Aries: The old gods can never awaken. They never slumbered from the start - mortals did.
Taurus: Tread carefully. The world is comprised of eggshells and broken glass.
Gemini: It’s like a garbage bag of dismembered babydolls stuffed behind a dumpster in the Taco Bell parking lot: Ridiculous, confusing, and somehow vaguely threatening.
Cancer: You are not being the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be.
Leo: Don’t look too closely at the lithops. They don’t take kindly to being scrutinized. Would you?
Virgo: Not all the answers can be found on popsicle sticks.
Libra: Chirp, chirp, motherfucker.
Scorpio: Carving the love poems into your flesh will not help bring them to fruition.
Sagittarius: Heavy machinery is not to be trifled with while possessed by vengeful spirits from the revolutionary war.
Capricorn: Lighthouses made from mosaic tiles and painted blue. What the fuck was the point of the mosaics then, you fool? What is this?
Aquarius: The marshes consume. They are endless and they are ravenous. They do not take diets seriously no matter what the doctors say.
Pisces: Few things are as sad as seeing a raccoon laying dead by the side of the road. Light a candle for your fallen brethren.