i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don't identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i'm literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it's the reason i can't access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the 'discourse' & the violent abuse i faced on this website for (cont)
(suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no longer suffer from my orientation). this is horrible tbh. i’m sorry to unload but as another poc ace i feel safe around you. i guess what i’m trying to say is that this ‘discourse’, which is just a bunch of people thinking they can gaslight and abuse aces or call the ‘bad’ or ‘cringy’ and don’t want to have any sort of intra community discussion but literally deny us our experiences and be abusive, is harming my mental health. friends i trusted turned out to be acephobic, send me literal death threats. in what kind of WORLD is that fucking ok? idk where im going with this, im sorry. do you know of any ways i can deal with this wave of ace and aro hatred that’s spread this website? i don’t know how to go about it. and now in the spanish speaking online lgbtq+ community, enbyphobes have copied it to exclude enbys for ‘being actually cis’ and are calling us ‘cisnb’ after regs in english calling aces and aros ‘cishet’ so that’s just fucking great :( that’s because the community is only now starting to realize enbys exist. and it’s also learning that about aspecs, so im starting to hear it in spanish too. i just can’t escape it.
i genuinely feel like i’m in no place to be giving any sort of advice on things of this nature– especially right now when i’m just managing to keep my own head above water for various reasons, but…
i’d first like to say that venting has been (and continues to be) a significant part of self-care / coping for me personally and i am beyond flattered that you feel safe enough to vent your feelings to me. no need to apologize, anon. i don’t know if i can be of any help to you, but i hope that the very act of venting in and of itself has been a step in the right direction for coping for you like it often is for me.
i also want to say that i’m very sorry to hear about all of the shit that you’ve been (and continue to be) put through. while i haven’t had your exact experiences, i can very much relate to feeling like you can’t escape “discourse” or otherwise harmful ideology as both it itself and the effects of it pervades other aspects and intersections of your life both on and outside of Tumblr. not to mention how it feels to finally find that rare, illusive something or someone that you share important but seemingly less common intersections with only to discover that that thing or person contributes to the very thing that’s, for lack of a better expression, fucking you up.
…ah, yes. like those old posts by a formerly self-identified ace and queer person of color who now not only advocates against asexuality but who does so in a way that blatantly shits on aces of color by pitching them against other QPOC, among other things. that’s some fucked up shit, ain’t it?
cough. anyway… my personal coping and self-care strategies.
The thing is, no trans person is feeling individually threatened by your experience. The threat is institutional. If you truly care about us, then you also understand that the institutions and laws that regulate how and when we get to transition are set in place by cis people who are very, very eager to jump on any detransition story and hold it up as the norm, when the decision to detransition is incredibly rare compared to the number of trans people who are happy with their transition.
Maybe rare, but we still exist, and more people are coming forward about reidentification. I honestly think there’s going to be a lot more in the next few years, we’re just sort of a new phenomenon since transition has only recently become accessible. It seems like removing gatekeeping would result in more cases like mine, not less. I mean, people say we’re not “truly trans” and yet we were still able to transition with the regulations in place now, and completely believe that we were trans. Remove those and think of how many people going through a “phase” will come to regret it. Sorry but I’m not going to stop talking just so that more people can end up in my situation. Realizing you were wrong about transition is not fun, dude. This really sounds like you just don’t want me to tell a truth that’s inconvenient to you.
So because of all the drama around the use of the word “system”, I propose we endogenic plurals start using a tag specifically coined to avoid using it:
Feel free to use it if you’re endogenic, whether you call yourselves a system, a collective, a Crew, whatever.
But. Keep in mind that if we give in on this, here’s what’s gonna happen next:
Gatekeepers are going to keep coming after us nondisordered multiples (which should be a tag itself, I may start using it myself for us, sidestepping the whole origin issue entirely). Even if we’re not using any shared terminology (in this one little corner of the internet anyway) we’re still claiming something they feel they have sole right to: expression of the experience of sharing a body and brain with more than one person/mind/entity. Basically, the right to be multiple at all, regardless of what terminology is used.
Because terms really don’t matter. They’re just a phonetic label we use to categorize a thing. “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. (“A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell…” 😁) And a multiple system by any other name is still experiencing plurality. And so long as there are people who think that DID is the only true plurality™, they’ll harass us for existing as nondisordered plurals no matter what terminology we use to talk about it.
Ok but more than one study has shown that bi ppl are statistically more likely to face domestic violence, rape, uneployment, health problems, substance abuse, and attempt suicide than both LG ppl and straight ppl, so either biphobia is a systematic problem apart from homophobia because it has different consequences, or biphobic LG ppl are causing the endangerment and suffering of bi ppl with their lateral agressions and gatekeeping, or both. Either way its time ppl stoped downplaying biphobia with this “oh boo hoo a gay person wouldn’t date you because you’re bi? Call me when you’re REALLY opressed hun :)” bullshit
quick question: can kin be used to cope with mental illness?
i’m a bit confused by your wording here tbh!… i think what you’re asking is if you can kin to COPE with mental illness EXCLUSIVELY (so without any “kin-related” feelings like astral limbs / memories / feeling as though you are literally them and all that jazz) and in short, it’s probably not a good idea to kin ONLY to cope with mental illness IF you don’t experience any of the symptoms of being kin listed, though there are more identifiers than what i mentioned, i have another answer here on “how do i know if i’m kin”)
before someone screams at me for gatekeeping kin, hang on a sec and hear me out. read what i have to say, please. i’m not saying you can’t be kin and mentally ill, because i am both kin and mentally ill myself, but at its core that’s not what kin is about. kin has nothing to do with mental illness itself and to claim so would in fact support or defend the anti-kin individuals who put that “all kin are mentally ill” label on us to begin with if that makes sense. neurotypicals can be kin! mentally ill people can kin! black people can kin! white people can kin! EVERYONE who ever existed can kin but kin itself is not a “mental illness” related thing, though of course MANY OF US who are kin are mentally ill and a lot of the anti-kin people will call us all crazy regardless. :\
personally… i think “kin” is often used so much and thrown around so much that people kinda warp the definition of what kin is, then they tell their friends who tell their friends who tell their friends until everyone’s confused as hell about it and what people forget is the established otherkin community that has been around for over 20 years already has a solid definition on kin to begin with. that’s kind of why a lot of them are feeling very misrepresented right now and when they do try to explain kin, people scream “BUT THAT’S GATEKEEPING!” despite the fact… it’s not?
Let’s say, there’s a word out there with a solid definition. “apple.” it’s a fruit that you eat. if someone walked up to you and said, “hey, um, actually “apple” can be whatever i want it to be, you’re just gatekeeping :\” you’d probably be really damn confused. well that’s kinda what the elders in the otherkin community feel like when kin is thrown around with 9000 definitions atm lol… it’s kinda really uncool and disrespectful to them, honestly. i think that if you really want to be part of the community you have to at least respect its roots and where it came from. it’s uncool to bust in and declare kin to be whatever you want it to be when it legit already… has its definition. it’d be like telling someone to change the definition of what a “dog” is because they don’t like the current definition of it.
but i mean i’m probably going off topic i just really needed to explain that. let’s say you have a feeling of “i really identify with x character / animal / creature and i think being them or identifying as them will help me cope with mental illness, though i know for a fact i do not experience any other symptoms that might indicate i am instead kin with them”, you’re probably more likely experiencing a copinglink and not kin.
BRIEF DEFINITION OF A COPINGLINK IN THIS CONTEXT:
“ Copinglink, n. (Tumblr comm.; Coined by Who-is-Page/Stormygio) [E. coping referencing to the early use of “copingkin” + E. link create or imply a connection between. Pl. Copinglinks.]
- A consciously created coping mechanism which centers around knowingly, willingly, and actively identifying as (or in some cases, with) the user’s choice of a non-human entity. “
copinglink is a more recently coined term which is why it’s not that popular at the moment but please do not look down on what a copinglink is. a copinglink is a whole other unique identity, however it is not considered under the otherkin/kin umbrella because you choose your copinglink, whereas kin do not choose who they are kin with. i have a few copinglinks myself, they’re very useful, i have never been told i’m not my “copinglink” or ever had anyone question them. there was also a time before i did my own research where i would actually use “kin” to mean “copinglink” - as in, i thought what i had was kin with characters until i realised that copinglink was the term that fit how i felt about them better.
buuut i mean totally if you see a character as YOU or identify them AS YOU and you experience SOME SYMPTOMS OF WHAT BEING KIN IS, you’re kin! or maybe you’re asking me if being kin can help improve your mental illness?
i mean, i’ve seen both positive and negative impacts of kin on people because it is an innately in-built thing that you can’t really control - some people actually experience anxiety and negative aspects especially when they have bad memories or guilt for the actions of their kin in a past-life (say, if someone was kin with a character that killed someone…) so i can’t even really 100% positively say kin has a good impact on mental health all of the time.
i have a, i guess, kintype that… i don’t really talk about, but they’ve done terrible things. when i have memories of being them, kinshifts into them, etc. i actually feel really fucking bad most of the time. i’m so guilty with what i did in my past life that it really hurts me.
i think if you have positive kin experiences it probably could help you to cope, but maybe hurt you / not be as great if your kin experiences are negative. overall it has helped me “cope”, but not all of the time.
I love when the Warhammer 40k ‘no girls allowed’ guys drop into my
posts and messages. They go all gatekeeper, or 'Hate to break it
to you’ and explain some basic 101 bit of setting fluff as if someone
who has bothered to make fan art is not aware of it. (ahhh the very
definition of mansplain)
So here is the quick run down for
those of you gate-keeping
I am in my 40s and have been playing 40k or variants there of
since the early 90s (hey look there’s a photo of a Necromunda mini
I painted in 96)
I am enough of a fan that even though I live in Australia, I have,
visited GW HQ, drunk beer in Bugmans bar and stuck my finger in a
Space Marine bolter. And have held the Golden Demon
I am enough of a fan that I have an
original cover Inquisitor book on my self that I bought when it first
I am enough of a fan to make a 3d video-game model of a
I am enough of a fan to have played enough
games, long enough ago, to remember when Space Wolves players tried
to constantly exploit a rule fuck up that allowed them to have
auto-cannon and cyclone missile launcher on the same figure.
I am enough of a fan that I make fan art that shows my supports
for a retcon to add women space marines thus adding to the weight of numbers
asking for this. So that GW knows its time to join the modern era of
gender inclusiveness, rather then pandering to a bunch of neck-beards
using cannon as a smoke screen to conceal their misogyny.
after all this, you still want to 'explain’ 101 canon to me, tell me
its never going to happen or brand me a SJW (oh noes!!) I can’t stop
you. I will however block you, ignore your post and publicly ridicule
you and will do this in whatever order takes my fancy.
been a largely negative post. I am aware that for every angry manchild
that tanties into my mentions there are many more supportive people
who want our hobbies to be inclusive. And I am happy to game with you
There’s all these stories of famous mathematicians, physicists, and other scientists, who were poor but by chance got lucky and found, and vastly improved the world of science and mathematics, because they got lucky.
This doesn’t mean that other poor people didn’t just rise up for the community because they weren’t smart enough. No. Capitalist has hindered our scientific and mathematical advancements, everyone poor who vastly contributed to our world all acknowledge how lucky they got, and so many are not afforded this luck.
There are just as many people passionated, dedicated, and clever enough to make further advancements in our society who will never be given the chance to add to our society. That’s what capitalism has done to us. It has made education a thing for the rich and lucky, not for all. If education was for all and failure wasn’t penalized we would move so much further as a society.
I’ve said it before, but if you’re really worried about internalized homophobia leading young closet cases to use asexuality as a “get out of gay free” card (and not just using that, yourself, as an excuse to vilify asexuality), the solution to that is to invite aces into the community. All of them. Surround them with positive gay role models so that the ones who are struggling can see that there are healthy ways to live their truth.
It’s not the ace community alienating these kids from the gay community; you’re the ones pushing them away from the only people (yourselves) qualified to help them, when you talk about how you want ace people nowhere near you or in your community. All ace folks are doing is trying to help get these kids away from Straight people—honestly that’s really not something I understand you finding objectionable.
man. you know what I really wanna do? make a comedy play/tv show script about being in a system. because let’s be honest, it’s not a dangerous thing, dramatic yes, confusing yes, but not dangerous to people outside of your system. BUT IT CAN BE HILARIOUS JUST IMAGINE
“Wait, WHAT DO YOU MEAN (bilingual alter) WON’T WAKE UP WE HAVE A TEST TODAY!!!!!”
“…who put the body on a roof again?”
“GODDAMMIT (teenage alter) WHAT DID WE TELL YOU”
“…no, no (little), go to bed, it’s past your–No you can’t stay up the body is doing adult stuff– JUST GO TO BED!”
“questions we ask the host: what’s for dinner? what’s this word? who’s this? how do we talk to this person? what’s the equasion for this? things we ask (older alter): where’s the host?”
“okay, careful, careful, careful…AND WE’VE OFFICIALLY GOTTEN OUT OF BED, GOOD WORK PEOPLE, I’M PROUD OF YOU!”
One of the favoured rallying cries of acephobic gatekeepers - and, indeed, gatekeepers of all sorts within our community - is the assertion that “LGBT” community is only for folks who experience homophobia or transphobia.
Many have remarked on the obvious issue there - i.e., in what sense do those targeted by homophobia and transphobia uniquely share common interests, that members of other gender and sexual minorities do not? - but as a bisexual guy, there’s another, slightly less obvious problem that jumps out at me.
To wit: if it’s true that the experience of homophobia and transphobia are the sole qualifiers for admittance, what the hell is that B doing in there?
Bisexual folks do not, in fact, experience homophobia.
We experience biphobia.
There are numerous dimensions of biphobia that are not reducible to mere misdirected homophobia - as readily demonstrated by the fact that many gay folks are, themselves, biphobic!
Indeed, the assertion that bisexual folks experience homophobia has historically been wielded as an argument against bisexual inclusion, i.e., via the claim that bisexual folks experience violence and discrimination only insofar as our persecutors mistake us for gay folks, and thus we have no legitimate ownership of that experience.
Basically, when you say “the LGBT community is only for folks who experience homophobia or transphobia”, what I hear as a bi person is “I’m erasing your identity and alienating you from your own lived experience in the very same breath that I demand you stand at my side against whoever I’ve decided doesn’t get to be in the club this week”.
So, you know, fuck you and the high horse you rode in on.
Okay, here’s a visual guide to this.
You have to meet ALL of THESE criteria to have DID; or at least some in the case of OSDD.
Now look at the circled parts.
Here’s what it’s saying.
If A (plurality) is present, but if is due to D (cultural/spiritual beliefs) or E (other medical conditions) then no diagnosis of DID/OSDD can be given.
Item A remains no matter what.
Meeting item A means you’re plural.
Whether you have DID/OSDD is what the rest of the criteria are there to determine.
Your plurality is still valid, but it’s not due to trauma/dissociation.
You’ll notice that “severe childhood trauma” isn’t listed in the criteria themselves (B). That’s covered elsewhere in the DSM but not in the CRITERIA.
“Trauma” is listed, but no age range. It’s also listed right next to “everyday events”.
Item B is testing for AMNESIA, not the multiplicity that was already established when the patient met item A.
You’ll also notice that beliefs in “system hopping”, “system resets”, “id'ing outside your race/privilege”, and “not having 15 fictives from recent anime” are not listed in the criteria.
Questions on the above?
-Liberty and Mercy*
*again, not from Overwatch
(I hate having to always make this distinction)
Big S/O to saltycervoisin and systemgatebraking for the pic