gas-noble

that-g3-obsessive  asked:

I would tell you a chemistry joke but I wouldn't get a reaction. I'm in my element. All the good chemistry puns ARGON. Wow, these are sodium funny. Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? No? K. I would tell you a joke about sodium but Na. Don't trust atoms, I heard they make up everything. If a king farted, would that make it a noble gas? Gold? AU YEAAAAH. I think you're overreacting to these puns. I heard oxygen and magnesium were going out. I was like OMG. ;)

*Now here’s a person who’s really in their element.

*Though perhaps they should periodically give it a rest. Wouldn’t want some carbon-copy imitators stealing their best work, would we?

Top things heard in Chemistry class

“Bitch please, you bond more readily than fluorine”
“I think you’ll find I sexually identify as the periodic table”
“Did you just assume my oxidation state?!”
“Honey if you were any more unreactive you’d be a noble gas”
“Wow, fluorine really is a slut”
“So dative covalent bonding is basically atomic double penetration right?”
“Yo, imagine a bath bomb made of pure caesium”
“What’s a commercial use of sodium chloride?” “It’s literally salt, you can- you know what, never mind, you’re white”
“I think you’ll find my enthalpy change is infinite”
“Guys what’s the Avocado constant again?”
“You know that acid is highly corrosive, you probably shouldn’t sit there with it pretty much in your lap”
“You know, our friendship is stronger than a hydrogen-fluorine covalent bond”
“I would literally pay you to set me on fire and calculate my enthalpy of combustion”
“Forget Hess cycles, you’re a fucking mess cycle”

1 october 2016 —

this is the periodic table, noble gas is stable, halogens and alkalis react aggressively; each period we’ll see new outer shells and electrons are added moving to the right (if you know where this came from you’re amazing) & o levels are officially thiS MONTH brb screaming

THE SIGNS AS ELEMENTS
  • Aries: Nickel because you're useful but a lot of people are allergic to your harshness
  • Taurus: Sodium cus u salty and bitter as hell
  • Gemini: Mercury, ur beautiful and fun to play with but even one touch is deadly
  • Cancer: Oxygen, no one can live without you, but too much of you causes death
  • Leo: Gold, ur effin useless but ur pretty and expensive
  • Virgo: Chlorine, deadly to inhale but you kills germs
  • Libra: Helium bc ur a noble gas and make people's voices sound funny when they inhale u
  • Scorpio: Sulfur bc you smell like rotten eggs I'm sorry
  • Sagittarius: Radium cus u rad but also radioactive
  • Capricorn: Titanium bc ur a strong, badass mofo and there's a song about you
  • Aquarius: Uranium because you're explosive and nuclear and terrifying
  • Pisces: Fluorine because you're overreactive and always in the water
Imagine Making Peter Laugh

Author: Katy

“Knock it off, Y/n!” Peter breathed out between laughing.

“If-if a king farts, is it a noble gas?” You cracked another stupid pun just to annoy him. A big smile immediately appears on his face for the millionth time. 

“Now you’re just being immature,” He smirked.

“Isn’t that the point?” You said, your sides aching from the laughter. You stared into each other’s eyes, sharing the extreme happiness both of you felt.

Elemental Profile: Neon

Neon is the tenth element on the periodic table. It has ten protons and electrons, and, though fairly common in the universe, is very rare on Earth.

On the periodic table, it falls into the group of noble gases, the right most column, or group. The noble gases are all odorless, colorless gases that are extremely nonreactive or chemically inert. This is because the outer valence electron shells of these gases are already filled and neon doesn’t need to bond with other atoms to get a full set of electrons.

Neon is a monoatomic gas, meaning it usually exists as individual neon atoms. This is especially true because it is a noble gas and does not bond easily with other molecules.

The reason for neon’s rarity is that it doesn’t form compounds to fix it to solids, and is highly volatile.

Source.

Por qué no volvemos. Recuérdamelo, por favor. Por qué no nos queremos de vuelta, de segunda mano o de ocasión. Por qué. A ver, si es que había tantas razones, es que te juro que las había. Es que hasta las llegué a apuntar en algún sitio. Y ahora va y no las encuentro. Justo cuando más las necesito. Justo cuando sólo recuerdo todo aquello que juré olvidar. Así que si no te es mucha molestia, recuérdame por qué no nos dejamos de hostias. O por qué me las sigo dando yo.

Por qué no volvemos. Por qué me despierto y lo primero que hago es pensar en tus fotos. Pero si las metí en el fondo del cajón ese que ya ni abro. El de las cosas perdidas aposta. El de los recuerdos que son demasiado grandes para llevarlos encima. Malditas fotografías. Malditas emulsiones enmarcadas en vidrio. Escaparates de 15×9 que ya sólo te venden saldos, instantáneas con retraso de lo que pudo ser y no fue. Por qué las escondí allí, si se me agarran a la retina día sí día también. Por qué hago ver que no las veo, si no me hace falta ni mirarlas, si ya me las sé.

Por qué no volvemos. Por qué no dejo de seguir tus pasos. Por qué entro de puntillas en las redes sociales como quien entra a por algo que se dejó. Por qué analizo tus fotos, tus gestos, tus lugares y tus palabras. Por qué veo en cada nuevo amigo o contacto tuyo un potencial enemigo. Por qué me da miedo que me olvides con ellos, que me entierres sin mí. Por qué busco señales que al fin y al cabo tú ya no emites. Por qué. Eh. Por qué.

Por qué no volvemos. Por qué no he sido capaz de volver a sentarme en la única mesa maldita de nuestro restaurante. Por qué salgo todas las noches como si nada, como si jamás te hubiese conocido. Y por qué les acabo pidiendo a todas que hagan de ti. Que les gusten tus mismas cosas. Que se rían como lo hacías tú. Por qué las comparo siempre contigo. Qué culpa tendrán ellas de no alcanzarte. De no saber que me exististe. De no poder acabarse este final.

Por qué no volvemos. Por qué sigo mirando el móvil cada dos horas simplemente para ver si estás en línea. Por qué empiezo a escribir siempre el mismo mensaje. Uno que arranca con un por qué no volvemos. Uno que sigue explicándote cuánto te echo de menos. Que ya casi olvidé tus defectos. Que me quedé solo a soportar los míos. Que ya es mucho soportar para una sola persona. Y por qué, cuando acabo el mensaje perfecto, le doy siempre al borrado completo en vez de al enviar. Por qué no te llamo cuando tengo tantas ganas de hablar.

Por qué no volvemos. Dímelo, de verdad, tan sólo recuérdamelo una vez más. Aunque te cueste algún que otro esfuerzo. Hazlo por este pedazo de vida tuya que sigue a la deriva de los recuerdos. Por los viejos tiempos. Por este mal sabor de boca después de algo tan dulce. Por lo que fuera yo en tu vida. Por lo que sea. Por lo que fui.

Yo la verdad es que no he aprendido. Sigo estando igual. Me siguen haciendo daño las mismas cosas. Me siguen emocionando las canciones de siempre. Sobre todo ahora, que sé que en realidad todas me hablaban de ti. Me sigo haciendo muchas trampas al solitario. Me veo con los mismos amigos a los que les ruego que no me hablen de ti. Hasta que les acabo preguntando yo. Ah, y he vuelto al microondas, que cocinar para uno ya sabes que no vale la pena. Supongo que soy aún más difícil. Imagino que el gas noble de mis manías se habrá expandido hasta ocupar parte del hueco que dejaste tú. Y seguramente, a base de vivir conmigo, me habré vuelto mucho más yo.

Por eso, te podría decir que he cambiado. Que ahora sí que sí. Que ahora entiendo por qué no funcionó lo nuestro. Que por qué no volvemos. Que por qué no intentarlo, sabiendo lo que sabemos. Pero te estaría mintiendo, y lo haría simplemente para conseguirte de nuevo, para volverte a tener, para volverme a dar a ti.

Nos estaríamos engañando de nuevo.

Y volveríamos dispuestos a ello, tan sólo por lo mucho que nos queremos.

Tan absurdo como cuando estábamos juntos y tras cada silencio resonaba siempre la misma pregunta.

Por qué no lo dejamos.

—  Risto Mejide

Tag nine people you want to know better

tagged by; @not-winchester
relationship status; single as a noble gas atom
favorite color; …glitter?
lipstick or chapstick; chapstick
last song i listened to; Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood
last movie i watched; I…have no idea
top three tv shows; ask me again later
top three characters; three? wow that’s mean. um. ummmm Will Herondale and James Carstairs (they are one person you can’t convince me otherwise), Adam Parrish, and Evie Frye
top three ships; not sure if they’re my top three, but the first three I think of are Henry and Charlotte (TID), Adam and Ronan (TRC), and Riley and Beck (TDT)
books i’m currently reading; Heir of Fire by Sarah J Maas

Tagging @dangerous-smoll @warrioroflondonbelow @the-storm-within-me @beastlynecromancer @freedomsacrificed @despxcable @ericbrandonrp @floralgardenswitches @altrxistisms and anyone else

Sweaty Palms


THANK YOU TO THE WONDERFUL @thebandfamily666 FOR THE ADORABLE REQUEST IM SORRY ITS SO SHIT TRULY

Title: Sweaty Palms

Summary: It’s dark out and Dan just really wants to hold Phil’s hand.

Relationship: Phan

Characters / Pairing: Dan Howell, Phil Lester

Word Count: 754 (it was a cute request and i just wanted to let you all know im back lmao - this isn’t all that good but the prompt was toooo cuteee to resist)

Warnings: M/M, swearing, adorable conflicted Dan, internal conflict, hand holding, frustration, bants, annoyance, A FLUFFITY FLOOF, undecided ending (ie. you choose how it ends - do they end up together? are they just friends and it was platonic? up to youuuu)

Or the one where Dan’s unsure if the butterflies are from the darkness or Phil. #prompt #undecidedending

**

It’s sitting there, tempting him.

Dan stares at it while it swings innocently along in the brisk night air.

He’s never felt so much yearning in his life.

“I guess London decided to get really grumpy and leave us with clouds tonight, huh?”

Dan looks up at the sound of his companion’s voice.

Phil is walking beside him back from a quick trip to Tesco.

Only… They had to walk because Phil lost his keys to their car.

There’s a thick dark overcast, and - if he’s honest - Dan is a little unnerved by the dark shadows twisting and slithering closer to them in the blackness.

He subconsciously steps closer to Phil and his chest constricts. “Yeah, I guess.”

Phil glances over at him, and Dan can barely make out his blue eyes in the darkness. “What’s wrong, Dan?”

He blushes, thankful that it’s not bright enough for Phil to notice. “Nothing; I’m fine. Just exhausted because it’s the first time I’ve had to get exercise since puberty.”

“I’m pretty sure we went on a run together a while back.” His flatmate chuckles and continues walking.

Dan releases a relieved breath, Phil’s focus no longer on him.

Though he is still afraid of the dark, he is horribly embarrassed by his irrational fear and hates that he longs for comfort so badly.

And - of bloody course - this is one of those times.

His eyes drop back down to the pale hand swinging along beside Phil’s body.

Don’t grab it, Dan. That’s weird. He’s gonna get the wrong idea

Nonetheless, Dan finds his fingers twitching obnoxiously.

“Are you up for some more Free tonight? I know you really like that anime, and I feel bad for misplacing my keys…” Phil just continues talking, completely unaware of Dan’s internal struggle.

The long, slender white digits hang limply at Phil’s side, and they look so comforting. So soft

Dan’s stomach churns uncomfortably, and he’s not sure if it’s because of his nervousness about the dark or his intense desire to just curl into a ball and pull Phil down with him.

Phil

Phil with his shimmering blue eyes and his raven dark hair and his long, slender figure. Phil’s gentle words and his (oddly infectious) optimism and soft laughter. Phil is perfect for comforting Dan.

And damn that hand looks really inviting right now.

“Dan?”

He glances up, snapped from his thoughts. “Hmm?”

The older man pauses and looks at him worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

No.

“Yeah I’m fine. Why?”

“I asked if you want to watch Free to make up for the unwilling exercise you had to participate in today.” His friend frowns and Dan squints to see his expression; concern. “I know how much you love Haru.”

Dan flushes bright red.

That’s because he looks like you, you dingus.

“He’s a cartoon, Phil. It’s not like I’m obsessed.” Dan coughs awkwardly and makes direct eye contact as to appear unbothered.

Damn I want to kiss you. What is wrong with me?

“I know, I know.” Phil waves him off. “I’m just giving you a hard time; you’re not talking much so I’m trying to break the ice. I’m starting to run low, here.”

“Oh no,” Dan cringes, “you’re not gonna start saying th-”

“What did the noble gas say to the transition metal after Elements ‘n Chill?” The man sounds excited, and it flutters Dan’s heart a little.

He sighs. “What, Phil?”

“He lead neon!” Phil urges him, “Get it? It’s like saying ‘he led me on’ but with the elements lead and neon!”

“Are you a complete nerd?” Dan goes deadpan. “That wasn’t funny.”

Phil pouts and glares at him. “You’re not funny. I’m hilarious.”

“Right, Phil, you’re a comedian.”

“I am!”

“Sure thing.”

“Shut up, Dan. I’m funny.”

“Okay.”

Shut up.

Dan sniggers and feels his stomach settle a little more. He smiles at the side of Phil’s head and a warm feeling crawls up through his veins, despite the chilly air.

What do I have to be afraid of? This is Phil… The one person I trust more than anyone.

Gentle fingers lace through the long, slender white digits and they no longer swing in the air freely, now that they’re occupied.

Dan can feel Phil’s hand tense up and his surprised and confused eyes on the side of his head, but Dan just smiles and keeps walking.

Neither mention it, but - slowly - Phil’s hand squeezes his back.

Dan smiles.

Maybe I was never afraid of the dark in the first place

**

Send your requests / prompts into my ask box (click here) with “prompt:” at the beginning if you have any ideas you’d like to share with me! :) Hope u enjoyed this mess <3

Day 2 - Helium

Welcome to element 2!

The second element of Period 1, Helium is also a noble gas. Only two electrons filling up its s shell.

Helium is extremely light, so light that gravity can’t hold it. It floats up until it reaches space. Living the dream!

In fact, Helium is only found on Earth because of cosmic rays and the decay of radioactive elements such as Thorium and Uranium.

Helium is one of two elements that hasn’t been seen in a compound.

At temperatures approaching zero degrees Kelvin, Helium begins to act as a superfluid, moving without friction in its container.

Your atoms keep clumsily crashing into mine as if you were a lone Hydrogen atom looking for another to fill your outer shell of electrons to become Hydrogen in it’s diatomic state. A structure comparable to that of Helium, a noble gas.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s a strong affinity between the two of us. That we will always be stronger, and more stable when we are together.

—  Sher, Chemistry

We asked around the office what everyone’s favourite science jokes were. Here’s what we got back:

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? 
To get to the same side.

Did you know that the B in Benoit B Mandelbrot stands for Benoit B Mandelbrot?

What do you do with a sick chemist?
First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

What did the chemical agent say?
My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared

A neutrino walks into a bar. Barman says “for you, no charge”.         

A neutrino walks into a bar. 
Barman asks “what can I get you?”
“Nothing thanks, I’m just passing through”.

 A man walks into a bar and says “I’ll have a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate please”. The barman goes “That’ll be 80p”.            

Two doctors in the staff canteen: 
Doctor 1: So, what do you work on?
Doctor 2: Kidneys.
Doctor 1: Nephrology or pediatric orthopaedics? 

Why did the alga and the fungus get married? 
Because they took a lichen to each other… 

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.  

What do you get hanging from apple trees?
Sore arms

What do you call a fat mathematician?
πη

Man goes into the noble gas shop: Can I have some of that neon?
Sorry sir, it’s ar-gon

Heisenberg gets stopped for speeding. Police officer says to him ‘do you know how fast you were going?’ to which he replies 'No. But I know exactly where I am' 

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Classical conditioning 

An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. The first asks for a pint of beer, the second says 'I’ll have half of what he had’.  The third mathematician then asked 'for half of what she (the second) just had’. The fourth mathematician was about to place his order - the bar man said 'Stop there! I’ll just give you two pints and you can sort it out amongst yourselves.’

sin(x), cos(x) and e^(x) are in a club. sin(x) and cos(x) are dancing and having a good time. They look over to e^(x) who is sitting alone at the bar. Sin(x) goes over to him and tries to encourage him to try to talk to other people at the bar. e^(x) says with exasperation 'I’ve tried integrating and I just end up with myself’.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer walk into a tutorial… Their tutor asks them each to answer a simple question. “what is the result if you add 2 and 1?” The mathematician, first to answer whitters on about Euclid for a while then says “three exactly”. The physicist, next to answer mutters about errors in measurement of the two and the one but eventually, and for no good reason, settles on 10% for each, muttters some more, this time incomprehensibly, then declares “the answer could be anywhere between 2.7 and 3.3 but at the end of the day it means nothing without units anyway”. The engineer who had been chewing on their pencil ruubber all this time looks up suddenly, startled, and after looking left and right, seemingly for an answer, declares “well three obviously but we had better call it ten just to be on the safe side”

How many molecules are there in a bowl of guacamole?
Avocado’s number