get in me sir get in me

anonymous asked:

Hiya there, sir- uhm, your majesty, sir! I just wanna come here and give you an apple from an apple tree me and Mama were raising! Mama didn't wanted me to see you, but I wanna give you an apple cause its the last apple to grow on our apple tree. I know it's prolly something really small since you could get apples anywhere, but I just wanna give you something before I go. Do your best, okay? Imma root for ya!

You’re kind of an idiot to give away your LAST apple. Fruit is getting more expensive you know. Oh jeez…I would give you money to make up for it but money is short, little one. 

Here. Lemme- *Spits* Here. Take the seeds and go plant some more apple trees. Then you can make more cake and give it to me!

2

someone suggested smooches and another cuddles sooooo

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 4

It’s amazing to see how much we can create together, my amigos. Here’s part 4.

  1. “Look, I might be evil but even I have standards.”
  2. “Do your parents know you’re dating Death?” “No, I promised we wouldn’t get back together after he broke up with me the first time.”
  3. “Wait why am I naked and covered in cheese?”
  4. “Good god, that cake is fuckin stale and dry mate!!” “Just like how you are recently? Gee, thanks.”
  5. "There is always time for a high-five.”
  6. “Karen, what would ever posses you to find me here.”
  7. “Oh my god, put that man down! Come on, let’s go get you some REAL food.”
  8. “A demonic sugar glider?”
  9. “People always say they never thought they would be here but I absolutely did.”
  10. “And I thought I was a bit weird. But you! You are insane!”
  11. “So your hair knows kung-fu? Ha, that’s nothing! MY hair knows HAIR-ATE!” (You know, as in karate) (This used to be an insider between me and a friend…)
  12. “One day, darling, you and I are going to conquer the Universe not just our world.”
  13. “Did you seriously think they wouldn’t notice when their humans went missing?!”
  14. “Well, maybe next time you should consider that not everyone wants to be woken up at four in the morning by a- what IS that, anyway?!”
  15. “Now, how exactly did your foot get stuck in the barrel?”
  16. “I hope you realize what you’re doing. This forest never ends, you know that, right?”
  17. “You can’t just kill someone and then make it all better by saying sorry!”
  18. “Why the fuck is my cat levitating?!” “He said he wanted to feel what flying was”
  19. “You’re trying to tell me you killed three men…with a microphone?”
  20. “Hang on, are you a John Wick fan?”
  21. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING!” “And?” “ I have a strict no murder rule until eight. Call me then.”
  22. “I did realize you were going to be naked the whole time”
  23. “Ok, I understand you like animals, but you can’t just bring a tiger into the apparent without asking!”
  24. “I…I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m so sorry.”
  25. “OH MY GOD CATHERINE! I JUST SAW A NARWHAL! I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW A FREAKIN’ WHALE UNICORN!”
  26. “I gotta go, I left my toaster in the oven!
  27. "Why is there a gaggle of fancy buisness men on my front lawn?”
  28. “Can you please stop referring to me as ____! That’s not my name!” “Then what is?” “I don’t know!”
  29. *Sarcastic* “Yeah, sure. I won’t at all mind being your footslave.” “Oh, goody! I knew you’d agree!” “Wait, what?”
  30. “When are you going to give up on this whole ‘evil’ thing?” “When it stops being so much fun!”
  31. “You didnt say to KILL the man!” “WELL I DIDNT SAY NOT TOO”
  32. “Mum, Dad… I’m gay.” “That’s nice, honey, but now is not the right time!”
  33. “Take a look at your soul and consider your life choices! Oh wait, that’s right! You don’t fucking have a soul!” “Oh, god, just go drown in a bathtub of syrup why don’t ya?”
  34. “I kindly ask you to please quit making your heart stop. It’s creeping me out!” “So… Y-You were sleeping in a coffin” “Yeah I’m used to it” “Are you a vampire or what?! How can someone get used to sleep in a coffin?” “No I’m used to sleep I never said that I’m used to sleep in a freaking coffin!”
  35. “Darling I love you, more than I can ever express in words…. But please stop teaching chickens necromancy.”
  36. “I wanted to know why you stole souls, not your melodramatic backstory…”
  37. “I really wish that old white man would stop rubbing his nipples at me”
  38. “You know it is written: Do not summon Satan, right ?”
  39. “Look around, what is this?” “My room?” “No, this is pathetic.”
  40. “I’ve been a professor for 20 years, and yet still my greatest secret hasn’t been revealed–I can’t read.”
  41. “Our souls don’t belong in these 'human’ bodies, every one of us is implanted here from another galaxy, and this has been the case for a thousand years. No one knows what 'actual humans’ are like without us inhabiting them.”
  42. “Did you just create a portal in time and space to pull another version of yourself into this world so I have to deal with another annoying idiot?” “No but thanks for the idea.”
  43. “You’re bleeding?!” “Nah, I’m frolicing in a field of flowers - yes I’m bleeding!”
  44. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I make a decent omelette and you somehow equate that to qualification for piloting a spaceship?”
  45. “It’s the weekend! Let’s hit the town! See a concert, redo our wardrobes, get high, start a crime ring, I don’t know.”
  46. “Keep running, you’ve only got 4HP!”
  47. “This is clearly your first time. Stop screaming already, you’ll wake the neighbors!”
  48. “Has anyone seen the outdoors?” “What the fuck is an outdoors?”
  49. “Why do I feel like this again, I thought we were done with this?”
  50. “Look, as much as I like to hang out with you, I’ve gotta go and save the earth. Toodles!”
  51. “Have you seen?… oh shit”
  52. “Two questions: one, how many matches do you have, and two, where do you keep your socks?”
  53. “Because fuck surveys, that’s why!”
  54. “Stop yelling out the window or the koalas will rip your face off!”
  55. “I guess when I heard 'Night of Debauchery’… I didn’t picture muffins on your pajamas.”
  56. “Honey, you can’t keep throwing people to the pit of pain and despair just because they don’t like choc mint ice cream.”
  57. “Oh, no honey, put that back…”
  58. “It’s going to be too late, you know. It’s always too late.”
  59. “Hey, so, uh… I’m in trouble…” “What did you do this time?” “I got stranded in Wales….. again…”
  60. “OK, but… how do we get the dog out of a hole in space in time exactly?”
  61. “Aren’t people supposed to grow instead of shrink ?”
  62. “Wait. You’re aroused?” “Why would that surprise you?” “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  63. "I pay your taxes”
  64. “No, ____. We did not raise our hamster like this.”
  65. “You can’t run from your own shadow(s), what makes you think you can run from theirs?”
  66. “You adopted… a dog?” “Mate, that’s not a dog.”
  67. “And at this moment, he decided to punch himself in the face.” “Narrator, listen, I know you’ve been with me my whole life, but you’re a huge jerk.”
  68. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a portal BEFORE we ended up here?”
  69. “Is that…the Mona Lisa.” “…Yes…” “What did I say to you about stealing priceless artifacts!?” “…That I had to take you with me next time.” “Exactly!”
  70. “Yes, I agree, magic is pretty cool. But did you really have to use it for THIS?”
  71. “Despite the fact that was epic, you’re still suspended”
  72. “Chill, dad it’s not what you think it is!” “Well it looks like you’re making out with the demon your grandma banished to cellar…WHY IS HE IN YOUR ROOM?”
  73. “If you truly love me you’ll let me-OH FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST STAB ME!?”
  74. “Spoon”
  75. “What began as a conflict over the transfer of consciousness from flesh to machines escalated into a war which has decimated a Million worlds.The ___ and the ___ have all but exhausted the the resources of a galaxy in their struggle for domination. Both sides, now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle on ravaged planets, their hatred fueled by over four thousand years of total war. This is a fight to the death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is…“
  76. ”… I’m going back to bed. You brought it here, you can deal with the mammoth yourself.“
  77. "Is the food supposed to be moving?”
  78. “You mean to tell me that in the two minutes I was gone,  you bombed a minor country,  got married to a stripper,  and assassinated a world leader?!”
  79. “Is that a unicorn???? EATING MY BEEF JERKY?!”
  80. “Do I get to dream about you again tonight?”
  81. “Well now I have to change clothes AGAIN!”
  82. “All of this was because of a… OF A PLUSHIE?!” “Well…Yeah?” “Great, how are we going to get out of jail now?!”
  83. “So…you gonna tell me why my brother is upside down and why you’re wearing my purple thong?”
  84. “Did you really have to burn down another Cracker Barrel?”
  85. “Sir, that’s impossible, you can’t do that.” “IS THAT A FUCKING CHALLENGE?!?!”
  86. “We need to invade Portugal.” “…Sure, why not?”
  87. “Did you divide by zero?! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL”
  88. “Stand down, Milady, this is a matter between gentlemen with mustaches.”
  89. “Next time you get arrested I am NOT paying your bail” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “….”
  90. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I”
  91. “John dont flush the dog down the toilet”
  92. “What did I say again about resurrecting dictators??”
  93. “Cucumbers are NOT pets… what do you mean, you ate him??”
  94. “Are you and God seriously fighting right now? And what happened to Satan?”
  95. “Are ferrets supposed to be blue??”
  96. “I’m the protagonist? Well I guess that explains why I look like about a thousand other people.”
  97. “Why do I do this to myself?”
  98. “Stop eating your tortilla chips with ketchup. It’s unattractive.”
  99. “How do you eat an entire cheese wheel in one sitting?”
  100. “Why are God and Satan moving in with us?”

Let’s make one more ‘100 Dialogue Prompts’ list together. Leave a comment with your prompt below. Don’t forget the double quotes “”. And as always, only one prompt per amigo! Also, here is your random Dutch word of the day: pindakaas

Ways I am exactly like Maria Reynolds

• half-dressed
• apologetic
• a mess
• looks pathetic

DON’T CALL ME SIR💛💛

I don’t know why I hate being called “sir.”

I’m mean, the obvious reason is that I’m nonbinary. I don’t identify as either a man or a woman and so “sir” doesn’t apply to me. “Ma’am” doesn’t apply either, of course, and explaining nonbinary identity to a store clerk or server seems like too much effort most of the time. But my real aversion — the reason I really hate these gendered service words — is that they _are_ polite. I know it sounds crazy, and we aren’t used to thinking of it this way, but it is considered polite to affirm a person’s status in a gendered way. It’s polite to acknowledge another person’s place in the gender hierarchy.

Perhaps I’m just crazy. I know I’m sensitive. And, I know that being called ma’am or sir is normal for most folks. I know that it goes beyond normal. In most situations, people _expect_ it and take it as a clue that whoever is talking respects them. The customer, the Sir, feels heard and respected and seen. _Isn’t it funny that I feel the opposite?_ Isn’t it funny that, when someone “sirs” me, I get frustrated and feel like shouting “I’m not like every customer!” I want the salesperson to see me and understand me, and when they use the everyday expected words of commerce, I get antsy. I surely don’t want to stick around and eat and buy and shop.

Oh yes, I’m a snowflake. I’ll gladly admit it. But maybe all that “snowflake” connotes isn’t accurate. Snowflakes are supposed to be weak right? Maybe since I’ve survived years of being misunderstood and mischaracterized, I’m strong. Maybe since I’ve lived with a truth that, over the years, has had to be stuffed and sidelined and kept secret, I’m strong. Maybe since I’ve learned how to survive by hiding and cowering and swallowing shame, I’m strong. Shouldn’t our language show people like me the respect and specificity we deserve? Maybe we come up with new terms. Maybe we revamp some old ones. But something needs to change.

Boss's Orders

Boss’s Orders (m)

Word count: 2.6k

Genre: filth, apparently I have a thing for shameless office sex ;)

I tried a different style of writing for this one… anyway, enjoy.

Originally posted by gotjimin


I was doing some faxing for Mr. Park, my boss. He was making me work late, yet again. He had made me work late a lot these past few weeks. Sometimes a couple of other people were with me but tonight I was the only one left.

He had gotten on to me because one of my reports was messed up. It wasn’t a surprise to me that one out of the twenty I was given, at the same time, was not perfect. Mr. Park always got pretty mad with me for unknown reasons. Or I just was around when he’d need to take his pent up anger out on someone. It was sad that the only reason I put up with him was because I needed this job… and that I was insanely attracted to him. Although, I felt especially attracted to him when he got on to me. There was something about his aggressive, hard voice that made my knees weak and my panties wet. He’d sometimes slam his fist on his desk and i’d have to bit my lip to keep from moaning.

Keep reading

How do I write?: Dialog

For writers, speaking scenes are either the bane of your existence, or the highlight of your day. On one hand, when characters are talking, it can really help further a scene and help with character development….but on the other hand…writing dialog is such a chore….blugh. So here’s some ways to write better dialog in your stories!

Give Your Characters Voices

Is your character southern? Do they have a lisp? Are they shy? Outspoken? Do they use a lot of big words, or are they an easy talker? Are they more likely to lie with confidence, or do they need to pause a lot to collect their thoughts? These are all factors that help build up a character’s profile, and to add realism to your dialog. Make sure to keep each character consistent – example: if Character A is an angry and resolute character, they wouldn’t stammer or blush when they’re caught off guard – so that your characters keep their individuality.

Embrace the Power of Verbs

Obviously, there’s a huge difference between ‘said’ and ‘yelled’ and ‘screamed’, but there are so many fics where ‘mumbled’ is an overused verb. Unless your character is incredibly shy – or loves to whisper insults under their breath – nobody mumbles every other sentence. ‘Quipped’, ‘snarked,’ ‘said indignantly’, ‘joked’, and ‘laughed’ are some of my favorite verbs.

Moving the Scene Through Dialog 

If you’re ever terrified of having a scene turn into a monotonous he said/she said conversation, then break it up with actions! Have Character A yell at Character B as they angrily slam the car door, or Character C say “huh?” as they try to clear water out of their ears. Here’s a few examples.

  • “You look like crap!” Madison tried to touch the side of her face, but Liz jerked her head back. “Are you like, sick? Your eyes are all red and puffy.”
  • “Yeah, just a second.” Jade watched as the bright orange petals swirled down the drain.
  • Scout visibly recoiled from him. “Uh, no. I’ll pass.”

Talk to Yourself

This is the best trick; it’s what I do when I’m writing dialog. I’ll put on different voices and talk aloud to myself in order to feel what sounds natural and what sounds plastic-y. You may feel ridiculous when you’re up at 2am and repeating the same lines over and over again to yourself, but believe me, it will show in the final drafts when your characters are interacting.

Finally, Have Fun

It’s such a cliche tip that it makes me want to cry from boredom, but having fun with your dialog makes it infinitely easier to write. If your inspiration is just bone dry, have your characters get silly with their dialog – “Sir, that really hella dangerous experiment is going critical” “oh dang, lmao, we should probably leave?” “yes most definitely” – because even then, you’re getting your ideas out and you can come back later. Also, it’s hilarious. In the end, writing is supposed to be a fun hobby, so find what works for you and keep on doing it!

The more I think about Lefou in the remake the more chuffed I get, because honestly, when was the last time you saw media which says

  • the non-conventionally attractive villains deserve redemption too
  • redemption arcs don’t just entail moping about how awful you were, they involve getting off your arse and doing something about it
  • unrequited love for someone who treats you like crap is crap
  • it’s important to recognise when your relationship is in a bad place
  • boys can be the victims in abusive relationships
  • abusive relationships can be friendships as well as romantic relationships
  • boys who’ve been in abusive relationships deserve a happy ending

I just want the best for my snarktastic French son and his future husband, okay?

so i played skyrim tonight, and i thought i’d tell an important story about my journeys:

i was mostly wandering around minding my own business when i came upon whiterun stables and guys - listen. i found the most beautiful perfect horse i’d ever seen. majestic, beautiful, immaculate. i had to have him. so i figured - hey, i took long enough getting here, it’s the middle of the night, no one’s gonna see if i take this horse, right?

this was my first mistake.

so i hop on the horse. i press the big glaring red STEAL button and get my ass on the horse. perfect. 50 bounty from whiterun - well, no plan is ever perfect. and we start walking along - and who runs up to me, but a whiterun guard. “you have committed crimes against skyrim and her people” - he’s very upset. well holy shit! i didn’t think anyone saw me, but you know what, good sir, here, i’ll pay the fine -

“we’ll take your stolen goods, and - “

no. this simply won’t do. i come out of the keep, scheming. i must acquire my horse again.

so i go back to the stables, steal the horse again. it’s the same horse, of course it is, because he’s flawless and gallant and waited for me.

but then - again - the guard, crimes against skyrim and her people - well you know what sir, a cat-man’s pride for his perfect and beautiful horse is not a crime. so i hop off my perfect horse, and get my Destruction ready. i’m going to give this guard what-for. of course, in the process, i accumulate 1000 bounty from whiterun.

well, fuck. this, probably, could be considered mistake number two. i get on the horse again. +50 bounty from whiterun, but in the face of killing that guard, honestly, who’s going to notice one stolen horse? i press the big red STEAL button again.

“alright, RED STEEL,” i tell the horse, “from now on, you and i are fugitives.”

RED STEEL, noble and awe-inspiring steed, and i walk for a very, very, very long time. we can never go back. but - you guys, i found out something else about RED STEEL that made it all worth it:

well, of course. he can fly. my incredible, unkillable, righteous RED STEEL.

look at him, as majestic and all-powerful and graceful as i always knew him to be.

so - did i commit crimes against skyrim and her people? yes. yes, i did. but in doing so, i made an unforgettable friend, and a powerful ally. so was it worth it?

i’ll let you be the judge.

I Got You On My Mind [Part 3]

Jungkook Soulmate AU

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Summary: Jungkook can feel when your entire world falls apart, and his shatters into a million more pieces.

Word count: 2k words

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

JUNGKOOK’S POV

An immobilizing sense of panic shot through Jungkook, causing him to freeze. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and his vision became unfocused in his state of unadulterated fear. Immediately, Jungkook sensed that the sudden emotion was being transmitted through your soulmate bond, and soon fear wasn’t the only feeling Jungkook was contending with.

“Y/N? What’s going on?” Jungkook thought helplessly. He moved through the crowd, leaving behind whichever girl he had been talking to, and tried to escape the confines of the party. The sense of panic he had been feeling had suddenly ceased, which was even more worrying. “Talk to me–are you alright? Fuck! Y/N!

By the time Jungkook reached the front door, he was covered in a sheen layer of sweat–in part from the heat of the party, and mostly because of his increasing worry. He burst through the door, lurching into the cool, night air.

“Y/N!” he bellowed, head swinging side to side as he searched for you. Cursing, Jungkook realized he had no idea where to even look. He couldn’t hear your thoughts, so relying on luck, he turned to his right and ran.

Jungkook sprinted down the empty road, his footsteps falling heavily and echoing through the silence. His lungs burned and his muscles ached, but the cold grip of fear around his heart kept him running.

In his mind, he could feel your presence slipping away. Even if you were silent, there was always a warm, comforting feeling of your presence. But now, it was being replaced with cold nothingness.

He prayed that you were safe–he knew that he had caused whatever had made you so panicked. Jungkook wished he could go back in time, stop you from leaving. Maybe even go back further, and stop you from hurting at all.

But he knew that it was useless to hope.

As Jungkook turned a corner, he was blinded by bright, flashing blue, red, and white lights. An ambulance was stalled in the middle of the road alongside a single car. Jungkook’s feet skidded to a stop as he stared at the scene unfolding before him.

“No,” he whispered, his voice breaking. Staggering forward, Jungkook’s eyes began to water with unshed tears. A man stood in his path, so Jungkook grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and spun him around. The man stared up at Jungkook, his eyes wide and his face pale. “What happened!?”

“T-there was an accident,” the man explained, his voice shaking. His eye’s darted to the right, so Jungkook’s followed.

On the ground, a girl lay sprawled on the cement in front of the parked car. Two paramedics were kneeling beside her, assessing her injuries as they prepared her body for the stretcher.

Jungkook knew immediately that it was you. His body moved forward on its own accord as Jungkook’s mind screamed.

“No,” he repeated, his voice becoming louder. It cracked as he spoke. The paramedics turned around, alarmed at the sight of the distressed boy.

“Sir, please stand back,” one of them said, standing up with his hands in front of him placatingly. “We need you to stay out of the way so we can get to the hospital.”

“She’s my soulmate!” Jungkook cried, surging forward to get closer to you. The paramedic sprung up, grabbing Jungkook by the shoulders and holding him back. “Let me see her! Is she alive? Oh god–tell me she’s alive!”

Jungkook’s hoarse cries filled the quiet night, his words becoming mangled together until they were indecipherable. Another pair of hands grabbed Jungkook and stopped him from struggling–he was pretty sure they belonged to the man who had hit you.

And god, Jungkook wanted to be angry with that man. He wanted to be furious. But Jungkook knew that everything was his fault. If you died, it would be because of Jungkook. The fight left him, and Jungkook crumpled to the ground.

Silent sobs wracked his frame as he kneeled, watching your lifeless body being whisked away on a stretcher into the ambulance. Sirens began wailing as the ambulance lurched to life, but to Jungkook, the sound seemed far away. He could only stare as the ambulance–as his soulmate–sped away into the night, disappearing into obscurity.

Jungkook’s mind was blank. He felt numb everywhere, he couldn’t even feel his own body. It was like he had slipped away and was watching himself from someplace else, wishing that what had happened wasn’t real.

He wondered if this was all just an elaborate nightmare. If, at any moment, he would wake up never having met you. That way, he had a chance to undo all the mistakes he had made. Jungkook wished that were true, but he knew better than to wish.

“Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital,” the man from before spoke, his tired voice lined with guilt. “Don’t worry son, I’m sure she’ll be alright.”

Jungkook felt himself being lifted, and he stood up shakily. The man led Jungkook into his car, struggling to get the large boy into the vehicle. They rode in silence to the nearest hospital, and by the time they arrived, Jungkook wasn’t sure how much time had passed.

-

Since he had arrived at the hospital, Jungkook had done nothing but stare at the walls in the hallway in front of him, waiting for you to exit the emergency room. After a few hours, your body was whisked away to an intensive care unit. Jungkook followed the line of doctors and nurses that wheeled you away, met by looks of pity.

The doctors tried to explain the extend of your injuries to Jungkook, but their words fell on deaf ears. All he could do was stare at you. You had been moved to a hospital bed, looking impossible small underneath thin, white sheets. There were cuts and bruises all across one side of your face. Like before, you were unresponsive.

Eventually, the room emptied out, and only you and Jungkook remained. He dragged a chair across the room, its legs squeaking against the cleanly polished tiles. Jungkook sat down beside your bed and did nothing but stare.

White walls and the scent of antiseptic surrounded Jungkook. His dark clothing was a stark contrast against all the white and pale grey around him. He hated everything about hospitals–they brought up so many terrible memories.

But for once, he was able to find comfort. The steady beeping of your heart monitor ignited a spark of hope within Jungkook.

From the night into the morning, nurses drifted in and out of the unit to check on you. They cast worried looks at Jungkook, who had not moved in several hours. One even tried to bring to bring him food, only to return an hour later and see it untouched.

People tried speaking to Jungkook again. He couldn’t bring himself to listen properly, but a few words lingered, like “serious head trauma” and “potential brain damage.” Those words echoed around in the background of Jungkook’s mind ceaselessly.

In the time Jungkook had spent watching you, he also had time to think. He tried to recall every one of your thoughts he had heard. Every conversation you had shared. It was impossible to reestablish them all–he had been listening to you for as long as he could remember.

In his life that had been filled with so many horrors and so much sadness, you were the one bright light in the darkness that surrounded Jungkook. And how, that light was so close to being extinguished. With nothing better to do, Jungkook whispered quiet confessions, hoping that even in your unconscious state, you would hear them.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jungkook whispered, his voice rough after everything he had put it through. “I’m sorry for everything–everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said. I never wanted to hurt you, never. You mean the world to me.”

He could feel his eyes begin to water, but in the sanctity of the empty room, Jungkook did not stop talking.

“I never thought we would meet so soon,” Jungkook confessed, tears slipping down his cheeks. He reached out for your hand, holding it carefully in his larger ones. “I wasn’t ready. Right now, I’m not…I’m not a good person. I wanted to change–become someone you could be proud of. But in the end, you already knew exactly who I was. I wasn’t ready to face you, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook kept talking, pouring his heart out to your unhearing ears. He spoke until his voice faltered and he had no more words to say. But even then, he knew it wasn’t enough. He would do anything to make you understand. He wasn’t sure if you could live not knowing if you would every forgive him.

Suddenly, in his clammy palms, Jungkook felt your hand twitch. His eyes widened and jumped to your face. Your eyelids were twitching as you roused slowly. Jungkook leapt to his feet and searched for the assistance button.

“Nurse!” he yelled, his voice cracking. He jammed the button frantically, unsure of what to do as you began to wake.

Jungkook watched in awe as your eyes opened slowly. You squinted into the bright light, your eyes darting around the room as you tried to make sense of what was happening.

“What happened?” you croaked, your voice hoarse after almost a day of misuse. Your eyes moved to Jungkook who was standing beside you. “Why am I here?”

“You were in a car accident,” Jungkook explained softly, a sense of relief flooding through him. His soulmate was alive–everything was going to be alright. “You have a few injuries, but you’re going to be fine.”

“Oh…okay,” you replied slowly, still not understanding. “But why are you here? Where’s Jieun? Who are you?”

Jungkook’s heart stopped in his chest. Did you forget?

“Would you mind telling me the date?” Jungkook asked, sounding much calmer than he felt.

“It’s August 6th, I think,” you said after a moment. Jungkook stared, wide-eyed. You had completely forgotten the past three months. “But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“My name’s Jungkook,” he spoke finally, trying to keep his voice steady. “Y-you may have forgotten me, because of your injuries. But I’m your soulmate.”

“Really? My soulmate?” you repeating, squinting in disbelief. “But you go to my university. Why haven’t you said anything before?”

“We didn’t find out until recently,” Jungkook supplied with a small smile. A nurse burst into the room, gasping when she saw that you were conscious. She called for a doctor, but neither of you paid her entrance any mind.

“Wow,” you breathed, a huge smile lighting up your face. “I can’t believe I finally met you. And that I forgot everything. Will my memories come back?”

“Probably,” Jungkook said, although he wasn’t sure if he wanted that to be true. “We haven’t spent a lot of time together, so you’re not forgetting much.”

“Hey, how do I know you’re not lying?” you suddenly demanded, pointing an accusing finger at Jungkook. It almost made him laugh, and it definitely made him smile. “What’s something only my soulmate would know?”

“When we were younger, we used to think of love songs,” Jungkook remembered suddenly. “You thought of Taylor Swift a lot. I sang ‘Marry Me,’ mostly.”

“Right, we did that,” you confirmed quietly, blushing at the memory. You looked up at Jungkook, your eyes wide and vulnerable. “So, we’re really soulmates. Wow. Do you…do you love me?”

“Yes,” was Jungkook’s immediate response. He realized, in all the times that he had actually spoken to you, that was the first time he had never lied.

Eventually, a doctor entered the room and began asking you questions. Jungkook stared from the sidelines as the examination progressed. The entire time, your eyes kept jumping to Jungkook’s, a bright blush on your face. Every time, Jungkook indulged you with a smile, but he could only wonder when this wonderful illusion would fall apart.

- Girl in Luv

Wow!! Part 3 already guys. Thank you so much for all the support 💛 I know this is like cliffhanger after cliffhanger, but I have PLANS. This story’s becoming a lot more complex than what I had imagined when I first began writing it, but I hope you guy still enjoy it. Tell me if you liked it, and let me know what you think is going to happen! So thanks again for all the love guys!!! Happy reading 🤓

anonymous asked:

(im the previous anon, wait you have a lot im the one who said i don't have a 1/10 of Anakins trauma) there is something so satisfying in the way Anakin is not asked (by anyone important anyway) to forgive or to forget or just go on with his life. the way his trauma is acknowledged by the ppl who care about him and its just so freeing that he's allowed to be hurt and angry and express this. and it makes me feel better about how i feel though i sill cant write about my trauma thank you

Honestly this comment just makes me really happy. :) Thank you so much, anon. All of the things you mention are personally important for me in writing this story, and I’m really glad they resonate with other people, too.

Maybe my biggest beef with Star Wars canon is that there’s really not an acknowledgement of the importance of anger and the power it can have for healing and good, not just for evil. Of course, that’s not exactly a Jedi view, but it is something Padme at least hinted at in canon, and in Anabasis I’m trying to expand a bit on Padme’s “to be angry is to be human.”

Anyway, your feelings are valid and important even if you never decide to write about them. And I’m glad that something I write can be useful to you. :)

Okay so hockey is like, rife with superstitions and ritual.  

Each player has their own pre-game rituals, which are honestly on par with religious sacraments. You do not fuck with a man’s pre-game ritual.  Also, the inability to practice one’s pre-game ritual is deeply emotionally destabilizing.  Like, we’re talking serious repercussions here.  If a player is unable to complete their sacred ritual, there will be hell to pay.

Just as famous as Crosby’s famous pre-game plate of spaghetti, or Jack Zimmerman’s pre-game PB&J, is Snowy’s pre-game application of eyeliner.  It is not only essential to his game play; it is essential to the current alignment of our space-time continuum.  

Which brings us to Snowy, currently in the throes of an emotional breakdown, in seat 15C on the Falc’s bus, clutching desperately to his last remaining tube of La Nuit, Nior de Nior eyeliner as though it were the cooling body of his only son.

Keep reading

Clubs and Blood

Request: jerome smut? where he gets incredibly jealous where it gets to the point where he kills the guy right in front of you thats been flirting with you all night? and then ends with angry passionate s m u t ?

•••••

Ahh I can’t believe this is happening! We never go out on a date! I jump up and down excited and curing my hair. I slip into my tight royal blue dress and accompany it with my black pumps.

I slide down the railing of the stairs to where Jerome waits in a nice outfit. “Looking handsome my man!” I say kissing his cheek. “And you look…delicious my doll!” He growls in my ear and kisses my neck biting it lightly. “Shall we?” Jerome asks a he opens the door for us to exit.

We make one of J’s henchmen drive us to the club. We walk in and I instantly feel my body moving to the music. “Dance with me J!” I say and attempt to pull him to the floor with me.

He scoffs and pulls his arm away. “I don’t know honey. You know this.” I cross my arms and pout slightly. “Fine.” I say and go by myself.

I sway my hips and make eye contact with J every second. I feel a body press up against me and pull my hips against theirs. Obviously a male. I turn around and smirk knowing this will make J angry. “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” He whispers to me; the sent of alcohol clear in his breath.

I grind up against him and smile at J. “Buy me a drink and maybe I’ll tell you.” The man looks me up and down and immediately leads me to the bar getting me a drink.

I look over once again to the booth Jerome is at. He just sits there sipping his whiskey and watches me like a hawk. Even when someone is talking to him. He still keeps his eyes on me.

The man passes me my drink and sits down at the bar. “So you gonna tell me now baby girl?” I giggle and take a swig of my drink loving the burning sensation moving its way down my throat. “Well you see that man over there? He look familiar to you?” I point the mans line of sight to Jerome who is talking to someone.

The mans mouth opens and his eyes go wide. “J-Jerome? The Jerome?” I shrug my shoulders. “He likes to be called Joker by the ones who fear him.” “Why would you be with him?” “He shows me a good time. Really gets me going.”

The man scoffs and grabs my ass pulling me closer. “I bet I could show you a better time.” Suddenly a glass flys between us and smashes on the wall.

The giggle of my sweetheart is heard a foot away making me smile. “Oh do you? You think you can get my little doll going more then I could huh? Think you can make her scream?” Jerome asks getting into the man drunken face. “N-no sir.” He stutters.

Jerome puts his hand behind his ear in a dramatic manner. “What was that? A man who thinks he’s better then me and a fibber? Hmm looks like we got to do something about that…well then.” Jerome immediately shoot the man in the head and laughs.

Jerome puts the gun under my chin lifting my head up. “Now you. What am I going to do to you (y/n)? Punishment has got to be presented, but not here.” Jerome snaps his fingers at his henchmen. “Bring the car around back. Then walk home. We’re gonna be a while.” Jerome says and drags me out the back entrance where the car now waits.

He opens the back door. “Get in baby.” I cross my arms. “And if I don’t?” I ask. Jerome puts his hand round my throat and the gun to my head. “Then you know what will happen. Now listen to me and get in.”

I gulp scared. He’s never threatened me to that extent before. Never has he had me at gun point. I crawl in the back followed by Jerome. “Touch yourself.” He says still pointing the gun at me.

Somehow I felt a little more aroused then I should be. Still scared out of my mind, but still turned on.

I’m never allowed to touch myself. One of Jerome’s rules. I spread my legs for him to see I’m not wearing any panties. “You naughty girl.” He breathes out and runs his own hand over the bulge in his pants.

I slip my hand down to my pussy and rub a single finger up and down my slit spreading the wetness. I proceed to slip a finger inside myself and pump slowly getting a rhythm started.

I add another finger and play with my clit throwing my head back in pleasure. “Oh baby. Look at you.” Jerome laughs and rips the top half of my dress open to revile my breast.

He starts to toy with them as I bring myself closer to release. “Does that feel good doll? Do you like playing with yourself?” I moan and nod my head. “Yes. It feels so good.”

Jerome lowers he head and removes my fingers from my pussy replacing them with his own. He sucks on my clit knowing how sensitive I am there.

I grab his hair and tug at it. “Ah Jerome!” I throw my head back. “Turn around. Hands and knees love.”

I do as he says and I feel the tip of him running up and down my soaked slit. “What do you want baby?” “I want you to fuck me Jerome.” He giggles and slides in roughly.

He doesn’t waste time. He pounds into my as hard as he can bringing me close to the edge. “Who’s are you? Hm? Scream it!” “Yours Jerome!” I moan out.

Jerome pulls my hair back and thrust into me at an angle where I’m ready to cum. “YOURS! IM YOURS!” I scream as we both cum.

Jerome brushes my hair out if my face and kisses my cheek. “That’s right baby.” He says into my ear.

Originally posted by rickdixonandthefandomlifeposts

Originally posted by moan-s

Please Stay


First and foremost, can we just talk about ‘Sign Of The Times’?! I’m telling you guys, this song is going to get Harry his Grammy. It’s ICONIC and a CLASSIC. His gorgeous, majestic, enchanting and mesmerizing voice is a gift to us. I just love them so much! I’m so proud of everything our boys have achieved!   

 Now hope you guys enjoy this part 2 of ‘Only If’. Hope you like it as much as ya’ll liked part 1 :) xx 

Keep reading

“Kiss Me” Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 3,293

Dean Winchester x Reader

Request: Could you do one where you’re not super tomboy but you don’t usually wear “girly things” and to go undercover you have to wear a short black dress, basically what happens is a lot of tight spaces with you and dean and some accidental rubbing against each other here and there and it ends with some good smut where he basically just hikes up the skirt of your dress and you realize how convenient dresses can actually be 

Warnings: Smut, language, lots of sexual tension, unprotected sex


Originally posted by dean-sam-winchesterbros

“There’s no way in hell you’re going.” Dean shakes his head, not even considering the idea of you going on the case with them.

“Come on. You’ve been training me for months now, besides it’s not like we’ll be doing any actual fighting. It’s a goddamn dinner party. All we’ll be doing is socializing and stealing that dumb bracelet.” You argue.

You had been living with Sam and Dean for a few months now. They’ve been training you to be a hunter, but refuse to take you on any actual hunts yet. They keep saying that you just aren’t ready, despite kicking ass in training. Tonight they were supposed to be going to some fancy dinner party/auction at some fancy collector’s house, and you were desperate to go along.

“What if something goes wrong, huh? What are you going to do then?” Dean questions, obviously getting frustrated.

“Then I can be a helpful asset to the team! I know what I’m doing. I’m getting training from the best hunters in the country.” You beg.

“Dean, she has a good point. She’s going to have to start somewhere, and this is probably the best place to do that. The chances of anything going wrong are slim.” Sam defended you.

“What, both of you are going to gang up on me now?” Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine, you can go. But if you get hurt, I get to tell you that I told you so.”

“Ah!” You say in excitement. “Thank you!”

You’re not sure why Dean is so protective over you. You’re only a few years younger than Sam, not too big of a deal. You can take care of yourself. But ever since you moved in with them, Dean has been overly-protective of you, and honestly, it could be a bit much. You feel like he treats you like a little, helpless girl instead of the woman you are.

“But, those clothes are a no. You’re going to have to wear a dress.” Dean pointed to your outfit.

“I hate dresses. What’s wrong with my clothes?” You frown. You were wearing ripped skinny jeans and a flannel, nothing too fancy, but you wouldn’t consider it ugly. You like your clothing, even if it’s not the girliest.

“There’s nothing wrong with them,” Sam interjected, staring down Dean. “This event is just really fancy and we have to fit in.”

“I don’t even own a dress.” You realize. “Or heels. Or anything fancy, for that matter.”

“Guess you can’t go on the case then.” Dean sighed dramatically.

“You wish, Winchester.” You roll your eyes. “What time is the event?”

“Seven.”

“I’ll be back later.” You glance at the clock, seeing that it was almost one in the afternoon. You definitely had time to run to the mall and grab some stuff before tonight.

-

A few hours later, you returned to the bunker with a few shopping bags in each hand. It had been a successful trip- you managed to find a relatively cute but not expensive dress that had matching heels, and also some earrings.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you carry shopping bags in your life.” Dean commented as you walked past them to go to your room.

“There’s a first for everything, right?” You shoved a couple bags in his arms, making him help you bring them to your room.

“You know, I’m not trying to be mean. I just don’t want to risk you getting hurt.”

“Dean.” You set the bags on your bed, turning around and looking at him in the eye. “You don’t have to act like my big brother. I’m okay. I can take care of myself.”

Dean looks at you, seeming like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut.

“I’ve got to start getting ready, so…” You trail off, implying that he needed to leave.

“It’s only four. It starts at seven.” He raises his eyebrows.

“Uh, trust me, girls take a long time to get ready. Now, get out.” You laugh, playfully shoving him out the door. He raises his hands in surrender, and closes the door behind him.

You are determined to look good tonight, to go all out. You rarely ever dressed up, hence why you didn’t have any nice clothing. This was probably the last time you’ll ever dress up as well, you hate dresses, so why not make the most of it?

You started out by taking a shower and making sure that you used your favorite body wash that left a good scent on you for hours. You normally only used it for when you were going on a date, but this is a special occasion.

You then blow-dryed your hair and curled it, which was a nice change from your usual ponytail you typically threw it in. Next you applied makeup, which was also a nice change from the bare face you normally sported. You have clear skin and decent eyelashes, so you didn’t think you needed makeup on a day to day basis. Tonight, you were rocking a smoky eye and red lip combo, thanks to the YouTube tutorials you had watched. You attempted to put on fake eyelashes, but they were a complete fail so you just went without them.

The last thing you did was put on your dress. You looked in the mirror and admired yourself once it was on. Man, is that dress sexy. It was a tight, bodycon style that stopped just below your butt, showing off all the right curves of your boy. Paired with the black heels, you looked good.

You were about to grab your purse when you hear a knocking on your door.

“Y/N? It’s almost seven, we’ve got to-“

You interrupt them by opening the door, revealing both Sam and Dean standing there. The reactions of both of their faces are priceless. Sam raised his eyebrows and glanced away, doing his signature nervous gulp. Dean, oh poor Dean, he didn’t know what had hit him. He couldn’t look away. He had never seen you look so… Good.

“You can take a picture if you want.” You tease, walking past them. They both cleared their throats and watched as you walked past them, not moving a muscle.

“You know, boys, we’re going to be late if you don’t get a move on it.” You say.

“Yeah yeah.” Dean mumbled, rushing to get to the impala.

The ride there was uncomfortable, to say the least. You couldn’t sit in the backseat since Dean hadn’t cleaned it, and you didn’t want to get anything on your dress. Sam was entirely too tall to sit back there, and there was no way in hell that Dean was letting either of you drive. So, that left you to be in your current predicament- squished between the both of them in the front seat.

Sam was polite enough to try and scoot over as far to the door as possible, which was nice. You had some room, but you were still basically attached to Dean on the hip. Your thighs were touching and your shoulders were bumping into each other, and no one said a word the entire ride there.

When you finally reached the house, you couldn’t be more happy to get out of that car. You stepped outside of the impala, enjoying the feeling of the warm summer air hitting your skin.

“How are we going to go about this?” You asked them, leaning against the impala. You couldn’t exactly go inside without a plan.

“The bracelet is inside one of the upstairs bedroom, inside the top drawer of one of the dressers. We’ll socialize for a little bit, whatever, and then I’ll excuse myself to the bathroom and go find the bracelet upstairs. You and Sam can keep watch downstairs.” Dean directed.

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” You say. You link arms with the both of them and walk inside the house, which was absolutely beautiful. You’re enchanted by architecture and all of the collections spread about the house. It was something out of a movie.

“Grab a glass of champagne. Fit in.” Dean whispered to you, not looking at you as he waved to a person across the room. You took a glass from the table behind you, taking a small sip as the person Dean waved to came over to the three of you.

“Hello! What brings you guests here today?” The man asks, all smiles. He must be the owner of the house.

“Just very interested in seeing what you have up for auction today, Sir. You have lovely collections.” You tell him, putting your charm on.

“Why, thank you!” He smiles.

“So, why don’t you tell me about some of these pieces? I’d love to know more.” You lie, hoping to keep the man’s interest long enough for Dean to sneak upstairs. It wasn’t exactly the plan, but it would work. You shoot Dean a look, and he gives you a thumbs up, and you can see him dash away upstairs.

“This piece of art work I got from Venice, isn’t it lovely?” He pointed to a painting.

“Yes, it certainly is.” You pretend to admire it.

He keeps on talking, and at some point you zone out. You look back over to where Sam was standing, hoping to see Dean standing there, but he wasn’t back yet. Odd.

You glance over to the other side of the room, and two men in bodyguard suits are talking, grabbing your attention. They keep glancing over to the stairs and over to Sam, and your heart drops. They must be suspicious.

“Excuse me, sir, but I am going to have to get back over to my friend. Thank you so much for telling me about the history of your painting.” You rushed. You didn’t wait for him to respond while you went over to Sam.

“Sam, those men are onto us. I have to go get Dean.” You say from a few feet away so the men don’t think you’re talking to him, so they think you’re just grabbing another glass of champagne.

“I’ll go.”

“No, they are already staring you down. You take one step and they will follow you up there. They haven’t noticed I’m with you yet. I have to go.” You turn around, taking a sip of the champagne.

“Be careful.” Sam whispered, not daring to look at you.

“I will.”

You walk upstairs, making sure the men don’t notice you. They’re still watching Sam, thankfully. When you get up to the top, you see Dean standing in the hallway, closing one of the doors to the rooms.

“Did you get it yet?” You asked, running over to him, which is difficult in heels.

“No, there are so many goddamn rooms in this house, I’ve still got like five more rooms to check.” He says. “Why are you up here?” He questions.

“People are onto us. You need to hurry.”

Just as you say that, you can hear people walking up the stairs. You grab Dean and pull him behind one of the columns, just to where you two were out of sight to anyone walking in the hallway. You admit, the two of you were in a compromising position. He was leaned up against the column and you were pressed up against him, your head against his chest.

He goes to say something, but you press you hand against his mouth and raise a finger to your lips, indicating that he needs to be quiet.

“I don’t see anybody up here. You’re just being paranoid, Seb.” You hear a man’s voice booming from down the hallway. The voices trail away as well as their footsteps, and you peek your head around the corner.

“We’re clear.” You whisper. Your bodies are still pressed together, and Dean looks down at you, you feeling his hot breath against your skin. His eyes are sparkling and his arms are wrapped your waist- you admit, he looked really good.

“We, uh, we need to find the bracelet.” You say nervously, pushing yourself away from him.

“Right. The bracelet.” He nods, following you back into the hallway.

“I haven’t checked this room yet.” Dean points to a door, and you follow him inside. Just like the rest of the house, the room is absolutely beautiful.

You walk over to the dresser, pulling open the top drawer. A shiny bracelet with a blue stone in the center of it was set on top of a pillow, almost begging to be taken.

“This it?” You hold it up to Dean.

“Yes, thank god.” Dean shoves it in his tuxedo pocket.

You footsteps approaching the room, along with the same man’s voice from earlier. Panic fills your chest and you freeze. How are you supposed to explain this if they walk in? You can’t exactly just be like, ‘Hey, yeah we were stealing your jewelry. Excuse us.’

“Dean, kiss me.” You say.

“Wh-“ He begins, but you cut him off by pressing your mouth to his. He kisses you back immediately, sneaking his arms around your waist and bringing you into the same position you were in at the column. The door to the room opens, and you and Dean pull apart.

“Oh, we’re terribly sorry-“ The man apologizes, blush filling his cheeks.

“Yeah, you should be.” Dean snaps, and the door closes. The two men outside start mumbling and then they walk away.

“That was-“ Dean looks at you, an expression you can’t quite read.

“Yeah, fuck, that was close. Good thing I was here to save the day.” You joke.

“Yeah. Close.” He breathes heavily.

“We should leave now. Before someone realizes its missing.” You start to walk out the door. Dean is silent as he follows you back downstairs. Sam has a relieved look on his face when he sees the two of you coming back unharmed.

“I thought you were both screwed when I saw them go upstairs.” Sam says, the three of you walking back to the impala.

“Yeah, we came close to getting caught. They opened the door while we were in the room grabbing it.” You slide into the car, back into your uncomfortable middle seat.

“How’d you manage to get out of that one?” Sam looks shocked. Dean grunts, and sits down to your left to start the car. His hand landing on your thigh doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Said we were looking for the bathroom.” You lie. You’re not sure why you just lied to Sam, but the feeling of Dean’s hand inching up your thigh was not a feeling you ever thought you’d get from Dean. Sure, he’s attractive, but you had never really thought of him that way before… Not until tonight.

The drive back to the bunker was ten times more uncomfortable than the drive there. Dean’s hand never left your thigh, but the minute it would get to the hem your dress, he would bring his hand back down to your knee, repeating the process. Your breath was hitching and you were sure that you were soaking through your underwear. If Sam noticed what was going on, he never said anything. He just kept his eyes focused on the window the entire time.

The minute you got to the bunker, Sam shot out of the car and went to his room, looking uncomfortable. Oh, he knew.

“Y/N, we have to talk…” Dean sets the keys down on the kitchen table.

“Look, it was just purely for business-“

“No, it wasn’t. You felt it, too. And I could tell how turned on you were in the car.” Dean walked up closer to you, pinning you up against the kitchen counter. “Remember earlier today when you told me that I think of you as a little sister?” He fiddled with the hem of your dress.

You nodded, unable to form any words.

“You couldn’t be any further from the truth.”

He smashed his lips against yours, his kiss full of lust and need. He lifts you onto the counter, not breaking the kiss as he lifts your dress up past your hips, revealing your black lace thong.

“This is pretty.” He says, and he brings his head down to your lower area. He takes your thong between his teeth, bringing the lacy material down your legs and onto the floor.

It was the most erotic thing you’d probably ever seen.

Dean starts planting kisses up your legs, starting from your calves and stopping right at your upper thigh.

“Dean, please, stop teasing.” You breathe out, desperate for more.

“Be patient, baby girl.” He mumbled against your skin, and finally his lips pressed to your clit. You moan, the feeling of his tongue on you radiating throughout your body. He enters a finger inside of you, making you moan even louder. You clamp your hand over your mouth, but Dean reached up and moved your hand.

“Don’t. I want to hear you.” He smirked, entering a second finger. With the rate he was going, you weren’t going to last very long.

“Fuck, Dean, I’m going to cum.” You’re a moaning mess, and he picks up his pace. You clench around his fingers, coming around him. Dean removes his fingers and puts them in his mouth, licking them clean.

“You taste so sweet.” He gets up, giving you a deep kiss. You’d never had a man kiss you after eating you out, but man, did it turn you on even more. Or maybe it was just Dean.

You brought your hand to his pants, palming his hard erection through the clothing. He groaned, and you started to fumble with his belt. Sliding it off, you pulled down his pants and his boxers in one motion, leaving his hard member in your hands.

“Damn, Dean.” You commented. He was perfect. He positioned himself with your entrance, and entered himself slowly.

“Fuck,” Dean hisses, throwing his head back in pleasure. He starts to move at a faster pace, the only sounds in the room being both of your moans and skin slapping together.

“I’m going to cum again,” You tell him, the pleasure you’re experiencing being more than any you ever had. The man knows what he’s doing.

“Cum, Y/N, cum on my cock.” Dean says, and this brings you to your second orgasm. The feeling of your walls clenching around him made Dean reach his orgasm as well, his warm spurts filling your insides.

“Holy fuck.” Dean breathes out, pulling out of you. He grabs a towel from the drawer beside you, wiping the two of you off.

“That was…” You trail off, unable to find words.

“You were great.” Dean tosses the towel across the room, it landing right in front of the laundry room. You hop off the kitchen counter, and Dean hands you your thong.

“Sam’s gonna be pissed you just used a nice towel.” You laugh. You slide your underwear back on, and you pull your dress back down your body.

“Worth it.” Dean smiles at you, kissing you once more.

“You know,” you pull away. “Dresses are way more convenient than I remember.”

TalesFromYourServer: Sir, I warned you, we don't refund the wings.

Hi everybody! Friendly neighborhood homo-barkeep here! Its my day off and I decided to tell yall this story from Saturday.

As Ive said, my bar has some small food items. One of these is a hellish recipe the owner made for hot wings, theyre amazing, but they will kick your ass if you aren’t a spicy food fanatic. Luckily, we have three levels: Hot Wings, Fire Wings, Hell Wings. The first two arent that bad but the Hell Wings are so hot they have to be prepared with gloves. I dont know all of what the owner puts in, but they marinate for 2 days in their sauce. They are painfully hot if you aren’t used to spicy foods(they make some people sick). The owner requires we warn anyone who orders them.

Anyway, we got a drunk guy at the bar who asked for a menu. So I toss him one and after a few minutes he calls me over and asks for the wings. I go through the spiel:

Me: Sir, are you sure about that? These wings are extremely hot. And once you have ordered them I cannot refund them. I can just give you one to let you try it.

Drunk Guy: Just gimme em. I aint no p***y

I send his order back to the kitchen and I go back to my job. His wings come up and I bring them over with ranch, blue cheese, and thousand island. I decide to walk over to the resturant side and retrieve a glass of milk just in case. I get back about two minutes later. And I am greeted by an always funny sight. A drunk guy, red in the face and sweating, thumping his leg, while a vein threatens to blow out of his forehead. I set the glass in front of him and he takes a drink, swishes it around and swallows, he repeats this drink by drink with the whole glass(I guess he is experienced with hot foods.) and slams the glass down(rude).

He’s panting but no longer red in the face. I look at his basket. He ate one wing and didnt touch the sauces(LPT: when trying wings at a new place, have your first bite with some sort of dip.). He doesnt seem to have any complaints so I go on with my night eventually taking his uneaten wings.

Eventually he flagged me down for his tab I print it out and bring it to him. As soon as I hand it to him he points at the wings on his ticket.

DG: you need to take those off.

Me: [oh this is gonna be good] was there something wrong with them?

DG: yeah they were too spicy.

Me: oh, well sir, I warned you about that when you asked for them. I also told you I can’t give refunds on them.

DG: BUT I ONLY ATE ONE!!

Me: and we had to make 15 of them.

DG: TAKE THEM OFF MY BILL OR I WONT PAY.

Me: sir, I cannot take them off and if you do not pay I will call the police.

He opened his mouth to argue but instead opened his wallet and counted out 67 dollars and told me to make sure to get his change. I didn’t care about the lack of tips. I was happy to have him gone. And I got free wings out of it.

TL;DR- I warned him they were spicy and I couldnt give a refund. Spoiler: he didn’t get a refund.

By: Michael_Ceras_Pubes

youtube

“My room?  But I thought…”

“Oh, what? That ‘once this door closes, it will not open again! Rawr!’ I know, he gets so dramatic!”

Dating Jim Moriarty would involve...

·       Him getting jealous easily

·       Him being extremely protective over you

·       Him getting you anything you want

·       “You don’t have to buy me anything”

·       “Who says I’m going to buy it”

·       Him threatening, or injuring anyone who dares to flirt with you

·       Him making sure you are always protected

·       “How did I manage this?”

·       “Manage what?”

·       “How did I make the worlds dangerous criminal fall in love with me”

·       Him dropping everything if you need him

·       “Sir, you’re needed”

·       “I’m busy”

·       “It’s Y/N”

·       “Cancel everything”

·       Jealous sex

·       Rough sex

·       Passionate sex

·       Just any type of sex to be honest

·       Being his partner in crime