paul hollywood on bakeoff: now, i can see you’ve had a little trouble with your genoise sponge, haven’t you? the egg whites haven’t been whipped for quite long enough, and it’s lost some of that delicate, airy consistency, which means that your 10,000 spun sugar decorations haven’t got the solid foundation that they really need to support the handcrafted marzipan statue of the virgin mary that you’ve painted with edible gold leaf

me, shoving handfuls of reheated takeout pizza into my gaping maw: a rookie mistake


Real Food from Zelda: Breath of the Wild Part 1

Link can make it, so can you! Check out the links below.

  • Spicy Pepper Steak: Beef steak and duck breast marinated in a spicy chipotle marinade and cooked quick in a hot pan, complete with a yummy pan sauce. 
  • Monster Cake: Two layers of easy as heck to make chocolate genoise cake layered between blackberry and espresso Bavarian creams. 
  • Goron Spice Curry: A recipe for a custom spice blend and curry in one! Chicken legs and potatoes are stewed lovingly in a spicy coconut broth, served along a super easy pilaf. 

Bake Off 2017 Gothic

- It is not as good as the BBC. Nothing shall ever be as good as the BBC. Ten years from now, you hold your newborn child in your arms. You tell them they are not as good as the BBC.

- You see the singing cakes. You have the sudden revelation that you know what Satan looks like.

- There are lesbians. The host is a lesbian. The contestant is a lesbian. There are lesbians on the roof. You open a prooving draw and six more lesbians crawl out. They are taking over. When will the madness come to an end?

 - The layers have disappeared. Where have they gone? No one knows. They are just. Gone. The police have no idea. They leave four children behind. Who will feed them now? 

- Everything is an innuendo. Six cakes have an orgy in the judging tent.

- Someone two houses over yells ‘It’s a Genoise, whisk the eggs, ameuture’. You agree. You have never seen a Genoise in your life.

- The program ends. You leave a Victoria sponge and a lit candle in front of a photograph of Mary Berry, whisper ‘soggy bottom’ three times into the night in the hope that somehow, someday, she shall return.
Cuccos Kitchen | How To Make Kirby's Strawberry Shortcake
Hola my sexy compadres Y mamacitas! Welcome to Cucco's Kitchen! I will be making various anime and video game style drinks, dishes, deserts and more! By watc...

It’s Kirby’s 25th anniversary! The perfect way to celebrate is to bake him a cake! However, we are not going to bake just any cake! We will be baking the famous strawberry shortcake that you see in many of Kirby’s adventures!

Makes 9-inch Cake
4 eggs
1 ½ cup sugar
1 ½ cake flour
4 tablespoons melted butter
5 tablespoons milk

Bunch of Strawberries
2 cup heavy cream
4 tablespoons powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 340F.
Whisk eggs in bowl then add sugar and mix until incorporated
Over boiling hot water put the bowl of egg mixture over the hot water and mix until sugar is dissolved and is warm to touch.
Beat mixture on high for 3-4 mins then lower speed and beat for 1 more minute.

Japanese strawberry shortcake is a genoise cake, made by beating air into the eggs to make it rise rather than using a chemical leavening agent like baking soda or baking powder.

Add flour into the batter and mix in ¼ths and mix until incorporated.
Add melted butter and milk. Fold them in until blended.
Pour into cake pan and bake for 30-35 minutes.
Cool cake before frosting.
Cut off the top of the cake to make it level. Cut into 3 slices.
Combine heavy cream and sugar in bowl and whip until soft peaks form.
On each layer of cake dab the simple syrup and cover with cream then place sliced strawberries on top of the cream. Then spread another layer of cream.
Repeat again with next layer but don’t add strawberries
Place the second layer of cake on top with jam side down.
Frost the entire cake with the whipped cream.
Decorate the top of the cake


Summer is here and we’ve got Father’s day, 4th of July, picnics and beach parties ahead of us. These little gems are practical and portable, with that said, there is nothing so precious as sweet layered desserts in a Mason jar. So here’s a" little sugah“ for you.

Happy Summer!

The Genoise: (sponge cake to most folks)

  • 1 ½ T Butter (melted)
  • 1 ½ T Coconut Oil (melted)
  • 1 t Pure Vanilla Extract
  • 1 C. Cake Flour  (sifted) or AP (All Purpose) if you don’t have cake Flour
  • 4 Whole eggs
  • 2/3 c. Sugar

Making The Cake:

  1. Preheat  the oven to 350 degrees
  2. Line a jelly roll pan with parchment paper. Spray with vegetable oil and dust with flour.
  3. Melt butter and coconut oil together and add vanilla. Keep on the side.
  4. Sift flour.
  5. Bring a sauce pan of water to just under a boil.
  6. Whisk eggs and sugar together in a heatproof mixing bowl and place over the saucepan. Whisk just until the eggs are warmed and the sugar has melted. You can feel this by your fingers. The mixture should be slightly warm and perfectly smooth between them.
  7. Add 1/3 of the sifted flour and mix lightly. Fold in the remaining flour slowly, do not beat the cake batter.
  8. Fold the butter/coconut oil/vanilla mixture into the batter
  9. Pour onto the prepared baking sheet and smooth with a cake spatula.
  10. Bake for 15 minutes turning once in the middle.
  11. Let cool to room temperature.

The Frosting:

  • 4 ½ oz. White Chocolate just melted (not over 160 degrees)
  • 6 oz. Cream Cheese (softened)
  • 2 oz. Butter (softened)
  • ¼ c. Powdered sugar (sifted)
  • 2 t. Lemon Juice
  • ¼ c. ground Coconut
  1. In a mixing bowl beat the cream cheese, butter together.
  2. Add the lemon juice and powdered sugar and beat until smooth.
  3. Pour in the melted white chocolate and continue to beat until smooth.
  4. Add ground coconut.
  5. Place in a piping bag with a large round tip or a Ziplock bag with a corner cut for piping.

The syrup:

  • 1 c. Sugar
  • 1 c. Water
  1. Bring to a boil for 3 minutes and cool to room temperature.

The Assembly:

  1. Invert the cake on a cutting board. Remove the parchment paper.
  2. Cut the cake rounds out to fit with a cutter or a wine glass. Trim with scissors if needed. 
  3. Place a piece of cake in the bottom of the jar and drizzle with some syrup.
  4. Place a dollop of filling on top and repeat with cake and syrup until you are close to the top.
  5. Finish with frosting and top with toasted coconut.

Tie it up with a string, add a spoon and tuck them in a tote. This coconut cake will take you back to Charleston, even if you’ve never been there before.


Now if only I was a coffee person: The MOKA

Or otherwise known in English as the Mocha. Which sounds less exciting. Perhaps because it’s not in caps lock. In any case, each layer of this traditional French genoise sponge cake is moistened with coffee syrup, filled with coffee-flavoured buttercream and then topped off with even more coffee-flavoured buttercream. There’s enough coffee in that to satisfy your morning coffee addiction and your sweet tooth simultaneously. 

Gênoise cake with chocolate icing

My mom was looking through Sarabeth’s book and saw a recipe for vanilla genoise (we are on first name basis now). That looked a little complicated, and made enough for a wedding cake, so we decided to go look on Epicurious for something simpler, and smaller. 

This was not the greatest cake we have ever created. 

The recipe online was a little funky, and it just tasted like flour, sugar, and eggs. As my mom and I are icing fans, we thought whipping up a batch and slathering it on top would be the way to go. Now, the cake is just a vehicle for the icing, which is delicious. Also, if you don’t have any leavening agents, this is the cake for you.

The icing is called “Perfectly chocolate icing,” from the back of the Hershey’s cocoa box. The “Perfectly Chocolate Cake” recipe from Hershey’s is also my go to, foolproof chocolate cake recipe.

As an aside, my father, who is anti-sweets, told us after eating ¾ of the cake he prefers it over angel food cake: his preferred birthday cake. Who knew?! 

The other day I noticed Twitter upped me to 280 characters, so I did the only thing I knew to do… (this is literally copy/pasted from my Twitter)

If Twitter is going to give a private shitpost account 280 characters for no discernible reason, then the only rational thing to do is ruin people’s timelines with off-the-cuff fic: crisscolfer Great British Bake Off AU ya feel me?

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