gazing at the rain i consider what it means to belong to become part of something. to have someone cry for me

Gazing at the rain, I consider what it means to belong, to become part of something. To have someone cry for me. From someplace distant, so very distant. From, ultimately, a dream. No matter how far I reach out, no matter how fast I run, I’ll never make it.
Why would anyone want to cry for me?
—  Dance Dance Dance, Haruki Murakami
His Heart-Liam

Request : Heyyy, you know the movie Becoming Jane ? or  Pride and Prejudice? could u do a sad Dunbar imagine based on that. ? 

A/N : had to watch the movie to do this. Also i set this in regency era, so it might be considered as an AU. Sorry if this sucks. 

His daughter was just playing at the attic. That’s what she was doing, playing. She never expected to come across such a secret. One that she would fully discover years later.

One of her toys, had flown all the way up some cupboards and she thought the only way to reach it would be if she stepped on that wooden box. She placed her feet upon it and stretched her hands but before she could reach the toy, the box beneath her cracked, causing her to jump off of it and let out a cry.

Her dad heard the whine and ran up the attic. His gaze fell on the wooden box. The now broken wooden box that he had kept locked both from his reach and heart all this time.

‘’are you alright ?’’ he asked kneeling down to the small girl and after wiping her tears away she nodded. She too was focused on the box.

‘’ what’s that daddy ?’’ she asked pointing at what was left of it.

‘’ it’s just an old box honey’’ he said picking the girl up , motioning her to go down the stairs.

‘’ I can see that silly, but what is inside of it ?’’ she asked curiously.

‘’something that used to belong to me’’ he kindly smiled as the girl rushed downstairs.

He crawled to the remains of the box, picking up what was inside of it. A scarf that had lost the scent of her a long time ago, a necklace, and a photo.

He took the necklace in his hands, allowing it to stay in his fidgeting fingers.

And then as he shut his eyes, he allowed himself to remember her.

How they’d met.

‘’ Miss. Y/L/N, This is Mr. Dunbar’’  her dearest friend Allison, had just been engaged to Mr. McCall, and upon their wedding celebration, Mr. McCall had invited one of his young friends.

Liam Dunbar.

 

‘’ Pleasure to meet you’’ she lied as they both nodded to each other. She wasn’t pleased to meet him., Not at first at least. She had heard of his reputation, his incapability of managing his anger and his past.

 

‘’ I take It from your expression you’ve heard of me.’’ He smiled kindly at her which she found odd.

 

‘’ quite a lot’’ she whispered and he smirked because he knew she’d reached her conclusions about him without giving him the benefit of doubt.

 

‘’would you perhaps honor me with the next dance ?’’ he asked with hopeful eyes. He’d only met her,. But as a young fellow in a foreign place, he could not deny how astonished he felt because of her beauty.

 

‘’ I’m not feeling quite alright Mr. Dunbar’’ she lied again, this time distancing herself and walking away, leaving him to whisper.

 

‘’ Perhaps another time.’’

 

 

He sighed to the memory, and then allowed even more to flow.

How they’d argued.

‘’ You’ve been nothing but trouble ever since day one! You’ve brought trouble upon my family, and as it seems me myself considers you as nothing but trouble’’ she said, strands of hair , tangled due to the wind.

 

He chuckled.

 

‘’ I believe you mean ignorant, Miss Y/L/N. If i am to be accused of anything, then let that be ignorance. You gave me the mistaken idea of being different. You of all the people, should understand why I am doing this. ‘’

 

‘’Oh I do , Mr. Dunbar. Your engagement with her will bring you profit. I understand that. What I don’t understand, is how can you spend half the summer next to me preaching me on how a life with no affection is no life at all, and then promise to marry someone you don’t love. Someone you know can’t provide you the affection you seek.’’ She said holding in her tears.

 

‘’And what I don’t understand , is why it bothers you this much..’’ he admitted waiting for her to say it. Wanting to hear it.

 

‘’ Does it really need saying’ she smiled in between tears.

 

‘’ Sometimes, yes’’ He whispered.

 

‘’I am in love with you Liam.’’ She whispered back

 

 

How they’d kiss.

His hands grabbed her cheeks pulling her closer to him. It didn’t matter what other would think. In that moment their emotions were far too strong to ignore and far to demanding.,

 

He brushed his lips against her own, engaging them into a secret promise of endless need. He smiled against the kiss, knowing she had never kissed any other person before. He took pride in the fact that he was the first one to ever taste her.

And as they shut their eyes, breathing each other in, he thought he’d also be the last.

 

 

 Then he remembered how they’d almost made it.

‘’ Run away with me Y/N ‘’ he mumbled as he kissed her forehead. It was raining heavily and they knew they should head back. But none of them would dare to leave the other. Her lips parted as she processed his proposal.

 

‘’ have you gone mad ?’’ she chuckled and he chuckled back. He grabbed her waist and twirled her around in a hug.

 

‘’ completely mental !’’ he exclaimed. He loved having her in his arms.

 

‘’ we can’t do that Liam’’ she whispered through giggles.

 

‘’why not ?’’ he placed her down staring into her big eyes. To him, they were all that mattered.

 

‘’because. We need to think of our families. I have a duty towards them and so do you. We can’t just…erase that’’ her expression saddened. If she could she would go against the whole world for him. But not her family. She was not that brave.

 

‘’ I love you Y/N. ‘’ He honestly whispered, taking her cheeks in his hands forcing her to look at him, raindrops caressing her skin.

 

‘’ do you know what that means ?’’ he asked smiling. And she shook her head no.

 

‘’ it means I want to spend my life with you. Love you until I am no more. I told you once that life with no affection is no life at all. I love you so much Y/N , and it made me realize that I am not just after affection. I need yours. Yours particularly. I know you love me as well. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. So please ‘’ he paused.

 

‘’ please have mercy on me and don’t break my heart.’’ He smiled at the end of that sentence. She leaned in for a passionate kiss. For a moment he felt complete.

 

 

And then he thought of how he’d lost her.

But the moment passed and she pulled away. Not just from the kiss. That night she pulled away from everything.

 

‘’ I can’t do this to them’’ she said with tears in her eyes thinking of the ill condition of her father’s, her poor mother, her sister.

 

‘’ and you’d rather sacrifice your own happiness ?’’ he asked not letting go of her hands.

 

‘’I love you Liam, and I fear I always will.’’ She whispered distancing herself even further.

 

‘’ but I guess it’s not enough…’’ he mumbled letting go of her hand.

 

 

Liam let go of the necklace. Taking in a long breath. He never saw her again. His friend, Scott, and his wife Allison, never spoke about it.

‘’ Daaaad!’’ his daughter yelled from downstairs expecting him.

He got up from the floor. The memory of hers still so vibrant in his head.

One day he would explain everything to his lovely daughter. How before her mom, he’d fell in love with someone that was still very close to his heart. He would explain to his daughter how the box indeed contained something that used to be his.

His heart.

And last but not least, he would explain to her the origins of her name.

‘’ i’ll be right there Y/N’’