The Signs as Popular Pop Punk (emo) Songs

Aries: Ocean Avenue Yellowcard

Taurus: Mr. Brightside The Killers

Gemini: Sugar We’re Going Down Fall Out Boy

Cancer: The Black Parade My Chemical Romance

Leo: Misery Business Paramore

Virgo: I Write Sins Not Tragedies Panic! At The Disco

Libra: Perfect Simple Plan

Scorpio: Numb Linkin Park

Sagittarius: All The Small Things Blink-182

Capricorn: Wake Me Up When September Ends Green Day

Aquarius: The Middle Jimmy Eats World

Pisces: Fat Lip sum 41

The Signs as THAT Bitch™ antics
  • Aries: fake nails tapping against a phone screen while typing
  • Taurus: buying new shoes to go with your new outfit
  • Gemini: uploading killer selfies when your ex comes online
  • Cancer: turning on read receipts when ignoring someone
  • Leo: putting in your earphones when an asshole tries to talk to you
  • Virgo: showing up to a casual event looking editorial as fuck
  • Libra: leaving a party early to go fuck someone
  • Scorpio: saving screenshots just in case
  • Sagittarius: pretending to not know about certain drama in order to get more details
  • Capricorn: publicly outing someone as a cheater/liar
  • Aquarius: talking shit about someone who is six feet away from you
  • Pisces: rolling your eyes/ giving someone THAT look
  • ARIES: literally doesn't care and just sits on the couch chillin
  • TAURUS: runs to the kitchen and fiercely guards the fridge
  • GEMINI: makes jokes with the killer, then the killer realises gemini is cool and they go out to maccas
  • CANCER: tries to hide but starts crying and gets found
  • LEO: pretends not to be scared but kinda is, still strategically makes it out of the house tho
  • VIRGO: loses their ish but defends themself well
  • LIBRA: attempts to put up a fight but falls down the stairs or trips up over a cat and ends up getting caught
  • SCORPIO: kills the killer
  • SAGITTARIUS: makes small talk with the killer and then ends up becoming the killers accomplice
  • CAPRICORN: is the killer
  • AQUARIUS: screams *make me a sandwich asshole* at the killer
  • PISCES: just stands there frozen, legit just doesnt move

Brad Dourif - Gemini Killer- 

The Exorcist III

By Gothykah.

zodiac horror story (part 2)
  • ig // sassasstrology
  • the signs are camping out in the woods. they're at a cliché, dark, scary old forest where the murderer always comes and kills people. let's see what will happen..
  • *
  • part 1:
  • *
  • aries - male
  • taurus - male
  • gemini - female
  • cancer - male
  • leo - female
  • virgo - female
  • libra - female
  • scorpio - male
  • sagittarius - male
  • capricorn - female
  • aquarius - male
  • pisces - female
  • (that's ^ not really important, but if you want to know the genders of the signs i came up with, there they are.)
  • *
  • - previously on ''zodiac horror story''
  • ''virgo: this forest is scary as shit.
  • aquarius: your face is scary as shit.''
  • pisces: *screams*
  • cancer: PISCEEESSESEESS.''
  • - this time on ''zodiac horror story''
  • *
  • the signs are all traumatized by what just happened. did pisces die? is she still alive? who knows. the signs are sitting in taurus' tent, waiting for the perfect moment to come out.
  • taurus: well, aries, because i wanted to have a tent all for myself because i don't want to sleep with any of you in one tent. and it was really small and cute, i just had to buy it. couldn't resist.
  • cancer: then why are we in this tent and not in yours, aries? you have the biggest tent out of all of us.
  • aries: the tent is only meant for sagittarius and me.
  • scorpio: then don't fucking complain about being in the smallest tent. you are the one who doesn't want to share your big ass tent, so it's your fault that we are here, in this tent.
  • virgo: y'all know that we could easily move to my tent? my tent is the second biggest.
  • leo: what if the killer is outside?
  • aquarius: who the fuck said that there was a killer?
  • capricorn: she could've easily fell.
  • gemini: true, but can you also explain how she's gone all of the sudden and why she screamed so loudly?
  • aquarius: aliens.
  • sagittarius: guys, don't worry. she'll probably be back soon. gemini left too and here she is.
  • gemini: hehe.
  • libra: is pisces gone?
  • scorpio: *hits libra with a flashlight*
  • capricorn: so.. are we going to move from tent or what?
  • aquarius: i just want to sleep, man.
  • taurus: saaMEEEE.
  • cancer: should we just go outside and check if anything's outside?
  • virgo: yes.
  • leo: who's going first?
  • sagittarius: i will go first, i don't care 'bout shit.
  • sagittarius slowly peeks his head out. he crawls out of the tent.
  • sagittarius: no one's here! you all can come out!
  • everyone crawls out of the tent.
  • aquarius: hmm.. what time is it?
  • cancer: *grabs phone out of pocket* ehh.. 3:34 AM.
  • aquarius: OH MY GOD I WANT TO SLEEP.
  • scorpio: well, we aren't going to sleep until we find pisces. let's split up.
  • aries: what?! are you out of your fucking mind?!
  • virgo: why can't we just stick together..?
  • scorpio: if we split up, we have the chance to find pisces faster.
  • gemini: not if she's dead lol.
  • scorpio: she's not. she can't be.
  • capricorn: she can..
  • cancer: WE DON'T CARE. we're going to find her, whether she's alive or not. we can't just leave a friend behind.
  • sagittarius: well, she basically left us behind.
  • aquarius: can i just stay here and sleep?
  • taurus: yeah, can i stay here too?
  • scorpio: no.
  • cancer: wait, what if taurus and aquarius stay here and watch our stuff, and we are going to find pisces.
  • capricorn: good idea.
  • leo: can we just go already?
  • virgo: i ain't leaving if we are all going to split up. i don't want to go alone.
  • cancer: we ain't going alone. we're going in groups. you and capricorn will go that way, leo and libra that way, sagittarius and gemini that way and scorpio, aries and i will go that way.
  • virgo: ugh, fine.
  • cancer: great, let's go.
  • scorpio: and be careful y'all.
  • libra: yay, adventure!
  • all the groups are out in the woods, looking for pisces, not knowing where they are, or where to go. let's see how capricorn and virgo are doing out in the woods.
  • virgo: it's sooooo cold.
  • capricorn: i know.
  • virgo: why does this happen to us?! why, oh, why?!!!!!?!?!
  • capricorn: calm down! we're just going to walk around, head back and then we're just going to say that we didn't find pisces. end.
  • virgo: what!? i don't want to lie!
  • capricorn: well, too bad! pisces probably just left us because we didn't listen to her.
  • virgo: she wouldn't! she would've told me.
  • capricorn: maybe not.
  • virgo: she's my best friend. why wouldn't she?
  • capricorn: soo.. you're her best friend, still you don't want find her. okay.
  • virgo: what? who said that?
  • capricorn: you did. all you were worrying about is splitting up.
  • virgo: that's just because i'm afraid to go alone in the woods, okay?!
  • capricorn: you didn't even say anything when she went missing or when she screamed or when there was a blood trail on the ground.
  • virgo: i-i.. i don't know.
  • capricorn: of course you don't.
  • capricorn starts walking while virgo stands still, not knowing what to do or say.
  • capricorn: hurry the fuck up.
  • virgo: *sigh*
  • let's see how taurus and aquarius are doing.
  • taurus: i wish i had some pizza right now.
  • aquarius: oh my lord. why did you say that?!
  • aquarius: I'M HUNGRY NOW, THANKS.
  • taurus: i have chips in my bag if you want.
  • aquarius: yes please.
  • taurus walks over to his tent and grabs a bag of chips out of his bag.
  • taurus: *sing hallelujah*
  • aquarius: *sings with taurus*
  • taurus: do you want a drink?
  • aquarius: yes.
  • taurus: coke?
  • aquarius: yes!
  • taurus walks over to his tent again.
  • taurus: aqua, do you know where my mini-fridge thingy is?
  • aquarius: uhh.. no?
  • taurus: uughhhhh. someone probably stole it.
  • aquarius walks over to taurus to help him find it.
  • aquarius: uhhh.. maybe behind your tent?
  • they go behind the tent and they see a light in the distance.
  • taurus: hey, do you see that light too?
  • aquarius: yeah..
  • taurus: should we go to it?
  • aquarius: uhh.. i don't know man..
  • taurus: i'm going.
  • aquarius: w-what?!
  • taurus walks towards the light.
  • aquarius: fucking hell.
  • aquarius follows taurus.
  • taurus: heeyy, it's my mini-fridge and a flashlight!
  • taurus picks up the fridge and flashlight.
  • aquarius: phew.
  • aquarius walks back to the camp.
  • aquarius: *looks behind him* taur-taurus? what are you doing? why are you standing there? come on!
  • taurus falls on the ground with 4 knives in his back and one knife in the back of his head. he's.... dead.
  • aquarius: *screams*
  • scorpio: aquarius?
  • *
  • rest in peace taurus.. you will be missed..
  • *
  • stay tuned for part 3, and thanks for reading!
Sign's Favourite K-Pop Song
  • Aries: the cypher on the dark & wild album
  • Taurus: cypher pt.3
  • Gemini: cypher: killer
  • Cancer: the fourth album's focus point, cypher
  • Leo: the cypher featuring supreme boi
  • Virgo: the 3rd cypher
  • Libra: 방탄소년단 ft supreme boi cypher pt.3
  • Scorpio: BTS cypher pt.3: killer
  • Sagittarius: KILLER!!!
  • Capricorn: the cypher that sends u 2 hong kong
  • Aquarius: l ol bts cypher part 3
  • Pisces: oh would u look at that cypher pt.3
Signs as Unreleased Lana Del Rey Songs:
  • Aries: Hit and Run
  • Taurus: Every Man Gets His Wish
  • Gemini: Serial Killer
  • Cancer: Queen of Disaster
  • Leo: Pin Up Galore
  • Virgo: Go Go Dancer
  • Libra: 1949
  • Scorpio: Kinda Outta Luck
  • Sagittarius: Paris
  • Capricorn: TV in Black and White
  • Aquarius: Children of the Bad Revolution
  • Pisces: You Can Be the Boss
The Zodiac’s in a Scary Movie

Aries: Tries to fight the killer and dies

Taurus: Finds everyone dead

Gemini: Secretly helping the killer

Cancer: The first to die

Leo: Grabs a knife to defend themselves

Virgo: Hides

Libra: Tries to calm everyone down

Scorpio: The killer

Sagittarius: Calls for help

Capricorn: The one who figures out who the killer is

Aquarius: The main character

Pisces: Always screaming

the signs as tracks from 'noir'
  • Aries: skydive
  • Taurus: 걸어가 (walking)
  • Gemini: killer
  • Cancer: i guess i need u
  • Leo: ribbon in the sky
  • Virgo: 주소서 (pray)
  • Libra: 지금 (now)
  • Scorpio: kingdom (kor. version)
  • Sagittarius: 걸어가 (walking)
  • Capricorn: le noir
  • Aquarius: chiquita
  • Pisces: fermata

Jeffrey Dahmer’s (Basic) Astrological Profile

Sun (main sign) in Gemini (air): Your Sun sign represents your ego - it is who you are to yourself, the things you like, why you like them and the root of your personality. Jeff was a Gemini. Gemini are VERY often stereotyped as being two-faced, but it’s more complicated than that. Many Gemini seem inconsistent because they are an air sign, meaning they tend to process and convert emotional information in a logical (not always practical for feelings, obviously) way. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t emotional, it just means they prefer to express it in a less obvious way than, let’s say, a water sign. Sometimes Gemini say that they feel as if their emotions and thoughts do not always correspond with one another, in part due to other placements, which can create internal conflict. Gemini, depending on how well they express themselves, are also usually either very eloquent or terrible writers and speakers because their planet, Mercury, is the ruler of communication. Gemini have extremely active imaginations and are usually good at joking as a coping mechanism for situations that make them emotionally uncomfortable or anxious.

Key Gemini words for Jeff: Racing thoughts, detached, intelligent, impulsive, clever, savvy liar, charismatic, manipulative, anxiety, nervous energy, logical, charming, witty, persuasive, mean-spirited humor, practical jokes, using humor to disguise/avoid emotion

Example: Jeff was known for his wild antics in high school, and his dark sense of humor followed him throughout his life - from his mocking cerebral palsy gestures in high school, to joking that there was a body in a suitcase after one of his kills, to the flyer he posted for Cannibals Anonymous in prison. His imagination was absolutely key to Jeff’s compulsion - his obsession with realizing his imaginary life ultimately destroyed and ruined his own and 17 other lives.

Gemini also dominates the hands, nervous system, and lungs. Gemini tend to look younger than they actually are.

Example: Jeff was a self-admitted chronic masturbator and really enjoyed smoking cigarettes, so much so that he eventually only agreed to interviews in prison in exchange for cigarettes (and snacks) and he complained that it was difficult to afford them on his prison wages. Jeff’s compulsion to touch and feel things began at a very young age, according to his father, Lionel, beginning with small animal bones as a child, to dissection of roadkill as a teenager, and finally to a full-blown erotic attraction to organs and viscera as an adult. Jeff’s face also seemed to appear different many times in his life, especially with or without his glasses.

Moon in Aries (fire): The moon is where you will find one’s emotional capacity and how they process emotions. Aries in this placement tends to be self-important. They are not lazy, but they are impatient, even demanding, restraint and keeping their temper are not their strongest attributes. They enjoy a challenge.

Example: Jeff was able to keep his job at the chocolate factory for multiple years, despite his extracurricular activities. When on the prowl, he sought out the most attractive guy in the room, showing a bit of a competitive side that isn’t outright, nor is it a negative trait when not amplified. Aries also likes to be in charge and Jeff was not a submissive lover.

Ascendant in Libra (air): Ascendant (often called ‘rising’) is the ‘social mask’ worn around people that do not know us well, it is how others would describe us, how we physically appear to them, and how we express ourselves. Libra rising usually gives off fair hair and light colored eyes. Libras prefer the company of aesthetically pleasing things and people, and are generally passive and agreeable. They dislike arguments and fights, and can be exceptionally good at flirting. When arguing with a Libra, they prefer to diffuse the conflict in a nonviolent way and can talk themselves out of trouble. (most of this describes Jeff, so I won’t give examples).

Key point: Libra is the opposite of Aries - there is conflict for Jeff with the social mask duties of remaining passive and submissive in daily life, with the emotional and internal desire and drive for control and to get what he wants. Gemini makes it easier to separate the two - emotion from logic, but this can create detachment to avoid threatening the ego.

Mercury in Gemini (air): Mercury, as stated before, is the planet that rules communication. While Gemini can be rather chatty, not all of them are like this. Jeff’s Mercury being in the same sign as his Sun says that he usually means what he says, as it is directly from his ego. Although he was not a very good writer, Jeff was very cognizant of his wording verbally and chose his words carefully, not to be lacking in or falsifying sensitivity. He is sincere, as his words are deliberate, even if not very deep. Even though Jeff had problems relating to others on an emotional level, he seemed to genuinely want to understand and to be understood after his arrest, and was very good at expressing even his more irrational or surreal ideas in an effective manner.

Venus in Taurus (earth): Venus is how we choose our friends, lovers, and what type of work we might be attracted to based on what we are passionate about. Venus in Taurus is highly self-indulgent, enjoys good food (😯), emotions are concrete and lacking in complexity, opinions are fixed, but they are capable of befriending people that are nothing like themselves, even if the friendships are minimalistic in nature. This placement also has a tendency to prefer being dominant. Taurus are usually homebodies, but because they prefer to host and they enjoy their security. Real estate is a very practical profession for a Taurus, if they choose it.

Mars in Aries (fire): Mars is how we expel energy, how we act, and how we handle conflict. Jeff’s Moon (emotions) and his Mars (energy) both being in Aries means his objective matched his thoughts, and they were just in sync enough to be dangerous. Because he wasn’t especially verbal, it can be assumed (and confirmed) that Jeff spent a great deal of his time, energy, and money thinking about and acting on his crimes. Aries in Mars can create restless energy, which can feed the Mercury placement of the Gemini, a sign keen on imagination, but Aries is a sign of action - adding to the desire to feed impulses to remove the internal tension. Also not a lazy placement, Mars in Aries might be susceptible to biting off more than one intends to chew (bad pun) and poor multitasking can lead to being overwhelmed, rebuilding anxiety, and spiraling out of control. Mars in Aries is aggressive and control-seeking, at its worst.

Elemental key & representation
*Air: logic - III
*Water: emotion - 0
*Fire: energy - II
*Earth: stability - I
- One of the movies Jeff cited as helping him feel powerful and in control, that he enjoyed watching alone and with his victims often, was The Exorcist III. Jeff related himself to an ‘evil’ character with yellow eyes dubbed “The Gemini Killer” in this movie, especially.
- The majority of Jeff’s victims were Sagittarians and Aquarians, both of which are considered ideal romantic partners for Gemini.
- Lionel Dahmer, Jeff’s father, is a Leo.
- Ted Bundy was a Sagittarius, the opposite of Jeff’s sign, Gemini.
- David Berkowitz is another renowned Gemini serial killer.
**OPs lengthy disclaimer: This was written with each of Jeff’s aspects considered in flux with one another, rather than what you would find on an auto-generated natal chart, where each aspect would be separated and not take the others into consideration. I opted out of including any trines/conjunctions/etc or anything that would imply that it was Jeff’s destiny or fate to become the person he did. I do not believe in predictive astrology, and to me, astrology should simply be used as a tool for reflection and developing self-awareness/improvement. The aspects I’ve chosen to highlight leave room open to interpretation - they show our best and worst case potential, our strengths and weaknesses, and internal obstacles that we individually overcome or let destroy us. Even if someone else had Jeff’s exact chart placement for placement does not mean they will become a cannibalistic serial killer. What Jeff did was a choice and this is simply to examine what he could’ve been versus what he was from an astrological perspective** I did not delve into Jeff’s Neptune, Saturn, Uranus, or Pluto signs because they are very nonspecific to individuals (they change less often). If anyone is interested, I can go into his ‘houses’, which goes more into his childhood, career choices that would’ve been ideal, and social perception.

  • Aries: Hedonistic Killers, seeks pleasure and adrenaline from killing.
  • Taurus: Comfort Killers, kills for material gain.
  • Gemini: Thrill Killers, intends to induce as much pain and terror in the victim as possible.
  • Cancer: Disorganized Killers, messy and disorganized, act slowly, leave clues.
  • Leo: Sociopathic Killers, have no remorse or guilty conscience.
  • Virgo: Organized Killers, works quickly, almost never gets caught, is methodical.
  • Libra: Mass Killers, kills multiple people on one occasion, might not even strike again.
  • Scorpio: Lust Killers, finds sexual gratification in killing someone else.
  • Sagittarius: Mission-Oriented Killers, kills a specific group of people, i.e. prostitutes.
  • Capricorn: Power/control Killers, kills because they enjoy exerting ultimate power over their victims.
  • Aquarius: Medical Killers, murders their victim under the guise of being a doctor, are rarely caught.
  • Pisces: Visionary Killers, hears voices from God or demons ordering them to kill.
  • Randy Cunningham: Thinks they're watching a generic superhero show.
  • Howard Weinerman: Has very strong feelings about secondary characters.
  • The Ninjanomicon: Consistently fails to differentiate between canon and fanon.
  • Hannibal McFist: Watches more reality TV then they'd care to admit.
  • Willem Viceroy III: Is any person who watches "Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja."
  • The Sorcerer: Will watch anything with Tim Curry.
  • First Ninja: Weeaboo scum.
  • Theresa Fowler: Likes watching boys and girls KISS on the MOUTH!!!
  • Debbie Kang: Wishes there were more shows for kids about smart people. Why aren't there are more smart people, huh?! Why's the good guy always have to be as dumb as a box of rocks, huh?! WHAT ABOUT ALL THE SMART KIDS WHO NEED ROLE MODELS?!?!?!
  • Heidi Weinerman: Still thinks RandyxHeidi has a shot at being canon.
  • Morgan: Has a collection of fictional waifus.
  • Bucky Hensletter: Regularly adopts stray animals only to throw them back out once they tear up the furniture.
  • Julian: Hot Topic scum.
  • Flute Girl: Will watch anything with Grey deLisle.
  • Bash Johnson: Has very strong feelings about stupid people.
  • Marci McFist: Likes Fargo and A Prairie Home Companion.
  • Rachel: Only likes characters who are good role models for real people.
  • Stevens: Has a collection of fictional husbandos.
  • The Sorceress: A strong independent woman who don't need no man, who also loves star-crossed lovers narratives.
  • Catfish Booray: Has bizarre sexual interests and is more than okay with that.
  • Mac Antfee: Lives in the past. Still uses DeviantArt.
  • Ghoulian: Dark and edgy Hot Topic scum.
  • Levander Hart: Vivienne Westwood scum.
  • NomiRandy: Likes people more for their physical attributes than their personalities.
  • The Tengu: Has a FurAffinity account.
  • NG: Has very strong feelings about the background characters that are too niche even for the fandom.
  • Jacques: Franch, eet eez zee language of zee yaois! Hon hon hon!
  • The Art Teacher: Has a slightly less skeevy collection of Internet waifus.
  • S. Ward Smith: Know every single TV Trope by heart.
  • Mort Weinerman: Generally a good judge of character.
  • Doug: Former Yu-Gi-Oh fan who specialised in Téa-bashing fanfics.
  • The Messenger: Went through the mammoth effort of slowing down Big Hero 6's microbot montage so they could take pictures of every single second.
  • Accordion Dave: Has only just realized that they dress like Caliborn from Homestuck.
  • Cass Simonson: Does not play well with others.
  • The Disciplinarian: Gemini.
  • The Killer Potatoes: A little sh*t that likes making things harder for me!
  • Jed and Scott: Likes watching the commentary reels, getting to see inside the creator's heads, finding all those little behind-the-scenes secrets that make the show tick.
  • Danny Phantom or Jake Long: Not supposed to be here.
The Signs in a cheesy horror movie
  • Aries: leader of the group/the one that lives the longest
  • Taurus: the fucking dumb one that says "hey guys, how 'bout we split up?"
  • Gemini: the one that tries to set up traps for the killer but ends up killing sagittarius
  • Cancer: the fucking loud one that gets everyone killed
  • Leo: the one that tries to make peace w/ the killer but fails miserably
  • Virgo: the one that figures out the murderer right before they get murdered
  • Libra: the first to die
  • Scorpio: the one that was the best friend of libra so after they died they just spent the entire time crying
  • Sagittarius: was killed by geminis trap
  • Capricorn: is the killer
  • Aquarius: blames everyone in the group including themselves to be the killer
  • Pisces: the one that never gets murdered but just sorta disappears in the middle of the movie