also just because i’m thinking about fake ah crew in fall/around the holidays, how about fake ah crew where michael and ray are REALLY INTO all the fall-themed things tumblr loves so much, like motherfucking pumpkin spice everything and halloween decorations and scarves and shit and they keep fucking hijacking different delivery trucks in august hoping to intercept shipments of pumpkin-flavored shit and halloween decorations and one day they make a HUGE score and they come back to the penthouse with all of their goods and there’s just like fucking candy corn in every goddamn dish in the place and bottles and bottles of pumpkin starbucks syrup and fake cobwebs on every surface and plastic bats and geoff and gavin and ryan and jack get back from a job only to walk into this fall-themed abyss
and geoff is like IT’S AUGUST and michael is like “you mean it’s ALMOST HALLOWEEN” and geoff is like NO IT’S FUCKING AUGUST and ray is like “just don’t fight it man, 2spoopy” and geoff grumbles about commercialism and disappears into his room only to re-emerge and hour later to see who the fuck is fucking with the thermostat, it’s like 55 goddamn degrees in there and OK WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY ALL GET SWEATERS AND SCARVES, THEY LIVE IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA, IT’S NOT GOING TO DIP BELOW 85 UNTIL JANUARY, WHERE DID THIS EVEN–WHERE DID RAY AND RYAN GET PUMPKINS? WHY ARE THEY CARVING PUMPKINS IN MY GODDAMN PENTHOUSE? and jack and gavin just shrug and sip their homemade pumpkin motherfucking lattes and somewhere deep within in the penthouse, he hears michael singing “monster mash” and geoff is just like I’M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND, THERE’S STILL A MONTH OF SUMMER LEFT
you gotta know gta geoff’s always trying his damnedest to herd his crew of wild, violent manchildren into some semblance of order, snapping at them to pay attention during meetings and to focus during heists and to “stop playing with guns/explosives/fire in the fucking penthouse, for fuck’s sake!”
and the general response to that is “lol sure geoff whatever”
but geoff starts noticing something.
namely, that jack can give the others a capital-L Look or a single-word command and the boys damn near snap to attention, going quiet or paying attention or running to get her things
and geoff is SO MAD about it, like almost every time he rounds on her like “how do you DO that?!” and she just grins at him and pats him on the cheek while he sulks and asks him to be a dear and go grab her a glass of water
(he gets halfway to the kitchen before realizing what just happened and screeches “seriously, how do you fucking do that?!”)
As much as I’d like to make a gigantic post to honor all you beautiful bastards, it’s starting to get cumbersome with the amount of you. SO I decided for every 100 followers I get I’ll make a master post, but for now, I’m just going to name a fifty new ones I’ve so graciously received.
by far my personal favorite fake ah headcanon is that geoff used to be in a crew with gus, matt, joel, and burnie, and that he gets fucking livid whenever someone asks him why he split, and will only say “burns is an asshole who can rot in hell.”
and the backstory behind this is that once upon a time geoff got shot/stabbed/injured enough to need stitches, and burnie dropped out of med school, so he’s the logical choice for fixing geoff up.
so geoff passes out at their safe house because he’s fucking bleeding and the last thing he hears is burnie tsking and shaking his head and telling him he’s being a big baby.
when geoff wakes up, he’s ready to curse burnie to hell and back because he was not being a baby, he needed stitches, that’s worth freaking out about, fuck you, but burnie’s not there. no one’s there. so he wanders over to a mirror and checks out his stitches and they’re there, alright. there are just also some extra there he doesn’t need that don’t touch his wound at all. they just connect to the ones that are actually holding him together. and they make a dick. a goddamn dick. he’s going to have a scar in the shape of a dick for the rest of his life because of burnie fucking burns.
and that’s the day he walks out and never looks back.
Ryan really wasn’t expecting the Lad to plop in his lap, but he didn’t mind it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the Lad’s waist. He did release a soft, surprised grunt though when he felt the other suddenly land in his lap, but he liked it. He lifted his gaze to meet the younger gamer’s and smiled. “Hey. Not much, just sitting here, now with you in my lap.”
Michael grinned, almost proudly, even letting a little laugh pass his lips. “Have I told you how much of a nerd you are lately? It’s basically my job by now and you know me, I’m not a slacker.” Now he laughed a little more, shaking his head. Sure, he had ulterior motives to this little visit, but he’d at least make some chatter.