by xredninja (with additional material by TauMan942)

Xeno Scum
: You have one cow, it is far better than those stupid mon-keigh cows; but you must now protect it at all costs! That is until the day the Laughing God arises as Ynnead and destroys the She-Who-Thirsts! But before that, the cow will probably pop off and join the Craftworld’s Infinity Circuit. You will then mourn the cow’s demise by singing ten-thousand year old songs of lament.

Dark Eldar: You had two cows, but one you have tortured, mutilated, killed and resurrected so many times, that it has now gone mad. The other cow you gave to your Haemonculus…‘Oh, fuck it I’m bored!’

Exodite Eldar: You have two cows that live with you in the forest. 'The moo cows are my friends. Don’t worry little moo cows, I’m like totally veggan!’ Sadly your dragon eats your new cow friends.

Orks: You 'az two of dem 'umie kowz, but den da Big Mek takes 'em bof to make 'um all proppa shooty like. Deyz all gettin’ grot brains to mak'em shoot bedda; and red paint jobs soz dey goez fasta!

Tyranids: First you have two gene stealer cows, then sixteen, then sixty-four…but now it is too late for the unsuspecting populace of the planet! 'It’s Game Over man, Game Over!’

Necrons: You have two cows. Phareon Poopoototek: 'After sixty million years asleep you bring me what?’ The two soulless robotic cows do not reply; but stand there with glowing green eyes and gauss weapons at the ready.

Squats: You have two cows. One you convert into a trike with turbo-charger and twin-linked melta guns. Then other cow is customized into a super secret high tech weapon system. 'Sssh, we were never here! You didn’t see anything! You didn’t hear anything! You-don’t-know-anything!’

Tau: We all have two cows, who are joyfully welcomed into the Tau Empire for the glorious unity of all cows, and for the Tau'Va – Greater Good! 'Just as planned!’