You didn’t love her! You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life but you didn’t love her because you don’t destroy the person that you love!
The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don’t kick the bad habit till you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts more.
It is not difficult, sir. It is simple. Burke is not here. He’s gone and he’s the better for it. He’s winning the Harper Avery award and being celebrated all over the world. That is not difficult. He’s out there and I’m here where everything is the same. I still live in his apartment, I walk the same halls of this hospital, I wear the same scrubs. And even that is not difficult. This is where I chose to be. But sir, when his hand was shaking I performed his surgeries, I kept his secrets, I nursed his pride. You know it and I know it and he knows it. He knows it, and yet nowhere in that newspaper article does my name appear. I am the unseen hand to his brilliance. And yet while everything is the same it is very, very, different. Now I’m lucky if I get to hold a clamp. Hahn treats me like.. I was his hand and now I’m a ghost. That is not difficult. It’s unbearable. I know everybody is proud of him. But I’m not. I do not wish him well.
It goes away; the feeling. That feeling that you have right now, today. That feeling like you can do anything, that clarity; it goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can’t tell the person you love how you feel.
I don’t.. I don’t want to be here. I’d give anything to not be here; to have my life work out the way that I planned and to even have time to ask ‘what about me’. So you change; you get over it. I’m here now.
This is a story about Alex. Not about an unwanted pregnancy. Not about some unborn baby. It’s about Alex and what he’s getting ready to go through emotionally. What he’s willing and not willing to do. This is about his journey through the rest of the season – so we didn’t want to tease you guys with some faux pregnancy story that ultimately just felt like a stunt. By letting you know now that Rebecca isn’t actually pregnant – then letting you watch Alex take his next few steps forward from this point on, suddenly the entire arc has a much darker, more interesting underbelly.
You didn’t come for me. You chickened out. When.. When I was leaving. When I asked you to give me a reason to stay, you chickened out. Which, which I get. I get that. It was a lot and scary, and I know that I can be kinda intense. But.. but, I thought after the chickening out part, that you would come for me. I came back for you. Which basically makes me a beggar. I’m a beggar for Halloween.