I had a dream that my genderfriend and I lived in a huge, fancy house with a kitchen in the basement. It was one of those dreams where you’re looking at everything around you so intensely and you believe it to be real, but you can’t quite figure out why your eyes can’t see things in perfect clarity so you just assume that you’re drunk. So, stumbling around like I’m drunk in the imaginary basement/kitchen of my dreams, I felt hungrier than ever before. I kind of stood there for a moment just picturing all of the delicious foods I could make for myself in this reality. I was like, “Shit. I can make ANYTHING.” And I totally can’t remember what meat tastes like anymore (I’ve been a vegetarian for over a year), so I started wondering if I should make some. I started grabbing all kinds of meats out of the refrigerator and threw them onto the counter until my prince walked in and I got terribly ashamed, and I started trying to put all the meats back in the fridge so that zie couldn’t see what I was doing. Zie didn’t seem to notice that I was doing anything out of the ordinary; they asked if I wanted to watch a movie, so I agreed and we headed off to a different area of the basement.
The couch was enormous. It was a massive L-shaped couch that rested against two entire walls. I don’t know what we were watching, I was just staring at genderfriend the whole time. Eventually we turned the movie off and went upstairs.
None of the lights were on. There was only moonlight filling up the living room. Something was fogging up one of the windows and we could hear its breath and its growling as if it was inside the house. Prince was like, “Holy shit, there’s a monster trying to get in!” We were able to make out its silhouette; a tumorous-looking head with horns and glowing red eyes. It kept running around to all the windows and breathing on them really hard. We were terrified! Instead of calling the police, we just called my mom, hahaha. She picked up and was like, “Sorry, guys, I’m at work right now, you’ll have to call me when I get home.” Which was strange because it was, like, 4 A.M. in my dream. So we just kept calling her over and over again to try to get her to help us, but every time we called her she would just pretend to be someone else. Like:
*ring* *ring* *ring*
Me: Mom! We need you to come help us right now!
Mom: I’m not Mom, I’m pizza.
Mom: We…deliver pizzas here. I’m a pizza person.
Me: Mom, no.
*ring* *ring* *ring*
Me: Mom! Quit messing around!
Mom: Hi, this is the local bakery. We don’t know any moms here. Did you want to order an edible arrangement or something?
Me: No! You’re being really unhelpful!
Mom: Sorry, we just called the Sheriff’s Department for you and they went out of business, so you’re gonna have to look for help elsewhere.
This went back and forth for a while, but at some point we stopped being scared of the monster and decided to just go on a walk.
As we are walking around town in the early hours of the morning, we start to see the Statue of Liberty in the distance and my genderfriend walks ahead and starts shouting at it from afar. Zie is yelling about how angry zie is about zir period. “You think you’re so cool just because you’re an iconic symbol of some American bullshit! I fucking hate periods! Why the fuck do I have to put up with all this period blood, I feel sick and uncomfortable! So fuck you!"
And then some dude on a bike rolled up and started trying to bully my prince about having a period, saying shit like, "If you have a period, then you’re dumb! How do you feel about THAT?” All the while I was just scampering around trying to shoo him away like a little animal. I was really proud of my genderfriend for standing up to the Statue of Liberty for some reason. The dude on the bike was so fucking ugly that it made me angry, so I just did all I could to get him to go away. I even hissed at him.
At some point, we went back home and started watching a bunch of youtube videos together. We started watching a video of a man and a woman in an eating competition with each other. They had to eat fifty Lunchables. Genderfriend was laughing zir ass off, but I was genuinely terrified as I watched them tear apart those Lunchables. I said “Those are fucking goblins.” The inhuman speed of their jaws was incredible as they munched away. Their beady little eyes and froggy gullets were like nothing I had ever seen before. And if you looked very closely, even their skin looked a little green. I was looking in the faces of two non-human creatures. They were total goblins. I was like, “TURN THE VIDEO OFF” but zie was laughing so hard. I got so worked up over it that I started filling out a police report against them.