llomeryn  asked:

unpopular opinion: wanting to send fenris back to danarius wasn't ooc for anders,as he's shown before that hes both a hypocrite and ignorant of the elves' treatment (I know,I'm salty)

Strongly agreed!!!

The salt is strong in both of us, my friend.

Anders’s approval of selling Fenris is NOT remotely OOC in any way, shape, or form. Anders tries to shut down and invalidate Fenris from act one. Fenris is living, walking proof of the dangers of magic and the dangers of unchecked mages, and all of his experiences are evidence to refute Anders’s arguments. Of course Anders doesn’t like that. Anders is awful to everyone except Varric (until act three), but he goes out of his way to antagonize and gaslight Fenris – especially a romanced Fenris. Everything about how Fenris is a “wild dog” who’s out of control and how Fenris deserved to have been killed by Danarius and how slavery couldn’t possibly have been that bad if Fenris didn’t kill himself to escape it and #NotAllMages and #NotAllMagisters and so much more shit – all of it is to discredit anything Fenris says and believes regarding slavery, Tevinter, and mages in order to build up Anders’s own opinions and arguments.

So when it comes to selling Fenris into slavery, of course Anders approves of getting rid of Fenris. One of the biggest obstacles to his arguments is no longer in his way. Not only that but he sees it as only fitting that Fenris, who fears and is wary of magic, is put in his place, so to speak, by a mage.

Anders hates Fenris. He dismisses anyone who doesn’t support or match up to his priorities, but he is especially terrible to Fenris. There is no doubt in my mind that Anders would have sold Fenris to Danarius on his own, given the chance.

So no, it’s not OOC at all.

Healing Anxiety From Toxic Relationships

by Dr. Doreen Virtue

Don’t Focus On Whether Or Not Someone Likes You
Instead of being concerned about whether someone likes you and focusing on how your heart pounds and if you feel butterflies when you’re around them, wonder instead whether you get excited because your chemistry is reacting to meeting another dysfunctional person. Ask yourself instead, does this person have most, if not all, of the qualities you want in a relationship?

Be Your Own Best Friend
One reason why people stay in unhealthy relationships is the fear of being alone. One reason for this is because you haven’t developed a best-friend relationship with yourself. Try to reach a place where you actually enjoy your own company. And if that doesn’t help, know that being alone is healthier and preferable to being in an unhealthy relationship filled with hostile drama.

Stop Expecting Someone Else To Fix Your Problems
You are responsible for whatever needs fixing in your life, your financial debts, your career, taking care of your body and so forth, not your partner, your best friend or your parents. You will feel much better about yourself and your new confidence will be very attractive.

Know Your Boundaries And Stick To Them
We are constantly sending out hints to other people about how we want to be treated. These are called “boundaries,” meaning your deal breakers for what you will and won’t accept. How much importance you attach to honesty, respect, and reliability are just as important as personal space, time alone, or how much physical affection or romance you require. When you uphold your boundaries, you don’t allow others to manipulate, guilt, or control you, and your inner self will thank you

Trust Your Inner Warning Signals
Your body is innately sensitive to other people’s energies and intentions. Check your own inner warning signals, which will alert you that you’re with a toxic or drama-addicted person. Some warning signals you may be getting are:

-    You feel used, because it’s a one-sided relationship, with you doing all the giving
-    You feel guilty, like you owe the person something
-    You feel angry at him or her and at yourself
-    After the person leaves, you feel drained and tired
-    You have a desire to avoid the person.

Trust your intuition here. These feelings won’t be present in a healthy relationship.

Write A Letter To The Person You’re Upset With                                         Even healthy relationships can hit a rocky patch from time to time. At times like these, it often helps to write a letter to the person you’re upset with. Pour out your feelings, and hold nothing back. Then, in a ceremonious way, burn the letter. You can also send a more restrained version of the letter to the person, after waiting a day or two for a cooling-off period. This way, your letter will reflect your ongoing feelings instead of reactive emotions. It can be the starting point for a mutually beneficial conversation that will get you back on track. 

Just Say No To Guilt Based Requests
If you feel you are being manipulated and have no choice to comply, stand firm. They might cry, threaten to hurt themselves, say that no one loves them, or remind you of the times that they helped you. But by telling guilt-trippers no without guilt or excuses, they will either find another victim to harass or will realize that these methods aren’t healthy or effective.

Don’t Walk On Eggshells Around Angry People
If someone displays their anger in a physical way, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. However, if it is someone who just gets mad at the slightest provocation but rarely takes responsibility themselves, then release the fantasy that you will find the winning combination that will finally make them happy and peaceful. They most likely will need professional therapy. Tip-toeing around until they calm down doesn’t help anyone.

Stand Your Ground
Accusatory people are always looking for a fight, tell them firmly that they are mistaken in their accusations but do not engage in an argument or wander off-topic. Do not engage in blaming wars or you will get into an unending battle.

Stop Trying To Rescue Victim-Martyr Types
Since whatever advice you suggest will most likely be met with “I’ve already tried that, it doesn’t work.” It is best not to invest a lot of time into trying to provide a solution to their problem. Once victim-martyrs sense that you are out of ideas to help, they will move on to bending someone else’s ear about their current problem. 

Remove Yourself From A Relationship When You Notice A Red Flag
Take your time to get to know someone before you fully commit to a relationship. At the first red-flag, such as not honoring a commitment, or showing a lack of respect; extricate yourself from the relationship immediately before getting any more involved.

As a compassionate, openhearted soul, you want to give. It’s in your nature to care for others and ensure their health and happiness. Occasionally others may take advantage of your kindness which is why it is so important to enforce your boundaries in all of your relationships.

It may feel uncomfortable for you to put these rules into effect, it might feel like you are placing conditions on how you will help people, but if you refuse to do so, you’ll deplete your own energy reserves very quickly. It all boils down to respect. If the people in your life truly care about you, they’ll respect your decisions.

I spent months
minimizing myself.
Trying to be so small
that maybe
you would forget 
I ever existed at all.
But I’m tired
of acting afraid
when I know
I have no reason
to feel ashamed.
I won’t be a mirror for
your manipulation
You can project
your warped reality
but I will not reflect
it back to you.
I know who I am
and I stand
on a foundation of support
from the ones I love.
—  Foundation, V.P.