garbage-bag

Last week, I went to the knitting/crafting group at my local library. An older woman who was moving homes decided she couldn’t take her entire stash with her (gasp!) and donated some yarn to the group. She brought multiple garbage bags full, single-handedly doubling the group’s supply to the point where they didn’t have storage space for it all and they sent all of us home with some. After a few short detangling sessions, I wound up with this gorgeous bit of linen yarn!

5

This strong and brave girl! Of course, white people wrote many negative reviews about her performance. They paid special attention to her clothes and her ass because they are able to discuss only the appearance.

She could be in a thong or garbage bag and still has more sense and humanity than those neandertal hybrid scumbags who are just angry they are becoming irrelevant in the world. Typical, obsessing about what a woman looks like or wears rather than what she is saying!

Supporters of this guy really should see a therapist or psychiatrist.

My favorite Shady/Illegal tips

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never "I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. "Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.

some of the pranks green day has pulled on other bands
  • kaiser chiefs: green day brings an entire jazz band onto the stage during their set.
  • prima donna: crashes their set with toilet paper, confetti, booze, and costumes. also filled their dressing with smoke and confetti.
  • franz ferdiand: gets a bunch of random guys to play bagpipes onstage to while wearing kilts. also toilet paper flies everywhere.
  • jet: green day goes onstage dressed up as animals with a bunch of male strippers. the male strippers start taking their clothes off onstage.
  • the bravery: popcorn, mascots, male strippers, and toilet paper everywhere. the bravery actually got revenge on green day by “recreating” woodstock 94 and having mud flying around during their set.
  • rise against: tre cool brings a foosball table onstage and starts playing it with the band members during their show.
  • billy talent: tre cool gets the sound people to create a loud bang during the song “rusted from the rain”. the entire band gets really scared but then laugh after realizing it was tre pranking them.
  • paramore: same thing as billy talent. tre cool creates an unexpected explosion. 
  • 30 seconds to mars: this was at a music festival so they weren’t even technically playing with green day but tre (obviously) decided to prank them anyways. he goes onstage dressed up as jared leto and starts banging cymbals while dancing around the stage.
  • afi: green day comes onstage in the middle of their set dressed in animal mascot costumes.
  • my chemical romance: had a huge garbage bag full of popcorn above the stage that opened during mcr’s set, covering everything with popcorn. every time gerard way tried to say something into his microphone, a loud explosion would interrupt him. green day then proceeds to come onstage, fighting each other with light sabers.
  • jimmy eat world: green day would randomly set off concussion light blasts in the middle of songs.
  • the interrupters: green day crashed their set while in costume and tried blindfolding all the band members and putting tape over their mouths while the interrupters were trying to sing. 

there are more but these are some of my favourite ones. this band is honestly out of control.

shinee goes grocery shopping

onew:

  • picked up a package of dubu and carried it around (”don’t talk to me or my son ever again”)
  • rotisserie chicken 
  • fried chicken tenders 
  • takes a sample, waits five minutes to casually walk by and take another one 
  • buys a pineapple to remember his boy pinee 
  • if lost can find him watching the crabs in the tanks 

jonghyun:

  • smells candles until everything is just one indistinguishable strong scent and he has a huge headache 
  • pls no more chicken breast 
  • stress bought a whole chocolate mousse cake 
  • reenacting risky business in the aisles 
  • people are staring but what is shame???
  • uses most of his time choosing a body wash (”we are going to leave you here if you don’t pick one in the next three minutes”) 

key:

  • buying fruit for juice cleanse and jam 
  • wallet is full of receipts and coupons 
  • actual coupon master. his total goes from $56.35 to $24.70
  • buys french baguettes and cheese to feel fancy 
  • another trip to the store, another pair of house slippers (he has too many for a person who has only two feet but this one is pink and has bunny ears so) 
  • ketchup 

minho:

  • avocados + bananas + protein powder 
  • buys all the practical shit like toilet paper and garbage bags 
  • helpful bagger 
  • lines up the shopping carts so well people keep asking him if he works there
  • doesn’t have the heart to tell them no so he helps customers get things from high shelves and stuff 

taemin:

  • waits until he’s surviving off cup ramen to even go
  • puts random shit in the cart 
  • buys a jackfruit bc “it looks cool” but doesn’t know how to eat it so it’s just there… in the fridge… mocking him 
  • also never knows which groceries are his??? 
  • rides the shopping cart like a scooter (push, push, weeeeee)
  • makes direct eye contact with all the video cameras and doesn’t. look. away. security is v uncomfortable 
[GOT7 as] Highschool Students

Mark: Sleeps in class. Gets 100% on the test. No one has heard him talk. Every girl wants a piece of him. Rumour has it he has a cute laugh. But no one has proof. Teachers let him skip presentations just because. 

Originally posted by nochuie

Jaebum: The hot bad boy. So done with this school. Just wants to graduate. Lowkey acts cute sometimes. Will never speak to you again if you point this out. Basically, owns the hallways. The best kisser around. 

Originally posted by queenwithcollars

Jackson: Fitness is number one. Basketball is lyfe. Sports. Pray to the kale God. Juice cleanse. Will start an organic club. Is the captain of every sports team. He lifts. 

Originally posted by suga-pills

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Yellow garbage bag dress, yellow umbrella, yellow orchid, yellow calla lily, yellow stone on her nails art.. And that nail necklace.. My love she is so so creative & pretty.. 

Hello Yellow Alaska, you are so beautiful..

Photo by Magnus Hasting edited by @alaskathunderfuckfan

When Quiet Is Violent - Part 1

Masterlist  -  Part 2

Summary: You’re retired, living a quiet and secure life when your ex turns up on your doorstep with his best friend, seeking refuge. (bucky x reader, enhanced reader)

Prompt(s): Okay I know I already wrote Night Walks with these prompts but I really wasn’t happy with it, so here is attempt #2. @pandarosita request: 93 and 94… but Reader being upset rather than Bucky?

93.“I’m telling you. I’m haunted.”
94. “I had a bad dream again.”
Plus anon request: 64 “Here, take my blanket.”

Warnings: light talk of injuries and treating them, nightmares, probably swearing, I think that’s it!

Word Count: 3210

Author’s Note: I started this in fucking January when my brother and I were belting Whitney and it got me thinking about how much I love The Bodyguard and how I’d kill for that lake house and this idea hit, except I’m not about that damsel in distress life so this is a lil different. And iiiiiiiiIIIIIiiiiii will always LOVE YOUUUUU

Originally posted by akamatthewmurdock

The morning after a snowstorm was always your favorite here. The already quiet forest around your cabin rendered utterly silent, tree branches heavy and yielding to the new snow. You loved the pale blue light and how the morning sun made every surface glitter with the day’s new ice crystals. You could practically feel the static electricity in the air, dancing across your skin snapping little sparks when you rubbed your hands over your arms for warmth. Past time to light a fire.

A quick glance at your phone told you they weren’t here. Not yet. You tried not to be annoyed, knowing that if he called you he must really need help and safety. Naturally a night owl, the 4:30am call was a harsh awakening but when you saw “Steve” on the caller ID everything shifted. It always did for him. He carried a sense of urgency everywhere he went and your history made it impossible to ignore.

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Clean up after your dog.

I live in a very nice condominium complex in a pretty decently sized city in the South. I managed to buy a unit at the ripe age of 23, after making a pretty penny in the stock market - making me easily the youngest person in the complex.

The units are one building with 4 condos per unit, each is two stories with a balcony for each bedroom and for the downstairs area. Not very important, but I want to paint a mental picture here.

The outside of my condo, when it comes to lawn space, is VERY small. I’m talking like a patch of grass no larger than most individual blocks of sidewalk.

About a couple of months ago, this woman moved in a few units over with a large boxer. Having two large dogs myself, I was happy to see more big dogs in the area (most the people around here have little foofy dogs).

One day, I walked outside to see a large pile of dog shit and this lady hastily walking away. I called out kindly - “excuse me ma'am, please clean up after your dog”. She looked back, gave me a sour look, and continued walking away.

Okay, whatever, no big deal. I’ll give her a freebie this time so I cleaned up after her and threw it away trying to be a good neighbor.

I want to mention now that I’ve REALLY tried to go above and beyond the neighborly call of duty - as I said earlier, in the youngest here and I want to make it clear to my neighbors that I’m not just some spoiled little bastard that is going to make their lives hell. I sweep my older neighbors porches, swap recipes and have even babysat one of their grandchildren. I do my best to be a good neighbor, it’s just how I was raised.

However, this lady hit a sore spot. I let the first one slide, but this happened FIVE MORE TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK. Finally I confronted her and said “ma'am, I’m sick of cleaning your dogs shit and stepping around it every day. Please clean it up.”

I shit you not, and I wish I was exaggerating. She looked me right in the eye and said “I paid for a condo too, I’ll leave my shit wherever I want”. She then briskly walked off while I stood in shock.

Finally, I snapped. So I began to save every piece of shit that dumb bitch left in front of my house for around two straight months. I had a HEFTY GARBAGE BAG FULL OF IT (imagine what you use to clean leaves up in, it was that big). I won’t lie, I threw quite a bit of my own dog’s excrement in there for good measure. I mean come on, just her dog wasn’t going to cover the amount needed. That bag was F*CKING. HEAVY.

(where I stored it: Great question actually. All the condo units have individual cellars for storage. I stored it down there until I was ready to make my move. I probably should have mentioned that so you all wouldn’t think I’m some psycho dog-shit hoarder who has a closet full of feces.)

Yes, it smelled like shit every time I opened the damn door to add to the pile. It took an immense amount of patience and gagging to pull this off - but it was well worth it.

I waited until 4 am on Monday morning before I walked up to her condo and dumped that bag right on her small tiny condo lawn. It was worth every second of patience.

Sure enough, come 7 am there’s a bang on my door - and it’s my lovely neighbor.

“You need to come f*cking clean this shit up RIGHT NOW!” - she screamed in my face.

I smiled “sorry ma'am, I paid for a condo here too. I’ll leave my shit wherever I want.”

In short - Lady kept leaving dog poop on my lawn, so I saved it all and dumped about 2 months worth on hers.

updated:

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Things I learned you’ll actually need for your dorm after one year of college that you probably won’t see on pinterest

So, I recently finished my first year at college (which was definitely an adventure, and probably one of the best years of my life so far) and I’ve made a few mistakes, but none that couldn’t be fixed. For example, I really didn’t do adequate research as to what I’ll actually need for my dorm room because I was too busy fantasizing how I was gonna diy decorate my dorm room into a pinterest masterpiece. Anyway, I quickly learned my lesson.

Basically, your dorm room isn’t just for display. You live there. It’s gonna get messy, it’s gonna have to store a lot of stuff, and you’re not always going to have time to keep it in pristine condition because life gets crazy. But you can deal with it, I promise, and for all the new freshman prepping for their first dorm experience, I want to give some advice on how you can be prepared for what college life actually hits you with.

Alright, so I actually ended up being in a triple (so I had two roommates) which meant I had even less space than the average broom-closet sized dorm room and I had two people I had to get along with. Thankfully, we all ended up being really close and very considerate of each other, and I am incredibly grateful for it. We learned our lessons together, and this is the list of stuff we came up with:

1. Vacuum: Get a real vacuum, maybe a cheap one (not like a crazy dyson), but a real one. Not just a handheld one (like we had) because it won’t be enough. Girls shed hair. A lot. (especially three long haired girls like us) People might accidentally spill a bag of powdered sugar on your rug, or you might rip open a bag of cereal a little too vigorously, or, more seriously, you might break something like glass and you don’t want anyone cutting open their foot on a shard. 

2. Swiffer: If your floor was linoleum like ours (that’s why we needed a rug, which I’ll mention later), then it will get dusty and dirty. Having a swiffer is just nice to have because once you vacuum your rug clean, you don’t want the dirt on the linoleum getting on the rug. Plus, it’s gonna a rain and there’s gonna be mud. It’s gross.

3. Brita filter: So my dorm was actually the absolute best freshman dorm not just because the people were amazing, but because we had sinks. IN OUR ROOMS. It is just so CONVENIENT. Anyway, I am fully aware that not everyone is as lucky as us and the only sinks will be in the bathroom. A Brita filter pitcher is nice to keep in your fridge because you can have fresh clean in your room at any given moment.

4. Trash can: We had three in our room for each person but they kinda ended up being shared based on location in the room, but yeah. You need somewhere to throw away stuff.

5. Plastic bags or just garbage bags: And not only do you need a place to throw away stuff, you need plastic bags or garbage bags for clean disposal. And trash piles up real fast in your tiny room, so you’ll need to replenish these bags very often. I learned from my mom that you always have a place to store your plastic bags, and so we had a designated plastic bag drawer where we kept all the bags from our local campus convenience store, or the drug store, or wherever. Trust me, it’s saved lives. (as in, barf bags)

6. Command hooks: So we had to bunk two beds and loft another to have enough room and it’s kind of a pain in the ass to constantly climb down to throw something out so we had a trash bag hanging from a command hook on my roommate’s lofted bed and yeah. That bag has saved lives. (same situation as above) Plus, you can hang hats, bags, towels, little caddies for your toothbrush off of these hooks and it’s just so nice because you don’t lose things.

7. Clorox wipes: Again, stuff gets gross, and you’ll unfortunately need to clean things (ie your mom doesn’t clean everything for you anymore). Have two packs stored because you never know.

8. Dish soap: Real dishes need to be washed well, or else you’ll get sick.

9. Sponges: For the dish soap. And the dishes.

10. Windex: For our mirror, which we wrote on with washable marker, and I killed ants with it too. 

11. Storage for food: Something airtight so bugs can’t get to it, like a trunk. We also had mice sometimes go into our vents. And then into people’s rooms. They’re looking for a warm place to hide, and food. Don’t leave food out is the lesson. But also have food in your room! Our room was well known to always have food and its really nice when you’re staying up late and everything is closed.

12. Tissues: Freshman plague is so real. You will most certainly get it, and probably several times too. 

13. Vitamins and medicine: Your immune system is gonna get a work out in college. Help it out with some vitamin C tablets. Have some tylenol or advil for headaches and aches and pains. And side note, if you’re really sick, just go to the health center, you don’t have to suffer through it.

14. Slippers: Get a comfy, cheap pair (because sometimes dorm hallways are gross, especially on the weekends) that you can wear all around your building and still be comfy.

15. Power strip: So much stuff needs to be plugged in and you definitely won’t have enough outlets between you and your roommate(s).

16. Printer: Okay, this seems a little unreasonable, but we were lucky because my one roommate had a spare one at home (how though??) and I have frequently said it is my favorite thing in our room. It has come in clutch so many times. But if you have a campus printer near you, or if its too expensive, it’s fine not to have one. But if you do get one, I would recommend getting one that is NOT wireless. University wifi doesn’t like you using other wifi (ie it won’t work). Get a printer that has a cable.

17. Plastic plates and forks: We have real dishes and silverware too, but plastic stuff is just easier clean up.

18. Rug: I almost forgot about this one.The floor gets cold and a rug also makes a room feel homier. You and your friends are gonna sit there and bond all that fun stuff, and someone might even sleepover on it (if they have a sleeping bag).

19. Chairs: So we actually didn’t have any other chairs other than the ones that university gave us for our desks and those are okay and everything, but some of our friends had these amazing, foldable, springy chairs that were so comfortable and also a lot of fun, and I am definitely getting one for my room next year. 

Other things you might need but might forget (maybe?):

Razors

Umbrella

Rain boots

Rain coat

Extra towels

Contact solution

Favorite mug

Tea

Stapler

Make up wipes

Facials

Lamp

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, you’ll definitely need other things (like a fridge, microwave, sheets, pillows, decorations, etc), or see that you really don’t need some of the things I’ve mentioned. Honestly, do what you feel is best and good luck! I loved my first year at college! Like basically everyone, I had some trouble adjusting at first. I felt pretty lonely in the beginning too, but once you start going, things start to fall into place. I met some great people, had some great classes, and honestly, I’m going to miss my first year–even with all the excitement of being an upperclassman next semester.

I hope this helped and that you have just as great of an experience in your first year as I did–actually, even better!

In An Instant: Part Ten (END)

Summary: A romantic comedy about what happens when love literally falls through your window.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Ash (aka me), Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Tony Stark

Warnings: Language, general gross cuteness, some angst, bad writing, bad storylines, possible cheating, but mostly major fluff and feels

Word Count: 1.6K

A/N: I’m finally wrapping up this series. It didn’t quite go the way I had anticipated but I enjoyed it. Thank you to all of you extremely patient people who followed along with me. I’d love to hear what you thought of the series as a whole and what I should/shouldn’t do in future series. I love you all. Special thanks to my babe, @sebbytrash, for reading through this for me. I love you.

Catch up here!  **My Masterlist  ** Inspiration Fund

When you awoke that Saturday afternoon, a mere three weeks since you met the life ruiner, Bucky Barnes, your heart literally hurt. Who were you to stop a wedding? You barely knew this guy. There was nothing you could do.

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