gender stigma

I am so glad you are still here!

I have received many wonderful and supportive comments on my recent 3 Year HRT Anniversary (my re-birthday) post from yesterday. One particular message I received as an Ask in tumblr stopped me in my tracks though. If you can’t read the screenshot above, here is the text..

“*suicide tw* Hi! I just wanted to say thank you. Your transition timeline post literally helped save my life today. I had a suicide plan drawn up this morning and I was 50/50 on attempting. I’m trans but closeted and things have been incredibly hard lately. Your honesty about your journey, your struggles, and how you’ve overcome them gave me enough hope to carry on. Sorry for the long Ask, but I just wanted to say thank you again. I hope you’re having a happy Halloween.”

Knowing their message could help others, I asked if I could share the message and whether or not the submitter wanted me to include their message and name. They said I could include their info. Please send this person some love and give them a follow. 

This is why I try to keep my blog, website, and story up to date. I have received messages like this before with varying levels of urgency in where the person was at in their struggles. Transgender people of all ages need to see themselves represented positively and see that they are able to be out of the closet and just live their life and find love and acceptance. We will not continue to be erased, made villains or scapegoats, and used for political votes, if those that are able continue to stand up and present ourselves to the world. Our narrative should be ours to tell. Our society is so broken regarding its treatment of transgender people. With modern science’s understanding of the validity of transgender existence, there should be NO STIGMA (#NOSTIGMA). Suicide rates for transgender people are the way they are because of continued misunderstanding, the perpetuation of old biased science and myths, hateful bigotry and misogyny.


The original post and its header image (click link for the full post):

anonymous asked:

Hi My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up. Any tips on becoming an independent woman?

It’s taken me literally FOREVER to respond to this, so I apologize. 

Before I begin, I want to point out that this post is focusing on the concept of feeling empowered as a female. This post is meant for those women with vaginas, those without vaginas, and anyone in between who needs some female/woman empowerment. Because it’s so important! 

Strong Independent Woman Tips

1. Care for yourself. After a breakup and/or stressful situation, give yourself time to decompress. Don’t put a timeline on it. Don’t second guess or scold yourself. Find your “me time” every week. For me, that’s me in mud mask drinking kombucha, in a bath with a bath bomb, watching Criminal Minds. Indulge yourself. If you can indulge using things that you already have in your apartment without spending any additional money, all the better.

2. Stay busy. My recommendation is that you fill your calendar with social engagements that do not involve anything romantic. Instead of hanging out with your friends at a bar trying to pick up people, go for a hike or take a class and learn a new skill (like self defense or woodworking). Setting up a weekly non-romantic activity that gets you pumped to leave your apartment and to be active is key. 

3. Wear that thing. You know that one outfit you have that makes you look bomb? Wear that. Even if it’s just around your apartment while you’re doing the dishes or to the supermarket to buy more kombucha. Wear it to work if it’s office appropriate. If it makes you feel like a gorgeous woman, than wear it and wear it often. I feel like so many of us have “special occasion” dresses or shoes that we disregard for every day life because it’s not fancy enough. Screw that. Wear that thing.

4. Creeps. If there’s a person in your life who is making you uncomfortable (whether that be at work, school, what have you) take a stand and be done with them. We all have that person, usually it’s a guy, maybe even an older guy. Tell them that the way they’re interacting you is making you uncomfortable, and that you’d like them to stop. If you need to bring your posse for backup, then do so. We put up with so much unnecessary nonsense and creepy behavior in our everyday lives and try to justify it as something that’s normal. It’s not fucking normal.

5. Negotiate your schedule. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed between work, education, other work, and general life crap. Sit yourself down and plan out a weekly schedule. If you’re in school, try not to mix your heavy homework days with your double shifts. Plan out a cleaning schedule that doesn’t leave you overwhelmed on Sunday night rushing to clean your entire apartment in one go. Do some meal prep if you can. Make large batches and freeze what you won’t eat immediately into meal-sized portions. This way on those crazy nights when you do have to cram work and homework together, you can defrost ready-to-eat homemade food.

6. Learn some handy skills. One of the biggest struggles for me when I moved out was being completely clueless about using simple tools. Don’t let the first time you use a hammer be during an emergency. Check out this post about stocking your toolkit. Learn some simple repair techniques- there are hundreds of free tutorials online. I know that some of you may be thinking “Men need to learn how to use tools too!” but honestly we both know that there’s a gender stigma in our culture, and that prowess with tools is associated with the male gender. It’s bullshit but it’s true. 

7. Beautify your living space. Fill your apartment with things that make you happy. Plants, christmas lights, posters, etc. It’s so nice to come home after a shitty day of shit and being able to walk into my bedroom and see my wall shelf full of plants. Or to walk into my bathroom and take a shower with mood lighting. There are so many simple/cheap things that you can do to “pimp” your apartment that will make it just that much more lovely to come home to.

8. Take a stance. There is always some sort of atrocious injustice happening. Whether it be the constant inane battle for reproductive rights, or even more recently this net neutrality bullshit. Don’t put up with it! Sign up for a newsletter, spam your follower’s newsfeeds, sign petitions, and get out there to protest. 

9. Focus on your passions. We are on this planet for a limited amount of time, so focusing on what makes you jive is important. Be selfish. Spend an entire day painting or writing. If you plan on having a successful career, maybe now is the time to put in some overtime and to make sure your supervisors are aware that you’re doing it. There are all sorts of way that you can advance in life, some that may bring about advancement faster than others. Give yourself time and stay passionate.

10. Support other women. To me, supporting your fellow woman is so, so important! It’s almost 2018 and we’re still paid significantly less than men, have our reproductive rights heavily restricted, and we can’t even go to the supermarket or walk down the street without being catcalled or winked at. Be there for your fellow woman in any way that’s needed. I teach guitar to teenagers and anytime one of my girls says “Ugh I’m so stupid” I shut her the fuck down with “No you’re not, you’re a strong independent woman”.

Just a reminder that Asami broke alot of gender stigmas. She is a female CEO in a predominately male occupation, a prominate female figure in the STEM world of Avatar, where so far we have only seen 4 women in that field ( one of which is herself, and zhu li. I’m going to include the two women in that magazine because I can ). Asami is also shown as a better driver than her male counterparts.

So today this hypermasculine man and his young son came in and were picking out bath bombs when all of a sudden the dad shouts at his son, “oh buddy look! They’ve got cute little ladybugs! And look at the bags, there are pretty pink flowers on the bags!” And he let his son pick out so many bath bombs and bubble bars! it was so nice that he let his kid enjoy bath stuff without attaching any negative gender biased stigma to it.

anonymous asked:

Down with your point but please don't refer to hormones as life saving medicine. It's not. Did transgender people born before hormone therapy die? No.They did not.A big part of transgender thing is the emphasis on gender. Gender is a fluid scale, so how can someone be positive their gender should be the reverse?They aren't.People feel they need to change genders because of the stigmas society assigns genders with. At the end of the at transgendered is a mental thing. Not physical,not life saving

“Down with your point but let me completely disagree with it.”

Is major depression with severe suicidal feelings a life-threatening illness? It’s not the same way cancer is, but would you say it could be seen that way? Your answer to that question would say a lot.

Generally people take “life-threatening” as “the body will physically die if we do nothing”, while suicide is seen as a deliberate choice. But the healthy don’t commonly choose to commit suicide, and if we took a moment to stop treating the long-term depressed as whiners, fakers or people who just need to do some yoga and cheer up, we could view suicide as the possible outcome of an untreated, ill brain the way death is the possible outcome of an untreated cancer.

When hormone therapy alleviates the depression and suicidal urges, we can say hormone therapy saves lives.

“Did transgender people born before hormone therapy die?”

I’m sure their lives were a blast. Coincidentally, the amount of transgender people we know of from those times is saddeningly low, don’t you think?

“Gender is a fluid scale.”

I see you’ve taken your notes from the Bill Nye series. As indisputable an educational source that may be, in reality, “gender” was meant to describe whether we feel male or female, which feminism took and twisted into being about the relationship we have with social gender roles, but actually talks about the relationship we have with the sex of our body. Since sex is not a fluid scale, neither is gender.

“People feel they need to change genders because of the stigmas society assigns genders with.”

You just acknowledged transgender people existed since long ago. I assume you can also admit transgender people have always existed all over the planet. Unless you believe society has been the same everywhere on the planet since the dawn of time, in which case you’d be completely wrong, this means that regardless of the drastically different views on gender worldwide, transgender people still exist. That crosses out society as a possible cause.

“Not physical, not life saving.”

Maybe it’s time we started treating the brain as part of the physical body.




girls masturbate girls grow body hair girls have stretch marks girls get acne girls poop girls burp girls have all normal body functions that men do stop stigmatising all of it im so mad

guys get sad guys can bake guys break down guys want to be held guys cry guys scream into their pillow guys can have a hard time being manly so if you want us to see what you physically do as acceptable don’t mock us for being emotional

I love this

I stopped shaving because I have been taught my entire life that if I, as a woman, don’t shave, then I’m gross. I’m ugly. I should be embarrassed by my body hair. Here, look at all these products, razors, cremes, gels, waxes, to help keep you perfectly hairless and acceptable. 

And I got tired of feeling gross and unacceptable and embarrassed if I missed a few strands of hair on my ankle, or if I developed some stubble in my pits. 

Not shaving, for me, was an act of re-learning self love, un-learning self hate that had been pushed on me from before my body even grew hair.  It is an act of self-affirmation and defiance to the system that tried to make me hate myself. 

- Some awesome person on Tumblr


a small rant on the “ok but if boys have to like fat girls, why is it ok for girls to say they wanna date guys over 6 feet???” arguments that I see self-identified ‘meninists’ use to claim that men are subjected to the same ridiculous beauty standards women are

Stigma stings, pierces, makes holes, separates with pinched marks and in the same movement distinguishes—re-marks—inscribes, writes. Stigma wounds and spurs, stimulates. 

Stigma hallmarks, for the best and for the worst: stigmata on the body are as noble as they are ignominious, depending on whether it is Christ or the outcast who is marked. Stigma always kills two birds with one stone. The person who is properly or figuratively stigmatized has traits of the saint (Saint Francis of Assisi) and the outlaw, of the martyr and the condemned. The stigma conveys the strongest message, the most secret message, the one that is most difficult to obey: whether good or bad, the stigmatized person is signalled out for exclusion and election. 

According to banishing judiciary customs, the branded criminal, the criminal marked with the red iron is comparable to someone with smallpox, who is marked as one of the guilty. When marked, the innocent person is ‘guilty’. And this is one of the tricks of our psychic cruelty: the victim is designated, distinguished, shamed, guilty. Every victim is accused, this is Job’s complaint, Job the accused-accuser. 

The stigma is the trace of a nail’s sting. The mark of the pointed object. The stigma is a scar that is difficult to efface. The stigma resists being worn down. The hole enters into my skin. The scar adds, the stigma digs, excavates.

 I want stigmata. I do not want the stigmata to disappear. I am attached to my engravings, to the stings in my flesh and my mental parchment. I do not fear that trauma and stigma will form an alliance: the literature in me wants to maintain and reanimate traces. Traumatism as an opening to the future of the wound is the promise of a text. 

(The author or) The artist is the gardener of the thorn bush in spite of himself. He has been place and then raised in a thorn bush, and even as, like Kafka’s character, he asks the Guardian of the Park to quickly bring help, he is already thinking about what he will write with one of these sharpened gorses, if he survives the awful accident. Sometimes he does not survive. 

Stigma is gendered masculine in French. But now I discover with pleasure a supplementary trick that Stigma plays on us: In another reign, in another scene, that of vegetation, stigma is not a sign of destruction, of suffering, of interdiction. On the contrary, the stigma is a sign of fertilization, of germination. 

Stigma is the part of the pistil, the female parts of the flower, where the male pollen germinates. The stigma is a little magic uterus. In the cavity resurrection is hatched. What is dead and what will live share the same bed. Tomb-cradle: another definition of Stigma. 

–Helene Cixous, Stigmata

Can we maybe start calling “feminine hygiene products” just “period products” instead? Cuz like, gendering anatomy is 1) transphobic and 2) dysphoria inducing for lots of trans peeps, and also the whole point of calling it that to begin with is catering to the crusty patriarchy’s period phobia. So lets just… not do that anymore. “Period products” who’s with me

EDIT #1: It’s been pointed out that not all relevant items are specifically or exclusively for periods. After many suggestions I think the best one so far is:

vaginal hygiene products” who’s with me

EDIT #2: “vaginal care products” is probably a better option than a term using “hygiene” in the name, since it’s been pointed out that anything using the word hygiene may/does reinforce the idea that periods/vaginas are dirty.

HOWEVER it’s also been pointed out to me by a bunch of other trans guys that the word “vagina” itself can be triggering. I’m a trans guy but this isn’t a problem I personally have, so I wasn’t thinking about it. 

It’s important for the USA to stop being phobic of that word, but I don’t want to come up with a “solution” to a transphobic term that is in turn still inaccessible to trans people.

Currently there is no suggested term for this that I’ve seen that checks all the boxes but I’m looking and thinking about it. A euphamistic one that isn’t bad is “shark week” but that only applies to periods (same problem as my original suggestion). In the meantime just referring to each item individually is probably best I guess.

EDIT #3: Intimate hygiene products” is another possibility, though “intimate products” might be better, considering the previously mentioned issue with the word “hygiene”. And yes, I know that “hygiene” doesn’t NECESSARILY imply that something is dirty, but I’m looking for a term that has as few problematic implications as possible.

I feel like “Intimate products” would be a term that would cover all bases of genital health/wellness, which would actually include condoms. 1) They’re always in the same aisle in all the stores I’ve been to anyway, and 2) removing the gender specific associations AND stigma from BOTH these products would be generally beneficial, and (I think) not detrimental to anyone, so I see no actual problem with merging the two. 

anonymous asked:

I've seen so many boys claim that periods are gross and I just don't get why.. Is there some kind of explanation for it?

  • most people who have periods are women, and most women will have them at some point, so periods are associated with women

  • due to lack of proper gender education people rarely consider that people of all genders may menstruate and many women do not

  • men/boys often make a show of hating things that are associated with women to prove that they are “masculine enough” because women aren’t valued and masculinity that is toxic defines itself by being as unlike women as possible

  • men/boys who want to have sex with women are often grossed out by the idea of women’s bodies, specifically, having biological functions unrelated to sex, like menstruating, vomiting, using the toilet, sweating, expelling gas via belching or flatulence, etc., because those functions are a turnoff for misogynist guys who prefer to think of women existing purely as sexual objects and not like biological animals just like them

  • this goes double for menstruation because a menstruating woman is less likely to want sex, and even if she does, it is possible that he will get bodily fluids not associated with arousal on him if he penetrates her vagina

  • menstruation, for these reasons, bears a significant stigma, and young people who don’t fully understand the above still learn from older people that periods are a gross and shameful girl thing

  • because of the stigma we get very little education or open discussion of menstruation, so the impact of that socialization to see it as disgusting is rarely challenged

  • so many people, whether or not they have periods, will continue to think of them as a uniquely female shame instead of thinking of them as a normal, neutral thing that some people of all genders experience

anonymous asked:

I know you're not a gender blog, but I know you're nonbinary and I don't know any other blogs to turn to. Could I possibly use they/them pronouns and still be cis (I'm afab)? Or bind and still be cis? Those things sometimes seems appealing, but I think I'm a cis girl and I don't know if I should take that away from the genderqueer community. Or if this possibly makes me part of gender queer community. (I'm also ace, if this has anything to do with it.)

You absolutely can use any pronouns you want regardless of how you identify. If you are more comfortable with they/them and ID as cis, then good on ya. 

Also think of it this way. I’m going to use a hypothetical person named Alex. Alex can have an understanding of their gender. Perhaps Alex feels they are cis male. Just because Alex is a cis male, doesn’t mean they have to adhere to male gender roles. Maybe Alex is uncomfortable with toxic masculinity? Maybe Alex has some other thing in their life that makes them not comfortable with he/him pronouns? That doesn’t make them any less male. Alex can choose to use they/them pronouns without compromising their gender. Even if that gender is cis. 

Also! The thing is that normalizing they/them pronouns actually helps the trans/non-binary community. It ever so slowly lessens the stigma against gender neutral terminology. Which is in everyone’s best interest tbh.

So, for me personally, I think it’s a great idea. If this opens the door to you questioning your gender then that’s a good thing too. Many people who ID as cis, have never questioned why they ID that way. So I fully encourage you to explore what cis means to you, and to use they/them pronouns if that helps. I don’t think that using they/them pronouns is “taking away” from these communities at all. 

Also in this ask I talked about binding when you don’t ID as trans. There are countless reasons why a person would want to bind (perhaps to save all of china? perhaps for dysphoria? The reasons are endless). Binding is common in the trans community, however it is not exclusive to the trans community.

As far as being apart of the gender queer community, I can’t tell you what to do. The definition of gender queer that I am familiar with is “denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.” 

I can say that the reason I joined the gender queer community is because the way I experience gender deviates from societal norms. I have gender related experiences that are distinctly different from the vast majority of society. 

This sounds like you’re asking yourself a lot of important questions about your gender, and I hope you get the answers you are seeking. Good luck. 

i realise we’re only a week in but one day at a time is already the best show of 2017 and i now hold all other TV to the standard of this show, centred around a latinx family, that addresses in the first 5 episodes: non-typical family dynamics, mental health stigma, gender roles, misogyny, differing religious beliefs and immigration, like @ everything else - do better


New comic! (link)

Finding good mental health help is already really challenging when you’re in the best possible social position to access it. Poverty, disability, racial and cultural factors, physical access, regional access, gender and sexual prejudice, stigma, language… these are just a few of the roadblocks in the way of accessing effective mental health services.

There are a number of reasons why we should not shame people who do not engage with mental health professionals, the least of which is that a significant portion of people with mental illness are simply unable to access those services.

A core tenant of activism is the idea of autonomy and self determination - this means we must work to remove these barriers to treatment so that those who want to engage with a mental health support system are able to do so. While we should respect those who chose not to access those services, it is most important that everyone get that choice.