My family knew I was gay before me but I'm not out
Ever since I was about 7, every time I would say “mom, I need to talk to you about something”, she would immediately ask if I was gay with a worried expression. I’d say no, of course not and she’d be relieved. From that, I knew I couldn’t be gay.
Ever since I was little my dad makes gay jokes at my expense. If I had a boyfriend coming over, he’d say “I thought you liked girls lol” in a condescending manner. Or “when is she coming” or “who is she” it was always in a condescending way. Like it was a bad thing. Even though my dad is Democratic and didn’t think being gay is wrong (I know this now). He was still raised differently to think it wasn’t offensive and off putting to a young child trying to understand relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic. He knows it bothers me so now he goes and talking about “the faggots”. It hurts and it mages it more difficult for me.
My parents always thought I would be gay. And they weren’t keen on showing that they’d be accepting.
I see younger people on the internet nowadays and I wish I had that. I didn’t want anything associated with anything LGBT when I was younger, I was already struggling and weird enough. It took me over 17 years to understand my sexuality. I spent my past teen years in denial and saying I was just a little bisexual.
But guys, I’m gay. I’m gay. I’m gay. I look at Stef and Lena on the fosters and I want that. I want the ups and the downs and the everything. I look at girl boy relationships and I feel nothing. I see girl girl relationships and I have a longing in my heart and in my gut and I know that it’s right and that that is what I want.