- Gender dysphoria is a mental illness. Despite certain claims, gender dysphoria is not a mental illness. What is a mental illness is the anxiety and depression that can accompany gender dysphoria
- People with gender dysphoria hate their bodies. While this can be a part of it, many people with gender dysphoria can recognise their body parts as being attractive. Gender dysphoria is more a disconnect between the body’s sex and the mental gender
- Everyone experiences gender dysphoria the same.
No one experiences anything the same way. The experience of gender dysphoria differs from person to person. Sometimes, it can come with anxiety or depression, sometime not. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, sometimes not.
-Dysphoria happens because you’re in the ‘wrong body’.
This is not necessarily true. While some trans people do use this narrative, some believe it implies that our bodies are flawed. Our body isn’t wrong, it’s our body. Society’s constructs are wrong.
-Nonbinary people don’t experience gender dysphoria.
There’s this idea that nb people ‘aren’t really trans’ and that’s totally untrue. Nonbinary people can experience dysphoria in similar ways binary trans people do.
‘ shit – ‘ the male groaned to himself, staring down at the mess made by his split coffee. not only was his laptop finished, his lower half was only a memory of his previous double double. ‘ wouldn’t happen to have a tissue would you… oh and maybe a 5,000 word essay on the gender differences between criminal cases during the 90′s in the u.s? ’
If anyone is interested- Women “of a very low type” by Laura Tabili is really fascinating. It’s about interracial marriage in the 1920s-40s. and the different encoded genders for men and women of color an mixed children. I’m like three pages into it, and I can already tell it’s great.
What does being a gender feel like? I think my gender fluctuates and today I feel numb/neutral/whatever gender wise. But usually I have some sort of feeling and sometimes strong masculine feels.
Many trans folks struggle with this question, particularly because cis folks often pose it to us as a test: “well how do you know your x gender? What does that feel like?” It’s a question that we’re often expected to be able to answer to somehow “prove” our legitimacy as trans people. The problem is that this question has no real answer. Every individual experiences gender differently, including cis folks.
If you were to go around asking cis folks what it “feels” like to be their gender, I think you’d find a wide variety of answers. Many, I suspect, would not know how to define their gender without referencing biological characteristics–characteristics that are, in and of themselves, meaningless. “Sex characteristics” only mean anything because we’ve socially decided that they do (more on that here). If you asked all those folks to answer that question without reference to biological characteristics, many would likely turn to gender stereotypes. Ask them to remove that, and I suspect that the answer you would hear most often would be something along the lines of, “I don’t know, I just feel like x gender” or “I just know.”
It’s not that all of these folks are experiencing some mythical, universal feeling of gender that you have yet to tap into. Because cis folks have the myth of “biological sex” to back up their beliefs about their gender, they’re rarely put in a place where they have to think about what their it means or feels like to be their gender. All they know is that the terms that were assigned to them at birth feel right, that their assigned gender is consistent with the way that they see themselves. And I doubt many, if any, would be able to describe to you or anybody exactly why their assigned gender feels right to them. It just does.
As trans folks, we’re no different–even though we’re expected to be. Our experiences of gender are just as subjective and intrinsic as any cis person’s: Sometimes or always, (a) gender(s) other than our assigned gender just feels right to us. Sometimes or always, (a) gender(s) other than our assigned gender best fits with the way we understand and experience ourselves. In other words, when you say that today you felt numb/neutral gender-wise, and that other days you feel strongly masculine–that’s what it feels like to be a gender. There’s no other requirement you have to meet.
To steal a line from Judith Butler, “we form ourselves within the vocabularies that we did not choose.” We didn’t choose to exist in a gendered world, but gender is one of the major concepts that we have to describe our subjective experiences and our identities. You are free to use any word or concept or identity in the vocabulary of gender that resonates with the way that you see and understand yourself (provided, of course, that it’s not culturally appropriative). Only you know what feels authentic for you.
I hope that helps, sweetheart. Sending you love and light on this journey. -Jaime
Today someone told me i couldn't really be pansexual because I've never dated a girl, boy or someone of a different gender and now I'm currently contemplating if I'm lying to myself that I'm pan but I was so confident I was?? Idk what to do lol I dont want to be seen as begging for attention (which she thinks I am). Any advice??
dude that person’s dumb if you’re confident that youre pan then dont worry about it and honestly it doesnt matter if you say youre pan and later realize you’re something else entirely, besides, sexuality is fluid
Hey, I have a question for FTM trans men but I don't know who else to ask. I am like really attracted to girls and not cis guys, but like trans boys are so attractive to me. Is that transphobic? I really don't want to be. I just can't help who I'm attracted to, and I don't want it to seem like I think that they are girls. Because I don't, honestly. Idk what's wrong with me. I wish I could like every gender (including cis men) it would be easier than feeling like I'm transphobic. 😔
Nah! You can’t help who you’re attracted to. Just know there’s is a reasonable chance they’ll take testosterone and no longer look the way they do. Anyway, one more note, cis men and trans men are the same gender, just different subsets of it if you will. That’s the only slightly transphobic thing I saw concerning this ask though. Hope this helped!
Never apologize for having genderqueer/fluid characters I love them give them to me I’ll protect them
the funny thing is is that for most of these characters I’ll start with they’re a boy or girl, and then I’ll think about it and go… wait a minute, but I could see them every now and then being a different gender,
and I’m already reconsidering Eddie. I said he’s a boy who every now and then feels like a girl, but now I’m thinking I should just get rid of that every now and then. Eddie totally goes back and forth between being a boy and girl all the time, maybe he’s just both, he could be bigender
“It’s almost like a gang,” Onuorah tells ELIXHER. “This is the criteria. This is what you have to do or you’re not a part of it, you’re not in it, or you’re not real. I thought that was ridiculous" … she wanted to start the conversation and shed some light on those issues …
So far, the teaser has been well received. The LGBT community wants to see it because they are living this every day…
Her fundraising goal is $15,000 and the money raised will go to production costs for her to complete the film. Onuorah does not want to only get the major city perspectives that are always seen. She wants to talk to people in states like Utah, Arkansas, and Washington … she also wants to make sure the message is heard by everyone, not just the lesbian community.
“It’s the same difference,” she says. “It’s not like we [lesbians] just face discrimination or we discriminate against each other and have stereotypes. This happens in the African American [heterosexual] community. From culture to culture, we’re doing this to each other. You can take the ‘lesbian’ out of the film and it will still be as powerful” … “The Same Difference” is sure to spark a national dialogue around identity and the way we police one another. Give what you can to help make this important film happen. Donate here.
“gender” as I’m using the term here (i.e. the modern Western conception of the gender binary) was a colonial imposition used to subject indigenous peoples / colonial subjects (obviously especially women) to European capitalist control
given that this gender binary is a white thing, the ways in which “nonbinary” identity is conceptualised are often tied into white (neo)liberalism (because they ultimately refer back to the European gender binary as the thing that they’re opposing, even while they ostensibly lie “outside” it)
so insisting that people of colour etc. call themselves trans or nonbinary in order for them to be “allowed” to talk about the gender binary in any way, or in order to name it as something that harms them, can be read as colonial
especially if you’re talking about women who are of colour / indigenous / colonial subjects etc., i.e. people whom the gender binary was quite literally designed to harm
In the rare cases where actual psychological differences exist, they cannot be attributed to innate neurology alone. Everything in the brain is a combination of nature and nurture. Culture comes into play, which affects behavior, which then affects the brain. From birth (and even in the womb), a baby is labeled as a girl or boy and treated a certain way as a result. For example, a 2005 study of 386 birth announcements in Canadian newspapers showed that parents tend to say they’re “proud” when it’s a boy and “happy” when it’s a girl. Anne Fausto-Sterling, a biologist at Brown University, has shown that mothers talk to infant girls more than infant boys. This could partly explain why girls tend to have better language skills later on. “Some differences end up fairly entrenched in adult human beings,” Fausto-Sterling says. “But that doesn’t mean that you were born that way or that you were born destined to be that way.”
I used to tell myself I couldn’t wear a dress like this because I was a boy.
I got over it… eventually.
I used to tell myself I couldn’t wear a dress like this because I didn’t have boobs, or my shoulders were to wide, or my hips were not big enough…
I got over it… eventually.
I used to tell myself I couldn’t wear a dress like this out in public because it would make other people uncomfortable.
I got over that… eventually.
I am not saying that limits are wrong, but ask yourself… Are you limiting yourself in ways that do not allow you to be freely open and expressive of who you are?
If so, then ask yourself… is it worth it?