get in my pants or something

ma-sulevin  asked:

Question time! 7, 11, 16, 18, 24, 37, 40, 56, 82, 92 & 93!

Oooh, thanks for all the questions @ma-sulevin!

7. What does your last received text say?

“My moneymaker, probably.” [And no, I’m not explaining the context… lol]

11. What do you drink in the morning?

A big ol’ cup of coffee. Can’t start my day without it!

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny, without the heat.

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants or pajama pants?

Jeans - it’s pretty much all I wear.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

YES. Since I was, like… 15, I think? At that time my parents wouldn’t let me get one, but now it’s more debating what to get. I’m really tempted to get something DA-related.

37.  What song are you listening to?

Dangerous, by Royal Deluxe.

40.  What made you start liking the person you like now?

I’m assuming this refers to my SO? With him, it was how calm he was, and how he never judged me, ever. I love him for so many more reasons than that of course, but it was those traits that attracted me :)

56. Do you like to cuddle?

Of course ^_^

82. Do you still talk to the first person you kissed?

No. We kept in touch for a while, but we grew apart over the years.

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

… yes.

93. …Had sex in a car?

Originally posted by fuckyeahjamiecampbellbower

Ask Meme

Straight? I think not.

Warning: Smut
Length: 2.6k

Summary:
Dan brags that his blowjobs could turn any guy gay. Unfortunately for him, his friends put this to the test and lock him in a closet…

“My blowjobs are so good, they’d probably turn a straight guy gay!”

That was the comment I had made during gym. It was also the reason I was currently locked in a locker room closet with Phil Lester. Who was, by the way, the school’s straightest heartthrob, and my least favourite classmate. I really needed better friends.

“So you’re telling me that Chris and your other groupies pushed me into this closet so that you could blow me?!”

I winced at Phil’s shrill screech. “If you could not shriek at me, that’d be great. I happen to like my hearing.” I mumbled from my place on the closet floor. “Look, they aren’t going to let us out until we do it, so can we just get it over with so that I can rush home and wash out my mouth?”

He flattened himself to the wall, wide-eyed. “No!”

“What other ideas do you have to get out of here, then?”

“I…” He stopped, a perplexed look overtaking his frantic one. “Are they really not going to unlock the door? Even if we wait?”

“Last month I claimed that I could eat anything. They trapped me inside of my bathroom with a platter of raw worms and crickets, everything completely drenched in hot sauce. I waited for three hours, but they didn’t let me out until I’d licked the plate clean.”

He tried to recoil further, but he was already up against the wall. “You’re not making me want your mouth all over me, Howell. That’s disgusting!”

“You’re telling me!” I groaned, getting pretty tired of fighting. “Just let me take control, and it’ll be over before you know it.”

He clenched his eyes shut, staying silent for several minutes before stepping away from the wall tentatively. “Fine… But you can’t tell everyone about this.” He muttered, watching me warily.

“Noted.” I sighed, closing my eyes and forcing myself into my sexual headspace. Then I reopened them, taking in Phil’s frame. He has nice curves, I decided, licking my lips instinctively as my gaze roamed over his hips. Good legs, too.

I crawled towards him on my hands and knees. He let out a startled squeak as my hands found his hips, pushing them back against the wall. His scent filled my nose, musky and slightly sweaty due to the gym class last period. It was exciting, causing heat to spiral down and in between my legs.

Whining softly, I glided my hands up and down his sides and over his chest, trying to feel every part of him I could reach. Then I pressed my nose to the front of his jeans in search of more of his smell. Phil jumped, gasping harshly when I nuzzled his half-hard length through his clothes.

“Do you want me to do it, or you?” I murmured, playing with the waistband of his jeans. Phil gaped at me, his mouth opening and closing but no sound escaping. Trailing my fingers daintily across his stomach, I leaned against his thigh to look up at him as innocently as I could. “I don’t mind doing it for you.”

“I-I… Um… Sure?” He squeaked. My fingers hooked into his belt loops, pulling them down and searching each bit of newly exposed skin as they slid down his thighs, pooling at his ankles. He kicked them off, glancing my way as if I was going to attack him once he was done. I simply pressed him back against the wall again.

He hissed as his bare legs met the wall, pressing up against my firm grip. “It’s cold!”

“You’ll warm up quickly, don’t you worry,” I chuckled. I focused my gaze on the outline of his semi through his boxers, which clung tightly to his thighs. Below the dark material was a seemingly endless supply of pale, unmarked skin. I decided that a slow buildup would be the best approach.

I pressed open mouthed kisses to the inside of his thighs to test his limits, tasting his skin with my tongue. Phil took a sharp intake of breath, trembling with the strain of keeping himself still. I moved slowly up from his knees to the top of his thighs. Then I took a quick detour to explore his hips, unable to resist digging my teeth into the taut skin there.

“Did you just bite me?” He stared down at me as I traced the blossoming mark with my finger.

“Mmhmm…” I decided that the dark bruises looked nice on his pale skin, so I tugged at the fabric of his boxers. “May I?”

He closed his eyes and nodded, his breathing getting heavier as I removed the last bit of clothing between my mouth and him. Then I moved to decorate the skin with more marks. Each time I bit down, a soft “ha” escaped from his lips.

“H-how am I-ha-going t-to explain these marks tomorrow?” He managed, squirming under my grip. A smirk tugged at my lips as I surveyed my work, pleased that the bruises were scattered both above and below where his gym shorts would be as well as along his v-line.

“Guess you’ll get to tell everyone that you snagged a hot boy…” I snickered quietly as Phil let out an indignant squeak and slapped my arm. “What? I’m hot, admit it!”

“You wish!” He scoffed, a faint blush dusting his cheeks as he avoided my eyes. Interesting. I trailed a finger over the various bruises, before rubbing his base teasingly.

“Dan!” He hissed, curling his fingers into fists against the wall as my hand ran up and down his length. I leaned forwards, carefully, and flicked my tongue out to taste the bead of precum gathering at his tip.

Phil keened, bucking his hips forwards suddenly so that my tongue slid along the bottom of his length. As soon as he’d realized what he’d done though, he flushed red and leaned back against the wall.

I just chuckled and used my hands to steady him before wrapping my lips around his tip. I couldn’t help but mewl as the salty flavour spread across my tongue, but it was nothing compared to the loud whimper Phil emitted.

“D-Dan… Stop teasing…” He managed, struggling against where I was holding him from pressing forwards. I pulled off, doing the opposite of what he had asked. Instead, I pressed wet kisses along the side of his length. “Howell!” He spluttered uselessly.

Giggling, I glanced up to his incredibly red face. “Something wrong?” I purred. He just glared down at me, his fingers twitching like he wanted to just grab my head and make me obey him. Heat swirled low in my stomach at the thought.

“You are such a tease.” Phil muttered, and I couldn’t help but notice how much lower and more gravelly his voice had gone. Swallowing roughly, I tried to stay on top of the rushing images in my head.

“I just know how to get you all worked up,” I winked. He spluttered again, beginning to growl something about how annoyingly cocky I was. I cut him off by suddenly lurching forwards and taking him into my mouth.

He swore, loudly, and his hands flew forwards to tangle in my hair. Blunt fingernails scraped my scalp as his fingers curled to grip my brown locks, tugging my mouth forwards. His hips jerked a bit as a moan pushed its way up my throat.

We both paused for breath. Phil panted heavily above me, while I forced myself to breathe through my nose. When I finally glanced up to his face, I couldn’t help the choked whine that escaped.

His head had fallen to the side, bright crimson cheeks underlining his darkened blue eyes as they locked with mine. I was slightly aware of my hands falling from his hips. He must have suddenly realized that I was breathing quite heavily through my nose, because he tugged my hair until I moved my mouth off of him.

I gasped for breath, aware that Phil hadn’t let go of his grip on my curls. If anything, he seemed to have tightened it, as if he was afraid I’d run away.

“J-Jesus, Phil…” I managed, lust and want rushing through my veins. He seemed to decide that I wasn’t mad at him, removing his hands to unbutton his shirt. I watched him quizzically.

“Hot in here,” He stated gruffly, pushing the material off of his shoulders and cautiously pushing his fingers back through my curls. “Is this okay?”

“Mmh…” I mumbled, leaning up into the touch. My jeans felt tight and uncomfortable, and now that he mentioned it, hot and sweaty. “I wanna strip too.”

“Are you asking for permission?”

“Yeah, can I?” He nodded, releasing my hair again so that I could shuffle away a few steps. I made quick work of my shirt, fumbling a bit with my belt before finally kicking off my jeans, leaving my underwear on.

Instantly I scrambled forwards to take him into my mouth again, moaning when he bumped the back of my throat. I was vaguely aware of Phil murmuring praise, each quiet word shooting down my spine to join the jumble of arousal filling my lower body. He slid in and out of my mouth slowly as I relaxed my jaw.

“So pretty like this,” He murmured, tugging my hair to guide me forwards again. I took advantage of his newly exposed skin, using my hands to explore his chest and sides as he controlled the movement of my head.

“Wanna touch myself…” I whined, increasingly aware of the pressure on my length. Phil tutted, glancing down at where I was shifting against the hard tile floor. Immediately I stopped and blushed.

“No, want to see you come untouched like the slut you are.”

My hips jerked at the unexpected command, but I managed to pull myself together with a strangled sounding whine. Phil hummed approvingly. Pulling my hair back, I felt him push in deeper at the new angle, until I was deepthroating his length with my nose pressed against his base. The same musky smell from before filled my nose, and I moaned appreciatively as he pulled back out and repeated the motion.

“Gonna come just from me using your mouth, yeah? Only I get to use you like this?” His voice was a low growl, possessively commanding my thoughts.

“Yes! Please… Use me, I’m… your… toy!” I begged in between thrusts, climbing towards my climax much faster now that he was saying such things like that. Phil huffed out a laugh, clearly amused by how effectively he’d managed to take control.

“Good boy,” He murmured gently, holding my head still as his tip repeatedly hit the back of my throat. It was weird, the way he effortlessly switched from commands and degradation to soft praising whispers, but it seemed that my body reacted strongly to pretty much any talk during such intimate moments.

His heavy breathing brought my eyes back to his face. “I-I’m-” He gasped suddenly, breaking off his sentence and pulling me harshly forwards as he fell over the edge. Hot liquid streaked over my tongue and down my throat, Phil’s breathless moans and praise filling my ears.

Then I was coming suddenly, pleasure spiking in my body as my orgasm racked through me. Mine was much quieter than his, considering that I had a slowly softening length filling my mouth, the last bit of his come disappearing down my throat as I swallowed around my noises.

He pushed my lips off of him wearily as he came down from his high, slumping against the wall and sliding down to sit in front of me. I squirmed in my soiled underwear, not quite sure whether to go to him or not. Thankfully, Phil decided for me by motioning me forwards and allowing me to collapse against his chest.

“Did you actually come from that?” He murmured, pressing his heated palm to my sensitive scalp. I pressed up into the touch.

“Mmh.. maybe…” My voice was raspy, almost hoarse. I blushed as he chuckled. He stayed quiet for a few more minutes, brushing his fingers delicately over my abused curls. Then he turned to look at me with a gentle smile.

“Shower?”

“Please,” I mumbled, a bit embarrassed. He stood and went to the back of the closet, rummaging through a bin of towels while I took the chance to admire his body from behind. Turning, he offered me one to wrap around my waist to conceal the dark patch on my front. Once we were both covered, with his towel hiked a bit higher to cover the bruises, we tried the door. It opened easily. I chose not to think about when Chris had come to unlock it.

Phil ushered me through the locker room, grabbing his bag from a bench nearby and following me to the showers. The spray was warm and inviting, and Phil dropped his towel without much hesitation before stepping in with a content sigh. I followed, kicking off my underwear and throwing my towel to the side.

His eyes roamed over my frame before reaching out and pulling me under the water with him. I collided with his chest, nearly knocking him backwards and causing giggles to bubble up from our throats.

“This is nice,” Phil murmured, reaching for the shampoo and rubbing it into my hair. I hummed, closing my eyes at the blissful feeling of his fingers in my hair.

“Yeah?”

“Mm..” His breath moved to the side of my neck, tingles erupting where his lips barely brushed the skin. I bit my lip as teeth scraped over the same spot, knowing that he was going to leave a mark. I probably deserved it for marking him up so much. He took a deep breath when he was done. “You smell a bit like strawberries.”

I couldn’t help but snort at that. “I’m pretty sure I smell like sex, actually.” He swatted my arm, and I opened my eyes as he giggled, his tongue between his teeth. A smile tugged at my lips. “You have a nice laugh…”

“You have an amazing mouth.” He retorted, smirking despite the blush creeping up the back of his neck. I couldn’t help but wink.

“Oh, I’m sure my mouth can do more than that.” Phil swatted my arm again, pushing me under the spray and causing shampoo to run in rivulets down my face and neck. “Hey!” I squeaked, clenching my eyes shut to avoid getting it in my eyes. The sweet smelling suds had almost disappeared when I felt his hands slide around my waist, tugging me closer.

I’m not sure who kissed who first, but it was sweet and gentle and not at all heated or sexual. He tasted like peaches. Who gave him the right to taste so good? I cringed internally when I realized what I probably tasted like, but he didn’t seem to mind. He pulled back slowly, seemingly trying to catch his breath but leaning back in to press quick pecks to the corners of my mouth before resting his forehead against mine.

“I think I like boys.”

A soft smile tugged at my lips. “You think so?” He pulled me back for another delicate kiss, breathing a word into the tiny gap between our mouths.

“Yeah.”

Gather round, children. Auntie Jules has a degree in psychology with a specialization in social psychology, and she doesn’t get to use it much these days, so she’s going to spread some knowledge.

We love saying representation matters. And we love pointing to people who belong to social minorities being encouraged by positive representation as the reason why it matters. And I’m here to tell you that they are only a part of why it matters.

The bigger part is schema.

Now a schema is just a fancy term for your brain’s autocomplete function. Basically, you’ve seen a certain pattern enough times that your brain completes the equation even when you have incomplete information.

One of the ways we learned about this was professional chess players vs. people who had no experience with chess.

If you take a chess board and you set it up according to a pattern that is common in chess playing (I’m one of those people who knows jack shit about chess), and you show it to both groups of people, and then you knock all the pieces off the board, the pro chess players will be able to return it to its prior state almost perfectly with no trouble, because they looked at it and they said, “Oh, this is the fifth move of XYZ Strategy, so these pieces would be here.”

The people who don’t know about chess are like, “Uh, I think one of the horses was over here, and maybe there was a castle over there?”

BUT, if you just put the pieces randomly on the board before you showed it to them, then the amateurs were more likely to have a higher rate of accuracy in returning the pieces to the board, because the pros are SO entrenched in their knowledge of strategy patterns that it impairs their ability to see what is actually there if it doesn’t match a pattern they already know.

Now some of y’all are smart enough to see where this is going already but hang on because I’m never gonna get to be a college professor so let me get my lecture on for a second.

Let’s say for a second that every movie and TV show on television ever shows black men who dress in loose white T-shirts and baggy pants as carrying guns 90% of the time, and when they get mad, they pull that gun out and wave it in some poor white woman’s face. I mean, sounds fake, right? But go with it.

Now let’s say that you’re out walking around in real life, and you see a black man wearing a white T-shirt and loose-fitting jeans. 

And let’s say he reaches for something in his pocket.

And let’s say you can’t see what he’s reaching for. Maybe it’s his wallet. Maybe it’s his cell phone or car keys. Maybe it’s a bag of Skittles.

But on TV and movies, every single time a black man in comfortable, casual clothes reaches for something you can’t see, it turns out to be a gun.

So you see this.

And your brain screams “GUN!!!” before he even comes up with anything. And chances are even if you SEE the cell phone, your brain will still think “GUN!!!” until he does something like put it up to his ear. (Unless you see the pattern of non-threatening black men more often than you see the narrative of them as a threat, in which case, the pattern you see more often will more likely take precedence in this situation.)

Do you see what I’m saying?

I’m saying that your brain is Google’s autocomplete for forms, and that if you type something into it enough, that is going to be what the function suggests to you as soon as you even click anywhere near a box in a form.

And our brains functioning this way has been a GREAT advantage for us as a species, because it means we learn. It means that we don’t have to think about things all the way through all the time. It saves us time in deciding how to react to something because the cues are already coded into our subconscious and we don’t have to process them consciously before we decide how to act.

But it also gets us into trouble. Did you know that people are more likely to take someone seriously if they’re wearing a white coat, like the kind medical doctors wear, or if they’re carrying a clipboard? Seriously, just those two visual cues, and someone is already on their way to believing what you tell them unless you break the script entirely and tell them something that goes against an even more deeply ingrained schema.

So what I’m saying is, representation is important, visibility is important, because it will eventually change the dominant schemas. It takes consistency, and it takes time, but eventually, the dominant narrative will change the dominant schema in people’s minds.

It’s why when everyone was complaining that same-sex marriage being legal wouldn’t really change anything for LGB people who weren’t in relationships, some people kept yelling that it was going to make a huge difference, over time, because it would contribute to the visibility of a narrative in which our relationships were normalized, not stigmatized. It would contribute to changing people’s schemas, and that would go a long way toward changing what they see as acceptable, as normal, and as a foregone conclusion.

So in conclusion: Representation is hugely important, because it’s probably one of the single biggest ways to change people’s behavior, by changing their subconscious perception.

(It is also why a 24-hour news cycle with emphasis on deconstructing every. single. moment. of violent crimes is SUCH A TERRIBLE SOCIETAL INFLUENCE, but that is a rant for another post.)

All For Show

Valentine’s Day Special #2

Pair : Steve Rogers x Reader

8. You ask your best friend to pretend to be your boyfriend for your sisters couples dinner party. Requested by anon. 

Warning : Language

Word Count : 2,434

Three knocks, that’s all it took before Steve opened the door. He stood there, wearing a tank top and sweats, and his hair damped from sweat, which only meant he just came back from the gym.

“Hey, didn’t expect you here today.” He smiled, waving you in.

“I know, but I needed to talk to you.”

You walked in to his apartment, and plopped down onto his couch. His place was like your second home. You were always there, and if you weren’t, then you two were at your place.

“Beer?” He asked, walking to the kitchen.

“Nah, just water.”

Steve tossed you a water bottle, as he started back toward the living room where you waited.

You took a big swig of the water and felt the cold liquid trickle down your throat. Making you feel somewhat at ease.

“So what did you need to talk to me about?” Steve asked, leaning against the wall across from you.

For some reason you were feeling nervous. Which was strange. Steve was your best friend. You two were so close, you were able to talk to him about anything. He’s seen you in sweats with no makeup on. He’s helped you when you were a drunken mess. And yet, you were somehow nervous about this topic.

“Y/N.” he snapped his fingers, catching your attention. “You okay?”

You slowly nodded, running your hand through your hair. Something you did when you were nervous.

“So my sister is throwing a couples party tomorrow night, and when I RSVP’d a month ago, I was dating Jared-”

“The asshole.” He cut you off.

“Woah, language.” You teased.

He dramatically rolled his eyes and huffed. “Anyways, go on.”

“As I was saying, I told her I’d go and now she’s expecting me to be there.”

“So?” He drawled out.

You swallowed hard, meeting your best friends gaze.

“I was wondering if you can go as my fake boyfriend.” You slightly winced as the words finally fell from your lips.

Keep reading

All It Takes (three)

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Be happy Bucky is here to handle everything.

Word Count: 4116 | Rating: R

Warnings: SMUT. oral (f receiving), face riding, dirty talking, two nsfw gifs, UNPROTECTED SEX (wrap your wang, before you bang!)

A/N: I am just going to leave this for y’all thirsty hoes. But I’m baffled by the feedback I got on the first tow part, so just wanna say THANK YOU!

also sorry for any typos

Masterlist here

All It Takes Part One Part Two 

(*gifs are not mine!)

Keep reading

Victor+Yuuri and that good ‘ol PDA

  • Yuuri is the king of sneak kisses. Victor will be reading, watching tv, or just minding his business and ‘oh hi stunning husband is kissing me.’ Sometimes it’s a quick little peck before Yuuri’s out running errands, or a “I’m bored and you’re cute” make out session.” Victor loves it.

  • They swap kisses all the time. A kiss before Yuuri is back on the ice, a “I missed you” peck when someone gets back home, the “You were gorgeous and I have to remind you how gorgeous you are” kiss over the couch. 

  • Victor LOVES holding Yuuri. Usually his arm is around his shoulders or his waist while out and about. Yuuri usually just slides in closer using Victor’s pockets to warm his hands instead of his gloves. 

  • Victor buys these and even though they make walking 100% harder and Yuuri’s hand sweats every time….Yuuri love them. (Yes they even have V and Y on each glove)  
    [Image description: 2 normal grey gloves with a third glove being made for two people to hold hands in. Each normal glove has a letter on it, M+V respectively, while the couple glove has a heart.]

  • At home Victor will just lay on top of or beside Yuuri. Yuuri just shrugs, repositions him, and then sighs when Makkachin starts whining because “No wait Dad, it was MY TURN to cuddle New Dad.”

  • Even when sleeping alone they both have a perfect husband shaped hole next to them. Sleeping on the couch usually turns into cuddling on the couch the moment the other person comes home. When apart they usually cuddle a pillow. 

  • Victor LOVES being little spoon because it’s Yuuri’s arms around him while he sleeps why WOULDN’T he want that? Sometimes though, Yuuri prefers being little spoon especially when his anxiety is bad. Also when Victor grows his hair out a little bit. Yuuri has woken up with silver hair in his mouth too many times to count…he suffers for true love. 

  • They’re that couple who casually rubs each other’s backs, hook pinkies, bump shoulders/hands, or (Victor since he’s taller) rest their chin on the other person’s shoulder. Yuuri especially loves holding hands since in big groups it gives him something to concentrate on.

  • Victor posts those “my husband lead me around all day” things where it’s his normal day with Yuuri holding his hand leading him on. It all gets posted to his Snapchat+Instagram.

  •  First, Yuuri guiding him towards the kitchen for breakfast, then Yuuri walking him to the rink, Yuuri leading him on the ice, Yuuri leading him to a food stand for lunch, more Yuuri leading him on ice, Yuuri leading him home, and the last image is Yuuri grinning at him with his hand out in sleep pants looking sleepy but so so SO happy. 

  • Yuuri still never posts outside of a “Here’s Victor doing something really cool” or a rare selfie, but Victor’s insta…..every other post is Yuuri or Makkachin.

  • His most popular post (that is also his phone backrgound, Yuuri’s contact photo, and one day a full size poster if he had his way.) is a photo of Yuuri asleep on the couch curled around Makkachin his face buried in the dog’s fur. Victor’s flight got held up, and Victor told Yuuri to head home because the weather was getting bad, and he needed to sleep. It also has a video (for him) of him cupping Yuuri’s cheek, Yuuri nuzzling it, and half waking up before murmuring “…Vitya?” 

  • Victor just really loves his husband. 

  • Yuuri just really loves his husband. 
"I wonder what I said..."

Okay, so, my rogue recently bought an ice short sword. Whilst in a battle, though, she stabbed a fire-being thing, which negated both the power of the monster and my sword. So, Minster shatters. Yay! Sword shatters. Not yay.

Me: “Well that was a waste of gold.”
“DM: “The hilt is still getting really, really cold in your hand.”
Me: “Huh, I should probably put it down.”
DM: “It’s starting to burn your hand with cold, so maybe.”

So she puts down the hilt, and the little gem in it starts to crack and shatter and out pops a tiny ice elemental, which we ended up giving water and stuff to grow it to a bigger size while trying to talk to it.

The necromancer tries to use an ice spell to make friends.

Me: “Are you trying to steal the elemental?!”
Necro: “Yeah, kinda.”
Me: “I paid for that sword, if that elemental is going to make friends with anyone, it’ll be me!”
Necro: “Awww, but-”
ME: “You have your zombies, now go away!”

Everyone else gives up on communication with it, but I paid for that fuckin’ sword, I’m not giving up yet.

DM: “The elemental continues to look at you, making gust sounds and whistling.”
Me: “Uh, I’ll start whistling back! Let’s hope I don’t accidentally offend it.”
DM: “Roll bluff.”
Me: “21”
DM: “It makes a high pitched whistle at you and begins moving forward.”
Me: “Lets see how this one backfires. I whistle some more. I probably insulted its mother by accident or something.”
DM: It gets to you and touches the base of your pants, melts and the water begins traveling up your body.“
Me: "UM, Ice elemental I am flattered but taken! Oh fuck did I seduce the elemental? My girlfriend is gonna be so pissed.”

DM:“It goes up your body to your chain shirt, and freezes again, giving you another point of armor and a resistance to cold.”

Me: “Oh. That’s cool! Now I can make ice puns.”
Everyone Else: “Oh shit, no, not more puns.”

And I’m guessing I’ll never find out what was said in that conversation with the ice elemental.

sirius black: a few facts

  • flamboyant as fuck
  • would probably lose a drinking contest to a house elf
  • sees more colours than most others
  • im talking “why do you own this pair of shoes twice” - “oh my god prongs one of these is onyx and the other is clearly midnight blue are you taking the mickey”
  • sleep walks and has to be tucked back in very gently
  • shit at most games bc he gets fidgety and distracted, but will pout for hours if he loses
  • his intimidating/sexy glare is actually him zoning out
  • astonished at the simplest facts bc “NO ONE TOLD ME THE MUGGLES HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON HOW THE F”
  • when he borrows something he returns it either (1) broken (peter’s quill), (2) glittery (james’ pants) or (3) after two years (also james’ pants) or (4) all of the above (don’t ask)
  • hates wearing baggy or thick clothes so he’s always whining about being cold and demanding cuddles
  • the one time in history of magic he raised his hand it was to ask if quentin the queer was gay and prof binns actually floated away backwards through the wall
Mischief and Babygirl // A Stiles Stilinski Roommate AU Smut

Prompt: Imagine two people being in a situation where they can’t stand each other and are forced to live together. They hate each other with every fiber in their body and are always mad about the smallest things. But, what they didn’t know was that they had made an online friend and had grown very fond of each other and started dating online with each other. When they decided to meet up and see one another for the first time, they find themselves in a very shocking and unexpected situation.

Relationship: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Mutual Masterbation, Dirty Talk, Sexting, Nudes, Oral (male on female), Fingering, and Swearing.

Word Count: 6,829

A/N: This is definitely one of my favorite one-shots I have written. I really hope y’all like it, too. It’s another round of me and @celestial-writing just putting ideas together (love you)! Also, how fucking hot is angry Stiles tho???

And guys, I put this thing so you can now read your own name instead of (Y/N)!! If you’re not on my blog, you just have to click the little box which will take you there and BOOM, now my fics have become 100% personal for you! (Unfortunetly, doesn’t work on mobile)

Your name: submit What is this?


Immediately letting out a shout as anger boiled up inside of her for the millionth time today because of the same freckled boy, (Y/N) grabbed the empty jug of milk out the refrigerator and trudged towards the dining room table. There sat her four roommates and greatest friends in the world, well everyone except Stiles Stilinski that is.

“Stiles!” She yelled, throwing the empty bottle in his lap and startling him. “I swear to God, if you ever leave anything empty in the fridge again, I will kick your sorry ass!”

“Sweetheart, you couldn’t kick this ass no matter how hard you tried.” Stiles scoffed and took the bottle off of his body to place it on the table.

“You wanna bet?” (Y/N) threatened.

“Funny.” He laughed which only made the young woman even more furious than she already was.

Stiles immediately jumped when she harshly slammed her hand down on the surface in front of him, leaning her face so close to his that they were only inches apart.

“Never doubt a woman’s capacity to destroy someone.” (Y/N) stated, her voice harsh enough to make him gulp. “We do know how to perfectly get rid of blood stains after all.”

“Damn, Stiles.” Scott chuckled from his seat on the table. “If I were you, I’d go buy a lifetime supply of milk right now just to protect myself.”

“Nah,” Camile disagreed and everyone could hear the smile in her voice. “What they need to do is sleep with each other already. The sexual tension between you two is really tiring.”

“I’ll say.” Madi groaned. “I’m the one who’s room is right next to theirs and, God, the fighting is non-stop. Just have sex already, please? Not for the love of God, but for my sanity!”

“(Y/N) wishes she could get into my pants.” Stiles smirked, a grin playing on his lips as their eyes locked.

“Oh please, Stiles.” She scoffed, standing up straight again. “As if you actually had something in your pants that interested me.”

“Ouch.” Scott cringed and a devious smirk made its way onto (Y/N)’s lips when she noticed Stiles get offended by her comment. “I’d leave her alone after that one.”

Stiles angrily skid his chair back, its legs screeching against the tiles, and stood up. As intimidating as it was to have him look down into her eyes due to how much taller he was, (Y/N) stood her ground and didn’t dare shy away.

Out of nowhere, Scott picked up the butter knife he was using for his bagel and unexpectedly begin to swat the air in between the two young adults.

“What'cha doing there, Scott?” Stiles asked, their eyes now staring at their fellow roommate.

“Trying to cut the sexual tension between you two, but damn it’s too strong.” He laughed, the two other girls in the room laughing loudly along with him.

“Screw all of you.” (Y/N) huffed, walking away from every single one of them and going up the stairs to her room in anger.

As much as she hated to admit it, Scott was unfortunately right. There’s no doubt about the sexual tension within (Y/N) and Stiles and, yes, both of them have yet to confess that they’ve thought about being with each other on more than one occasion. But, even though she does have a secret crush on him and would love it if Stiles got under her bedsheets, the way he gets under her skin frustrates (Y/N) more.

Reaching the first floor of the house the five of them rent so they don’t have to live in crappy dorm rooms, the furious girl walked inside of her bedroom and shut the door behind her. The sound echoed through the halls and the four left downstairs all jumped at the sudden sound. Scott, Camile and Madi instantly glaring at Stiles.

(Y/N) immediately laid down on her messy bed and grabbed her phone from her nightstand. Tapping on the instant message app, she began texting her online friend. I wouldn’t exactly say that they were just online friends because it’s so much more than that. They’ve been texting each other anonymously for about a year now and couldn’t get enough. Neither one of them have ever shared a picture of their faces because they want to focus on personality and not appearance. All the time that they’ve spent texting, both knew for a fact that they really liked one another. Which is why the two are beyond nervous for their first blind date tonight.


Babygirl 💋 [12:45 pm]: Today is the day I commit my first murder, Mieczyslaw

Mischief 💚 [12:45 pm]: Roommate again? 😂

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Well, where do you want us to hide the body?

Babygirl 💋 [12:46 pm]: Should we just bury him out in the woods?

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Nah, that’s a dead end. The cops would find it too easily

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: What we need to do is go to the zoo and when no one’s looking

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: We throw his body in the lion’s den

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: There’s no crime if there’s no evidence

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You know, sometimes your intelligence really scares me

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You’re too much of a fucking genius!

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Just a genius?

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Nothing else? 😉😏

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: And really fucking sexy

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: Especially when you talk cop to me

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: Well, in that case…

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: All units proceed with caution

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: We have a 180 on our hands here

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: Fuck

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: The things you do to me…

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: What kind of things, baby?

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: Tell me everything you’re thinking 😉


(Y/N)’s entire body sparked with immediate desire the second she finished reading his message and she could already tell her panties were slowly getting wetter by the second.


Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: Well, for starters

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I can’t wait till our date tonight because I’ll finally be able to feel your lips on my own

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I’ll get to feel your hands all over my body

Babygirl 💋 [12:52 pm]: The friction of our skin sliding against each other taking over all of my thoughts


Stiles Stilinski shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he continued to read the dirty texts his online friend was sending him. The excitement for their blind date tonight getting stronger than ever and Stiles honestly couldn’t wait until he finally came face-to-face with the girl that completely takes over his thoughts. Well, second girl that is. The first being his favorite roommate (Y/N) (Y/L/N). He knew that he irritated her beyond belief, but he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked everytime her eyes glared at him with such fury that it instantly became sexy or how her lip would snarl in anger and how much he desperately wanted to bite down on it.

Their relationship was an addictive game of Cat and Mouse and both parties enjoyed every second.


Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: Fuck, baby

Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: What else?


“Do you have ants in your pants or something?” Camile questioned the smirking young man and Stiles’ head immediately snapped up at the blonde. “Stop moving so much in your seat, dude.”

“U-Uh…” Stiles stuttered, feeling like he just got caught doing something very naughty. Which wasn’t exactly far from what was going on on his phone. “S-Sorry.”


Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: I can’t wait till your mouth attaches to my neck

Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: Then slowly keeps going down and down…


“Why do you keep grinning at your phone like that?” Madi asked, tearing Stiles away from the intoxicating text.

“He’s talking to his internet girlfriend.” Scott smirked. “They pretty much sext daily.”

“We do not sext daily!” Stiles complained at the same time that (Y/N) sent him a picture of her body in just her underwear, showing him exactly what he would be touching tonight. “Fuck.”

“What’d she send this time?” Scott laughed, the three curious twenty year olds trying to peak over Stiles’ phone to see.

“None of your business, Scott.” Stiles scolded, getting up from his chair and trudging away towards the staircase. “Or anyone else’s for that matter!”

“Make sure to clean yourself up afterwards!” Camile yelled.

“You’re disgusting!” Stiles shouted back, a holler of laughter taking over the dining room. “Go to hell!”

“Only if you’re there, too!”

Once Stiles reached his bedroom, he entered his safe space and shut the door behind him. By the way their texts were leading up to something more, he knew for a fact things were about to get hot and heavy and he didn’t need anyone passing by his room to see him in a very vulnerable state.


Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I can’t wait to touch you, baby

Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I’m literally counting the seconds until I finally get to lick your stomach

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: Fuck, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: What else are you gonna do to me?

Mischief 💚 [1:03 pm]: My tongue is gonna keep going lower until it reaches the place you want me the most

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: Then, I’m going to slowly circle it around your swollen nub

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: I’m gonna wrap my lips around you and suck so hard you’ll be cumming in a matter of seconds

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Oh God, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Keep going

Babygirl 💋 [1:05 pm]: I’m almost there


In the short time that Stiles spent arguing with his friends downstairs and texting her the dirty things she so desperately wanted to read, (Y/N) had removed her clothes, taken a picture of herself for him and began working on her own body thanks to how hot he’d made her. She started out by moving her hand slowly around her clitoris before using her other hand to pump two fingers inside of her soaking wet core. Even though she really liked Mieczyslaw, she didn’t exactly know what he looked like so, as shameless and dirty as it was, (Y/N) thought about the first sexy guy she could think of. That handsome man being, none other than, the exact same person that was currently thinking about her as he quickly unzipped his jeans and pushed his hand inside of his boxers to get a hold of himself.


Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Fuck, that’s so hot

Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Send me a picture

Babygirl 💋 [1:07 pm]: Attachment


Stiles cock twitched when he noticed that she hadn’t sent him a picture, but an actual video instead. Rubbing himself with one hand, Stiles used the other to press play on the video with eagerness laced in his blood. The footage began to roll and the boy licked his lips in anticipation. Stiles groaned and increased his pace on himself when he realized it was a video of the girl fingering herself for him, her sexy moans almost pornographic. It consisted of a full view of her body, her breasts perky for him as her finger moved fastly inside of herself. In a matter of seconds, (Y/N)’s legs began shaking to indicate she would be soon falling over the edge and that’s exactly what happened. Hearing the girl moan shamelessly and watching her entire body shudder as an overwhelming orgasm​ hit her, it didn’t take much for Stiles to also reach his.

His legs shook and his eyes shut, Stiles’ head falling back on his pillow, at the same time that hot cum shot out of his tip and immediately landed on his stomach. He imagined it was (Y/N) that had jerked him off and it was enough to make his high last longer. Stiles didn’t even mind the sticky release on his skin, all he could think about was how much pleasure he was currently in.

As soon as (Y/N) finished cumming and sent Mieczyslaw the footage, the girl had got up from her bed with satisfaction in her veins. She walked over to her closet and put on a robe before walking out of her bedroom to go to the bathroom and take a much needed shower. The second she passed by Stiles’ bedroom, however, desire and lust flooded her entire body when she suddenly heard him moaning uncontrollably.

“Hey, Stiles!” She shouted, knocking on the door and startling Stiles in the process. “Stop watching porn and go read a book!”


~


“(Y/N)!” Stiles yelled angrily, his fist pounding against the bathroom door. “Get out already! I have to leave soon!”

“So do I!” She shouted back, not caring about wherever it was Stiles needed to go to. “And I have actual hair to wash here!”

“Just don’t wash it!”

“I’m going on a date, idiot! I have to be completely clean!”

“For what?” Stiles questioned, sarcasm laced in his voice. “It’s not like he’s gonna go out of his way to sniff your hair!”

“No, but he’s definitely gonna be able to smell it when his head is snuck in my neck as he pounds me into oblivion!”

It was a simple comeback, but it did manage to sting Stiles’ heart in jealousy. Slamming his fist against the door one last time, the young man let out a frustrated grunt before walking away to his room.

(Y/N) gladly took her time to finish prepping herself in the shower until she finally decided to step out of the bathroom. Needless to say, Stiles was furious at the young woman but she couldn’t find a single bone in her body that actually cared. She wanted to look, smell and even taste her best for her date tonight and no man was going to stop her. (Y/N)’s been waiting for this special night for too long to worry about what other people had to say.

Which is why the young woman just walked right by Stiles without even giving him the chance to scold her. He stared in awe as she entered her bedroom, noticing how good she looked with her face flushed from the hot shower and the droplets of water running down her skin. Stiles’ mind immediately picturing himself licking the water off of her naked body and he felt slightly guilty.

The both of them got ready at the same time and the rest of the house watched in amusement as they simultaneously shared the bathroom, arguing the entire time. (Y/N) would try to look at herself in the mirror to put on mascara and he would get in her way to fix his quiff or just as Stiles would wet his toothbrush with the running water because (Y/N) was finishing up brushing her own teeth, she turned off the tap.

“You’re unbelievable.” Stiles groaned, shaking his head and opening the tap again.

(Y/N) didn’t say anything, she just blew him a kiss that was nothing shy of sass as she left the bathroom to finish her look in her bedroom. She had already fixed her hair and put on all of her makeup, so all she had to do next was take off her robe and wear the gorgeous black dress she specifically bought for tonight. Once she sprayed herself with her favorite perfume and was ready, (Y/N) walked down the staircase and approached her other three roommates in the living room.

“Well, how do I look?” She asked and they turned their heads to take in her outfit.

(Y/N) was absolutely gorgeous and it was no surprise everyone’s jaws were dropping at her breath-taking beauty.

“Like a queen.” Scott gawked, a genuine smile lighting up on (Y/N)’s lips.

“It’s not too much?” She questioned, spinning around for them.

“Hell no.” Madi smirked. “Whomever you’re seeing tonight is one lucky guy, my friend.”

“Good.” (Y/N) answered.

Just as she was grabbing her favorite coat from the rack, Stiles had reached the last step of the staircase and laid his eyes on the incredibly stunning woman before him. He immediately stopped in his tracks as his eyes grew wide at the sight. Her hair was perfectly done and a part of him wanted to run his fingers through it but the other part of him knew that if he did it would ruin the style and that would be a crime. Her makeup was simple, however the bold red lip definitely grabbed his attention and he wanted to smudge it with his own. (Y/N)’s long legs went on for days, Stiles already picturing them wrapped around his waist. However, what caught Stiles’ eyes the most was the alluring dress tightly hung against her beautiful curves. It made his brain spin in his head and jealousy crashed all over him at the thought of her being dressed like this for someone else.

“Do you really think you should be wearing a dress like that?” Stiles asked, clearing his throat and (Y/N) spun around to gaze at the source of the sudden voice.

“What is that supposed to mean, Stilinski?” She retorted, her manicured hand settling on her hip.

“That dress is too revealing.” He scolded. “It’s definitely not first date material.”

You’re not first date material.” (Y/N) scoffed, slipping her coat on.

She didn’t want it to be true, but the young woman could’ve sworn she saw a small glimpse of hurt in his eyes. But, it was soon gone before she could really check.

“Have fun on your date.” Stiles stated harshly as he walked past her and opened the door. “I hope he’s an ass.”

Before (Y/N) could even respond, Stiles was out the door and slammed it. The rough action surprising her and making her feel not only guilty but heartbroken that she caused that. (Y/N) loved the hate relationship she had with Stiles, but she also knew she wanted more. The two constantly fought because they were so alike. Stiles loathed how quick and sarcastic she was, but at the same time loved that only she could handle bickering​ with him. (Y/N) despised that he always managed to point out the things about her no one ever noticed, but loved that Stiles actually paid enough attention to see them. It was a complicated game they played, but the two were masters at it.

“Do you ever get tired of the way you treat each other?” Scott spoke up from the couch and (Y/N) turned around to look at him, the hurt still evident on her face.

“Sometimes.” She answered softly.

“Shouldn’t you two just stop?” Scott asked. “It’s obvious that you do all of this because you’re into each other.”

“Shouldn’t you three stop butting into our love lives?” (Y/N) retorted, no longer sad but now angry at the entire situation. “It’s Friday night and you’re sitting on the couch. Go out and have fun!”

“For your information, we are going out.” Scott scoffed and the two other girls nodded.

“Good.” (Y/N) stated as she opened the door and walked out. “Get to it!”

Even though he wasn’t in the best mood, Stiles pushed down all of his feelings for the girl he lived with to focus on the girl he was about to meet. She has helped him get her mind off of (Y/N) on more than one occasion, even though they did have the same name, and he was ready for her to do that again tonight. He thought about all of the incredible times they’ve spent chatting before pulling into the restaurant they picked and parking in the first space he could find. Once he locked the jeep behind him, Stiles headed towards the main entrance and nervously waited for the girl he talks to more than his own family.

With the anger still flooding inside of her, (Y/N) left her car and arrived at the restaurant. She no longer wanted to go on this date because she knew that all she will be able to think about is the spastic boy she lives with and never leaves her brain. It doesn’t matter how distracted she gets, Stiles is always there in the back of her mind.

The second (Y/N) looked up from her heels clicking against the pavement, her heart stopped inside of her chest. With every step she took towards the main entrance, her heartbeat would increase more and more. There, in front of her, was Stiles Stilinski. The exact person she was trying to get away from.

He was so focused on what was going on inside of his mind that Stiles hadn’t noticed her until she was literally right beside him and (Y/N)’s perfume made its way into his nose. Stiles’ head snapped towards the source, his eyes growing wide when he noticed it was (Y/N) herself next to him.

“What are you doing here?” Stiles asked, entirely confused. “Did you follow me?”

“I have better things to do than follow you, Stiles.” (Y/N) scoffed. “I’m meeting my date here. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I also have a date.” Stiles smiled smugly and certainly didn’t fail to notice how it effected her.

“So, we’re both having dates at the same place?” (Y/N) stated, in awe of this awkward situation. “Wonderful.”

“Where’s your date anyway?” Stiles questioned. “Shouldn’t he have picked you up?”

“It’s a blind date.” She explained, folding her arms against her chest which made her cleavage pop out even more and Stiles awkwardly tried to gaze elsewhere. “What about your date? Weren’t you supposed to pick her up.”

“I’m also having a blind date.” Stiles retorted.

Neither one of them put together exactly what was going on between them. Both standing in the tension heavy entrance, desperately looking at whatever person that would arrive and hoping it’d be their online friend. Little did they know, their dates were standing right next to each other this entire time.

They waited for a good thirty minutes before (Y/N)’s feet started to hurt from standing so long in thin heels and she sighed.

“I think we both got stood up.” (Y/N) stated in a hurt voice.

“No, my date wouldn’t do that.” He shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pants. “I’m texting her.”

“Yeah, me too.” (Y/N) agreed, zipping open her clutch to grab her phone.

She couldn’t help but look over to his text from the corner of her eye. He was messaging someone nicknamed “Babygirl” and (Y/N) felt insanely jealous when he watched him type in “Hey, baby. Are you still coming?” She didn’t even know who this babygirl of his was, but she knew she already hated her with everything (Y/N) had inside of her. Of course she was into Mieczyslaw, but she secretly wanted to be on a date with Stiles instead. She just wanted to have one encounter with him that didn’t consist of fighting.

(Y/N)’s thoughts were, suddenly, interrupted when her phone vibrated in her hand. The girl realized she had received a message from her blind date and already scoffed thinking about whatever poor excuse she was going to read explaining why he wasn’t here.


Mischief 💚 [8:32 pm]: Hey, baby. Are you still coming?


(Y/N) didn’t even think before immediately dropping her phone on the floor in complete shock, her heart going down with it. It fell in her stomach in surprise as she finally put all of the scattered pieces together. She quickly turned around to Stiles, who was already looking at her in astonishment from how she just randomly dropped her cellphone with the screen now entirely shattered.

For the longest time she didn’t say a single word, all (Y/N) did was stare at the beautiful boy she lived with that also happened to be the person she’s been secretly texting back and forth. Stiles didn’t know what to say or do either, from how odd she was behaving, but he mentally prepared himself to drop everything and drive her to the hospital in case she needed it.

“Y-You’re real name’s Mieczyslaw?!” (Y/N) exclaimed, shouting the first thing that popped in her mind.

“What?” Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, confused now more than ever.

The young man wearing flannel watched as she bent down to grab her phone again and, without giving him the slightest explanation, stuck her phone screen out for him to read what was written on it. It took a little bit for his brain to process everything, but when it finally did he felt as if it had just exploded.

(Y/N) expected Stiles to say something, but was completely surprised when he stuffed his phone in his back pocket and grabbed her face with his hands. Before she could understand what was going on, Stiles crashed his lips against hers with such passion and fervor, (Y/N) almost fell. But it wouldn’t matter if she did our not because Stiles would’ve caught her anyway with how he wrapped his hands around her waist.

All of the anger, frustration and rage they ever felt towards each other was channeled into the kiss and started to slowly slip away as they began to be replaced with desire, need and, dare I say, love. They always felt attached to each other no matter how upset they were until only now realizing that all of it meant love. Stiles and (Y/N) loved each other so deeply and it wasn’t just sexual tension. They truly got to know each other incredibly well over the time they spent talking online, sharing so much information that they felt closer to each other than to anyone else in their lives.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.” Stiles confessed, panting as he touched his forehead with hers.

“So have I.” (Y/N) blushed and Stiles leaned in again to place another addictive kiss on her lips.

As they kissed, Stiles slid his tongue across her bottom lip and asked for an entrance to which (Y/N) happily granted. The two didn’t even fight for dominance, they just explored each other’s mouths and enjoyed every discovery. Their tongues would brush together and neither one of them had enough self control to hold back their satisfied moans.

(Y/N) broke the kiss and Stiles’ lips moved to her jaw. He created a trail of wet and hot kisses that drove the girl crazy. It didn’t matter they were in public. (Y/N) could already feel herself getting wetter and wetter by the passing second. It was when Stiles’ mouth attached to her earlobe, his teeth grazing the skin as his tongue caressed it, that she knew she desperately needed more of him.

“Stiles,” She whimpered, his tongue sliding through the shell of her ear. “Do you really want to go on this date or do you just want to get out of here?”

“We can go back to my place?” Stiles smirked.

“I’d love that.” She laughed breathlessly.

“But, I do have to warn you.” He smiled against her heated skin, now sucking a bruise into her neck. “I have the world’s most annoying roommate. She really knows how to get on your nerves.”

“Hmm,” (Y/N) grinned playfully. “Sounds like she really gets to you. Should I be jealous?”

“Absolutely, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, then, damn.” (Y/N) smirked, a light blush painting her cheeks. “I hope she doesn’t mind us crashing her apartment. I tend to be loud.”

“Fuck.” Stiles groaned, pulling his mouth away from the several different bruises he created to stare at her. “I’ll meet you there.”

The next thing she knows, Stiles is placing one last kiss on her lips and eagerly rushing away towards his blue jeep. A smile etched across (Y/N)’s face at how adorable he looked, happily climbing into his car and immediately turning it on.

The ride over to their house was full of adrenaline and excitement. Everytime they would have to stop at a red light, Stiles would look over to (Y/N) in her car and smugly lick his lips. Which would flush her entire body with more lust than it already was sporting, her core aching in need. Once they arrived and were both finally out of their vehicles, Stiles pinned (Y/N) against the front door and reattached his tempting mouth on hers. She gasped at the sudden act, but Stiles just swallowed it into their kiss. Their lips molded together as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling (Y/N) in even closer.

“What was that for?” (Y/N) asked, her lungs fighting for air after breaking the kiss.

“Because I needed to feel your kiss again.” He confessed.

A blush crept up on her cheeks and a grin made its way onto his lips. (Y/N) reached up to reconnect their mouths, tongues finding each other as she tried to zip open her clutch and grab the house keys. Stiles gently bit down on her lip and she fumbled with the zipper, his touch too intoxicating to have her focus on anything else. That’s when Stiles grabbed her hand and settled it on his lower back, a shameless moan falling from (Y/N)’s mouth when he lowered it even more. Both smiled into the kiss the second he guided her hand over his ass and squeezed, (Y/N) giggling when she realized his copy of the house keys were in his pocket this whole time.

Stiles took his hand off of hers and put it back on her waist as she slipped hers into his jeans’ pocket and pulled out the keys. The moment they were in her hand, the freckled boy broke their kiss and swiftly turned her around so she could open the door. Stiles’ mouth and teeth were sucking another hickey on her shoulder blade and (Y/N) felt weak in her knees. She didn’t know how, but she managed to unlock the door and turn the knob.

An animalistic instinct washed over Stiles and he immediately pushed the front door open, rushing the two inside. Before (Y/N) could even say anything, the young man hitched one of her legs around his waist and shoved her against the now closed door once again. She squealed when he did and Stiles chuckled against her lips. Both of their bodies dripping with lust as he rubbed his clothed bulge against the inside of her thigh, (Y/N) moaning in the process. Her hands were now wrapped around his neck, her fingers caressing his heated skin, and Stiles kept one hand on her waist as the other slowly slipped under the skirt of her dress to grab her practically bare ass. (Y/N) was wearing the smallest thong she owned and it definitely made Stiles’ cock twitch in his boxers.

“Shit, I’m seriously considering just fucking you right here.” Stiles moaned, his lips brushing against hers.

“Please do.” (Y/N) whimpered, Stiles feeling her heartbeat against his own chest.

“Please don’t.” A familiar male voice suddenly spoke up and the two lovers immediately snapped their heads towards the source.

Scott, Camile and Madi hadn’t left their​ positions on the couch since the two went out. The scene was absolutely comical from how shocked and frozen the three were. Scott had the tv remote in his hand as it pointed to the screen, his eyes wide. Camile kept a bowl of popcorn on her lap and held a single one up to her mouth, but it paused just outside of it as she stared in shock. Madi, however, wasn’t as astonished as the rest due to the mischievous grin she was wearing.

(Y/N) immediately tried to push Stiles off of her in embarrassment, but he held his ground and stayed right where he was. She couldn’t believe that they hadn’t even noticed they weren’t alone when they arrived.

“I have no problem still fucking you here.” Stiles grinned and, as turned on as she was, (Y/N) covered her face with her hands in humiliation. The girl let out a squeal when Stiles placed his mouth on her collarbone and began assaulting it with his tongue.

“Stiles!” She whined.

Out of pure respect for the girl he was holding and not because he cared that there were other people in the same room, Stiles placed (Y/N)’s leg down on the floor and took a step back from her. His hands were raised in surrender, but his eyes were still gazing at her in a cocky fashion. (Y/N) cleared her throat to rid herself of the embarrassment and slowly walked towards the staircase, Stiles watching her intently.

“Excuse me.” She stated to the three on the couch before looking over at Stiles with the lust still pooling in her pupils.

He certainly picked up what she was putting down as she began walking up the steps, Stiles hot on her trail. (Y/N) yelped in excitement when Stiles unexpectedly smacked her ass with his hand and they rushed even faster towards her bedroom.

“Go get that ass, Stiles!” Madi exclaimed.

“Use a condom!” Camile shouted after her.

Right as Stiles shut the bedroom door behind him, Madi turned around to grin at her two friends on the couch and both of them groaned. Searching in their pockets, Camile and Scott handed their fellow roommate twenty bucks each. Immediately regretting their bet on the two lovers upstairs that just yesterday were fighting. The bet consisted of when they would eventually hook up, Madi declared it would happen this month as Scott and Camile bet at the end of the year. Needless to say, the two lost.

(Y/N), yet again, was pushed up against a door and she quickly figured out that Stiles definitely has a door fetish. Not that she was complaining or found it weird in any way, it was actually one hell of a turn on. Their lips were back in sync together as Stiles reached behind her back and slowly unzipped the gorgeous dress (Y/N) was wearing, her breathing increasing at the contact. Once there was nothing left to unzip, Stiles let go of the zipper and proceeded to take off the straps of her dress. As soon as they were down her arms, he completely let go of the fabric and the dress instantly fell to the floor. Unfortunately breaking their kiss, (Y/N) stepped out of it pooling at her feet and Stiles’ jaw dropped when he took in her body.

The young man was already familiar with how she looked thanks to the countless times​ they’ve shared photos of their bodies through text, but he had never seen her in the flesh before and it was amazing to him. (Y/N) was wearing the most sexy set of matching purple underwear, his favorite color that he once told her. (Y/N) watched with hooded eyes as his own drowned in more lust than his pupils were already swimming in. Stiles licked his lips and the small action sent waves of desire straight to her pooling core.

(Y/N) was the first to break their trance as she brought her hand to the fancy flannel he was wearing for the date and began to unbutton it, she didn’t go as slow as Stiles did because she desperately wanted it off. The next thing she removed were his pants and they were finally in just their underwear together.

Stiles suddenly kneeled in front of her, surprising (Y/N) in the process, and pulled down her panties without saying anything. The second they were gone, the young man lifted one of her legs and hitched it over his shoulder. He looked up at her and placed tempting kisses on her stomach before licking her skin with his warm tongue, just like he’d promised earlier. Her body shuddered and she waited patiently as he trailed his tongue until it reached her core, already swiping up the slick folds. The small action alone made her hips twitch and she couldn’t control her moans when Stiles circled her swollen clit. He kept the motion going as he brought a finger up to tease her entrance. She whimpered of course and, the sound was so beautiful to him, he decided to give in. Stiles pushed two fingers inside of her, groaning at how tight she was, and gently pumped. It started out slow at first, but because of how responsive she was being as she moaned uncontrollably and her hips bucked continuously, Stiles decided to pick up his pace. (Y/N)’s eyes were shut as she concentrated on the pleasure and her core clenched around his fingers the second Stiles’ wrapped his lips around her nub and sucked furiously.

“F-Fuck, Stiles.” She moaned, knowing that her release was near. But, unfortunately for her, so did Stiles and he immediately pulled away.

Smirking up at the shocked glare he was receiving from her, Stiles licked her juices off of his lips and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. Normally, she would’ve been outraged to be denied of her orgasm but the way he looked right now took over her thoughts.

“I only want you cumming around my cock, tonight.” Stiles grinned, standing in front of her again and, before she could come up with a witty response, he yanked off his boxers. She was at a complete loss of words as she gawked at his delicious erection. The pulsing in her core increasing with unbelievable desire.

Stiles hitched her leg around his waist and positioned himself in front of her entrance, gazing into her eyes. Without breaking the contact, Stiles gently pushed his dick​ inside of her core and they both moaned at the new feeling. He desperately wanted to close his eyes, but wasn’t willing to take them off of hers as he thrusted. (Y/N)’s hands were settled on his back, the heel of her hitched leg digging into his ass to keep herself in place as one of his palms were flat out on the door and the other held her waist. The pleasure inside of her that was still around because Stiles was just eating her out tingled in (Y/N)’s body and, by the way she buzzed, she knew she’d be cumming soon.

Stiles increased his pace and the spring in her stomach coiled, indicating she was near. Her nails were digging into the skin of his back and Stiles would’ve winced if he wasn’t so turned on by how sexy she looked. Her eyes shut were and her head rested on the door as her unsteady breath let loud moans slip through. Stiles spread her legs more and began hitting her in a deeper and new angle, (Y/N)’s spring breaking as a result. Stiles immediately bit down on her shoulder, the feeling of her core clenching around him and her juices squirting on his cock too overwhelming.

But, he held onto his orgasm even though it was already knocking on the door. Stiles wanted this to last as long as possible and he actually managed to hold it. At this point, he was now pounding into her and (Y/N) whimpered at the extreme contact. Her body was still sensitive from releasing, but even though it was too much, she loved it.

Unclasping her bra, Stiles took it off and latched his lips onto her breast. His tongue flicking her nipple and caressing it. The second Stiles bit down on her perky bud and pulled, (Y/N) came for a second time tonight. And this time, Stiles allowed himself to as well. Her warmth clenched around him once again before his hips stuttered and he released hot cum inside of her, both moaning crazily. Their highs lasted longer than they’ve ever had and when the two were finally back in reality, Stiles stopped thrusting and placed a kiss on her lips.

“The way you annoy me every day drives me so fucking crazy, but you know what effects me more?” Stiles suddenly spoke up. “The way I smile at how you always put your milk in the bowl before your cereal or the way my heart beats faster whenever you laugh at something on your phone and time stops. But, most importantly, the way I feel like I’m flying everytime I’m around you.”

The words coming out of his mouth were making (Y/N)’s heart flutter so hard, she was sure it would eventually break her ribcage.

“Even though we bicker, I adore it because it reminds me of old married couples. And that’s exactly what I want us to be, a couple.” Stiles continued. “Because no matter how mad I get, I know that I’m deeply and irretrievably in love with you.”

“Stiles,” She smiled, looking at him with heart-eyes. “I love you, too.”

Stiles and (Y/N) have had countless fights in the time they’ve known each other. The two have shared millions of glares, angry shouts, eye-rolls, and fits of rage. But the thing was, they both loved each other in each and every one.

I’m going to Planned Parenthood for my yearly exam today, which reminded me of the happenings of last year. In the interest of oversharing, I thought I’d let you in on that too.

So, you know, you’re supposed to like, get naked and put on the paper vest and put the paper blanket over your lap, right?

Uhhhhhh well somewhere in the process of this, I was like, “instructions unclear. Tried to wear paper vest as pants.”

Which didn’t work. I wound up accidentally tearing the thing in half in my attempt to make something pants that clearly wasn’t pants. Then in my haste to fix my egregious errors, I managed to rip the paper blanket too, so when the doctor comes in I’m basically just clutching scraps of paper to my naked body and trying to explain myself.

They also have these bowls of condoms out, right? But most of them are in places where people are gonna see you if you take them. So I’ll be checking into my appointment like, “Condom? No I couldn’t possibly. Haha not me. I am pure.”

Cut to me in the bathroom stuffing condoms in my purse cuz they got a drawer full of them in there. Because, I mean, hey, if a miracle happens, you gotta be prepared.

But we got Planned Parenthood themed chapstick and a year’s worth of good ol’ birth control, so all in all a good trip.

anonymous asked:

This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and you’re deathly afraid of flying.

The man sitting on Bucky’s side is very attractive. Now, this is Bucky’s very first time sitting in first class (he got bumped from a previous flight and got an upgrade because of it), so he doesn’t necessarily know the rules, but it probably should’ve occurred to him that the seat would also come with a view. It never occurred to him that the beautiful people would be in first, but he also never stopped to look around, given that he always had to hustle back to coach carrying a roll-aboard carry-on that is always a little too overstuffed to fit in the overhead compartment, but which he tries to shove in anyway.

In first class there are beautiful men and the flight attendant shoved his bag in for him.

What a life.

Bucky wonders whether he should make conversation, but decides against it when he really looks at the guy. Sure, he’s practically from the pages of <i>Sports Illustrated</i>, but he also looks nervous — chewing on his lip, balling his hands into fists then releasing them. It’s probably best that Bucky just focuses on which of the many movie options available to him he should watch during the flight. It’s a long one, about five hours, so he’ll probably be able to fit in two movies if he doesn’t fall asleep. (Bucky doesn’t plan on falling asleep, since this is probably the one time in his life that he will enjoy the luxuries of first class and he doesn’t want to miss a moment.)

But Bucky is surprised when the guy turns to him. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Bucky responds. The man’s teeth are so straight and white that he looks like he could’ve stepped right out of a Crest commercial.

“How are you?” the man asks, sounding a little forced. Bucky glances down; the man is holding onto the armrest so hard that his knuckles are turning white.

“I’m great,” Bucky responds, a little squeakier than intended. “You?”

“I’ve been better,” he says, frowning. He turns forward again. “Do you think I could get some water?” he asks, not like he’s asking Bucky to get it for him, but like he’s genuinely confused as to whether he can get some water.

“I’m sure you can,” Bucky says. Seeing that this guy is probably not really used to flying like this (not that Bucky is, either), Bucky undoes his seatbelt and stands up. A flight attendant notices him immediately, and Bucky gives her a little wave.

“What’re you…” the man says, then folds into himself a little when the flight attendant arrives. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi there,” she says, giving the man a bright smile, then one to Bucky. “Can I help you with something?”

“My seat mate and I would like some water, if you don’t mind,” Bucky says with the biggest smile he can muster. He thinks it’d probably be less awkward for the guy if he asks for some, too.

“Of course, it’ll be just a second,” she says, heading back to that secretive area where flight attendants make magic happen.

“Thank you,” the man says.

“No sweat,” Bucky responds. “I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Steve.”

“You nervous about flying?” Bucky asks.

Steve nods. “It’s been a while, and the last plane I was in crashed.”

“What?” Bucky asks, though it sounds a lot more like, “Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuht?”

The man gives a kind of sheepish, sad smile. “I’m a little nervous about flying again after that.”

Bucky wants Steve to be lying.

He desperately wants Steve to be lying.

He can totally tell that Steve is <i>not lying</i>.

“Fuck,” Bucky says, flopping back into his seat. “You gonna be okay?”

“Do I have a choice?” Steve asks just as the flight attendant reappears.

“Here are your waters,” she says, gingerly handing one to Steve, which he then passes to Bucky. She gives Steve the second plastic glass and he takes an immediate, grateful sip. “Can I do anything else for you two?” she asks.

“Steve?” Bucky asks. Steve shakes his head. “No, I think we’re fine. Thank you.”

She nods, then looks down at Steve. She takes a quick glance from side to side, then leans in and says, very quietly, “And thank you for your service, sir.”

“Thank you,” Steve says quietly, mustering up a smile before taking another small sip.

She grins, then heads back to the flight attendant area.

“You a vet?” Bucky asks, feeling like kind of an ass for not noticing. He takes a sip of water and looks up at Steve.

Steve nods. “Yeah,” he says. Then before Bucky can think of something to say in response he adds, “I’m Captain America.”

Bucky spits the water out all over his pants.

“Excuse me,” Steve says, raising an arm to get the flight attendant’s attention. “I think we’re going to need a napkin.”

As Bucky wipes down his pants he thinks to himself that he should’ve asked for a seat in coach. He’s never had an American legend sit next to him in coach.

“Thanks for taking my mind off of things,” Steve says with a smile, a real, dazzling smile, as he takes the wet, crumpled napkin from Bucky’s hand.

And Bucky knows now that he wouldn’t move to coach for the world.

anonymous asked:

Your drawings that feature winter clothes are always just so precious!

Thank youu!!

It’s funny because growing up I hated winter, and still do to a certain extent, but after my first year in California, the perpetual sunshine tired me out. Coming home to snowstorm after snowstorm was beautiful.

Also, drawing characters in winter clothes is a chance for me to make them all pouffy fluffs of lurv <3 I have a set of clothes for every OC and every other character, based off something they wore in TV shows or their personalities. My OC Coco Lemur gets hardcore bundled up in winter because he hates the cold, and wears a longer and looser version of Zack’s toque.

For the MML characters, I gave both boys parkas, though initially Milo’s was supposed to uber fluff. Zack has a fur hood because he can make it his personal space when his Bffs are being butts. Also doesn’t bother with boots or ski pants because he be 2 coo for dat. Also my brother Alex hated wearing skipants too so it’s based off him.

Milo used to be all Fluff because cute nerds need to look like nerds. He also used to have a plain white toque until I decided a hunter’s cap was cuter on him. He uses his parka to warm Diogee up too. My youngest bro used to look really cute all bundled up for winter so Milo’s look is based off his.

Meli is really more based off clothes I would have loved to have yet could not because they either didn’t make them with the active girl in mind or made them my size. I find it typical to dress girls in pink, but since that’s her color palette I just went with it. *shrug*

So ye, I put a lot of freakin thought into the winter fluffs I draw my characters and others’ in. Maybe a little too much, but still. It makes for great fun and great gags XP

Why I Need Constant Supervision
  • Gets into candy at 9:30 at night
  • Stays up past bedtime reading dumb big-kid books
  • Makes a mess during every attempt at cooking something that isn’t macaroni and cheese and/or dino nuggets
  • Can’t put on pajama pants without getting tangled
  • Eats a pound of chocolate in one (1) sitting
  • Will stay up until midnight playing with stuffies and then decide to just not sleep
  • Vegetables? What are those?
BTS REACTIONS

ANONYMOUS ASKED :

Hi!! If your request are still open I would like to request a BTS reaction to you walking around your house in a tee shirt and underwear please and thank you 😊            

Hi~ Sorry for the long wait :) Here is your reaction!

BTS REACTION TO YOU WALKING AROUND ONLY IN AN OVERSIZED SHIRT AND UNDERWEAR

Originally posted by rapmooni

Namjoon:

“ I’m a gentlemen therefore I gotta act like one and make the lady as comfortable as she is. I mean, if she took off her pants, it means that she trusts me enough to do it, right? Anyways namjoon, just shut it and lend her a hoodie or something so that she doesn’t freeze.” He pauses “Y/N!!! Do you want some hot cocoa and maybe some pants to warm up! It’s cold in here” he’d cough

Originally posted by jiminahhh

Seokjin:

“ Ooh~ What a look” Seokjin would wink at you “ I like those fuzzy socks, they match perfectly with that white shirt and that gorgeous pair of legs” he’d comment flirtatiously “ Your legs look more appetizing than these chicken legs” he’d laugh at his own joke “ get it? Because I’m eating chicken legs…no? Okay then “

Originally posted by nnochu

 Jimin:

“Isn’t she feeling cold? I swear to my smol chimchim that I shivered a few seconds when she passed by. Maybe it’s the weather, or maybe it’s the fact that under that oversized shirt …@!#!%#@^$$. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS TO a DEPRIVED 21 YEAR OLD MAN LIKE ME” jimin would fake a sob “Screw college! All I need is a detox from this lack of action”

Originally posted by askmeifimadalek

Jungkook:

“Yeah maybe she just forgot that normal humans usually wear pants? But she’s a normal human. Why am I talking about her as if she’s abnormal for not wearing pants? Maybe I’m the one who’s crazy. Yeah let’s just walk past her and ignore ignore ignore” he mumbles to himself

“Jungkook” you call him

Oh well f*ck, here goes my purity. LEFT.DONE.VANISHED.RUINED. DECEASED.TERMINADO.FINITO.

Originally posted by toughchim

Taehyung:

Taehyung would be torn between embarrassment and his tendencies to join along in crazy stuff

“ Oh well hi, Did I miss something or did you forget something, because you’re like.. not wearing pants and it’s uhm…” he’d feel his ears heating up as he’d try changing topics”IS IT A NEW TREND?! SHOULD I JOIN YOU?”

Originally posted by nycbtslover

Hoseok :

Hoseok stares at you for a few seconds before realizing the absence of any pants on your soft legs . He’d probably follow along with you.

“WHAT AN AMAZING IDEA!” he snaps his fingers “ No wonder why I get inspired more easily when my pants come off. I should do it more often” Hoseok slowly takes off his pants off   “ Let’s make this a tradition , man” he’d bro fist you

Originally posted by imonaworldtour

Yoongi :

Being the old grandpa he is, he wouldn’t miss a chance to give you some constructive criticism

“ Youth these days go around with no pants” He’d eye your long legs “ Not that I’m complaining or anything lik,e that, but don’t come complaining after you catch a cold “ he’d cough “ Maybe I can help you warm up those legs and prevent any of us from getting a flu.” He’d comment “Don’t get the wrong idea. I only care about myself”


Hope you enjoyed~

So like, a few years ago, I was on this holiday in Wales.

And it was pretty nice, my family go there a lot, we stay in a caravan or sometimes like a little bed and breakfast and we just relax and have a nice time, like a week off from everything.

But this one year we were looking through this rack of leaflets about tourist destinations and we found this zoo, Folly Farm, which is really nice and you can see it at folly-farm.co.uk.

And they had orangutans at the time, but they don’t any more, as you can see on the list of animals they have on their website. My brother likes orangutans a LOT.

So we thought yeah great let’s take a trip to see some animals because the only other zoo any of us have been to is the one in Chester which is fine but we’ve seen it all, we wanna see some new fresh animal friends.

The way there was fun, we took a coach with lots of Welsh families on a day trip and we made a few friends and we still keep in contact with the driver.

Then we got there and that’s when the problems started. My little brother, who was eleven at the time, ran off by himself almost immediately. We couldn’t find him and so we had to split up to search multiple directions like we were in scooby doo or something.

After a couple of minutes, I found him by the orangutans. But he wasn’t just looking at him. He was fucking IN THERE with them, just chilling. I didn’t want to get him in trouble by calling an attendant so I just had to go in there myself and try to get him out. I say try because it was almost impossible. According to him, the orangutans were his friends, and they didn’t like the zoo, and they just wanted to go on a day out themselves. I asked what the fuck he was talking about but before I could drag him out of the enclosure he had run away with one of the orangutans.

I gave chase, of course, but they were incredibly fast. He barreled through the entire zoo with the orangutan in tow, and made it all the way back to the coach. He dived on, and shouted at the driver to GO, GO, GO.

In all my life I’ve never seen something so ridiculous. The moment the driver actually listened, and pulled away, actually driving down the fucking road with a kid and an orangutan just because he was told to and I guess he thought he was being helpful- that was the silliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

Thankfully, my stepdad saw it too, and a zoo employee ran over, red faced and panting and panicking. We got in the employee’s car and followed the coach. We wanted to call the police to help but none of us could get phone signal because, like, idk, large swathes of south Wales exist in a different era or dimension of time I guess.

We followed the coach for four hours. Across practically the entirety of Wales. All the way from Pembrokeshire to fucking Rhyl. From the south coast to the north. Honestly, if we’d just kept going it wouldn’t have taken us much longer to get home to Liverpool. We travelled so fucking far in chase of this orangutan, my brother and a recklessly helpful coach driver and every moment of the journey is burned into my mind forever.

This absurd journey finally resolved itself when we got to the white rose shopping centre in Rhyl. Apparently all the zoo animals are fitted with a tracking chip and as we approached Rhyl the zoo had finally managed to contact the police who pulled the coach over and sorted out the whole situation.

We weren’t even angry. Honestly, seeing my little brother again after all that time just made me laugh. We all did. Except the orangutan because I don’t think orangutans can laugh.

But, anyway, the resolution of the story is that folly farm can’t keep orangutans any more because of the lack of security around their enclosure. Nobody got in any legal trouble because the situation was so absurd nobody knew what to do. We left Wales together, and we reminisce on the story at least once a year. I’m just glad we left our mark, even if our legacy is totally bizarre and unbelievable.

Because the zoo, the police in North Wales and practically all of Pembrokeshire have a name for my brother and the coach driver now. A fitting nickname, one that truly captures the essence of what they did, and what they’ll always be remembered for.

They’re known as the Ape-Rhyl Fools.

newsies characters as john mulaney quotes
  • Jack: i guess someone said like something something police. and in a brilliant moment of word association i yelled “fuck da police!” and everyone else joined in. a hundred drunk white children yelling fuck da police
  • Crutchie: hey you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologize to you
  • Davey: i put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants and i felt safe
  • Katherine: you know how you lie to your parents?
  • Pulitzer: he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving
  • Finch: everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds
  • Albert: it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them
  • Buttons: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
  • Spot: i'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day i'll die
  • Elmer: i don't want to be doing what i'm doing either
  • Romeo: i am very small, and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under
  • Henry: 🎵and life is a fucking nightmare🎵
  • Specs: woah, that tall child looks terrible!
  • Race: hi, i'm very gay and would like a few dollars
  • Hannah: hello? hush!
Love Me Lose Me

A gift for the lovely and talented @bunny-yams !!!

I wrote this in an hour, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors.


The smell of alcohol was heavy on Thomas’s breath as he stumbled through the doorway of his and Alexander’s home drunkenly, his vision hazy. He slammed the door shut behind him, uncaring of the rather loud bang it made, the noise resonating through the house. He walked in as straight a line he could, which was rather crooked, due to his current state, and into Alexander’s office.

Alexander sat at his desk, hunched over his laptop and typing furiously, eyes shining with reflected light from the screen. The document that he was currently working on was nearly twenty pages long by now, each dark word on the digital paper having been written in rapid succession. This, of course, meant that Alexander had not left his at-home office in two days, as he was notorious for doing.

“Hey, Lex…” Thomas slurred, moving over to Alexander and resting his arms on top of the other man’s head, leaning over him. “Wanna come to bed? I’ll make it worth your while…”

“Hi, Thomas.” Alexander replied, not particularly caring about his boyfriend’s drunken state. “I have to work on this, I can’t come to bed. Maybe later? I have to have this done by next week, and I really don’t want to procrastinate on it.”

“You never procrastinate, Lex, you’re you,” Thomas said, leaning down to whisper in the other man’s ear. “If you come to bed, I can make you feel good, Lex. Really good… Come to bed, Lex…”

“No,” Alexander responded, not willing to put up with Thomas’s antics at this hour. “I have to work, and you know that. Go to bed without me. I need to do this.”

“Work, work, work, all you care about is work. Work can wait. You’re already so far along, why can’t you just come to bed, Le-”

“Thomas, no! I’m not going to come to bed, I’m not going to have sex with you, and I am not going to stop working! You need to understand that I have important things to take care of!” Alexander interjected, frustrated, and pulled his gaze away from the computer.

“So, I’m not important? Is that what you’re saying? You care more about your fucking work than you do about me? Huh?”

“Thomas…That’s- that’s not what I meant…” Alexander stuttered, attempting to clear up any misunderstandings caused by his poorly-chosen words.

“Then why’d you say it like it was?”

“Thomas, I just have more pressing issues than going to bed with you right now, it’s not personal, it’s just-”

“It’s just that you care so fucking much about your work. So much that you just forget about your boyfriend. That’s fine. Fucking great, even. I’ll just find someone else to share my bed with, then. I don’t need you.” He declared, turning around and leaving the room quickly, footsteps heavy against the wooden floor.

“Thomas, wait!” Alexander said hurriedly, realizing his mistake. “I didn’t mean-” He tried to explain, but was cut off by the front door slamming shut loudly. Alexander raced over to the door, and nearly collapsed as he watched Thomas step into a cab and be driven off, too late for Alexander to stop him.

He put his face in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair regretfully. He really fucked up this time, didn’t he? He could feel wet tears begin to trail down his face as the weight of the situation fully dawned on him. He had essentially told Thomas that he didn’t care about him, that some stupid report was more important than the man he loved… Yes, he really had fucked up.


Alexander drove up into the driveway nervously, looking up at the home he and Thomas shared amidst the pandemonium of the city. He parked the car, taking in a deep breath as he did so. He could do this. He could walk inside their home and beg for forgiveness. Thomas hadn’t come back home the previous night, and he’d been in meetings all day in a separate building, so Alexander was unable to try and speak with him. Then, to top it all off, Alexander had been forced to stay an extra three hours longer because of some new case that was barely worth the effort.

Stepping out of the car, he ascended the few stairs to their front door and closed his eyes, breathing slowly and opened the again, bringing his key up to unlock the door. When he reached for the doorknob, however, the door creaked open on its own, already unlocked and ajar. Alexander cautiously stepped over the threshold, shoving his keys back into his pocket.

He gently closed the door behind him, careful not to slam it, unlike Thomas had been the night before. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he remembered the harsh slam of the wooden door last night as Thomas stormed out when Alexander had told him…had told him that…that he…That wasn’t important at the moment. What was important was finding Thomas and apologizing. It didn’t matter if Alexander had to beg on his hands and knees.

Soft laughter sounded from their bedroom and Alexander lifted his head at the noise. Thomas must be in there, he thought, and headed towards the room. Pushing open the door, he felt his heart skip a beat as he took in the sight before him.

Thomas laid in bed next to his closest friend, James Madison, who was evidently more than Thomas’s close friend- at least, now he was. They were both fully undressed, laying in eachother’s arms beneath a thin blanket. The room was thick with the scent of sex and sweat, and Alexander nearly screamed as his mind processed the what he was seeing.

“Oh, Alexander!” Thomas noted boredly, as if it was a simple fact and not his boyfriend catching him cheating. “You’re home. I warned you, didn’t I?”

Alexander felt a tear trail down his face, still in shock. “Thomas, y-you-”

“I what?” Thomas asked condescendingly, cutting Alexander off. “I had amazing, mind-blowing sex with James? I had sex with someone else in our bed? I don’t really give a fuck if you’re crying or not? I’m just following up on my promise from last night? Because the answer to all of those is a definite yes, Alexander. I told you that I’d find someone else to share my bed with, so I did.”

“Thomas, what’s going on?” James asked, slowly emerging from the depths of sleep. “Why are you shouting?”

“Nothing, Jemmy, it’s nothi-”

“It’s not nothing!” Alexander interjected, eyes wet with tears. “You’re cheating on me, and you’re acting like it’s nothing! I trusted you, and I wanted to make things right, but apparently you don’t want to…”

“Why is Alexander here?” James asked, gaze switching between Thomas and Alexander as he sat up, pulling away from the other man. “You told me that you two had broken up, Thomas!”

“Then I guess he lied to you! We didn’t break up, and I get to come home to see my boyfriend cheating on me!” Alexander half-sobbed, half-shouted, not making any effort to hide his emotions.

“Thomas, you fucking bastard!” James yelled, leaving the bed as quickly as possible and pulling his boxers on. “You knew I wanted you, you fucking knew, and then you go and tell me that you and Alex broke up so that you can what? Cheat on your boyfriend with me? Get revenge for something miniscule? You fucking disgust me, Thomas. I’m leaving.” He said, pulling on his pants and grabbing his shirt, heading for the door and stopping as he looked at Alexander in front of him, sobbing heavily. “Alexander…I’m so sorry…” He muttered before leaving the room, and soon enough, the house.

Alexander stared at Thomas through blurry eyes, his cheeks stained with tears. The taller man lay in the bed, naked save for a sheet covering his waist and everything below it.“Thomas…” Alexander spoke softly, wrapping his arms around himself. “How could you do this to me?”

Thomas let his gaze fall on Alexander, focusing on him. “We had a fight. And it looks like I won, Alex.” He stated plainly, sitting up and resting his back against the headboard.

“Is this actually about that stupid fight, Thomas? I-I was going to make it up to you, was going to apologize and beg for you to talk to me again, even if it was just to tell me to go away. I couldn’t sleep last night, I was so upset at what you would say to me. Couldn’t imagine a life where you really despised me for what I did. Well, I could, but I didn’t want it, Thomas. Not ever.”

“Alexander, you said-”

“I hadn’t slept in three days! And you had been gone all day, I missed you, and I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was lashing out at you, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I…I had no idea, Alex, I-”

“But I guess you aren’t, huh? You didn’t stay awake all of last night terrified that the your boyfriend would never love you again. I did that. You were off fucking James Madison. Why? Because you were mad?”

“Yes, Alex, but-”

“But nothing! You didn’t have a good reason for it then, and you sure as hell don’t have a good reason for it now! I’m leaving, Thomas. I’ll be back for my stuff later. Goodbye.”

“No, Alex, wait!” Thomas shouted, nearly jumping off the bed and grabbing onto Alexander’s wrist tightly. “Please, don’t leave me…I fucked up, I know I did, but please, Alex, I need you…” He begged, staring up at Alexander with wide, fearful eyes.

Alexander yanked his hand away from Thomas’s own, and stepped back, staring at Thomas with a look that could not be mistaken for anything other than pure spite as he spat, “You didn’t need me earlier. It looked more like you needed James.”

And with a pivot and a slamming of the door, Alexander was gone.

And Thomas was alone.

He would remain that way for quite some time, his only company being the sobs that echoed through the room.

so I was excited as everyone else thinking, “oh yes FINALLY rick is going to get his ass some new pants it’s been 84 years (lol i mean since season 2 but omg please new threads)” 

but then I remembered that photos taken of Andy and MMB out at lunch during the filming of 7.12… and I knew something was odd about it… and then… it hits me and 

HE JUST STITCHES THEM BACK UP 

STITCHES THOSE RATTY JEANS BACK UP

CAN YOU BELIEVE RICK GRIMES? 

(why is he like this?)

now I am just imagining Rick holding his pants out to Michonne, saying, “I DON’T GET STITCHES UNTIL MY PANTS DO.” 

Big Girl - Michael Clifford Smut

 i wrote this a while ago i literally have no idea how bad it sucks ass but it probably sucks hard

—————————————————

“Mom no! I don’t need a babysitter I’m 18 for god’s sake!”

“No Y/N! The last time i left you home alone you almost burned the house down! And it’s not like he’s a complete stranger. It’s just Michael.” Her parents were going out for a business dinner and they hired Michael Clifford to babysit her.

Michael was 19, he graduated last year and he took a gap year to travel with his mates. That meant he needed money badly. They were neighbours and her parents invited the Cliffords over for dinner quite often but Y/N never had a proper conversation with him however she knew how cocky he was. He had the biggest ego. Always bragging about himself and trying to show off. Never the less she always had a slight crush on him. There was something mesmerising about him.

“We’re leaving now and he’ll be arriving in 15 minutes. Be kind to him and don’t cause any trouble!”

After kissing her parents goodbye Y/N decided to prepare some snacks to watch some movies. Her parents weren’t going to come back until midnight and Michael probably wasn’t gonna pay her attention, she needed to entertain herself until then.

She was going through movies when she heard the knocking on the door.

“Come in the door isn’t locked.” she yelled. She knew it was Michael. Who else would knock on her door at 8:30pm?

“You know you really should lock the door when you’re home alone. Im kind enough to not kidnap you but someone else might.”

“Haha funny Michael.” she was being sarcastic but she knew Michael was kinda right. She wasn’t gonna admit that of course. Michael’s ego was already big enough.

Michael plopped himself next to Y/N on the couch and asked “So what are we watching?”

“We? So THE Michael Clifford wants to spend time with me i’m honored.”

“Don’t flatter yourself i kinda have to cause there’s nothing else to do.”

“Sure.” she snickered. She knew he was being sarcastic. That was how their friendship was. Sarcastic remarks and mean comments.

They settled on watching a random movie which turned out quite boring.

“Why do you need a babysitter anyways?” Michael asked.

“The last time i was home alone i almost burned the house down so my mom doesn’t think i should be left alone anymore. But im a big girl i know i can take care of myself.”

“Big girl huh?” Michael had a smirk when he said that.

“Yes i turned 18 two weeks ago.”

“Truth or dare?”

“What?” she honestly was surprised by his question she wasn’t expecting this. “Truth i guess..”

“Are you a virgin?” she was taken aback from the sudden question.

“N-no.” she shyly answered. She’d much rather her first time being with Michael. The guy who took her virginity was an asshole. “Truth or dare?” she was already thinking of a smart thing to ask him.

“No you choose one.”

“It’s your turn.”

“Im in charge right now don’t you think? Do as i say.”

“Truth.” she didn’t want to take chances and she was pissed with Michael reminding her that he was in charge. Although the thought of Michael being in charge turned her on.

“What’s your biggest turn on?”

“Dare. Can i change it?” she couldn’t tell him that the thought of him tying her down and fucking her mercilessly while she called him daddy made her panties soak.

“No princess. You chose truth and now you have to answer.”

“Umm i g-guess my partner being umm you know dominant would turn me on.”

“I dare you to suck my cock.”

“WHAT?!”

“C'mon babygirl i know you want to. I know how much i turn you on. I bet you’re wet right now.” He was right. Thinking about him fucking her did turn her on.

She got on her knees. It was the moment she was waiting for all her life wasn’t it?

“Michael i’ve only done this once. I don’t know how to do it.”

“It’s ok princess i’ll guide you.”

She unbuttoned his pants, Michael lifted his hips so Y/N could take off his pants and boxers faster.

When Y/N saw his cock she was amazed. He was bigger than the boy who took her virginity and thicker. She was nervous to touch it let alone put it in her mouth.

“What happened?” Michael needed her mouth. Or her hands. Anything. He just wanted to feel her touch.

“It’s just that you’re bigger than my ex.” she didn’t even care if she was flattering his ego even more.

“It’s ok Y/N it’s not gonna bite see.” He started stroking his cock. “Try it c'mon.” Michael replaced his hand with hers and she slowly started stroking him.

“Ugh Y/N it feels so good. Take it in your mouth please.” how could she say no to him when he ask like that? She took him in her mouth. She struggled to fit him in her mouth but managed to do it. She started stroking the parts she couldn’t fit in her mouth with her hands.

“Yes yes yes babygirl does daddy’s cock feels good in your mouth?” Daddy? She never thought Michael would have a daddy kink. She hoped but she never thought he actually had it.

She stopped sucking for a brief moment and said “Yes daddy.”

“Stop stop come here.” Michael pulled her up and sat her on her lap. They started making out passionately.  Michael tried to take off her shirt and  bra without stopping the kiss.

“Fuck babygirl your tits are amazing.” He massaged her boobs and flicked her nipples.

“Daddy please do something!” “What do you want daddy to do baby? You want daddy to fuck you?”

Y/N could only nod and Michael eagerly unbuttoned her pants and took them off.

“Baby there is a condom in the back pocket of my jeans can you bring it to daddy?” she got up from his lap and bend down to get the condom. Michael couldn’t resist it and spanked her ass. She moaned from the pleasure, turning Michael on.

“You like it when daddy spanks you baby?”

“Yes daddy please spank me again.”

“I will baby girl but all i want right now is your sweet pussy wrapped around my cock. Come here.” He grabbed the condom from her hand and quickly put it on.

“C'mon princess ride daddy’s cock. Show him how much of a big girl you are.” Y/N positioned herself on Michael’s cock and slowly slide down. They both moaned in bliss.

“Harder babygirl. Make daddy proud.” Michael couldn’t take it anymore. Hearing her moans and whimpers were driving him crazy. He needed to have his way with her. He needed to devour her. He spanked her and said “Lay down baby.”

Y/N got up from his lap and laid down on the couch. After teasing her folds for a bit, Michael positioned himself at her entrance and quickly thrusted in. She felt so good wrapped around his cock and without realising he started ramming into her. He was fucking her so good. Y/N could feel a knot forming in her stomach and the aching feeling around her pussy. She reached down to rub her clit but Michael held her hands over her head.

“I know you’re close me too baby. Cum for me, cum for daddy Y/N.”

Y/N let out a loud moan and came around Michael’s cock. Feeling her pussy clench around his cock drive Michael over the edge.

He reached for the blanket on the floor and put it over Y/N. He got up and walked towards kitchen to get rid of the condom when he suddenly turned around and said, “I knew you had a crush on me. I think you’re cute.”

I Want It Fast, I Want It Loud, I Want It My Way

a/n: THIS PICTURE FUCK. i’ve rode many of things in my lifetime. ;-) just not a thigh, so this might not be accurate but heyyyyyyyyy it’s fine. and if we’re gonna be honest here, how many of y'all actually even rode a dick? let alone a thigh hahaha.  love y'all :-) (smut warning obviously) 


I’m tired. I can feel the familiar ache in my body. I want nothing more than to go home and sleep for hours on end with no interruption. “C'mon, love, lets go.” I whine into Harry’s ear. His arm that is wrapped around my hip tightens, “okay, hold on.” He absentmindedly replies. I huff out. I don’t want to hold on. What the hell am I supposed to hold on to anyways? I notice a chair on the other side of the room and I instinctively follow to it. 

 When I am seated, I rest my head against the wall and close my eyes. “Alright, up you get. It’s time to go, yeah?” Harry awakes me from my quick nap, a whine slips from my lips as I’m placed on my feet. “No.” Harry chuckles lowly as he bends down and urges me to get on my back. A sleepy smile etches on my face as I climb onto him. He stands up with ease. My head falls onto his shoulder as I fall asleep with Harry’s scent lingering around me. 

 * 

 It’s hot. I can feel sweat seeping through my shirt. 

My eyes open and adjust to the darkness. The clock reads three-thirty A.M., I can hear Harry’s breathing next to me. It’s relaxing. His arms are pulled under his pillow as he lies his head on it, curly hair flopping over. His mouth is slightly ajar, and I can’t help but look at his lips. They are such a nice shape, they’re so pink and full. The shirt I have on is soaked through with sweat as I peel it off my scorching body. The cool air soothes my skin and I sigh with relief. 

With my head back onto my pillow, I continue to stare at sleeping Harry. How can one human have so much beauty to them? Not just his looks either, he has a beautiful soul as well. My eyes skim back to his lips. God, his lips. If only they were kissing me right now. Down my neck, onto my collar bone. Biting and nipping, leaving a hickey in its place. 

 I play with the idea of waking him up just to do that, but he needs his sleep. When I make up my mind to be a good girlfriend, I groan and roll over. I hate that I’m a good person sometimes. My head is still spinning with the thought of Harry kissing me all over as I close my eyes and try to sleep. Minutes pass before I huff out and grab my phone. 

Looks like I’m not going to be sleeping tonight. One perk of having a famous boyfriend is that I can look up smut about him and totally try it the next time we have sex. And that’s what I do. I head over to my Tumblr app and type in “Harry Styles smut”. The first thing that pops up is an ask. The ask reads “OKAY but imagine riding harry’s thigh i Am HURT. You would grind down on him and it would hit your clit just right and his hands would leave marks on your hips and he could feel you soaking through his jeans, and he just gets off to you getting off FUCK”. 

 Okay what in the hell is thigh riding and why am I so wet now? My mind starts racing after smut with thigh riding involved. I’ve never heard of thigh riding, but I’m already liking it. I stay up a few more minutes, maybe hours, who really knows? Looking at smut that includes thigh riding. I’m aching for the feeling of it right now. My internal conflict is raging inside me and I think I have to wake Harry. The sleeping boy next to me looks so peaceful. How could I wake him up just to ride his thigh? I can feel myself pulsing for this feeling. “Fuck.” I groan out, I can’t wait any longer. My hand starts to shake his sleeping body, “Harry.” All he does is let out a soft groan. This is going to be harder than I thought. With a swift pull from the covers, both of our bodies are uncovered. 

Harry is naked from his hips up and he looks fucking great. The tattoos sprawled across his toned body never looked so appealing in my life. I want to run my tongue over everyone of them. Black  shorts that were around my hips fall off with a swift motion from my arms, my underwear following. Fire is in my veins. Harry visibly shutters from the loss of the covers but I climb on top of him to bring him warmth.

 "Y/N?“ He mutters, his voice raspier and deeper from sleep. Fuck, I’m literally dripping for this green eyed man. “Baby, I want to try something..” I say while unleashing kisses to his jaw and neck. “At-” He stops to check the time, “5:47 in the morning?” Huh, guess I was looking at smut longer than I thought. “Yes baby, please, I’m literally dripping for you. Plus, you have to get up an hour anyways for work.” I moan out, I can already feel his erection through his pajama pants. “Well if you insist.” He smirks. “What did you want to try?” He sits up holding me in his lap. My legs are by each of his hips and his large hands are roaming my back, hips, and thighs. “Well it’s kinda weird, but I really want to try it.” I tug my lip into my teeth, nervously awaiting his response. “Yeah? What’s it then love?” “Well- I- just- let me show you. Take off your pants.” I instruct with a shaky voice, he obliges as he lifts me off his lap. He is left in his tight boxer briefs. 

I manage to mount back onto his lap, positioning myself over his left thigh. “What’re you doing babe?” Harry asks me with puzzlement in his eyes. “Just..” I moan out as I begin to move hips on his lap. The contact of my clit to his thin boxers form incoherent moans. Harry’s hands move to my hips, gripping them. “Oh so you like thigh riding, huh?” Harry’s voice is like gravel on a road sending me to move faster as his hands insinuate rapid movements. My head nods feverishly as he moves me faster. I feel his lips attach to my breasts, sucking lightly. 

Curls are in my hands as I rock back and forth in his thigh. Cotton boxers against my clit work expertly together with the collaboration of my movements and Harry’s lips. Pleasure is racing through me leaving a beating heart and restless moans. Thoughts are construed in my mind as I try to piece together all the overwhelming things that are enveloping around me. Fuck, I’m so close. “Harry…” I moan out and he gets the hint. His inked hands grip my love handles tighter and my moves pick up pace as we move with the rhythm of an imaginary tempo. “Come for me.” Harry barely whispers in my ear as he adds a nibble to my ear lobe and before I can stop myself, I am sent over the top. An orgasm rattles through me with blacked out vision and shaking hands. Spearmint surrounds me as my head collapses into Harry'a shoulder. “I didn’t know you were into that.” Harry’s voice flows out to me and I laugh, “Yeah I didn’t either.” The clock now reads six-fifteen. 

Before Harry can react, I roll off of him and fall into my spot on our bed. The covers are pulled up over me, I hum in response. “Get some sleep, my angel.” Are words I hear before I drift off.