People with your star sign need special ways to relieve stress. We suggest petting cats, bubble baths, and hours of tearful prayer to the Old Gods and self-flagellation.
So red. Red like pomegranates, like whispered half-promises. Red like pounding hearts, like looking into the sun behind closed eyes. Red like that weird rash you really should get looked at.
Once again lucky in love this week! You are loved by all! All scorpions that is! Here they come! They all love you! And they all want cuddles!
Literally lions. And by lions we mean tigers. And by tigers we mean bears. And by bears we mean Omaha, Nebraska.
A part of you will always be with me. Specifically the part I harvested while you slept. You sleep so soundly.
Test anxiety is very common in Virgos. To prepare for your finals, make sure to appeal to HUNTOKAR! It won't assure you a passing grade, but at least you won't be devoured in a spiraling nether void.
To be honest, aliens are the least of your worries right now.
The time to be reborn was yesterday; today, you are new. You are stronger maybe, or a little wiser, or metallic and oblong, or more musical or prone to glowing purple and eating small demons. Embrace this new self.
There isn't a whole lot going on in the stars for you this week, so here's some reading recommendations. The Shadow Hero by Gene Luen Yang is a really good graphic novel that takes a spin on the superhero genre with a Chinese-American protagonist. I'd also suggest Gaylord Phoenix by Edie Fake for psychedelic explorations in gender identity. That should hold you over for a bit.
You're moving! Like, physically! All the time, even when you don't think you are! Cultivate stillness through meditation, breathing exercises, and exposing yourself to subzero temperatures.
Find your favorite old coat. The one that is tattered and loved to death. Look in the left pocket. You will find a baby gnome. Oh my good, he's so cute.
Without love, we are like birds with broken wings: ready for sacrifice and consumption.