gay mythology

So a Greek mythology headcanon where Aphrodite can appear either male or female, and she looks like a really fucking sexy guy to gay dudes because that’s who they find attractive
And some Greek bro is out with his buddies when she shows up and he’s all “Wow look at how ripped this dude is no homo” and his buddies are all “What the fuck man that’s a beautiful lady” and that’s how he finds out he’s hella gay

  • Artemis: I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning, Apollo. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?

SCENE ONE
this bed is a temple and i am the goddess and your body is the offering. this temple is blindly in love this temple is beautiful is passionate is on fire. this temple does not look at the stars.

SCENE TWO
this goddess is worshipping a mess of skin & blood & bone, she is waking up with alcohol veins, she is laughter after you tell that dirty joke. this goddess is crumbling her divinity to dust.

SCENE THREE
this offering is mortal, she is garnet haired and onyx eyed and perfectly in sync with the syzygy of worship. she is stumbling up to the altar and daring to be refused. this offering is whiskey soaked and obsidian tongued. this offering is unforgettable.

—  your breath is incense // a.m.
Elagabalus: The Transgender Roman Emperor

Reign: 8 June 218 – 11 March 222

Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus was 14 years old when he became Roman Emperor. He is known to history as Elagabalus because he was from birth the high priest of the androgynous sun deity Elagabal. Elagabalus is recorded as having been one of the most infamous and degenerate figures in Roman history.

Elagabalus married and divorced five women but his most stable relationship seems to have been his chariot driver, a blond slave from Caria name Hierocles, whom he referred to as his husband. He married a man name Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna, in a pubic ceremony at Rome.

When he was married to Hierocles, Elagabalus would dress like a woman and allow himself to be caught in the act of adultery by his husband, who would then beat him as husbands were then allowed to beat their wives.

Elagabalus would paint his eyes, epilate his hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels, and even in the imperial palace: 

“Finally, he set aside a room in the palace and there committed his indecencies, always standing nude at the door of the room, as the harlots do, and shaking the curtain which hung from gold rings, while in a soft and melting voice he solicited the passers-by. There were, of course, men who had been specially instructed to play their part. For, as in other matters, so in this business, too, he had numerous agents who sought out those who could best please him by the size of their penis. He would collect money from his patrons and give himself airs over his gains; he would also dispute with his associates in this shameful occupation, claiming that he had more lovers than they and took in more money.”

He was described as having been “delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles” and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.

One of his palace orgies was the scene of an inadvertent massacre when so many flower petals were showered upon the banquet guests that dozens of people suffocated to death as they reclined on their couches.

He was known to harness teams of naked women to his chariot and whip them as they pulled him around the palace grounds.

On his head, he wore a crown in the shape of a tiara, glittering with gold and precious stones.

He preferred to spend his days in the company of the palace women, singing, dancing and weaving.

The soldiers were revolted at the sight of him. With his face made up more elaborately than a modest woman, he was effeminately dressed up in golden necklaces and soft clothes, dancing for everyone to see.

At the age of 18, in March 222 AD, Rome’s soldiers finally rebelled against their Emperor. After slaughtering his minions and tearing out their vital organs, they then fell upon Elagabalus as he hid cowering in a latrine. After killing him, they dragged his body through the streets by a hook and attempted to stuff it into a sewer. When it proved too big, they threw him into the River Tiber.

2

Greek Mythology:  PRINCE HYACINTHUS

Appearing early in Greek legend, we see Hyakinthos of Sparta, a dark haired youth who was so beautiful he was perused by the singer Thamyris, the god Zephyrus, and the god Apollo. At his word, the three devised a contest to try and win his affections. First, the two gods conspired to get rid of the mortal, Thamyris, by telling the nine muses that he’d boasted his skill above their own. Then, Zephyrus went, using the west wind to shake the trees around them. Hyacinthus was impressed, but when Apollo shot his arrow leaving nothing but music and sunshine in it’s wake, he took the sun god as his lover. Apollo taught him music and gave him poetry, much of which Hyacinthus then passed on to mortals, but one day when they were throwing the discus, the god of the west wind grew sick with jealousy. Zephyrus turned the spinning disk in midair, causing it to collide with the mortal boy’s skull. Apollo was stricken with grief, but even as the god of medicine, there was no care he could administer to his lover to heal his wounds. Left believing that he’d killed Hyacinthus, he would not allow for Hades to claim his soul, and instead formed a flower from his blood, the Hyacinth, which would rise and return to the world every spring. If you look closely, on it’s petals in inscribed the Greek character “AI” for mourning.

song: the boy who blocked his own shot by brand new

We reached for each other, and I thought of how many nights I had lain awake loving him in silence.
—  Patroclus about Achilles

fuguring out who you are, my friend, is a long journey with monsters like  the charybdis and scylla of ingrained homophobia and fear of “what if I’m just being edgy,” the cerberus of fear of being different, and the Echidna of Compulsory Heterosexuality. So basically, questioning is like being Odysseus and you need to find out whether you want to go home to Penelope, Peter, both or neither while fighting some pretty sick monsters. Good luck, hero. 

  • Homophobe: Oh yeah, I love Greek Mythology! All those stories about those great heroes. Achilles is one of my favorites!
  • Me: .....okay so who is gonna be the one to break it to him?

I know people hate these, but like/reblog if you post:

  • Girl Meets World (any ships)
  • Rilaya
  • Rowan Blanchard
  • Sarah J Maas (I haven’t finished ToG yet but I’m in love with ACOMAF)
  • Harry Potter
  • Social Justice
  • Feminism
  • Queer stuff
  • Positivity
  • Poetry
  • Greek Mythology
  • Memes and shitposts
  • Hamilton
  • Jewish stuff
  • Carmilla
  • The Darkest Minds
  • The Flash/Supergirl/LoT
  • OUAT
  • Hayley Kiyoko
  • Halsey

i think that’s it?? i’ll add more if i think of it