The Witch's House:
Oh look, the dresser killed you. And the clock. And the tadpole. And the book. And the fountain. And the knife flying out of nowhere. And breathing.
I know Father killed several innocents, and tortured them in the process, and turned puppies into soup, and bombed an orphanage, and leaked spoilers, and stole all the Yu-Gi-Oh cards in Target, and put the soda into the microwave... But he's a good person!
...Yeah, I don't care that my classmates are dead. They were assholes. This place isn't even scar- OH GOD IT'S A PHONE
Mario - The Music Box:
*Luigi waving a cross at Mario's head* OUT OF THIS HOUSE! OUT OF THIS HOUSE! Spirits begone from this house!
The Crooked Man:
I need to find this guy... Even though I could've just asked who he was. Instead I'll just travel across the country and reflect on my miserable life... And blindly follow addresses on vague notes.
Dude, I am TRIPPING right now. And my classmates are assholes again.
Killing innocent people by the dozens and gaslighting the survivors? Ha, what a dweeb.
*insert generic Scooby Doo running montage music here*
Everyone you love is going to suffer, die, then suffer some more. Forever. And it's all your fault. But hey at least this girl is gay