gender abuse


Your abuser’s trauma does not justifiy them abusing you.
Your abuser’s disability does not justify them abusing you.
Your abuser’s gender does not justify them abusing you.
Your abuser’s illness does not justify them abusing you.

For everyone that needs to hear this: there is nothing you could ever do that’s punishable by abuse, and there is NOTHING anyone could ever say to justify the abuse you experience(d).

“My boyfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other girls,” is just as unhealthy as “My girlfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other guys.”

“You can’t hang out with [boyfriend’s female friend] anymore,” is just as abusive as “You can’t hang out with [girlfriend’s male friend] anymore.”

“My man isn’t allowed to go out with his guys unless I’m with him,” is just as creepy and possessive as “My girl isn’t allowed to go out with her friends unless I’m with her.”

A woman who controls and manipulates her boyfriend is just as abusive as a man who controls and manipulates his girlfriend, pass it on.

you know whats weird?? guys are constantly being teased for being whipped by their gf’s for doing basic things like spending time w her and respecting her, but women who literally cook and clean up after their bfs and do everything for them to an unhealthy extent are just being ‘good girlfriends’ like isn’t there something wrong w that

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid stupid

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid lazy

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid ugly

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid worthless

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid idiot

Under no circumstances is it okay to call your kid fat

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids gender

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids sexuality

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids grades

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids hobbies

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kids mental illness

Under no circumstances is it okay to make fun of your kid or call them names

Facebook Permanently Blacklisted Me From Their Site

My name is Aysha Bee, and I’m a 21 year old Black woman, Social Critic, and Motivational Speaker for people of Black Marginalized Genders.

Facebook has allowed racists, misogynists, and just flat out abusive people to harass me and report my Facebook page enough to the point that Facebook will no longer allow me to create an account on the website.

Facebook disables any account that I attempt to make on the site. They ignore all of my appeal letters. They won’t even tell me what the issue is.

I believe that they may have me blacklisted by using my name, my IP address, and my cookies to keep me from being a user. As I have tried several methods to gain access back to the website with no success.

It’s discriminatory because I should be entitled to my freedom of speech on their website no matter who I offend with my truth.

My experience as a Black woman matters.

My feelings are valid.

My passion is genuine.

My voice and the voices of other Black women who speak about misogynoir and other issues are worthy of being heard and amplified.

Facebook still hosts space for some of the most violent people I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, but yet they had no problem with permanently banning me from the website.

It is unfortunate because I built some amazing bonds on Facebook, as well as I was happy to provide a space for people of Black Marginalized Genders.

There are not many spaces that center people of Black Marginalized Genders 100 percent of the time with no exceptions, and I was serious about keeping that scene a reality. 

Now I am forced to move on from the connections that I made on Facebook.

I just hope that this will not go unnoticed.

Please don’t think that you deserve to be misgendered because your pronouns are “too hard.”

Please don’t think that you deserve to be dead-named because your real name is “too different.”

Please don’t think that you deserve to have your gender invalidated because it’s “too new.”

Please don’t think that you deserve to suffer exorsexism because others can’t find it in themselves to learn or respect you.

You can be understood, and you have every right to live the way you wish.

You deserve to have a place in this world.

Female childhood experiences:

  • getting pushed around, shoved, bullied, hair pulled and things stolen by boys and being told to not react because “boys will be boys” and “that only means they like you” or “you’re only encouraging them to do more if you respond” and “they’re only trying to get a reaction”
  • being repeatedly scolded, called out, and punished for not acting enough lady-like, for getting dirty in the mud or getting your knee bloodied, boys of course don’t get punished for this because “it’s only expected of them”
  • being fitted into uncomfortable, limiting clothes that makes it hard to play
  • having boys lift up your skirt and laugh at you to embarrass you
  • not realizing what is so embarrassing about it but feeling ashamed
  • having to wait to go outside to play because first your hair has to be braided/styled and you have to look respectable at all times
  • gangs of boys laughing at you for being a girl and thus somehow beneath them
  • getting shoved out of “boy’s clubs” and chased out for being a girl
  • having “you’re a girl!” shouted at you as if it was an insult
  • demanding same respect and freedom boys have and getting told that you are somehow different and pushing you to focus on clothes and makeup instead
  • getting your ideas, suggestions and voice yelled over by loud boys 
  • not getting a say in anything
  • feeling self conscious about your body and very early trying to locate where you are on the spectrum of “sexy” to determine your social value
  • figuring you were really low on the spectrum and either giving up on it or panicking and trying to increase your value somehow
  • figuring boys will hate you unless you can get their attention with your looks but even if they like you for a bit, as soon as they get what they wanted from you they will turn against you and join other boys in humiliating you again
  • hating boys
  • feeling like you don’t have a voice and you don’t matter
  • feeling like your interests don’t matter and being actively discouraged to developing any except for stereotypical feminine ones
  • seeing only celebrated adult women are those which are high on the “sexy” spectrum and thrive on getting men’s attention but you don’t really want to do that and you feel like you have nothing to strive for
  • realizing older men are staring at you in a weird way and not understanding why
  • feeling like your parents are ashamed of you and not understanding why
  • having thousand chores that are undervalued and not appreciated when you do them, it’s considered the least you can do as you’re a girl and need to apparently work to make up for it
  • feeling that you’ll end up having to get married and helpless with the issue
  • being told that you’ll “never get a husband” with your kind of behaviour whenever you act like yourself
  • being repeatedly taught that being unwanted is the worst thing you can possibly be

I don’t have my life together. Not at all. I’m none of the things people expected me to be.

And I’m struggling so much.

But I promised myself to stop waiting for better days, to stop waiting for when I’m less depressed, when I’m thinner, when I’m less tired, when I have a structured life, when I found my place in this world.

I’m here now.

And if I’m depressed, then I am. And if I feel fat, I do. And if I’m tired, that’s life. And if I’m nowhere close to where I want to be, I’m still here and it still counts.

It counts.

And I’m allowed to feel alive right now, no matter how fucked up this moment might be. I’m allowed to feel it.

a sexuality or gender affected by trauma is still valid! if your abuse made you uncomfortable identifying with the gender of your abuser, then you can choose any other gender you feel safe with. if your trauma made sex impossible for you, and you now identify as asexual, your are asexual! you are just as valid and a member of the lgbt community as someone who feels they were born that way.

Don’t spank you’re child. It creates likely creates emotional or psychological problems down the road. It does not even do what you want. It just creates a sneaky child who does not trust the person who does this to them.

Here's a shoutout to GNC bi women

We exist, we’re strong, our position to gender and presentation of such is part of what makes us so strong

Shoutout to the bi girls traumatized by mothers that screamed at them, prodded their faces and tore their hair, that burned their favourite clothing and dictated every aspect of their appearance as to not risk them becoming too “unfeminine”

Shoutout to the bi girls who avoid dating men because, no matter how deep your feelings for them, the way you are seen and expected to look and behave when with him make you feel like you’re in the body of a stranger

Shoutout to the bi girls accused of being predatory, for having the male gaze or even privilege, for having to watch the other girls on the train deliberately avoid having to sit anywhere near you, for changing alone in the stalls every gym class because you felt guilty for even being there

Shoutout to the gnc bi girls with buzz cuts and nose rings and ripped jeans, with crisp dress shirts, pressed ties and and slicked back hair, girls who are fat and hairy and who work gruelling jobs or are unable to work at all

Shoutout to the bi girls who felt like they needed to pick between their gender expression and their love for other women, because having both would make you a stereotype, a faker, an embarrassment

Shoutout to the bi girls who wear their gender nonconformity with pride in face of the fear of being targeted for it. Shoutout to the bi girls who can’t present the way they want because of that fear, and I hope one day we can help you be the you inside yourself.

GNC bi girls and women are strong, even when we don’t feel it, even when we allow ourselves to be weak, and we deserve all the love in the skies.

(Adding onto this post with more gnc bi girl shoutouts is more than encouraged! Also all this goes doubly for gnc bi trans women!)