of a mess, but so is my life. Enjoy anyway :)
Word Count: 2,219
You shuffle into the kitchen, the sight of your half naked boyfriend leaning over a cereal bowl greeting you. Your eyebrows furrow. “Where’s the boys?” You ask Castiel, peeking around the corner into the hall. “They never skip breakfast.” You turn to the fridge and grab some milk while you wait for an answer. When silence greets you, you turn around to see why the ex-seraph is being so quiet, only to catch him sitting with a spoon halfway to his mouth, eyes fixed on your ass. “Cas,” you coo sarcastically, drawing his name out with a smirk spreading across your lips. Your blue-eyed lover snaps from his daze, shoving the spoon into his mouth as his cheeks flush and he avoids eye contact. You chuckle, amused by Castiel’s embarrassment. Despite being together nearly two years–both of which were filled to the brim with sex of all kinds–he still acts like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar sometimes.
Connor and Jude were comfortably laying in Connor’s bed, binge-watching a show on Netflix, snuggled up, and getting tired as they finished up another episode.
Connor checked his phone for the time, seeing it was pretty late. Jude yawned as Connor asked, “are you staying here tonight?"
"What time is it?"
"Almost two,” Connor stated.
“Yeah I’ll stay."
Then Connor realized he still had to film a video for his channel. "Shoot!” Connor exclaimed, making Jude flinch. “Sorry.. I forgot to make a video. I was supposed to do a Q&A earlier."
"Can’t you do it tomorrow? It’s late.”
“We can just do a quick one. Please?” He begged. Because he knew Jude would cave.
“Fine, but if I fall asleep, it’s your fault,” Jude warned, but a smile broke through.
Connor closed Netflix and decided to just record from his laptop. He pulled up Twitter, and then minimized it to open the camera screen. He whispered a count down from three, and hit record.
“Hey, what’s up guys, it’s Connor,” he said, lacking the usual enthusiasm from his regular videos. “And Jude.”
Jude smiled and waved, despite being tired. “Hey."
"So, excuse the lighting, and the quality, it’s currently two in the morning and I figured a Q&A wouldn’t need the high quality set up. Also, as I said, it’s two in the morning, so we’ll see how this goes. It could get interesting. I asked you guys yesterday to ask us questions using the hashtag #AskJonnor on Twitter and Instagram, so we’re just going to be answering a few of your guy’s questions."
"And sorry in advance for any of my answers,” Jude said.
“Why?” Connor asked as he returned to the Twitter page.
“You always say I’m mean when I’m tired."
"Oh yeah. Well I’m sure they’re used to your sass by now, babe. Oh, and I’m not gonna edit this, because I’m too lazy, so bare with us.” He scrolled through the hashtag, finding something to start with.
“This could’ve been a live stream then,” Jude said.
Connor shrugged. “Okay here’s one. What’s your favorite memory together?”
“Can I just say all of them?"
"Yeah but pick something specific.”
“What’s yours?” Jude asked, laying back down on Connor.
“Getting lost in LA when we first moved here. We kind of ended up just touring the city all day, and we had a really good time,” Connor answered.
“That’s your favorite?” Jude looked up at him as best he could while still laying down.
“I like that."
Connor smiled to himself as he continued scrolling through Twitter. He passed Jude his phone, "here, you can check the hashtag on my Instagram.”
Jude took it, typed in the four digit passcode and opened Instagram. “There’s some pretty weird stuff on here,” he mused.
“Oh, you should see some of these questions…” Connor laughed.
“Show me.” Jude sat up slightly, and Connor pointed out a few.
“Here’s a normal one: Please tell us the story of your first kiss, love you guys!” He read. “Well thanks, we love you too. Um, okay well then there’s kind of two stories. Jude, you tell the tent one."
"Okay, so in seventh grade, our class went camping, and at the time, our friendship was kind of awkward and distanced because of his dad-”
Connor interrupted, “I have a whole video about my relationship with my parents. Basically, he tried to prevent us from being friends by banning sleep overs because he thought Jude was gay."
"Right. And to be fair, it was true, but I was still… Like figuring that out I guess. So anyway, on this camping trip, his dad told Connor that we weren’t allowed to share a tent, but guess what? Us being the rebellious children we were, decided to share a tent anyway. My mom was the vice principal and she was on the trip with us as one of the chaperones. So after bed check, we pretty much just stayed up talking, and Connor brought up a time where we played spin the bottle with two girls from our class. When it was Connor’s turn, it landed on me, and we almost kissed, but my sister walked in and practically terrified us. So anyway, he was talking about how he was curious about, if we actually did kiss, and then I don’t even know how it happened, but he kissed me. It was literally less than a second, but we were pretty freaked out and agreed to keep it a secret."
"And then Jude told his moms like five minutes later,” Connor added.
“Okay, it was a few days later, and only because I thought your dad… You know…” Jude defended.
“I know, I know, I’m just kidding. So the second story was like, our first real kiss I guess. And by that, I mean kiss that wasn’t a terrified one second peck.”
Jude snorted. “Oh, the four second ‘Jude shut up,’ kiss?"
"Yes, that one.” Connor looked back at the camera to explain, “Jude was mad at me for sending mixed signals and basically, mid speech, I kissed him to both, shut him up, and kind of prove that I did have real feelings for him."
Jude opened his mouth to object, but quickly rethought his words. "Yeah which was kinda more confusing because the next day… Daria…”
“Okay let’s not rehash our relationship from when we were thirteen,” Connor laughed.
“Sorry, yeah just feel free to shut me up. I don’t want you to get hate comments,” Jude said.
“Oh yeah, all the 'oh my gosh, Connor’s a terrible boyfriend,’ comments. Those sound great,” Connor said sarcastically.
“Guys, we were thirteen, just remember that. Connor’s the best boyfriend, I promise."
"Jude’s better,” Connor fake-whispered.
Jude hitched the blankets up higher and got more comfortable. “Okay, next question. And we’ll try to keep the answers short."
Connor scrolled through more strange questions, and unrelated things. "Did you find anything on Instagram?"
"Not really. A lot of random fan things."
"Have either of you ever dated girls?” Connor read. “Um, before dating Jude, I dated a girl for a few weeks. It didn’t even really count though."
"And I never have,” Jude answered.
“Here’s a random one… Do you trust each other to cut each other’s hair?"
"Um… No? I don’t trust anyone who’s not a certified hair dresser,” Jude said quickly.
“Yeah, I don’t even trust myself with scissors,” Connor admitted.
“For good reason. I found one on Instagram. @OfficialConnorStevens you and Jude have a really good relationship, so I was wondering if you guys ever had an actual break up before? Love you!” Jude read.
“Thank you, I love you more! Um, yeah, again, we started dating at the age of thirteen, so of course there were small things back then. But anything serious? Yes.. I actually have a video from about a year ago where I told you guys that Jude and I broke up. I left it vague, and didn’t go into detail about the situation, but that lasted about a month. I think the video was titled 'my breakup,’ but of course, we’re still together, and everything is perfectly fine."
"And no, we’re not going to go into detail now either. Can I answer this next one?” Jude asked.
“Go for it,” Connor smiled.
“Do you guys have any funny inside jokes? If so, tell us. Okay, we have a really old one.” Jude cleared his throat dramatically and Connor prepared for what Jude would say. “I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is!"
Connor burst out laughing, just glad that it wasn’t something totally embarrassing. "Oh wow. Okay, before Jude was out, he kinda had a denial phase, not wanting to label himself, so I bought a shirt that said 'I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is,’ as a joke. He hated it, but now it’s just kind of an inside joke.”
“We have a lot more too, but I can’t think right now, and I’m sure most aren’t appropriate anyway,” Jude added.
“And I’m not editing this. Also, can you sit up for a sec?"
Jude sat up and Connor moved his arm, which had long since gone numb. The pins and needles feeling soon replaced the numbness as it regained feeling. "Okay, I’m going to look at the comments on our last video together for the next question.” He rested his arm and Jude curled up to him again.
“How many more questions are we doing? I’m tired."
Connor opened YouTube in another tab and scrolled to their last video, then looked at the comments. "A few more. Don’t fall asleep.”
"Top comment with three hundred likes, is, Jude should get a channel!”
“Guys, we basically share this channel,” Jude said.
“Well yeah, I mean you’re in like, ninety five percent of my videos, so there wouldn’t be much point in us both having one,” Connor continued.
“Yeah. And I’m not nearly as dedicated or patient, so my channel would be pretty dead. But I do appreciate your guy’s support and I love you guys too."
"There aren’t many questions on YouTube so let’s go back to Twitter.” Connor closed YouTube and found more on Twitter. “Connor, why’d you start YouTube? I’ve talked about this many times on my channel, but basically it started in high school as an outlet. I had an unsteady home life, and my relationship with my parents wasn’t the greatest, so YouTube was an escape, and it just sorta stuck."
Jude grabbed Connor’s phone again to check Instagram. "Can I open DM’s?”
“Okay, this one is, what are your future plans? Do you want kids, pets, etcetera?"
"I don’t think we’ve planned that far ahead, to be honest, but currently we’re both in college, um, kids? I think someday maybe.” Connor looked at Jude for his answer.
“Yeah someday. And we’ve talked about getting a dog,” Jude said.
“This one on Twitter says: have either of you ever considered proposing?” Connor asked.
“I think we’re kinda young to think about proposing, but it’s definitely something for the future,” Jude answered.
“This next question is funny, it’s: Hi, I’m not trying to be rude, but are you gay? No offence.” Connor blinked slowly a few times, trying not to laugh, but they both burst into laughter. “Um, hey, you must be new to my channel.”
“I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is,” Jude blurted, laughing. “But yeah, we are, to answer your question."
"Duh. Okay next one, also from Twitter, You and Jude seem to always be together, but you sometimes talk about 'Jude’s house.’ Do you guys live together?”
“No,” Jude said simply.
“Well… We might as well. Okay, so we both live in different apartment buildings, but they’re a five minute walk away. Jude doesn’t like his apartment, and he’s practically always here,” Connor explained further.
“My apartment is fine, honestly, but I usually just end up staying here.”
“Sometimes vice-versa though. Just depends. Like tonight, Jude’s staying here because we binge-watched a show on Netflix and now it’s late.”
“Speaking of late, are we done?” Jude asked.
“Almost, almost. And, you guys will be the first to know, that we are looking to get a place together. So next question: Do we have nicknames for each other?” Connor asked.
“I call you Con, but so does everyone. You call me Judicorn, but that was a nickname my sister came up with when I was twelve. It just stuck.” Jude finished his sentence through a yawn, getting even more tired.
“And the last question we’ll answer is, What’s your weirdest fan experience, and do either of you ever get recognized in public? Uh, weirdest fan experience… I don’t really think I’ve had any weird fan experiences,” Connor admitted, trying to recall anything specific.
“You had someone follow you from the mall, didn’t you?” Jude asked.
“Oh! Yeah, someone followed me home and asked for a picture. That was probably the weirdest. But yes, we do sometimes get recognized. Jude finds it really weird.”
“Cause we’re not famous. Also, I get shy about it though,” Jude said.
“So guys, next week, Jude and I are going back home to San Diego, to spend time with family, so I’ll be vlogging that, and we’ll try to film some challenges or tags. Leave suggestions in the comments! We’re tired, so I think it’s time to sleep. Sorry if this video was boring, it was kind of last minute, but I love you guys, and I’ll see you all next week. Goodnight!” They both waved, and Connor turned the camera off.