Man, witches are just so good

☆ Kitchen witches who have herbs drying all over and always have flour on their clothes from baking pies with sigils in the crust.

☆ Garden witches who have permanently dirt-stains on their knees from taking care of their succulents and watering them with all the moon water they can provide.

☆ Crystal witches who are constantly buying more shelves to store all their new babies and having their windowsill overflowing every full moon to get all of its energy.

☆ Sigil witches who always have a paper and pen on them and sketch out positive sigils and leave them around for passerby’s to be affected by them.

☆ Divination witches who wake up an extra hour or so before starting the day to see what their cards, runes, or pendulums have in store.

☆ Tech witches who have a notebook on them at all times to write down new additions to their online altar code or grimoire and are always sending emoji spells to their friends.

☆ Elemental witches who have candles all over the floor, random bowls of water precariously perched in odd places, incense always in stock, and piles of salt around doors and windows.

☆ Familiar witches who cater to their animals every day and often spend more on the animals than they do on themselves.

Just. All witches are so good. If you’re a witch, you’re lovely and valid and amazing. ❤

Plants can bring happiness and joy into your lives - learn how to take care of them properly and they will forever thank you!

1. When starting seeds, don’t over water. Many sites greatly overestimate the water a seedling needs, and this often leads to the dreaded damping off where sprouts fall over and die very quickly. It can be extremely disheartening to a first time grower. Make sure to only water when the soil is slightly dry. Another tip is to sprinkle cinnamon on top of the soil to help dry excess water, or water with chamomile tea. 

2. Plant in abundance. Because seedlings are prone to many pests and problems, plant multiple seeds so you have some left over in case of them die. If some do die, don’t freak out or get discouraged - it happens to even the very best gardeners. 

3. Plant looking sad? Try throwing a green tea bag on top of the soil. This helps perk some plants right back up. Also, compost tea is another awesome option if your plants are looking a bit sad. 

4. Many plants need direct sun, but be wary of plants that don’t. If your plant is looking pale or turning white, consider moving them to another location where there is less sun. Also, simply hanging up a lightweight, see through curtain is another option and has helped some of my plants tremendously. 

5. Use a spoon to check the soil moisture levels. Take a spoon and slide it into the soil and get some of the soil that is below the surface. A simple finger test can result in your plant getting over watered, because many times soil is still wet below the surface. After getting a little bit of soil in the spoon, pink the soil between your fingers. If water comes out, wait longer to water again. Be careful with the spoon method, be gentle and try to do this on the side of the pot - you don’t want to disturb the roots. Don’t go way way down, either. 

6. Remember that many plants go dormant in winter. This means they require less watering and fertilization. They grower slower during this time, so don’t freak out if it appears your plant has stopped growing. It hasn’t, just give it time! 

I hope those tips helped some of you! :) I know caring for plants can be confusing and stressful, but its so so worth it. 

McMansions 101: Landscaping

Hey guys! I was really wowed by how successful the post on PoMo ended up being. My thoughts are that I’m going to be doing more posts like that in the future - a bit of history of architecture as told through its misappropriation by the suburbs. As for now, enjoy this brief McMansions 101 on Landscaping! 

In my meticulous study of our suburban landscape, I’ve taxonomized McMansion landscaping into three categories: 

- No yard / soul patch
- Sea of turf grass + single tree
- meticulously manicured lawn most likely cared for by immigrants. 

This post is less “THIS IS WRONG!” and more “here are some interesting observations.” In reality, the only objectively “correct” landscaping is that which is sustainable- e.g. uses native plants and avoids pesticides. Gardening for many is a wonderful and therapeutic hobby, hence the lack of ridicule in this post. 

Without further ado…

Yard Trope No. 1: The Soul Patch

This is classic McMansionHell: You have a 3 car garage, and your yard is a driveway. But, at the same time, you want the visual cues that say “hey this is a yard” right?? Whatever are you going to do?????

The answer: The Soul Patch™

Now for those of us who are newer to MMH, you may not remember the early-on Houston McMansion of the Week, aka the origin of the Soul Patch. Not all Soul Patches are as dramatic as the OG Soul Patch pictured above. Basically, any house that has more driveway than lawn falls under the No Yard/Soul Patch dichotomy. 

The Soul Patch doesn’t always have to be relegated to the land of landscaping amateurs - there are plenty of overdone Soul Patches as well:

But a lot of the time, they look something like this:

Who needs trees n crap if you have 3 cars tho??????

Yard Trope No. 2: A Sea of Green with a Stick in it

I feel like 90% of suburban yards fall into this category: 99% turf grass with some bushes and a single tree (sometimes multiple dinky trees like crape myrtles) 

Now there are reasons why suburban houses rarely have full-sized trees in the front yard - a) it is usually cheaper to tear down the trees than to work around them and b) trees near a house are a liability and frequently get torn down for insurance reasons. 

A lot of the times, homeowners who are building new have to fight to keep the trees in their yard, for the sole reason that developers are lazy. 

Also P.S. Maples are an understory tree. They’re supposed to be planted in shadier conditions in order to thrive. People plant them in full sunlight in parking lots because they know this will stunt their growth and prevent any future issues with roots and pavement. To me, this is incredibly sad. 

Usually people go the turf-grass with one or no trees route because it’s the easiest kind of yard to ignore. Because you really don’t have time to worry about yardwork when you work a 9-to-5 to pay off your massive house and your marriage is falling apart and I heard that gas prices are going up again….

Yard Trope No. 3: Meticulously Manicured Yard Most Likely Maintained by Immigrants

You know these yards - they’re the kind that make their neighbors jealous and make the cover of all of those random magazines lining the shelves between the checkout kiosks at Home Depot. 

No working person has enough time to sit around and maintain their massive garden-yard, hence they hire a landscaping crew made up of either immigrants from the south or blue-collar teenagers on summer vacation. 

At the same time, these lawns use up tons of natural resources. The fact that there was a massive drought in California and people still watered their damn lawns is astounding. In water-scarce localities, lawn care like this is an enormous waste. Like seriously, haven’t any of y’all read Dune??? 

Jokes aside (I seriously love Dune if you guys didn’t know already) suburban landscaping is responsible for a ton of environmental screw ups, most importantly: 

FREAKING INVASIVE PLANTS

Oh yeah, that English Ivy we all like to see crawling up our houses? 

BAM! INVASIVE!

Oh yeah, and what about your Green Privacy Fence aka Japanese/Chinese Privet???

Oh it gets worse? You know your pretty white Callery/Bradford Pear Trees???

And your FREAKIN’ NANDINA:

Yeah, pretty bad. But there’s good news: 

If you want to stop or prevent the destruction of our forests/beaches/plains with invasive landscape plants: check out your local state Invasive Plant Council  (in the US - it’s different for other countries) and view their lists of invasives that are a problem in your area. If you have used invasive plants in your yard, look for information about proper plant disposal and removal. 

(I personally volunteer with my local invasive plant council and have spent quite some time removing invasive plants from public spaces and reporting new invasions to government databases.)

That’s it for this brief primer on landscaping! Stay tuned for Thursday’s Dank McMansion of the Week and a cool new What the Hell is…? next Sunday!

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Redfin.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107.

Invasive Plant Photo Credits: EDDMAPS.org/Bugwood Wiki