geoduck clam

soabs  asked:

So first love your tumblr page, secondly I would like some advice, if that's alright to ask. I'm trying to write a story with a character from Oregon and I would like some idea on if they be any phrases words anything really to make it believable

- everyone from Oregon ends their sentences with “praise be to Bigfoot” to show both humility and gratitude
- Oregonians, colloquially known as “Orgies”, make a lot of puns about oregano
- Oregonians (“Orgies”) have a bitter rivalry with Washingtonians. Every seven years, on the appointed day, it is a tradition for residents of each state to gather on opposite sides of the Columbia River and hurl insults and rocks at each other. Since the Columbia River is very wide and throwing something across it is very difficult, these encounters can’t really be considered violent. It would be unrealistic if your character is from Oregon (or Washington) and does not frequently reference this important tradition.
- The Oregon Trail is considered a holy game, and it is always played at funerals to determine who in the family will be the next to die. If the game’s prediction is wrong, Orgies ignore reality and treat the prematurely deceased like living people while shunning those who were expected to die.
- You do not pump your own gas in Oregon - station attendants do it for you. Similarly, you’re not allowed to feed yourself at restaurants - specialized waiters and waitresses come to your table, sit you in their laps, and spoon-feed you.
- Do not mention that Oregon has fewer reported Bigfoot sightings than either California or Washington unless you want to be banned from the state
- In the more liberal parts of the state, you are expected to experiment sexually with a waterfall (if male) or a volcano (if female) at some point before graduating college
- for political complications, the role of black people will be played by white people with locked hair for this production
- A $4.35 cup of coffee in California will cost $400 in Oregon. If you complain, the barista will gently remind you, “No sales tax!” and you’ll end up buying six refills
- Social standing is expressed via the number of bumper stickers on your car.
- The state tree is the Douglas fir - a majestic conifer. In Oregon, a boner is frequently referred to as a “Douglas” or even just “Doug”. If an Orgie suddenly exclaims, “I’ve got to go meet up with Dougie,” it means he has become sexually aroused in an embarrassing way and will seek out the nearest waterfall to ease himself.
- A geoduck is a species of large, edible clam. “Geoduck” is therefore used as slang for both “penis” and “vagina”. The phrase “go Ducks!”, shouted at sportsball competitions, is actually a celebration of sexual liberation.
- Orgies do not use slang like “cool” or “tubular” or “awesome”. Instead, they say “That’s organic!”
- If a white guy tells you about the “spirit quest” he went on, he means he went camping and smoked a lot of weed. I mean a lot. Of. Weed.
- A popular sport is food truck racing.
- If a young person appears single, they are probably in a committed relationship with their bicycle.
- The most popular epithet to be engraved on tombstones is “Gone Squatchin’”