ONE. when i was 7 i would make my barbies kiss. one blonde. one brunette. it was the closest i could get to love at that age. my mama would watch me and crinkle her nose. after weeks of witnessing, she finally got me a ken doll for my birthday. he went untouched most the time. i don’t know what it was. his creepy plastic face, or the fact i didn’t think he was pretty. maybe it was because he didn’t have long hair.
TWO. when i was 8 i told my dad about my best friend. i said she had pretty long eyelashes, they curled up at the ends toward her dark eyebrows. her eyes were hazel, drops of green hinted behind the brown. i said i stared at her lips a lot. they were usually red, she ate a lot of candy, chewed a lot of gum. he said i should stop staring at girls like that, they might think i’m weird.
THREE. at 9 years old my best friend told me she had a crush, he was a little tanned boy with black hair and blacker eyes. we both had black hair, it was the first thought that popped into my head. i asked my mama if i could cut my hair, she said no way, i’d look like a boy. why would i wanna look like a boy? i didn’t want to look like a boy, i, i don’t know.
FOUR. 10, 11, or 12? i can’t remember which year i had my first crush, maybe because it didn’t matter. it didn’t matter until i was 13. i was 13 and the first time i understood the phrase, “butterflies in your tummy” was when i saw her. i was happy. i was sad. i was sad because i didn’t feel this way about boys. i was sad because i couldn’t gossip about boys the way my friends did. i felt different. sad.
FIVE. i was 14 when my dad asked me if i had any boyfriends, i shrugged, no. he looked relieved? my mama didn’t. whenever my mama looked at girls holding hands, boys holding hands, she’d get that crinkled nose again. i felt that crinkle in her soul, whenever she looked at me.
SIX. 15, i swallowed feelings. 16 i swallowed pills. 17, i threw up the truth. i was at dinner with my parents, i told my mama i liked girls. my dad dropped his fork. my mama, she thought she dropped me, as a baby. everything changed, i’m sorry mama.
SEVEN. my mama doesn’t look at me the same way anymore, that crinkle is always there, it’s like a crack in our relationship, the one broken piece that keeps stabbing at me. my dad, i think he’s more relieved i like girls than boys. he always said boys were trouble. i use to be sorry, but i can’t be sorry for my feelings. i won’t be sorry about who i love, and, i love her.
i.c. // “I told you I liked girls, now you don’t like me.”
June is Pride Month, and this year its an especially turbulent one at that. With so much heartbreak and turmoil across our country this week over the tragedy in Orlando, there’s no better time to find strength, solace, and community with some amazing queer voices and stories.
I haven't read Carry On but from gushing tumblr posts I've guessed the following:
1. That Baz guy has a fucking ridiculous(ly awesome) name
2. He’s super gay for that Simon dude
3. Simon has a tail???
4. Simon is blonde, Baz is a goth (maybe??) so perfect couple aesthetic
5. Some chick called Penelope is around too
6. There’s magic…I think??
7. The Mage is a douche
8. Really fucking gay
“People who were meant to be together were connected by this thread. Maybe that’s why you feel drawn to her. Maybe you guys have that thread.”
When Sophia, a timid young woman who grew up intensely sheltered following the death of her father, meets Annabella, a loud, proud lesbian, the two are inexplicably drawn to each other. Though the pair grows closer and closer, the dreams of one threaten to tear them apart. Can their thread survive the tautening?
So I’m being published through Amazon! To celebrate, I’m going to do a giveaway for my followers. There will be one winner of a physical copy and two winners of either Kindle or PDF copies.
Must be following me– do not reblog to a sideblog, or if you have to do so MESSAGE ME with your main URL
Must be a lesbian or a bi woman
No giveaway blogs!
Tumblr will only show ONE LIKE and ONE REBLOG from you in the notes; you can reblog multiple times to signal boost or change your number, but it will NOT give you extra chances
Must not know me IRL– just so I’m not accused of rigging it.
Must be okay with giving me your FULL NAME and a MAILING ADDRESS for the First Prize Physical Copy or your EMAIL for the Second Prize E-Copy
Giveaway ends 12 AM EST on September 20th. The winner will be drawn at this time and announced on my blog, lem0ngrass.tumblr.com.
Winners will be selected through a RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR. First place will be the first person drawn, and so on. If first place prefers an e-copy, the second drawn person will win the physical copy.
So anyway, good luck everybody! Once the winners are announced and the copies are sent I’ll announce it on my blog. If anyone would like to forgo the giveaway and just purchase the book, links will be made available once it’s posted on Amazon!