As a guy who can’t relate to or find help in any of the “let boys cry, it’s okay to cry” posts because actually physically getting to crying is hard for me, here are some satisfying outlets for negative emotions that work for me. Feel free to add more.
Exercise. Go out for a run, lift some weights, go to a boxing class. Heck, you could even just drop down and do a few push ups. Anything that seems satisfying.
Hit something. Try to refrain from causing large amounts of damage, especially to yourself. I like swinging a pillow down onto my bed a few times. It’s kinda loud, but it gets the job done. Lots of people punch pillows or their mattresses. If you have a punching bag, then go ham on it, yo.
Throw something. Don’t throw fragile, valuable, or heavy things. Maybe go for throwing a pillow, a rolled up shirt, a wadded up paper ball, or even a blunt or unsharpened pencil. If you’re outside, you could throw rocks or sticks (not at people – make sure no one’s gonna get hit. This is an outlet for emotions, not a reason to be a total jackass).
Scream. Preferably into something so it’s muffled and none of your neighbors think you’re being murdered. I usually end up screaming into pillows after I treat them like hell.
Get sexy. Masturbating can help, so if you can find a place you can be alone for a few minutes to just whack one out, go ahead. If you have a partner who’s willing to help you get off, then go ahead, but make sure it’s consensual and not to be an asshole to them. Like, just cuz you’re angry doesn’t mean you can be rough to them without them wanting that.
Break/crush something. Some people don’t like this because breaking something makes them sad (and also breaking things sometimes can be a waste of the thing). But if you have an old shoe box you won’t miss or even some pencils you know you’ll never use, damaging those could be satisfying. Try and refrain from breaking things that could hurt you, like empty glass containers. If you have soda or beer cans that’re gonna be recycled, stomping those to flatten them could be a way to deal with negative feelings in the moment.
I realize some of these sound dramatic, violent, and even scary to some people, but a lot of the time, coping isn’t soft, easy to hide, or appealing, it’s wild and rushed and violent. That’s because a lot of these emotions are hard for some people to control, or they’ve bottled it up for so long that now it just all comes out in a flood. Negative emotions like this are like a sneeze: unless you get it all out, it’s really frustrating and can sometimes just build up more and then smaller things become more stressful, causing you to blow up.
The important thing here is that these outlets help you to not direct your anger or frustration at other people, that way you can maintain healthy relationships and not end up doing something you regret.
This may even help some of you not to hurt yourselves. Some guys start self-harming when they experience some of these emotions, and that’s really not good. I have no experience with self-harm, so I can’t really speak on that personally, but I feel like self-harm oftentimes happens because people are made to feel that loud and heated emotions are bad and unhealthy and even mean and abusive. They’re not. Experiencing emotions like that is completely normal, and dealing with them in ways you can avoid hurting yourself or others is healthy.
Having these emotions doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’ll become someone’s abuser or hurt someone. It’s completely natural to feel these things, and not everyone experiences emotions in the same way. Heck, I run a positivity blog where I try to give advice to people and lift them up, but I have aggression issues. Those don’t make me a bad guy, it’s just something I have to find a healthy, controlled way to deal with so that it doesn’t seep into other areas of my life where it could do real damage. Not everyone is able to let things out in a way that’s effective through meditation, crying, talking things out, deep breathing, etc. Some of us need something different, and those different outlets should be talked about more without being demonized and causing people to think they’re bad people for feeling these ways. Addressing your emotions is important for keeping yourself healthy.
This picture was taken on my first day of treatment – July 26th, 2017.
I am now undetectable (therefore untransmittable) and have been for some time thanks to great medication (Genvoya) along with emotional support from my family and closest friends.
It has been a very rough and tough past couple of weeks but I wanted to make this post to let you know that it does get better. There are people in your life who love you unconditionally and will be there for you through the ups and downs.
I hope there are not, but there may be people who tell you very hurtful things when you tell them your status. They are not worth being in your life. Those who lack the willingness to learn and educate themselves do not deserve your time and energy.
Undetectable is a reachable goal. You are not a weapon. You are strong. You are the same, wonderful person you have always been and will live the rest of your full and joyous life as normal.
There will be hard times. But you can get through it.
I’m posting this because I couldn’t find an online community outside of Poz.com (great, btw). Any of you who are recently diagnosed and just need someone to talk to are always welcome to message me. My inbox is open.