“How close are we to that…weird thing that you’ve been tracking, again?”
Ford squinted at his weirdness detector through the thick, swirling snowflakes. “We’re almost there, Stanley. Just a little further and we’ll be right on top if it.”
"You know that you’re kind of nuts tracking this thing through a blizzard, right?“
"Well, our GPS should guide us back just fine, so we’re in no danger of being lost…aha! There it is!” Ford pointed ahead of them. A purple, irregular line glowed through the falling snow and slowly expanded into a larger shape.
Sophie went slack-jawed with horror. The…thing in front of her (was it even human?) seemed to attempt a grin. It looked like something between a grimace and the look on a wolf’s face about to devour some innocent creature. And the teeth…oh, gosh. They were uneven, and yellow, and…is something growing in there?
“Hiya, Carrots!” Oh, gosh; that voice was so high pitched and nasal. Spit flew between the thing’s teeth as it talked.
“Uuuuh, who–what are you?”
“The name’s Bill! And I know who you are, Sophia Kardos!”
“What the–how do you know my name?” Oh, gosh, please don’t let it be psychic. The last thing Sophie wanted was that eldritch horror in her mind.
“I know lots of things…” He leaned a little closer and his voice got dreadfully soft… “lots of things.”
Sophie took a step back and tried not to gag on the thing’s horrible breath.
“I’m here to offer you a deal, kid!”
Sophie took another step back and held up her hands. “Look, uh…whatever you are, I think I can handle myself without making any deals with you.”
“Aw, come on! Don’t you feel lonely out here by yourself? No family, no friends, just you alone in the multiverse? I can take that away–I just need a little something in return.” It held out a flabby hand that glistened with sweat.
Sophie recoiled. “No. Thanks, but no.” She turned and walked away. “Never! Never in a million years!”
“Aw, why not? I could give you anything you ever wanted!”
Sophie paused and turned around, looking the creature in its one good eye. “All I want right now is to get away from you. The best thing you could give me is if I never see your…horrifying face again.”
“Come on, Carrots! I could put you in a universe where you could stay forever without having to be on the run!”
Sophie took a step back. “Listen, ugly: You look like a combination of a potato and a toad that’s been dead for three weeks, plus, it’s a little shady how you seem to know my deepest desires. Stay away from me, or I’ll destroy you.”
“Have it your way kid, but I’ll see you again. You’ll come around eventually!”
“Heh, yeah, fat chance.” Sophie blinked and the thing was gone. She rubbed her eyes. “I need more sleep.”
1) my favorite drunk girl vampire naming all the stars she cannot see I love her
2) On paper, spike’s response can be read as totally annoyed and dismissive but you SEE THAT FACE?? YOU SEE THAT CHIN RESTING ON THUMB?? James Marsters plays those lines with completely adorable, “OH YOU” doting boyfriend charm that I cannot deal with it.
3) It’s true love if you start spouting drunk nonsense at a party and your significant other just smiles and stares and tells you to please go on. this is my dating advice YOU’RE WELCOME