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Ugly or Pretty

BILLINGS - A shocking trend in cyber bullying, it’s called Ugly or Pretty

This youtube trend allows girls to get feedback from the public to determine if they are pretty or not. I am not sure if you read the comments on youtube, but they can be brutal. Nearly half a million girls have voluntarily uploaded videos to feed their self-esteem or to get a poll on what the public thinks about their appearance.

Girls of all ages can be obsessed over whether others find them attractive. For the insecure girl, it is consuming.

  1.      The Message of Self- Esteem

Self-esteem and self-worth is a large topic today in modern counseling and specifically when it comes to messages to teen girls. Someone once said: Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself regardless of the facts.

Many would suggest that what we need is better self-esteem; and that when we have problems or deficiencies, it can be because of a poor self-esteem. Most would say that it is very important to develop your child’s self-esteem. It is important for a child to feel good about themselves.

A well- known counselor said:

“Self-esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our ‘self-perceptions.’ How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment.”

WAIT, I thought scripture and God’s view of us should influence our motives, attitudes, and behaviors? Did that statement just replace God with self? Yes - that’s nothing new. We have been doing that as far back as Romans 1.

Is it important for us to feel good about ourselves? Where in scripture do we find that?

In Schools, we have seen a trend of trying to operate on this understanding of needing better self-esteem. Some schools have recently been known to:

o    Lower the failing grade so that everyone will feel good they passed.

o    Lower the requirements for “honor” students so that everyone feels honored.

o    Give everyone an award at graduation. 

 2.      The Good Intentions

There are two main goals here. They are for a person to feel loved and feel good about achievement.

These proponents of a need for better self-esteem are trying to prevent a child or student from finding challenges to be sources of major anxiety and frustration. They know that those who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If given to self-critical thoughts such as “I’m no good” or “I can’t do anything right,” they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response is “I can’t.”

We don’t want them constantly having negative thoughts towards self. If this is the problem that we fear, then we need to identify it for what it is.

That is not poor self-esteem, it is actually pride.

Pride is when thoughts are consumed with self. We think of pride as being consumed with positive thoughts of self (high self-esteem). But pride can also be negative thoughts consumed about self (low self-esteem).

Either way esteem happens because it is thoughts consumed on self - and that is pride!

So, maybe the problem is not poor self-esteem, but actually an instance of pride. We need to turn young girls’ thoughts to truth about her value in Christ. Yes, we want her to feel loved and secure, but she will actually find that in Christ - not by thinking more about herself, her beauty, and her achievements.

Many would say that we just need to feel good about ourselves.

But what about…

Isaiah 64  that says all of our righteousness is as filthy rags (all achievement)

Isaiah 64:6 (NLT)

“We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.”

Romans- all have sinned and fall short (We all don’t measure up. We have been measured, we have been weighed, and we have been found wanting).

Romans 3:23 (NLT)

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Jeremiah - the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. (We are more wicked than what we know).

 Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT)

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

Paul said that he was the worst of sinners and all that he had done before Christ was a waste.

1 Timothy 1:15 (NLT)

This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”–and I am the worst of them all.

And take a read of Philippians 3 to see that Paul saw all of His personal accomplishments as “rubbish”.

So, to have a view of “I’m no good” or “I can’t do anything right”, just might be accurate and you might actually be in agreement with the writers of scripture! 

How are you feeling now? Pretty ugly…I would think that this is terrible for someone’s self-esteem, wouldn’t you? 

Now, you can sense your genuine need. It’s not a need for self-esteem. It’s a need of a Savior. The one who knows all of your failures, deficiency, and ugliness better than you know yourself, want to show you perfect love and perfect security because He loves you even knowing all of the issues. (That’s real love).

Once we are able face the reality of our complete inadequacies, we can receive the message of Christ. Our failures and insufficiencies, are what the Bible calls “sin” and actually deserves consequences. Romans 6:23 says that those consequences are eternal death and separation. But Christ came to Earth (God became a man) to offer in perfection what we never could - a way out. A perfect (the only perfect) man died so that I would not have to experience the consequences of my failures. He rose again so that I could have new life and power to change. When we face our inadequacies and receive this belief (faith) and substitute of Christ, it is then that we can begin a living and real relationship with God Himself. Without doing so, we can never experience genuine love and security enough to stop looking within ourselves to try to produce and muster up. With the relationship with God, we have all the security, power, love, and value that we could hope for and we can look beyond ourselves to enjoy it. 

What are counselors really trying to point out?

That we need to feel loved, valued, and empowered. They are accurate in this! We do!

But if we only look within our own self to get this, there will really be no answers and we spiral into self -centeredness and pride!

3.      The Caution

Many get their self-esteem from self-image, performance, others responses to us. Our identity and esteem can be attached to a group of friends, a hobby, clothing or music style, a job, or our success, etc.

If we want good self-esteem, we look to our own self to make it happen!

·         Alter your looks

·         Change your personality

·         Increase your skill and achievement

·         Be well liked and desired

4.      The Answer

God is not looking for us to have positive thoughts about ourselves outside of Him. He is not looking for us to be consumed with thoughts about ourselves!

The answer is for our thoughts to be consumed about Him and the value that He brings to our lives, based on what He has done (His character, His person, His beauty, His success). He brings value and our identity is in Him. Colossians says that our life is hid in Christ.  It should not be found in self, believing in self, or our own abilities, etc. Power comes from Him!

We need to stop trying to convince ourselves and others that we are good!

Or that we are pretty and attractive.

Or that people like us or that we are successful.

That will not yield results except spiraling into self- consuming thoughts and performance. Instead of convincing them to feel good about themselves,

We must identify that we are nothing without Christ.

 ·        Romans 3:23 - all sin and fall short

·         Jeremiah 17:9 - heart is deceitful and desperately wicked

·         Psalm 16:2 - I have no good apart from you

 But that IN CHRIST

 ·        We are loved - John 3:16

·         We are more than conquerors - Romans 8: 37

·         We have incredible value - Psalm 139

·         All that we are and have available to us Christ - Ephesians 1

·         We can do all things through Christ - Philippians 4:13


Point of Decision:

  • Do you need to face the truth and accept Jesus Christ as your Savior? You can choose that today.  Let us know at genreal and we would love to talk with you about it.
  • Will you choose to think correctly on this issue of self –esteem and stop thinking that you need to think more highly of yourself and start thinking more highly of your Savior?
  • Will you journal through Psalm 139 (and / or some of the passages above) and write out how God’s thoughts are for you and how that value can be securing to you?

Some next steps of practicality after grasping the truth here is discovering and developing your gifts and purpose with the foundation of these truths to build on. Keep the conversations going here at genreal and we can teach you how to do that!

Thoughts by H. Miller

Disrupting Routine [Genral Hux/Reader]

Pairing: General Hux/Reader
For: @houseoftombombadil
Summary: General Hux tried to portray himself as the eptiome of perfection, you only wanted him to be there in your arms when you awoke in the morning.

Often times you awoke in a bed with the shared occupancy of only yourself and Millicent nestled in the crook of your legs. Even through your groggy haze, you would sweep your arm across the cold satin at your side, searching for the warmth that hadn’t been there in quite sometime. When the heavy veil of sleep finally lifted from your eyes, you always found the adjacent spot pristine, meticulously smooth and tucked tightly enough that even your fitful slumber didn’t disturb the sheets.

You laid there awake, gliding your hand across in practiced motions over the sheets, creating a visible trail where your fingers once were before you blurred it out with quick swipe. Millicent roused at that point, chirping a greeting when you peeked down your body at her. She was always a far less considerate than yourself and readily trotted across the sheets towards your face, bumping her head against you.

As tranquil as the scene was, you only wished for Hux to be there to treasure those sweet moments with you as well. But, you were well aware entering your relationship with the General that it would be rather unorthodox. He wouldn’t be there to hold you as you jolted awake from your night terrors, screaming and trembling, utterly afraid. There weren’t many opportunities to see him during the day, either.

Keep reading

A Masked Meeting // Closed w/ Hikariwantanabe

Haru yawned in the corner of the room, a champagne glass in hand. The neko truly felt bored in these kind of formal parties. While he wasn’t really one for parties in genreal, the masks, and posh laughter all seemed too overrated for his tastes. He slowly swished his champange around as he disinterestedly scaned the room. However, his ears perked, and tail curved when he caught the most pleasant scent. He expertly weaved through fellow masqueraders as followed the delectable smell. There he saw the source of such a scent alone on a balcony.