german sausage

In German we don’t say “Everything must come to an end” we say “Alles hat ein Ende nur die Wurst hat zwei” which roughly translates to “Everything has an end, except the sausage which owns two (ends)” and I like food.

A-Z NSFW: Xiumin

Originally posted by baekhyuntella

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find the original poster this came from, but I got this from philanddanxreader, I didn’t come up with this.

A = Aftercare 
Xiu’s a very neat guy, he has a freaking tiny vacuum for his bed, c’mon. He doesn’t like mess, so he’s pretty keen on quickly wiping you down with a warm rag or dragging you to the shower and stripping the bed sheets. He works out like crazy, so he knows the importance of taking care of yourself, so he takes great care with making sure you’re not hurt, hydrated, clean, and even is pretty into giving you a tiny massage with sweet smelling lotion. 

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 
Obviously Xiu’s pretty proud of his abs and muscles, they really come in handy when he’s in the mood and you don’t really have a surface to do it on…On the flip side, he gets really sappy, he loves your eyes. He may have the muscles in the relationship, but you have the power to render him a mush of compliance with just a glance at him, use your power well.

C = Cum 
Again, Xiumin’s pretty clean, especially his bed, he doesn’t like making a mess so I imagine he almost always cums on like your tummy or thighs, somewhere that’s easy to clean up and isn’t going to make a mess on his bed.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 
He hasn’t brought it up yet, and honestly he’s surprised you haven’t noticed. but he lowhighkey likes his hair pulled. He’s been thinking of a way to bring that to light…

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
He’s the oldest, and I don’t buy into his whole cute and innocent act when he turns around and gets on stage and does that shit. Xiumin certainly knows what to do, there’s no doubt about that.

F = Favorite position
He gives me the ‘from behind’ kind of vibe. He can easily reach any part of your body, curl his fingers in your hair, hold you still or pull you back to meet his thrusts easily. Plus wall sex is 10x easier from behind, no one needs to accidentally be dropped.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Xiu’s like a secret goof. He puts on this act, then Baekhyun tries to touch him and it all falls apart lmao. I can see it starting out serious, and then someone can’t get their sock off and it all falling apart and you’re a mess of giggles.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
That boys titties are always out, so thankfully I get a good shot of his tummy. I think he grooms occasionally. He’s, again, a clean dude, and sometimes there’s a happy trail and sometimes not, so I don’t think he keeps up with trimming day to day, but he does keep it neat.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
I think Xiumin would be one of the best boyfriends from EXO, I think he’s really into taking care of you and showing as well as telling how much he cares for you, so I’m positive it travels into the bedroom. I think the showy part of his romance is more for your non-sexual relationship, and the talking is for the sexual part of your relationship. He’s a talker in the bedroom, he’s got his face hidden in your neck, and panting sweet nothings against your skin all the way through sex.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)
Once again, he’s a really clean guy. I don’t think he jerks off much, because of the mess. The only place Xiu does it, is in the bathroom, in the shower. That way there’s not mess to clean up and he can just relax afterwards.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
He really likes hearing you. Xiumin loves hearing you breathless, whining for his tongue, his fingers, his cock, anything, he’ll give you, you just need to say it and he’ll comply. He’s more on the dominant side of actions in the bedroom, but he loves you whimpering for him and telling him what you want him to do to you.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Bathtub is a prime location, nice lock, warm bath, some bath bombs, and no clean up. Plus you’re all soft and smooth and smell good afterwards too. Just the bed is a close second, but Xiu really likes the bath.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
Back to the Kink, he loves you begging for him. Even if it’s just you and the boys out for dinner, and you start tugging on his arm and whining that you’re tired and want to go back to the dorm, he’s already scheming his way to make sure the boys stay gone long enough he can have you a tired mushy mess in bed again. Something about your voice whining for him, just really gets him going.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Xiu’s kind of shy and a bit insecure(although I think he’s a lot more confident in himself now yay), he can’t even fathom the idea of someone trying to take you away from him, threesomes or some voyeur stuff is 100% off the table.  

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Xiumin? Aka the king of singing? And rapping? And basically anything a human can possibly do? He may not talk much, but that’s cuz his tongue is busy doing something else….69 is more his speed though, he likes pleasure between you two to be matched.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Xiumin’s normally a mix, he’s kind of on the slower side, not really slow but he’s not quick, not particularly rough, but hard.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
A few times quickies happen, they’re usually in the morning when you’ve woken up and Xiu has like a half hour to get his ass moving and dressed and to his schedule. Quickies are just morning sex, to be honest. He’s not against them, plus he knows when he gets home later at night you’ll have more proper sex.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
He’s the oldest, so I don’t really think he cares about getting caught doing anything in the dorm. Outside the dorm is off limits, public sex isn’t a go. But as for anything you can do inside the house, he’s open to discussing and trying if it sounds fun or actually pleasurable. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
He’s pretty big on foreplay to make up for how ‘normal’ sex is with him? Like sex with his is pretty average, the sex itself spans about 10 minutes, and two rounds in a row is a stretch for him. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Xiumin is tip toeing on the line of being a full blown dom, and the boys know better than to touch Xiumin’s stuff so he’s not worried about anyone seeing his secret stash. He’s got various handcuffs and silk clothes to tie your hands together or to the bed, and a few vibrators for foreplay.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
I feel like Xiumin is more impatient than the others, so teasing you is more like teasing him, and he’s not here for it. He’s big on foreplay, but full blown teasing, he normally passes on that stepped.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Xiumin’s pretty quiet, but that’s just because he’s sort of shy. In the bedroom, with you, he’s in his element. He doesn’t hold back, and the mofo is a goddamn gifted singer and rapper, he’s got a voice. He’s pretty loud, to be honest, groan and moans and he’s very vocal, I feel bad for any members that are near, no one needs to hear that.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Shower sex isn’t safe, kids, you and Xiu learned that the hard way. One day of work for you, and an intense schedule for Xiu, you were both in the mood but no one had the strength to go through stripping the bed afterwards, so shower sex was proposed. Long story short, a bar of soap was knocked off the shelf, someone slipped, and a trip to the ER was needed. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Nana’s bias lmaoNana…this was a 20 minute convo for her to just give me an answer…According to my ‘dick master’ grandma, Xiumin’s dick is a bit on the shorter side, but he’s ‘thick like a one of those good big German sausages’. I hate my grandma 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Xiumin’s climbing in the years, so I think his hormones have certainly settled down, so he’s not just a horny teenage boy anymore. I think his sex drive is pretty stable, few times a week you two have sex, or if he knows he’s going away for a while he tries to squeeze in a few extra rounds to make up for the time you’ll lose. But besides that, he’s a pretty average sex drive man.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
After the work he puts in with you, Xiu’s exhausted and ready for a tap out nap. I don’t think he falls asleep quickly, but he’s flopped down, demanding cuddles, and settling down for sleep.

2

Mett is a preparation of minced raw pork popular in Germany. The name is derived from Low German/Old Saxon (meti = “food”). It’s also known as Hackepeter (20th century jargon from Northern/Eastern Germany/Berlin). It consists of freshly minced pork sold by butchers, served seasoned with salt and black pepper, regionally also with garlic or caraway, and eaten raw. Sometimes chopped onion is added, in which case it is known as Zwiebelmett. Often, sliced onions and more spices go on top for a sandwich. Legally, German Mett cannot contain more than 35% fat. The German Hackfleischverordnung (“minced meat directive”) permits Mett to be sold only on the day of production, so it’s very fresh and consumed raw on the same day. Leftovers may be cooked as Frikadellen (meatballs) or used in other dishes. Schinkenmett (“ham Mett”) from the upper thigh, is considered especially fine. The law does not permit temperatures over 2°C and ice may not be used for cooling in order to keep it safe. Raw Mett is usually eaten on bread rolls (Mettbrötchen) or on sliced dark bread. At buffets, it’s sometimes served as a Mettigel (hedgehog, as above), this was especially popular in past decades. Mett can be made more durable in the form of Mettwurst, a delicious spicy and frequently smoked raw sausage.