get in my belly

5

Have you tried Ben & Jerry’s new Oat of this Swirled? Buttery brown sugar ice cream with fudge flakes & oatmeal cinnamon cookie swirls makes this flavor astronomical. Find it in a freezer near you!

This is my lunch plan today.

We ate at Poké Poké a few months ago and I have been thinking about it EVER since. I just can’t get anyone I know to come with me.

Yesterday I could hardly stand that there is good Poké 3 miles away and it was not in my belly!

Today is the day, my friends, and I’m stoked!

Sometimes I cry when I cut the carrots because i don’t want the Onions to think they are ugly or anything like that. 

 You’re very beautiful, Onions. It’s okay. 

oisiflaneur replied to your post:

i just really like learning and sharing information but i Respect your dedication to pettiness

part of the reason why my family has so many Stories™ is that we’re incredibly petty people. we never forgive and we never forget. ever.

for example: several years ago my extended family went to a restaurant called salt creek grille. it has a 4.3 rating on yelp, which means somebody must like it but listen. we haven’t fucking been back since.

why, you ask? it was HORRENDOUS.

now, let me be clear: I have absolutely put objectively worse food in my mouth. i ate red vines out of an abandoned package at a movie theatre once. that wasn’t the issue. the issue is I paid 25$ for a porkchop and I got this … dry, vaguely tasteless abomination I think might have been shoe leather someone mistook for a porkchop. my father paid probably closer to 50$ for a steak. same issue. literally, we have had better food at the diner down the street from our house.

they do a great porkchop. it’s 10$ and it’s, quite frankly, the best porkchop I’ve ever had. they also do decent steak, although sometimes it can come out a little dry depending on how busy the diner is. for 15$, steak being a little dry is fine. for 50$, that’s not fine. I don’t care if my steak is well done, for 50$ it should not be dry.

anyway, it’s been like five years and my family still regularly eats out and comments on steaks and porkchops being superior to the salt creek grille. this is all to say that I have been raised to be as petty and vengeful as humanly possible while maintaining a thin veneer of politeness.