(I blame whatever anon was bugging @mehcoffee because goddamnit I have two papers to write but nope, we’re doing some AU bullshit)
Geoff Ramsey was at a bar or something and was super duper drunk wakes up the next day “huh this isn’t my jacket what the fuck what is all this money in the pockets drugs what?????” and unbeknowingly has some sort of super important USB drive that a bunch of gangs want but Geoff just keeps the jacket (because it’s goddamn nice and he doesn’t have another one) and spends the money and later finds out the jacket belongs to some sort of super important gang boss that was found dead so of course the person that had his jacket must have killed him brutally even though Geoff has hemophobia and just continuously is in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Jack visiting her best friend Geoff a month or two after the above events occur “what’s this why is everyone giving you dirty and scared looks as we walk down the street Geoff what the fuck did you do?” and rumors get spread around that she’s an out of town informant/hired assassin that’s here to help build Geoff’s empire when really she was her sent by his mom to tell him to get his rear in gear and get a job but now she has to stay around Geoff because people are trying to off her and blow up any plane she tries to board and “goddamnit Geoff what am I supposed to do about my boutique back home???”
Gavin recently got hired at the Union Depository in Los Santos and somehow manages to crash the entire network of the biggest bank in LS but of course this is LS so it has to be the work of a genuine grade a hacker and basically everyone is in a crisis because “ALL THE FINANCIAL RECORDS JIM THEY’RE ALL GONE!” and the media is just waiting for the call that never comes about information ransom when really it was that skinny british birb boy who forgot his password to login with and tripped over the power cord of dinosaur PC he leaves quietly and discretely so he doesn’t get in trouble but of course people connect him to it but no one knows his name (he was there for barely a day before disappearing) and he goes to a bar and gets drunk and ends up at Geoff’s house some how and in the morning they turn on the TV and the news is still reporting on this and Gavin just sheepishly admits to Geoff it was his fault and geoff just keeps him around because he likes to make fun of his accent
Michael Jones was taking his car to get something fixed because there’s been a funny gas smell and pulls the car over to help an old lady cross the street or something of course he pulls over in front of a bank why not and the car explodes knocking him back but also the bank was being robbed so obviously its a well orchestrated diversion but the old woman reports him (quiet badly since she’s mostly blind) so now LSPD is on the look out for some sort of grizzly bear sized demolitions expert while michael drags himself to get hammered because that was his dad’s car goddamnit and how is he supposed to explain this. also somehow ends up at Geoff’s apartment and just never really leaves.
Ryan word-flubber Haywood was in Los Santos for a IT job interview or something and sees a pair of guys (michael and gavin) arguing about carrying a heavy bag on the curb so being the nice polite Georgian boy he was raised to be he goes help them and before he knows it he’s been charged for assisted homicide because suspicious man carrying suspicious bag was reported but of course LSPD mixed up where it was reported (hint; the other side of town) and just assumes that whoops it was a body bag but it was full of something dumb like rubber dildos idk probably a dumb bet
Ray. Ray, ray, ray. no one really knows where he came from but basically a gamestop or gaming store employee that somehow got linked to Geoff and the others because they frequent it a lot to BUY GAMES LEGALLY but of course it’s fishy so Ray gets fired and he gets kicked out of his apartment because now the rumors are that he’s linked to the most dangerous man in Los Santos but Geoff feels super bad for him (and mad at the store so they rob it) and sets him up in a room in his apartment
Tell me about how fake ah crew Jack has referred to the lads as their sons on multiple occasions
And how Geoff had personalized life jackets for the crew made for their fishing trips
And how Ryan keeps the first aid kits stocked with novelty bandaids
How Michael pretends he doesn’t know how to bake cookies even though they can tell they weren’t store bought
And how Gavin wakes up early to make coffee runs sometimes and knows everyone’s favorite by heart
And how Jeremy will sit with a sick or injured crew member and sing them quiet lullabies while they nap
And Ray who sends each of them a different but equally ridiculous card at every holiday and birthday