it sucks how much straight women don’t want to consider lesbians and bi women as fellow women. while straight girls laugh at straight men who say “no homo” and refuse to be affectionate with each other, they adopt similar attitudes; if a girl they know is discovered to be gay or bi, she often loses those opportunities to be affectionate or “one of the girls”. little things, like changing in the locker room (“we’re all girls, we’ve seen it all”) become like warzones where any accidental glance from a gay or bi girl is interpreted as a predatory advance. when gay and bi girls come out, straight women do not trust us. they assume we are just like men and will use similar tactics to try and hit on or ensnare girls in relationships. the mutual respect we once had dissolves as our every movement is scrutinized because, oh my god, what if that lesbian is actually interested in me? crushes in particular are difficult. if you don’t admit to your friend that you might be interested in her, she thinks you’ve betrayed her and secretly been objectifying her against her will. if you do admit it, you’re considered a nasty pervert who doesn’t know how to just be friends with someone. most of the time, it’s hard to decipher for oneself if there is attraction there; for a lot of gay and bi women, we realize that we are attracted to women because those feelings we had for our friends, important women in our life, etc. are actually more than friendship. now we’re demanded to parse out our attractions like its black and white: either we just want to be friends, and we can be trusted, although she may be disappointed a gay girl isn’t interested in her, or we are hopelessly in love and lust, and must be avoided. it’s not always clear cut! it’s not always possible to tell whether feelings for friends are just friendship or more, and most of us have nothing to guide us in our analysis of those feelings!
stop placing these expectations on your gay and bi friends. please, treat us like people, like your other female friends, not predators looking to exploit friendships with innocent straight girls for our gain. we need friends, just like anyone else, and it can be genuinely traumatizing dealing with straight girls who dehumanize us like this. we’re not your fucking enemies, so stop treating us like it.