gender humour

  • Person I'm not out to: Hey! You have tumblr. What's your username? I'll follow you.
  • Me: *laughs nervously* umm... yeah about that... oh my god! *points behind them* is that me desperately trying to change the topic of conversation and failing drastically?!?
Pansexual jokes

Friend: What sexuality are you
Me : I’m pansexual
Everyone for 500 miles: Does that mean you like fucking pans?! Lol!
Me: HAHAHAH GOOD ONE! I’VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE! WOW SUCH A GOOD JOKE! HOW FUCKING FUNNY! HAHAHAHAH

The Prettiest Flour

Pairing : Kim Taehyung x  Reader  -  [Gender Neutral]

Genre : fluff, humour 

Warnings : slight sexual undertone. nothing explicit 

Word Count : 1,024


“Y’know, when you asked me to come over and have fun, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” you laughed, admiring the situation before you. You two were trying to make cookies, but Taehyung had decided that the recipie was too difficult. The small dorm kitchen was almost entirely hidden beneath a sheet of white flour, Taehyung himself being equally as covered in the powder. His baggy white t-shirt looked no different but the tight black shorts which adorned his golden thighs looked horrendous. Taehyung had even managed to get flour in his hair. The sight of it all made your heart swell with love.

“Well you are having fun, aren’t you?” He giggled, dusting some of the powder from his forearm. He was right - the two of you hardly got to spend time alone due to his career. You felt comfortless and lonely when he was whisked away for promotions or a tour, but all of the sadness seemed to melt away in times like this. You cherished these precious moments where the two of you could be relaxed, happy and alone; lost in a world where only you and Taehyung existed. 

He had somehow convinced everyone else to leave the dorm for a few hours, giving the two of you complete privacy. It was bliss having no one to pull Taehyung away from you. The privacy was also a blessing because you knew that Seokjin would murder the two of you because of the utter havoc you had caused in his kitchen.

You strolled up behind Taehyung, stepping in flour and sugar and god knows what else, snaking your arms around his waist and leaning your forehead against the back of his neck. 

“I’m having the most fun I’ve ever had, baby,” nuzzling your nose into his gorgeous skin, you kissed his neck softly and inhaled the wonderful scent radiating from his hair - sweet apple and vanilla milk.

“Ah, it tickles! Stop!” He shrieked, throwing his head back in an attempt to get you to move. Taehyung wriggled free from you arms and darted towards the living room, screaming the entire way. You set off behind him, dodging stray shoes and clothes littered on the floor.

“Can’t catch me!” Taehyung stuck his tongue out at you, stopping dead in his tracks. There was only a couch in between the two of you, which was no obstacle at all. You leaped over it, much to Tae’s surprise - his eyes widened and he began screaming again, frantically running towards the bedrooms.

You tiptoed in and out of each room, having no luck in finding your hyperactive boyfriend. Just as you were about to turn about and head back to the living room, you spotted a faint trail of white footsteps leading toward’s Namjoon and Jeonggguk’s room. You slowly entered and heard a muffled giggle coming from Jeongguk’s closet. Bingo.

“Hmm…I guess he’s not here,” you spoke loud enough to make sure Taehyung could hear you, “guess I’ll just…go back to the living room and, y’know, check there…”

You started walking on the spot, immitating the sound of footsteps going down the hall. When Taehyung didn’t come out from the closet, as quietly as you could, you sauntered over to the wooden structure. After counting to three in your head, you whipped the doors open. 

Taehyung let out a panicked screech before jumping out of the closet and wrapping his arms around your body, quickly tackling you to Jeongguk’s bed. He was lying on top of you, his chin resting on your chest while he looked up at you an giggled. 

“You’re gonna get his sheets covered in flour!” you laughed, thinking of the consequences which lay ahead of your boyfriend. Jeongguk did not like mess, especially on his bed.

“He’s a horny teenager. It won’t be the first time his sheets are covered in white stuff,” Taehyung laughed and you cringed at the thought. 

When the two of you had calmed down, Tae got on his hands and knees and crawled forwards, your faces now parallel. 

“You look cute,” you said quietly, admiring his messy hair and rose tinted cheeks. His eyes were big and curious, his lips full and plump and so, so kissable. It were almost as if Taehyung could read your mind as he closed the small gap in between your lips. 

The kiss was soft and gentle. It wasn’t rushed, there were no tongues involved; just the delicate touch of Taehyung’s lips on yours. He now had his elbows keeping him upright, his hands cupping your cheeks. When you both pulled apart, you rested your forehead against his. The two of you stayed like this for a while until Taehyung spoke up.

“I missed this,” he whispered, looking lovingly into your eyes. Just the week before, he was away doing promotions for BTS’ new album. You were so unbelieveabley proud of Taehyung - he was pursuing his dreams and making an incredible job of it. He could sing, dance and act - he truly was showcasing his talents for the whole world to appreciate.

Of course, this came with down sides. One of them being the fact that he was away a lot. This mean’t dates were few and far between, alone time was even rarer and even though there were a few burts of energy and a hunger for pleasure, you and Taehyung’s sex life was practically non-existent. So, moments like these ,where you could take things slowly and truly explore each other, were held closely by the both of you. 

“I missed this too,” you laughed softly, looking up into his chocolate coloured eyes. They dazzled and sparkled in the soft light peeking through the purple curtains, the light illuminating each sharp feature on his face. He looked stunning, eretheral, gorgeous. 

You leaned in once more, pressing your lips to his. Once again it was gentle - there was no need to rush because you had at least another hour before everyone got home. Tae pulled back after a few seconds, smirking down at you.

“Let’s get cleaned up, yeah? I’ll start the shower.”

Originally posted by helendrv

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ok so this is my first scenario and i know my writing isn’t that good but i wanted to test the waters. this is like a pilot i guess,,, i hope u like it ! ! !  

i’d really appreciate feeback my babes <3 

Gender? Haha, yeah, I totally have one of those, hold on a sec … must be here somewhere … Maybe in there? I am sure I had it, like, yesterday. Uhhh, give me a minute, I’ll go check in the fridge, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible okay?